Squip - Tumblr Posts
Reasons book squip is better:
Tells jokes
Is encouraging
Doesn't abuse Jeremy
Stargazing
Knows its faults
Actually wants the best for Jeremy
Hacking Mark Jackson's Gameboy
Emotional support
Reasons musical squip is better:
Actually does their job
Friendly reminder from book squip not to put what you want on a pedestal and make it too difficult for yourself
Conspiracy theory
Book squip knew that Christine wasn’t good enough for Jeremy so it purposefully messed with him so that he wouldn’t get with her
Jeremy: Squip, what’s the weather?
Squip: D O N O T L O O K U P
Jeremy: Umm
Squip: G̷͛̚͜ ̶̲̰̈́͊́͂͗͜͜Ò̴̢̠̬̻̪̊͌͘͘ ̸͓̼͎̃͌̾̓͝ ̶̛̜̘̺̍͜ ̴̜̳̠́O̷̤̘̪̊ ̵͓̟͈͖̓U̷͓̲̐̑͑ ̸̟͇̌̄͜T̷̲̘͕̜͔̝͝ ̸̛̩͈́̐S̴͖͍̩̝̗͆̂̆ ̴͉̻̣͈̽̄͌̌̓͝Ỉ̵̛͍̉̍͋̊ ̵̗͙̠̟͂͜D̷̩̪̈́̅̚ ̷̲̟̳̏̀̀̓E̶͕͉͒ ̵̨̮̞̞̉͊̐̚ ̴̧̡̹̬͈͆̊̎ ̶͕͎̦̭̈͋͆͛͘N̸̜͔͉̈̇͋̉͠ͅ ̷̙͉̥͚̠́̇͜O̶̰̥͍͎͐̇̾͜ ̶͍͚͔̇̿̈̀̍W̸̛͓͍̖̾
Jeremy: *driving*
Squip: Head east for one quarter of a mile. Then follow signs for DO NOT ENTER.
Squip: Continue on unnamed road. Then, in 300 feet, turn off your headlights.
Squip: Your destination is b e h i n d y o u
Squip: Y o u r d e s t i n a t i o n m o v e d
Jeremy: *crashes into a tree*
Squip: Y̶̞̼̞̹̚͝͠ ̶̞̿́̅o̷͖̭͉͇̔͋̚ ̶̠̼̞̚ͅu̶͍͇̱̇̓̊͠ ̵̮͊͝ ̶̝̘͚̓̊̚ ̷̺̓͑h̴̞̣̺͆ ̴͔̼̥̕͝a̴͚͊͗̽͘ ̴̨̥̻̬̒v̸̯͇͗̚ ̸̨̖̯̊̒è̴̝̱̝̽̑̚ ̴̲̌̎͝ ̸͔̏̽̓ ̶̧̐̈̍a̸̗̓͆̚ ̵̛̰̭̖̔̿ͅŗ̵̠͓͇́ ̸̳̺̤͘ ̸̛͎͓r̷̡̙͉͗͐ ̶̮̪̈͂͝ ̵̖͙̞̖̑̔̾ ̴̛̣ ̶͚̜̫̊i̷̢̨̛̍͋ ̴̢̦͂ ̵͙̜̲͌ ̶̮̹͔̳̓́v̷̬̺̳̟́̅ ̸̭̰̫̾̾ ̶͕̞̰̔̀ ̴̧̪̯̰́̈́͆̒ẽ̶̟̱̞ ̵̗̗̔̀d̶̗̭͝
Consumerist Squip AU: Essay
Jeremy: Hey, squip, can you help me proofread this essay?
Squip: Of course, Jeremy. But first:
Let’s suppose that you’re writing a really important email to a --
Jeremy: *smashes head on keyboard*
Book squip helps Jeremy improve his health and physical appearance, be more assertive, get what he wants, and rid himself of self destructive habits while simultaneously ruining his life.
Duolingo Squip AU
Jeremy: How could Rich’s squip have let him burn?
DuoSquip: Oh, it didn’t let him burn. You see, Rich had been neglecting his Spanish lessons for 48 hours.
Duolingo Squip AU, Pt 2
Duosquip: Looks like you’ve forgotten your Spanish lessons again.
Duosquip: *cocks gun*
Duosquip: *aims at Michael*
Duosquip: You know what happens now!
AU where the squip is just an MLM scheme
Conspiracy Theory
Fact: the squip needs Mountain Dew to activate.
Mountain Dew
MD. Remember this.
Fact: the squip is an advanced piece of technology.
What else is an advanced piece of technology?
The internet.
What is another name for the internet?
The web.
Conclusion?
The squip is Web MD.
Be More Chill book sequel where Jeremy gets Squip 4.0 and it’s heckin OP and fixes everything and he gets to be happy
Pffffft Boyf Riends? Who cares about that?
I only care about the One True Ship:
Play squip X tables
I know lots of people make versions of squips that run on different sodas, but consider this:
Orange Tictac Flavored Squip.
So in the book, the squip tells Jeremy about how movie actors use squips and it says, "How do you think they remember all those words?" and Jeremy's cool with it, but even disregarding the fact that squips are a recent development and people have been remembering lines for movies long before they existed, which Jeremy probably knows, Jeremy's a theater nerd. He's memorized lines for multiple plays just fine.