Sister Beatrice - Tumblr Posts

and last but definitely not least of the art dumps is warrior nun

gosh I miss this show

my fav lesbian nuns

doing some beatrice studies because I love her

warrior nun - 2.08

BEATRICE + being protective of AVA 

WARRIOR NUN | SEASON 2 + bonus

bea + self-hatred/denial

KRISTINA TONTERI-YOUNG as SISTER BEATRICE Warrior Nun (2020– )

bonus: + the one time she finally admitted her feelings

Am I dreaming?! Is this real life?!!!! Did..did we finally get a win!

Because badass characters deserves a badass entrance.

Beatrice being a genius rich kid

Bonus:

Thinking about Beatrice running after Vincent to save Ava. Literally bounding up and down buildings. Meanwhile Camila is nearly keeping up on the street.  Beatrice is a badass.

Thinking about Beatrice canonically not seeing anyone with a gas mask. Until she found a guy wearing one in the graveyard. Thinking about Bea all alone, seeing Ava and shouting it’s not real because she’s not sure. She wants to believe it’s a plague but she doesn’t know for sure. Not until she finds that gas mask. All she had to prove it was a plague before then was a possible headache, her worst fear, and her faith in Ava.

Watching the season 2 hallway scene again. Yasmine is such a trooper. And I relate so hard to her comedy. Like she just got beat the hell up and she’s all “ok, let’s go.” Until Beatrice is like, “you’ve done enough.” (A line I don’t think may people have ever told Beatrice). Then Beatrice straight up lies, “I have to do this alone.” Like she didn’t just spend the entire season telling everyone they can’t do everything alone (Superion lamenting scene). Like she isn’t ready to throttle Ava for leaving to do it alone. Like she doesn’t know this is a suicide mission she’s inviting herself on. What she probably means is ‘you’re presence isn’t required. Either we all die, in which case nothing was gained, or we miraculously defeat Adriel, in which case nothing was lost. It’s the kindest way Beatrice can both say ‘I don’t need you,’ and ‘hey, you’re looking a little rough buddy, why don’t you take a break’. And Yasmine takes her up on the that. “I think I’ll just lie here a while and bleed.” Yasmine is so relatable to me.

At first this didn’t quite jive me with but the more I sit on it the more it fits. Bea’s been in martial arts for a long time. One of the key tenants of most martial arts is self discipline. Aka anger management. The other thing about martial arts? Socially acceptable way to hit people. Also not uncommon for abused people (men especially) to self sooth with gym and/or martial arts. Gives them a sense of agency (over the bodies in particular). I can’t see Bea as the type of angry that’s spilling out everywhere and everyone. But the seething, roiling anger that’s just looking for an acceptable target? Yeah. I could see that. The kind that she’s tried to suppress and stuff down and choke back for years, until it feels like all she is a shell that holds this rage, that all it does is attack her and attack her until she snaps and attacks someone else only to burn hotter with the shame and regret and how dare she, doesn’t she know how important their image is and not it does not matter, Beatrice, why you ever thought it was justified you are wrong! That, I could see as her anger. The kind of anger that feeds into and feeds from controlling herself (her thoughts, her feelings, her body).

And at first she thinks that’s why the OCS wants her. That’s what she gets from it in return. Acceptable violence done on acceptable targets. A weapon they can point and hate she can excise. So Lilith feels secure that Beatrice will never get the halo. Not only does she not want it, not only does Bea fear she could not bear it, they cannot trust someone who will not trust them self. And Lilith understands Bea’s anger. Has a similar ember in her own chest. Not as hot, not as tempered.  And Mary gets it too. Mary’s been there before. That place that feels like all the world wants to do is let you know your wrong. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if Mother Superion and Shannon both felt that fire in their chest. And that’s why the OCS wants more from Bea. Not just the weapon, the person. Not just the skills, the personality. That’s why Shannon pranks Bea. That’s why Mary and Lilith joke and spend time with her (looking at you picture of the three of them hanging out on stairs). So Bea learns to not just control the fire but feel it then let it go.

