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Finding Your Way Back (Part Two)

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A/N - This is heavier on the Stephen Strange & reader than I planned, oops. Also, thank you for the support on part one of this, I hope y'all like it!

It had been nine months since you’d first disappeared and two months since they'd managed to rescue you. In the two months since you’d been back you had been moved from the hospital into the compound and hadn’t done more than squeeze Bucky’s hand half a month ago.

Just because you were not showing any outward signs of being awake didn’t mean your mind wasn’t active. In fact it was working harder than ever, memories that meant nothing to you took over, faces you didn’t recognise, places you were sure you’d never been.

Nothing made sense anymore.

Sometimes you heard voices, you didn’t register what they were saying most of the time but when you heard the man with the metal arm talk you tried to listen, tried to do what he said but you couldn’t.

He asked, begged you to open your eyes, to say something, just to show him you would be ok and you tried, you really did but no matter how hard you tried you couldn’t do anything.

You knew you had a body, could feel the man hold your hand, was it your hand? You could feel his lips move against it as he whispered words not meant for anyone but himself.

Since the day you recognised him as the man with the metal arm and he had called you Y/F/N you had repeated it to yourself everyday, not letting yourself forget it again.

My name is Y/F/N.

-

“Without knowing the damage to her mind, we have no way of knowing just when she will wake up or even if she can. At this point it’s all up to her.” A doctor explained and Bucky just about held his calm, if one more doctor said the same thing to him he was going to explode.

“C’mon there’s got to be something you can do, all this technology’s gotta be good for something.” He said, gesturing around to all the futuristic tech that was in your room.

“I’m sorry, Sergeant Barnes.” Said the doctor before leaving the room.

“Fuck!” Bucky whispered before turning his attention back to you. “Y/N, I know you don’t want to wake up, trust me when they had me it was easy to lose myself in my head too, just let the Soldier take over and not have to deal with it. I know, baby, but you can’t do that. It doesn’t work, all that hurt, all that suffering, it’s just gonna keep building up. You gotta wake up for me, doll, you have to. We can help you, I can help you. Everyone’s here for you just waiting to see those pretty y/e/c eyes again.” Bucky rambled, not sure exactly what he was saying but letting the words out.

When he was met with the same familiar stillness, he let his head rest upon your hand as he mumbled a soft, “please Y/N.”

“I think I may be able to help.” A voice from the doorway said, causing Bucky’s head to shoot up.

There stood Doctor Strange who frowned as he looked over to you. Bucky hadn’t had more than a handful of encounters with the man but he knew the two of you got on great.

“How?” Bucky asked. He refused to get his hopes up just to have them come crashing down when you stayed asleep.

“I can go into her head and upon determining how much damage HYDRA did to her mind I might just be able to break through and communicate with her. Obviously I make no promises but at least we’ll be able to see where her mind is.” Stephen explained as simply as he could when really it was quite a dangerous process. If your mind was completely shattered he could make it even worse by rummaging around, if your mind latched onto him then he was risking his own life.

Stephen hadn’t thought twice before offering.

“Why now?” Bucky asked and it was a fair question considering you’d been asleep for two months.

“I had hoped it wouldn’t come to this, I had hoped she would find her way out but it seems she needs some guidance.” Stephen answered honestly. He would have offered to do this the moment you arrived, in fact he had told Tony as much that day, but they decided to give you a chance, see if you could pull through.

“Ok,” Bucky said after a few moments of silence, “ok, you can try.”

Stephen took a seat next to you and gently pressed his fingers to your temple. With a deep breath he closed his eyes and let his mind wander. It wasn’t long before he sat up straighter before going as still as a statue, Bucky watching the process intently.

-

Your mind was a mess, that was the first thing Stephen took note of, a mess but not completely broken. There was still time but not much. If he didn’t get through to you soon then they risked losing you forever as you buried yourself deeper and deeper.

‘Y/N.’ He called out, the word echoing around your mind.

He waited a few moments before trying again.

There was no answer.

‘Y/N, can you hear me? It’s Stephen.’ He tried again and this time something happened.

Before Stephen knew it he was looking at rapidly changing pictures, all of them featured him as your mind tried to make sense of who he was.

‘That’s it, Y/N, remember me.’ Stephen encourage as he watched the flashes of memories.

They soon vanished and Stephen stayed quiet for a few minutes hoping you’d ‘talk’. Much to Stephen’s relief his patience was rewarded.

