Actually Ocd - Tumblr Posts

WHAT HAPPENED I WAS DOING SO WELL NOW MY OCD IS BACK :((( MAN ALL THIS EMOTIONAL HEALING FOR DIDDLY SQUAT

I'm having obsessions about my hearing and I keep thinking I'm going deaf (which I'm not my hearing has always been less than great) but now my brain has starting focusing on my tinnitus and making it LOUDER AND MORE NOTICEABLE AAAA and now I am PLAGUED with a loud ringing noise in my head >:((( as well as that the obsession is making it more difficult to focus meaning i can hear even less so WHAT THE FUCK

WHAT HAPPENED I WAS DOING SO WELL NOW MY OCD IS BACK :((( MAN ALL THIS EMOTIONAL HEALING FOR DIDDLY SQUAT

Omori and its parallels with OCD, or my personal connection to this game

SPOILER WARNING: AS USUAL, MAJOR OMORI SPOILERS FOR MOST ENDINGS AND THINGS.

CONTENT WARNING: MENTIONS OF SELF-HARM, SUICIDE, SEVERE MENTAL ILLNESS, DEATH, LOSS AND OMORI-TYPICAL CONTENT. I will also be referring to my own intrusive thoughts a lot, so please take caution if it might trigger you to spiral.

DISCLAIMER: I AM BY NO MEANS A MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL. I am in the process of seeking a diagnosis (we're getting there :) ), but it has been otherwise confirmed by professionals that I experience OCD. This post is about my personal experience with OCD and trauma, and the way I believe these feeling manifest in the game. I don't believe Sunny or Basil experience OCD, but I want to compare my experiences with obsession, compulsions and trauma-related OCD. Other people may have completely different experiences, and those are valid!

You could call this catharsis, some form of healing. Really I'm doing this for myself, which was kind of why I started writing Omori analysis in the first place (???). and im a nerd for this game

Guilt

Guilt has always been one of my biggest hurdles, and it's also a very relevant theme in Omori.

For the longest time, my brain and I have been actively trying to develop compulsions to cope with guilt, and it seems to consistently fail. I've tried singing songs on repeat, extreme self-harm, distraction, avoidance ect, and nothing seems to work. Sure, I've never committed recital day, but even small things can make me feel horrifically guilty, as my intrusive thoughts tell me I'm a horrible person or a liar.

I see this in Sunny, too. For the longest time, his mind has been trying to cope with the guilt, and it chose to delve deep into repression. But no matter how much he represses, the truth is still there, and so that guilt is still there.

The Fear Polaroids in the Omori Route are also a representation of guilt, as is the mirror during the Truth segment, both depicting Sunny has a hideous demon. My intrusive thoughts depict me as a demon, too, doing horrific things to myself and others. The images of mutilated, demonic Sunny capture the... inhumanity that my mind makes me feel.

I get it, Sunny. I don't feel human either.

Mewo's Death as an Intrusive Thought

Cat Dissection is an interesting area of Black Space, in that its immediate relevance to the truth is less obvious. It's also one of the more horrifying ones - on my first playthrough, I was running blind, and I figured you'd have to kill Mewo for the key. You do not. my biggest regret

Mewo is obviously linked to Mari, but at the time, we'd only ever seen this slightly mentioned in the real world photo album. At that point in Black Space, Mewo was closely tied to Sunny and Omori, being an essential part of White Space.

The player can stab themselves to get out, or cut open Mewo and suffer the regret. This room feels very reminiscent of a gruesome intrusive thought that just won't go away, those days where you see yourself murdering all your friends, or violently injuring yourself. Much of Sunny's hallucinations, or creatures like Something, also mimic this kind of thing.

That room has far deeper analysis to dive into, but this is as far as I'll go for this segment.

Compulsive Behaviour - Repetition

Basil is probably the first character that comes to mind when I think of compulsive behaviour. His most iconic line...

This sort of repetitive action is the root of a compulsion - an attempt to relieve anxiety. Whether or not Basil fits the criteria of needing repeat those words otherwise something bad might happen is unknown, but this sort of behaviour is very relatable in my experience.