It does leave her somewhat awkward at times. Anger was her go to protective emotion and now she’s not reaching for it. Bea was put in charge of organizing things (like the weapons) as a safe space to work with her anger. In the absence of anger it’s still a safe space as she learns to deal with chaos without a clenched fist. 

the more i think about it, the more obvious it seems that beatrice was at one time way more outwardly angry at the world. her repressed demeanor and how she internalized her shame and faith and the projected deficiencies of others on her is where she was at before the ending of s2. and she had to work hard to get there, to that level of calm and control. after the years of training and praying and growing to look forward instead of backwards. that kind of internal work takes time and discipline

mary's comment about beatrice's narrative of why she joined the sisterhood reveals some level of dissonance between who mary sees beatrice as and how beatrice wants to be seen, and it never seemed like it was as simple as her being gay. that's because mary remembers when beatrice arrived. mary naturally being the force of calm for lilith and a guide for ava to find purpose in season one makes me think she could have played that role for beatrice at one point as well. instead of the buttoned up, aloof person we see now, i could see a younger beatrice as someone whose anger was undeniable. the way she gets when she fights for ava, but worn on her sleeve, intimidating and silently furious at the state of her life continuously

i imagine a younger beatrice who spent the first few years training for the ocs seething. it's why lilith never saw her as a rival for the halo - beatrice? burning so hot on the inside that she practically creates mirage lines when she enters a room? skilled, certainly, but that's no one to worry about as a contender for a leadership role. beatrice's attitude problem was ironically what allowed lilith to feel safe enough to grow close to her. she didn't even care about being halo bearer, only throwing herself into study and drills and combat practice so intensely that you'd think she barely saw her opponent and would rather be fighting herself anyway

while beatrice eventually became a trusted advisor, that was something that came about gradually, maybe even surprisingly. it took years to feel comfortable enough for her to even commit to the idea of sisterhood. a loner who arrives with an ominous roiling storm cloud under her brow wasn't the natural leader stepping into a predictable role. and it shows. the expectations placed on beatrice aren't something she humbly and gratefully accepted because of her many talents. her many talents had proven worthless to her, just like she felt after her exile to switzerland

the reason that beatrice is so well-respected in the ocs by those who have known her a long time isn't about her skills or her intelligence or her reliability alone. it's because they're proud of her. they saw her at her worst, her most self-loathing, her most despondent and embittered. yes, she still has some issues, some demons, but they don't talk about them unless she brings it up, because they're so proud of how far she's come and how hard she tries to be there for them and show that she cares

mother superion doesn't thoughtlessly put her faith in beatrice because of her competence, she does it because she has watched her change over time and work at being the friend, sister and leader she became. she's grateful for beatrice not because of her skillset or her pedigree but for how evident it is that she cares about her found family. because there was a time before when she didn't. when she was a very different person. maybe mother superion was similar when she was younger. she clearly had some fire in her as well in that flashback

and then you had shannon. beatrice specifically mentions her love of pranks to ava when she tells her about how being a nun didn't feel like a natural fit for her. this angry, solemn young woman who barely speaks to anyone else suddenly finding ridiculous incidents happening to her and around her that force her to lighten up, to laugh and feel like she's part of something. it says a lot about beatrice that it seems like she saw a little of herself in shannon and her intensity. maybe she was inspired by shannon's ability to still hold space for whimsy and camaraderie despite her burden. thinking about the hushed, trembling hope that watching mary and shannon together must have given her, and then knowing how it was snuffed out only helps contextualize why reading that journal broke beatrice the way that it did

i think all of the women of the ocs before shannon died helped beatrice grow into the version of beatrice that we meet in the first episode. it makes her leaving them in the s2 finale easier to sit with when they watched her evolve into a person capable of deciding what she wants in life and not just settling for what will have her. camila had a hard time letting go because she didn't know beatrice in those stormy days. but mother superion did, and knows what beatrice has lost since then, too. so she lets beatrice go easily. she always knew to be grateful for each day that beatrice woke up and decided to care for her sisters because it was never a given that it would happen in the first place

Oh buddy, you did it now. You gave me more thoughts @halobearerhavoc​. Your tags, for posterity. 