‘My name is Y/N.’ He heard, the voice was faint but determined.

‘Yes!’ Stephen exclaimed before he could stop himself, ‘yes, your name is Y/N. You’re Y/F/N Y/L/N.’

There was silence again for a long moment before he heard;

‘My name is Y/F/N Y/L/N.’

Stephen couldn’t smile in this form for he didn’t have a physical body, he was just a voice in a head, but if he did have access to his body he’d be grinning from ear to ear.

‘Good job, you’re doing so well for me.’ Stephen praised. ‘Do you know where you are?’

‘With the man with the metal arm.’ You answered after a pause.

‘The man with the metal- you mean Bucky?’ Stephen asked though the answer was obvious.

If you couldn’t remember who Bucky was then Stephen dreaded to think what else had been forgotten.

As soon as the words left him your mind exploded. Stephen braced himself against the onslaught of images that flashed through your mind all of you and Bucky.

There were images of you and Bucky dancing in the kitchen in the middle of the night, there were images of the two of you cuddling in bed, on dates, laughing, crying...images of every moment the two of you had together assaulted your mind.

Distantly Stephen could hear you let out a sound of utter distress but he was so absorbed in the images that he lost himself for a moment.

Finally, the images faded and Stephen came back to himself in time to hear you let out a choked ‘Bucky’.

‘Yes that’s Bucky, you remember him?’ Stephen asked, thankful when you replied with a shaky yes.

‘Bucky’s waiting for you, he’s been waiting for you for quite a long time now. You have to wake up, Y/N.’

It took a long time for you to admit to him you didn’t know how. Stephen sighed, not yet thinking of these consequences of being in your head for too long, eventually when one lives inside their head for as long as you’d had to, it’s only likely that that person forgot that not only is there a whole world outside but also a body dependent on them.

‘That’s ok, we’ll take it easy.’ Stephen said as he began the long process of helping you connect with your body.

-

Bucky continued to watch your practically lifeless form. The doctor had yet to move, it had been an hour and he was in the same position as he had been before, Bucky couldn’t tell if that was a good sign or not.

At the hour and a half mark Tony came in with two mugs filled with coffee, silently taking a seat on the opposite side of the bed after handing Bucky a cup. The room stayed quiet as the two drank their drinks looking from Stephen to you.

“If anyone can help her, it’s him.” Tony told him, his voice quiet but confident.

Bucky didn’t answer for a long while. What was he supposed to say? If Stephen was your only hope and he failed was he just supposed to leave you like this? He couldn’t do that, this couldn’t be your life.

“I know.” Bucky eventually replied. He had faith in Stephen, you trusted him and that was good enough for him. He was thankful for the man who was risking his own, rather powerful, mind to help you.

-

Countless attempts had been made but so far they were pretty unsuccessful. Stephen tried to think about a way to help you but he was quickly running out of ideas.

‘You have to focus, kid, really focus. Take a deep breath and just feel your body.’ Stephen knew how bad you were at mediating when your mind was in the right place, whenever Stephen tried to teach you magic that required an empty mind it took longer than it should have because you struggled to clear your thoughts. Now there were no thoughts but also no understanding of your body.

‘I’m trying.’ You replied, quickly becoming frustrated with the task. Stephen knew he didn’t have long left until you retreated further into your mind, maybe irreversibly.

‘I know you are, you’re doing great. Let’s keep trying.’ But nothing worked, you tried as hard as you could and your body hardly flinched.

Just as you were about to give up you heard the man with the metal arm- no you heard Bucky talking to you.

“Hi baby.” He began before there was a pause. “I don’t know what you and the doctor are up to in that head of yours but I hope he’s helping you, God do I hope he’s helping. I know you trust him but I can’t trust someone completely, not with this, not with you. I wish I could be the one helping you but... you have to listen to him Y/N.” Here you felt Bucky’s hand on your...face?

‘He’s touching your cheek.’ Stephen supplied quietly, feeling the confusion coming from you. ‘Can you feel it?’

‘Yes.’ You replied just as Bucky began to talk again.

“It’s been months since I saw those pretty eyes of yours, doll, since I heard you laugh, since I held you in my arms. Never gonna take that for granted again.” He murmured, letting his thumb brush against your eye.

“Eyes.’ You said, causing Stephen to perk up.

‘Yes, those are your eyes! Open them, Y/N. I believe in you. When you open them Bucky will be right there waiting for you.” Stephen promised.

