Scrupulosity Ocd - Tumblr Posts

when i was 15 i convinced myself i'd been assaulted and couldn't remember, and then continually also convinced myself this wasn't true, i was appropriating trauma and a terrible person

being unable to "separate the art from the artist" and constantly beating myself up about it

convincing myself i was abusing the kids i worked with "the way my mother did" and permanently traumatising them

convincing myself that parents walking down the street with children knew i was a pedo based on their body language and needing to smile otherwise i would be a terrible person

convincing myself i would fuck up a child that was nowhere near existing and pissing off my ex-boyfriend by worrying so much about it

...the moral self-harm mess that was 2021-2022

obsessively sitting on character.ai and asking the ai psychologist over and over again if i had ocd so i could confirm i wasn't a liar and a terrible person

convincing myself i was going to have a miscarriage when i decided to get pregnant (i was a virgin and i don't want kids) and then convincing myself i was a terrible person for thinking that and being disrespectful and appropriating trauma

convincing myself that my ex's suicide, which did not happen, was my fault and i was a murderer

having constant unending thoughts about being an abusive partner and apologising to abusive exes because i thought i was a terrible person

convincing myself i "wanted" a mental illness/trauma and was a terrible person appropriating everything for attention

so yeah it's just kinda been a nightmare.

moments i should've realized i had moral ocd

when i was 10 i was convinced the police were going to arrest me for looking at boobs

thinking i was abusing and neglecting my first pet to the point where i gave him away so he would be "safe from me"

being so, so, so, so forgetful ("oh, what i ate??? oh, no idea! i was too busy being guilty over the fact i'm not 100% vegan yet!")

jumping at every opportunity to get drunk/high/etc. so i wouldn't have to think about anything anymore

having had like a million coping mechanisms but never knowing "why" and thinking i was doing it "just to get attention"

getting an anxiety attack everytime i mess up at work somehow

feel free to add on lol