#i absolutely love this addition

#yes yes yes

#and even going into more detail about the rehabilitation period of her anger

#i 100 percent agree with this

#her tendency to feel safest expressing her anger with acceptable targets is exactly how i see her too

#that's why i think she is smiling under the mask when she wears it

#i could go on about how great this addition is but it speaks for itself

#yes this feels like her this feels real and big inside like an actual fully emotional human being

#sister beatrice

#warrior nun

#ALSO! there is a reason that beatrice was assigned to be in charge of the CONTROLLED EXPLOSIVES in season 1

My thoughts on it. Remember Sister Crimson!! Do you? I do! I remember they fought before the for real fight, Sister Crimson and Bea. And Crimson was losing in their spar. So she pulled out nunchucks (there’s a pun there) and struck Bea (I think after the fight was unofficially over). And she looked so fucking smug. Like, full smug. Despite the fact that, y’know, the spar was over? And she’d lost? And escalating to weapons when your opponent didn’t need to makes you look weak. Sister Crimson looked, somehow, like she’d won. Oh man, I need to rewatch the scene. Hold on. 

Ok, didn’t rewatch the whole first season but here’s some thoughts. We never see Beatrice training anyone until Ava. I forget if they mentioned she was a trainer before then. I suspect not. Because if she was training Camila it would make sense that Beatrice was constantly examining her work. But if Bea’s not responsible for training Camila it makes more sense that Camila gets so upset that Bea’s watching over how she does thing. Also, if Bea was an official trainer then why would Lilith be the one training Ava? Like, that seems needlessly cruel to Lilith. Mary’s already established as more likely to use a gun and Camila is still a newbie. This matters because if Bea’s not training people, it’s not due to lack of training. It’s something else.

Loner is her official term on her dossier. Duretti offers a place and he’s the one that brought Sister Crimson back in. He starts by pointing out how he’s impressed by how she ‘fought her way through Arq-tech’ and [he] can use more sister warriors like her. He makes a reference to how all her outside school activists were fighting based and he’s impressed by that. Bea’s the one that points out it leaves not much time for anything else. The first time Vincent talks about Beatrice he says she’s “brilliant but guarded”. Which is another reference about how Beatrice keeps herself separate. When Shannon is dead and Mary tells Beatrice to stop treating it like just another report Bea says she “loved her to.. I just need something to focus on.” Which could be read as sadness. Or temptation to burn the world down being held back. That she doesn’t know how else to react if it’s not in anger or professionalism. 

Also, did anyone notice that Bea is leading the service for Lilith’s funeral? Even Mother Superion is in the audience. Which is the scene where the sister warriors rejects come in. Then the spars. Starts with Sister Crimson beating up Camila. Bea looks at Superion and gets the nod. She nods back. Very “do I have your permission to beat this bitch?” Bea does her bow to her instructor and her opponent. Displaying her discipline, the rigid rules in which she engages in this violence. Crimson snickers. Which, Crimson was there a year ago, she would have fought Beatrice before. I could see a display of disrespect to the rules being anger inducing. Crimson attacks first. Misses. They trade a few blogs in the background while Superion and Duretti talk. Crimson punches Bea in the face and grabs her by the throat. While Duretti is saying Crimson is an ‘impressive warrior’. Superion says she’s ‘agressive, undisciplined…’. Duretti says ‘sounds like someone I used to know. Superion finishes ‘and possibly sociopathic’. Bea breaks the chokehold, they both go to the ground (Bea tosses her). Bea gets up first and offers her hand to help Crimson up. Duretti’s talking about new methods to fight old problems. Crimson takes Bea’s hand, stands up, keeps hold of it, draws out a nunchuck and gut punches her. Bea staggers back and holds a restraining hand out to the watching sisters. Crimson holds up both hands in a peace gesture to the sisters. Again, Crimson’s body language and face before she turned from the camera is very smug. Very much ‘I won’. It could just be because she hurt Bea. But it reads very much like last year she learned how to push buttons. Angry buttons. And if she hits Bea once then fakes ‘fights done’ but Bea goes after her, then she does win. She ‘proves’ the better fighter. She creates chaos. So it very much could read like she fully expected Bea to go rage monster on her after her gut hit. 