I have a tendency to not be consciously aware, but others notice that I'll mumble things to myself. Typically this is me trying to talk back to my intrusive thoughts, as far as I know, and trying to confirm to myself that they're wrong. This will often end in asking someone else or doing research to confirm.

By repeating these things, Basil is trying to ward off the reality, which is that everything isn't okay at all, and likely won't be. But the specific framing is future-oriented - he isn't saying that things are okay right now, he's saying that they will be. This could link to my later point about uncertainty.

Avoidance

Not many people talk about avoidance behaviours as a compulsion, which is probably why much of my OCD went unnoticed as a child. You don't really consider mental compulsions, and avoidance can be very easily hidden, especially if you the ability to force yourself through something if you have no other options.

While it's not exactly the same, Sunny's repression of rooms in his house and the shaking head that prevents you from going to particular areas are forms of avoidance. The sliding glass door that leads to the backyard and the piano room are the most notable - it's not repressed, it's there, but Sunny shakes his head every time you interact with it. He can't go in there. He just can't. There's no explanation for the player.

I relate to that. I have strange rules that mean I can't do things. I just can't. There's no real explanation for myself, either, and sometimes I don't even get intrusive thoughts of the consequences, just some insistence that I can't do it. Perhaps this was confusing or frustrating for the player, but I found it incredibly realistic.

Uncertainty and Abandonment Issues

I've heard somewhere that OCD is, ultimately, a fear of uncertainty. As a result of this disorder, combined with trauma, I also have abandonment issues the way Basil does.

Even before the recital day, Basil's abandonment issues are prevalent. He clings to the group with the photo album, preserving his memories. He took photos of the things he didn't want to lose. After the recital day, Basil really did lose everything, and he was broken as a result of that.

I imagine this sort of thing was one of his regular worries, everyone abandoning him, Sunny in particular. And I can relate to that - one of my more common intrusive thoughts is others leaving me after they find out I've done something horrible. It makes you want to shut off from relationships, just to be safe - what if everyone leaves?

I think that 'what if' is what made Basil so attached to Sunny in the present day of the game. He wants to save Sunny, he wants to make things back to the way they were before, but at the same time, there's this uncertainty - Sunny is moving? Sunny is leaving? What will happen? What if everything gets worse?

This wasn't the easiest to write, but thank you for reading.

OCD in Hello Charlotte 3, or why Charles Eyler doesn't (necessarily) have Dissociative Identity Disorder

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR HELLO CHARLOTTE 3

CONTENT WARNING: Discussions of severe mental illness, including intrusive thoughts and psychosis. Please be warned if this may cause you to spiral out of control, and take care of yourself.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of this is coming from my personal experience and understanding of OCD. While I do not experience DID, I don't really focus much on it in this, more reframing Scarlett Eyler as a character. You can take Charles' experiences however you feel is accurate.

I feel like the fandom gets tripped up when Charles calls Scarlett Eyler a tulpa.

I've seen a lot of people state that this quote directly implies Charles has DID, and that's therefore canon. But I'd actually like to propose a different take, that Scarlett is a physical manifestation of Charles' intrusive thoughts.

First of all, a tulpa implies a sense of desire - it is willingly created through spiritual meditation. Scarlett is, in no way, a desired existence that haunts Charles. There is some debate as to whether or not the game was originally in Russian or English, but regardless, tulpa just may be what Charles refers to the phenomenon as. It's not as if this directly confirms anything, as we know in-game Charles is only diagnosed with autism, and takes medication for psychosis.

Charles experiences many symptoms of OCD, contamination OCD in particular. He is intensely preoccupied with purity and disease, insisting that the majority of the population has a "parasite", aside from a select few people (Vincent being one of them, and by the end, the only one).

OCD and psychosis have several unique overlaps when acting as comorbid conditions. It has a relatively high comorbidity, due to both conditions often suffering with heightened paranoia. I couldn't find any research which suggests it can cause the hallucination of intrusive thoughts, but OCD does make people more susceptible to hallucinatory disorders, and vice versa.

Many people with OCD, especially those who have experienced symptoms since being a child, start to conceptualise these thoughts as a being - appearing as imaginary friends which act and react negatively. It definitely happened to me - I genuinely thought I had DID for a year or so of my life, because I had this voice in my head that hated me, and it didn't feel like myself. As a child, it just felt like my own mind was trying to bully me, and I didn't understand why.