Your mind fell silent again as you paused before following Stephen’s earlier advice except this time you were able to connect with your body, you could feel your closed eyelids. It took many attempts, it was hard to keep track of time in your mind, but eventually you managed to crack your eyelids open.

-

Bucky watched, frozen, as you slowly pried your eyes open before squinting shut at the harsh light.

“JARVIS.” Tony murmured and immediately the lights dimmed causing you to relax and try opening your eyes again.

Bucky couldn't help but let out a slightly high pitched laugh of disbelief as he looked down at you.

As you were trying to adjust your unfocused eyes, Stephen slowly untangled himself from you before leaving to go back to his own mind. He screwed his eyes shut at the adjustment before opening them and moving his hand from your temple.

“Y/N.” Bucky said, causing you to blink hard before looking at him. It was clear you weren't really seeing him, not yet, as your eyes tried desperately to focus after not being used for months. “Hey doll.” He smiled so widely it was almost painful but he didn’t care. Looking at you, eyes open meant everything to him.

“That’s it, doll, you’re doing so well.” It took a long time and plenty of encouragement but finally, finally, you managed to focus on Bucky.

You saw the man with the metal arm who spoke to you when you were lost, you saw the man who danced with you in the kitchen when everyone else slept, the man who you used to fall asleep next to every night.

The memories were still hazy but you remembered the important parts and that was:

My name is Y/F/N Y/L/N and Bucky Barnes always finds me.

-

Ten months later and you were up and about, still not yet cleared for missions which was understandable because sometimes you had blips in your memory.

For the most part though you were doing ok. You were still adjusting to getting the memories back of your time with HYDRA, the torture they put you through, the people they made you kill…

Bucky helped though, Bucky always helped. He was there every step of the way, through the doctors appointments, the decision to go to therapy, the nights you’d wake up screaming, the nights you sat still feeling numb to the bones. Bucky was there through it all, never once complaining nor leaving your side.

Some days you felt like you could fall apart, some days your memory was so far gone that you only remembered Bucky as the man with the metal arm and some days you remembered everything too clearly.

In the early days of recovery, once you’d remembered you had magic, it had been uncontrollable. The years of training had been completely forgotten and with every nightmare or bad memory your magic reacted as harshly as you felt, trying to protect you from an evil that was no longer there.

Stephen was more patient than he had ever been as he sat with you, day after day, helping you to relearn how to control your magic. Thankfully it didn’t take too long and as your memory started to come back so did the control.

You looked up when you heard the front door open and close, smiling widely as it meant Bucky was back.

He had to go on a mission, one relating to HYDRA. It was his first mission away since you had woken up and though he hadn’t wanted to go you eventually talked him into it. They needed his knowledge on HYDRA to deal with this particular base and you also knew how much he wanted to punch some HYDRA agents.

You had been doing better recently so it wasn’t hard to argue that you’d be ok for a few days. Besides, the compound still had most of the avengers in it as only Steve, Natasha, Sam and Bucky went on the mission.

“Hey doll.” Bucky greeted as he came into the bedroom, making his way over to you before leaning down to kiss you softly. “God, I missed you.” He mumbled against your lips before kissing you again.

“I missed you too, baby.” You replied, running your fingers through his hair. “Go get cleaned up.”

Bucky was quick to shower and dress before he was joining you in bed, pulling you close so that your head rested on his chest, your arm wrapping around him as JARVIS automatically turned the lights off.

“How was the mission?” You asked quietly, reluctant to break the peacefulness that had settled around you.

“We got what we needed,” Bucky said, matching your tone, “I don’t think any amount of blowing up bases is going to feel like enough though.”

“They’re not worth it. I just want to focus on getting better and being here with you.” You said as you turned to face him, smiling up at him softly causing the crease in between his eyebrows to fall away.

“You’re doing so well, baby, I’m so damn proud of you.” Bucky said, the sincerity of his words almost too much for you. You leaned up to kiss him, putting everything words couldn’t say into it.

“I couldn’t have done it without my man with the metal arm.” You laughed softly as you pulled away causing Bucky to grin down at you.

“I love you so much, doll.” Bucky whispered in the dark as he pressed a kiss to the top of your head.

You shifted so that your head was resting on his chest again before replying.

“I love you too, Buck, more than you’ll ever know.”

Falling asleep with Bucky was the safest you had ever felt, no amount of torture could ever erase this feeling.

‘My name is Y/F/N Y/L/N. I am an Avenger. I have magic and Bucky Barnes always finds me.'