When Bea is being kicked out of the OCS Vincent references how Duretti helped Superion make the OCS her home. Bea says “Mother, please, it’s my home too.” Again, making the connection between how Superion was (aggressive, undisciplined) and Bea. This pairs well with Mary’s talk with Superion where she says Superion holds herself back, creates a prison for herself, not from lack of care but abundance. Bea creates a prison for herself too.

When Bea’s giving back all her weapons Camila apologizes and talks about security protocols, assignments and necessary weapons. It reads like a hand off, like Camila’s new to this role and trying to assure the person who did the job before (Bea) that she’ll take care of the job. A very organization task with limited contact with others. Allowing Bea to be a ‘loner’. Then when Mary is planning how to get to the secret room. Bea says she joined the church to save her eternal soul. Mary asks if that’s the version of the truth she’s telling now. Implying there’s another reason Bea joined. Acceptable targets maybe?

The real (second) fight between Bea and Crimson, Bea calls out her moves. Even going as far as saying “Just say when.” This is cocky asshole behaviour. This is the part of Beatrice likes fighting. That likes the controlled application of violence. 

So, I know as a fandom that we like to think Bea’s parents caught her doing something gay and shipped her off. But what if instead she was caught doing something violent. Like protecting a gay/lesbian couple from homophobe in a very physical way. And they were like “you need to be restrained, you’re too wild, and if you were going to do violence in public you should not have done it for this reason” so sent her off to Catholic school even though they aren’t. Bea tries. She always tries so hard. But the harder she tries to fit into the box of what’s wanted from her the more her anger grows teeth and claws. She isolates herself while she tries. So that the only person her anger makes bleed is herself. And no matter how good she is at hiding it away, sometimes she slips up. Then it’s like the blinder come off those around her and sudden she’s no longer this self possessed shy girl. They see her as ‘what she truly is’. A barely restrained attack dog just waiting for a fight. She holds herself back with rule after rule and every rule makes her just that much more aware that she’s not like other people. She has a reputation within the school. A reputation which makes it’s way to the  OCS. The OCS come to her and offer something she hasn’t ever admitted to wanting. A morally acceptable way to let that anger make something bleed. Because the OCS is full of women who understand a demon of their own making, as well as those from the other place. 

Side note: “He who bears the relic of Adriel shall be the Lord of Demonkind.” Direct quote that Ava reads from the Warrior Nun book. But… isn’t the halo the relic of Adriel??

the more i think about it, the more obvious it seems that beatrice was at one time way more outwardly angry at the world. her repressed demeanor and how she internalized her shame and faith and the projected deficiencies of others on her is where she was at before the ending of s2. and she had to work hard to get there, to that level of calm and control. after the years of training and praying and growing to look forward instead of backwards. that kind of internal work takes time and discipline

mary's comment about beatrice's narrative of why she joined the sisterhood reveals some level of dissonance between who mary sees beatrice as and how beatrice wants to be seen, and it never seemed like it was as simple as her being gay. that's because mary remembers when beatrice arrived. mary naturally being the force of calm for lilith and a guide for ava to find purpose in season one makes me think she could have played that role for beatrice at one point as well. instead of the buttoned up, aloof person we see now, i could see a younger beatrice as someone whose anger was undeniable. the way she gets when she fights for ava, but worn on her sleeve, intimidating and silently furious at the state of her life continuously