We know that Scarlett Eyler is the instigator of "punishment" for Charles' actions...

This sort of "punishing" is very reminiscent of OCD. The rule-breaking itself is confusing to an outsiders, and the punishments even more so. However, I find this rule-and-punishment system very relatable, and I'd argue that some people with OCD might have even more confusing rules and punishments - for example, I can't watch very specific youtube videos, I can't explain what the rules I have surrounding them are, and I have strange punishments for this (that which I will not disclose).

Scarlett also doesn't exhibit typical alter behaviour. She never takes over, Charles doesn't seem to lose time, she does little more than act as a harsh observer, and also physically threaten Charles. She seems very real to him, aside from the fact that he knows taking pills will make her "disappear".

For Charles, Scarlett is simply a being who threatens and instigates intrusive thoughts, but in a particular way. Charles still experiences other intrusive thoughts - Scarlett never discusses the parasites, even though that's a very prevalent fear of Charles'.

Scarlett is the manifestation of intrusive thought that Charles is a failure, rather than being a separate existence to Charles.

my little rat analysis lmaoooo. this was my first hello charlotte one, i've always loved charles, he's just peak gender in so many ways, incredibly relatable.

hope your little polycule goes well salutes

Tell me about yourself! :D

what do you wanna know that isn't already on the me post?? jsjsjhshjshj

i'm really not that interesting. my motivation for writing is purely "i can't draw, but must express my batshit insane levels of creativity".

i like biology and chemistry! i'm particularly interested in therapeutic gene editing, but i can speak on a lot of biology and chemistry topics because i have godlike high school notes. if i can't speak on something, i'll research it until i can. i am interested in psychology, but find the levels of uncertainty in the space unstable.

i'm currently doing a research project on S. aureus bacteria and its high salt tolerance, that's been fun. got to pour nutrient agar recently, waiting for bacteria shipment so i can swab it.

i'm australian, which is a jumpscare for some people. i say 'bah-sil'.

i have OCD, at least speculated OCD. i like to refer to my intrusive thoughts as twitch chat (stole that from a twitter meme) because it makes things even slightly more bearable, but otherwise it's a nightmare. i try my best to talk about my real experiences with OCD, because there's a lot of misinformation and public stigma about the condition. i experienced a lot of "non-stereotypical" symptoms (mental compulsions and avoidance behaviours, for example) as i was growing up, and it really felt like i was going insane a lot of the time, so if i can talk about my experiences and maybe help someone even a little, then maybe things will be a bit better. i dunno.

i was a natural at english (the subject) as a kid, which is probably why i can do analyses well. i used to be quite a bit better at being creative, because i could actually write down my little ocs and such, these days i daydream about them doing things to songs and make the very occasional picrew. (maybe i'll introduce them sometime)

i have an anatomically correct model of a heart? it's from my late grandmother.

i play a lot of switch games, so i've got zelda (botw and totk), splatoon 3, omori, pokemon violet, other stuff. i've played all the etherane games, as well. big gamer. i used to be an anime person, but i kinda ran out of steam to watch anime? i occasionally read manga - i'm trying to keep up with oshi no ko and liar satsuki can see death. i also like yoarashi ni warau. i get all my obscure lesbian psychological thriller from a close friend of mine who is very cool.

when i was 15 i convinced myself i'd been assaulted and couldn't remember, and then continually also convinced myself this wasn't true, i was appropriating trauma and a terrible person

being unable to "separate the art from the artist" and constantly beating myself up about it

convincing myself i was abusing the kids i worked with "the way my mother did" and permanently traumatising them

convincing myself that parents walking down the street with children knew i was a pedo based on their body language and needing to smile otherwise i would be a terrible person

convincing myself i would fuck up a child that was nowhere near existing and pissing off my ex-boyfriend by worrying so much about it