i imagine a younger beatrice who spent the first few years training for the ocs seething. it's why lilith never saw her as a rival for the halo - beatrice? burning so hot on the inside that she practically creates mirage lines when she enters a room? skilled, certainly, but that's no one to worry about as a contender for a leadership role. beatrice's attitude problem was ironically what allowed lilith to feel safe enough to grow close to her. she didn't even care about being halo bearer, only throwing herself into study and drills and combat practice so intensely that you'd think she barely saw her opponent and would rather be fighting herself anyway

while beatrice eventually became a trusted advisor, that was something that came about gradually, maybe even surprisingly. it took years to feel comfortable enough for her to even commit to the idea of sisterhood. a loner who arrives with an ominous roiling storm cloud under her brow wasn't the natural leader stepping into a predictable role. and it shows. the expectations placed on beatrice aren't something she humbly and gratefully accepted because of her many talents. her many talents had proven worthless to her, just like she felt after her exile to switzerland

the reason that beatrice is so well-respected in the ocs by those who have known her a long time isn't about her skills or her intelligence or her reliability alone. it's because they're proud of her. they saw her at her worst, her most self-loathing, her most despondent and embittered. yes, she still has some issues, some demons, but they don't talk about them unless she brings it up, because they're so proud of how far she's come and how hard she tries to be there for them and show that she cares

mother superion doesn't thoughtlessly put her faith in beatrice because of her competence, she does it because she has watched her change over time and work at being the friend, sister and leader she became. she's grateful for beatrice not because of her skillset or her pedigree but for how evident it is that she cares about her found family. because there was a time before when she didn't. when she was a very different person. maybe mother superion was similar when she was younger. she clearly had some fire in her as well in that flashback

and then you had shannon. beatrice specifically mentions her love of pranks to ava when she tells her about how being a nun didn't feel like a natural fit for her. this angry, solemn young woman who barely speaks to anyone else suddenly finding ridiculous incidents happening to her and around her that force her to lighten up, to laugh and feel like she's part of something. it says a lot about beatrice that it seems like she saw a little of herself in shannon and her intensity. maybe she was inspired by shannon's ability to still hold space for whimsy and camaraderie despite her burden. thinking about the hushed, trembling hope that watching mary and shannon together must have given her, and then knowing how it was snuffed out only helps contextualize why reading that journal broke beatrice the way that it did

i think all of the women of the ocs before shannon died helped beatrice grow into the version of beatrice that we meet in the first episode. it makes her leaving them in the s2 finale easier to sit with when they watched her evolve into a person capable of deciding what she wants in life and not just settling for what will have her. camila had a hard time letting go because she didn't know beatrice in those stormy days. but mother superion did, and knows what beatrice has lost since then, too. so she lets beatrice go easily. she always knew to be grateful for each day that beatrice woke up and decided to care for her sisters because it was never a given that it would happen in the first place

Apparently I am not stopping at this. Because @halobearerhavoc​ pointed out something I absolutely forgot. So thanks? I guess. Here’s you tags so you can see what my thoughts spiralled off of. 

#When Shannon is dead and Mary tells Beatrice to stop treating it like just another report

#Bea says she “loved her to.. I just need something to focus on.” Which could be read as sadness.

#Or temptation to burn the world down being held back. That she doesn’t know how else to react if it’s not in anger or professionalism.

#< this part right here

#it's everything

#beatrice is a ball of internally controlled nerves and mechanisms waiting to open the floodgates of her rage

#but only when appropriate

#honestly this entire analysis is the most engrossing recap of what happened in the crimson fight i could have ever imagined

#it's so good

#and i think you're right about why beatrice didn't train ava too

#expanding on the similarities between superion and beatrice and calling attention to the subtext of the dialogue and visuals

#the concept of acceptable targets is molded in part by shame for physically acknowledging the part of you that could do others harm

#and beatrice would very much like to do harm to those who do others harm

#her self loathing is exponential and feeds on itself like an ouroboros

#it's part of why sister melanie's diary caused this cathartic reaction in her entire body

#because it wasn't just about being gay it was never just about being gay because beatrice is written as a wholly fleshed out human being

#it was also about Melanie's RAGE exploding into the physical world

#it was all of it

#and this is another incredible addition

#truly incredible analysis

#sister beatrice

#warrior nun

There are a few highlights in this for me. 

#beatrice is a ball of internally controlled nerves and mechanisms waiting to open the floodgates of her rage#but only when appropriate

Yes! That’s how Beatrice does rage. Even during the ‘fight’ with Ava she’s holding back those floodgates (mostly). She does raise her voice a bit but the moment she throws something in the suitcase she stops packing. She stops touching anything. She relies on making her point logically, with no name calling. It’s still sharp, she can’t hold it all back. Not anymore. She’s been holding it back for hours. Days. And it isn’t until Ava apologizes, acknowledges that she knows what she caused, that Bea actually expresses that anger. She even cuts herself off when she starts raising her voice too much until Ava asks ‘what’. She stands absolutely still while Ava is yelling. 

When Ava storms off she takes a moment to breath, to re-centre. To approach Ava from some place other than anger. When she follows after Ava she *whispers* whispers her name. A whisper Ava matches when she says she’s sorry and Beatrice continues when she denies that apology and offers her own. A whisper she continues when she says she understands where Ava is coming from (I trained my whole life for this and sometimes I forget that you haven’t). Returns to more a speaking voice when she says it’s her job to see Ava through this (professionalism! Yeah, Bea can do this). Then Ava asks if it’s just her job. And the whisper back “and my pleasure.” People who’ve never needed to control their anger don’t learn to pull it back like that. Not when it’s so raw and valid feeling. 

Which matches Beatrice’s fighting style. Assess all the factors. Devise a plan. Execute the plan. “Never spark a conflict until you have a complete understanding of your odds.” I really wonder if that’s how she was *before* the OCS.

#and beatrice would very much like to do harm to those who do others harm

#her self loathing is exponential and feeds on itself like an ouroboros

Ok, these two tie together in my mind. Because as we are presented Beatrice’s history it become more and more apparent that ‘those who do others harm’ included her parents. To her. Maybe not physical but certainly emotional and psychological. Maybe not maliciously but does that matter to little!Bea? No, it still hurts. And she doesn’t have the power or the influence to make them stop. Which is why anger. Anger is our guard dog. It protects us and ours. 

Beatrice’s guard dog was beaten every time it tried to protect her. Every time she tried to stand up for what she knew in her heart she was shamed. Until she learned to shame herself before they could. Because at least if she does it to herself first then her parents can’t/won’t. At least. Five year old logic, but Bea was five when she came up with this plan. And it worked, kinda. She was able to twist her self loathing and anger together into this ouroboros. Which meant she stopped raging against her parents in a no win game. 

Until she does have power. Does have influence and training and anger. Until she’s face with someone she can do harm to in order to stop them from doing harm to others. And it’s easy. So incredibly easy. It’s cathartic and empowering and bad wrong ‘how could you take joy in another’s pain don’t you even care about how I feel at all Beatrice?’ It’s everything her parents ever told her when she tried to stand up for herself against them. It’s wearing a mask not to protect her identity but to protect her emotions. 

the more i think about it, the more obvious it seems that beatrice was at one time way more outwardly angry at the world. her repressed demeanor and how she internalized her shame and faith and the projected deficiencies of others on her is where she was at before the ending of s2. and she had to work hard to get there, to that level of calm and control. after the years of training and praying and growing to look forward instead of backwards. that kind of internal work takes time and discipline

mary's comment about beatrice's narrative of why she joined the sisterhood reveals some level of dissonance between who mary sees beatrice as and how beatrice wants to be seen, and it never seemed like it was as simple as her being gay. that's because mary remembers when beatrice arrived. mary naturally being the force of calm for lilith and a guide for ava to find purpose in season one makes me think she could have played that role for beatrice at one point as well. instead of the buttoned up, aloof person we see now, i could see a younger beatrice as someone whose anger was undeniable. the way she gets when she fights for ava, but worn on her sleeve, intimidating and silently furious at the state of her life continuously