...the moral self-harm mess that was 2021-2022

obsessively sitting on character.ai and asking the ai psychologist over and over again if i had ocd so i could confirm i wasn't a liar and a terrible person

convincing myself i was going to have a miscarriage when i decided to get pregnant (i was a virgin and i don't want kids) and then convincing myself i was a terrible person for thinking that and being disrespectful and appropriating trauma

convincing myself that my ex's suicide, which did not happen, was my fault and i was a murderer

having constant unending thoughts about being an abusive partner and apologising to abusive exes because i thought i was a terrible person

convincing myself i "wanted" a mental illness/trauma and was a terrible person appropriating everything for attention

so yeah it's just kinda been a nightmare.

moments i should've realized i had moral ocd

when i was 10 i was convinced the police were going to arrest me for looking at boobs

thinking i was abusing and neglecting my first pet to the point where i gave him away so he would be "safe from me"

being so, so, so, so forgetful ("oh, what i ate??? oh, no idea! i was too busy being guilty over the fact i'm not 100% vegan yet!")

jumping at every opportunity to get drunk/high/etc. so i wouldn't have to think about anything anymore

having had like a million coping mechanisms but never knowing "why" and thinking i was doing it "just to get attention"

getting an anxiety attack everytime i mess up at work somehow

feel free to add on lol

ocd's been "a good disorder" for a while.

people still use OCD to refer to the good desire to be perfect.

people still appropriate the acronym to refer to stuff they think is good ("Obsessive Coffee Disorder").

people still use "intrusive thoughts" to refer to something good.

people still think the traits of OCD are ultimately, good.

people think obsessions are good.

people think OCD is a "good" disorder that you are better off having.

OCD ruined my life multiple times, and it will continue to consume every aspect of it. OCD made me feel like i didn't deserve to be alive. OCD gave me scars on my body that i can't undo or take back.

i hear so many anecdotes, much like mine, where people with OCD thought they were fucking insane until they found out it was OCD. because in media, it looks nothing how it feels in real life.

because you all decided that i deserve to feel insane instead of seen.

for this year's OCD awareness week, i was thinking of cursing everyone to have OCD, but i realised i don't need to go that far.

could everyone just stop making these jokes? could everyone just... respect that OCD is a debilitating disorder that ruins lives? treat us with it the respect that we deserve?

that's all i need.

Does anybody else do this: if I get a food that I really like, I will not eat it and save it for a better day because today is not good enough to eat that food?

Not that anyone cares, but today I completely emptied out and organized all of my dresser drawers (I have 2 dressers) and my whole closet after procrastinating for years. I found socks in my sock drawer that were from when I was about 5. I’m kinda proud of myself.

I had deleted atleast 4 posts like that… :))))

i just realized how bad my ocd has gotten oh my fucking shit. like im crying cuz my jewelry box isn't clean enough and i can't fucking reorganize it cuz people are awake. i used to think that my ocd wasn't that bad and my therapist was overreacting but holy mother of god please get me on meds

I've been pretty busy lately, but here's an old vent drawing I made. Sometimes I go into episodes where I can't stop whatever it is I'm doing, even if I hate doing it, or want to go to bed. It's hyper-focusing, but like 💖𝓮𝔁𝓽𝓻𝓪💖 ya know?

Anyways, I was stuck on too high a dosage of adderall (my doctor was booked) when I made this, and that was making these episodes worse, so I made some art to cope lol.

Every single day people on tumblr say "what if the shit moral OCD tells you was true and living by it was the only way to be a real progressive"

Things Moral OCD doesn’t make you better at: mostly everything

Things moral OCD makes you better at: Replicating the experience of seeing wild takes on Twitter without having to log onto Twitter

This post exempts you from any and all “If you don’t ___ this post, ____ will happen.” You are hereby immune to it all. You are now protected! Be free!

bro ocd is such an ancestral curse wdym she gives me the endurance to have 7 hour long panic attacks

Every time someone uses "intrusive thoughts" when they mean "impulsive thoughts," they owe all of us with actual intrusive thoughts & OCD $500 in compensation. 🫴🏼

how bitches who say “i let the intrusive thoughts win!!! 😜” look at me after i give them actual examples of my intrusive thoughts

“oh my god…you should get that checked out D:”

actually i have it’s called ocd and i have it idk if you noticed

how bitches who say “i let the intrusive thoughts win!!! 😜” look at me after i give them actual examples of my intrusive thoughts