i imagine a younger beatrice who spent the first few years training for the ocs seething. it's why lilith never saw her as a rival for the halo - beatrice? burning so hot on the inside that she practically creates mirage lines when she enters a room? skilled, certainly, but that's no one to worry about as a contender for a leadership role. beatrice's attitude problem was ironically what allowed lilith to feel safe enough to grow close to her. she didn't even care about being halo bearer, only throwing herself into study and drills and combat practice so intensely that you'd think she barely saw her opponent and would rather be fighting herself anyway

while beatrice eventually became a trusted advisor, that was something that came about gradually, maybe even surprisingly. it took years to feel comfortable enough for her to even commit to the idea of sisterhood. a loner who arrives with an ominous roiling storm cloud under her brow wasn't the natural leader stepping into a predictable role. and it shows. the expectations placed on beatrice aren't something she humbly and gratefully accepted because of her many talents. her many talents had proven worthless to her, just like she felt after her exile to switzerland

the reason that beatrice is so well-respected in the ocs by those who have known her a long time isn't about her skills or her intelligence or her reliability alone. it's because they're proud of her. they saw her at her worst, her most self-loathing, her most despondent and embittered. yes, she still has some issues, some demons, but they don't talk about them unless she brings it up, because they're so proud of how far she's come and how hard she tries to be there for them and show that she cares

mother superion doesn't thoughtlessly put her faith in beatrice because of her competence, she does it because she has watched her change over time and work at being the friend, sister and leader she became. she's grateful for beatrice not because of her skillset or her pedigree but for how evident it is that she cares about her found family. because there was a time before when she didn't. when she was a very different person. maybe mother superion was similar when she was younger. she clearly had some fire in her as well in that flashback

and then you had shannon. beatrice specifically mentions her love of pranks to ava when she tells her about how being a nun didn't feel like a natural fit for her. this angry, solemn young woman who barely speaks to anyone else suddenly finding ridiculous incidents happening to her and around her that force her to lighten up, to laugh and feel like she's part of something. it says a lot about beatrice that it seems like she saw a little of herself in shannon and her intensity. maybe she was inspired by shannon's ability to still hold space for whimsy and camaraderie despite her burden. thinking about the hushed, trembling hope that watching mary and shannon together must have given her, and then knowing how it was snuffed out only helps contextualize why reading that journal broke beatrice the way that it did

i think all of the women of the ocs before shannon died helped beatrice grow into the version of beatrice that we meet in the first episode. it makes her leaving them in the s2 finale easier to sit with when they watched her evolve into a person capable of deciding what she wants in life and not just settling for what will have her. camila had a hard time letting go because she didn't know beatrice in those stormy days. but mother superion did, and knows what beatrice has lost since then, too. so she lets beatrice go easily. she always knew to be grateful for each day that beatrice woke up and decided to care for her sisters because it was never a given that it would happen in the first place

Beatrice dies first. Of old age, surrounded by friends and loved ones, with Ava holding her hand. (Well, technically Ava died first. And second. Maybe even third and fourth. But Beatrice wasn’t coming back from this one. There was only one halo and it had already given them seventy four years together.) Beatrice lives to ninety seven. Her hand trembles when she holds something too long or too high. She needs glasses to see half as well as she once could. She’s cold all the time. She’s lived a long life, full of service as she knew it would be when she was young. She’s lived a joyful life, full of love undreamt of when she was young. 

Funny how nearly eighty years after learning about the OCS she still doesn’t truly know what comes next. Ava’s certain there’s nothing. She tries to hide it anytime either one of them get close to death, but Beatrice has spent a lifetime learning everything she could about her wife. Ava may have hidden it when they were young and fresh in their love. There was no hope of hiding it now. Not after more hours spent learning the shape of the others soul than they had lived when they first met. “I don’t want to leave you,” Beatrice confesses. 

Ava looks the way she did when they first met. Like a handful. Beatrice squeeze’s her hand and Ava squeezes back. The unconscious habit of decades a subtle signalling that they are both here. Together. Ava lifts her unbound hand and caresses Beatrice’s cheek. “Bold of you to assume I’d let you,” Ava teases with the same gamine smile she’d given when they were just best friends hiding out in Switzerland and she’d kissed Beatrice’s cheek and called Beatrice boss and mother with equal affection. The same gamine smile she’d given when she returned to the other side with nightmares hidden in her eyes. The same gamine smile she’d given when she’d knelt on one knee with the divinium laced ring secure around Beatrice’s ring finger in her hand and a question on her lips. The same gamine smile she’d given when they danced together at their son’s (Digeo’s) wedding, and years later their granddaughter’s.

Beatrice has had a lifetime of this smile. It’s still not enough. Beatrice can feel herself smiling back, gentle adoration filling her just as it always has around Ava. “I made a promise to always be by your side.” Beatrice whispers. 

Ava’s smile turns soft. “Funny, I remember making the same promise just a little while after that. This life, Bea, this love, it’s a two way street. This time, you go first. I won’t be far behind.”

Beatrice frowns, brushing a tired thumb over the smooth supple skin of Ava’s hand. “You don’t have to.” She says. “You could stay. Live.” Ava could live. Supernatural healing had kept her in the prime of her youth for seventy four years. It could keep her there an unknown amount of time longer. Ava never had to face that blank emptiness of death ever again. Not with the halo glowing in her back. Beatrice wouldn’t begrudge her that choice. Ever. “You deserve life.”

Ava smiles, half heart broken with sadness and half heart full of joy. “This life we had, it’s been more than anyone could deserve. This journey’s been a gift.” Ava says. “I’m sorry.” At Beatrice’s questioning eyebrow she explains. “I’m only now realizing how cruel it was to ask you to live. How could I have life without you?”

Beatrice blinks, slower, more lethargic. The beeping of her heart monitor seems to slow with her thoughts. “I understand,” Beatrice says. Ava was her everything and she may have survived losing her after just a few months of knowing her, just a few minutes of having her, but the idea of doing so now is preposterous. “Take your time,” the words come out softer and softer, slower and slower. “I’ll wait for you.” Beatrice doesn’t say goodbye. Not to Ava.

She passes away five hours later, still asleep. Ava keeps hold of her wife’s hand, feels the moment the soul she’s so in love with slips free of it. Then, the longest surviving Halo Bearer, the warrior who fought an Angel and won a holy war, the woman who loved Beatrice, throws back her hand and screams. Divinity burns it’s way free of her back. The halo glows bright and brighter still as it follows one last command. Ava’s body collapses across Beatrice’s as her soul follows her love’s into the dark.

I think Avatrice would be like, that elderly couple who die within days of each other, not because they can’t live without each other, but they’re at the end of their lives anyway and they just don’t want to. They were each other’s best friend, each other’s person. Their life was always a joint project, and it seems like a good end, to not be apart for too long.

Funny story. I legit didn’t think she was that great of actress. Until I saw her not acting. Mind, fucking, blown. As herself she’s all puppy. I can see why she tried out for Ava because damn, they have a very similar personality. Yet somehow in every Beatrice scene I’m like “Nah, she’s just herself, there’s no acting here. It’s just how she is.” My mind can’t- just- who the hell is the stranger pretending to be KTY on all her videos??

Can we also talk about the fact that Sister Beatrice, this badass free-wheeling secret ass kicking nun is the very first role Kristina Tonteri-Young has played??? How many actresses do you know that have accomplished playing a role like this, that is beloved by many, as their first time acting? Right out of college. That’s crazy to me. Imagine what she could do later in her career. Maybe she’ll be the new Michelle Yeoh or Charlize Theron.

Not my tiktok. Just loved the video. Go give that person some love.

petition for ava to call jesus bea's ex-husband in ssn 3

petition for ava to call jesus bea's ex-husband in ssn 3

and when the avatrice reunion episode is titled I Corinthians 13:4-8 WHAT THEN

I want to draw her so many times too. So i will probably not be paying attention during classes tomorow