Things Have Been Crazy But It's Nice To Be Back On This Blog - Tumblr Posts

I got myself a new Bible yesterday and I'm really excited to start using it! It's a standard Bible that I got at Walmart, and to others it's probably nothing special--navy blue imitation leather, King James Version, red letters for the words Jesus spoke and full color maps in the back. It cost around $14 after tax. The print is a comfortable size, and there's a blue ribbon page marker. It's just a nice, standard Bible, not even mildly fancy like my family Bible that's white imitation leather with illustrations throughout and gold trimmed pages that was passed down from my great grandmother, to my mother, and then to me a few years ago.

So why am I so excited about this Bible?

Because it's the first Bible I've gotten since coming out as a trans man.

It feels like a fresh start with my journey of faith. I've honestly strayed away from my other Bibles (a Hands On one that I got when I entered Sunday School; a children's Bible with nice illustrations but small print that was a gift for mt fifth birthday from our then-Pastor's wife; a small pink New Testament Bible that was a gift to my late father from myself when I was in elementary school). They all have my deadname written inside, and it felt too much like those copies weren't really for me. It was more like they were for the little girl and young woman people thought they were gifting them to.

But this new copy of God's word is a new start. It doesn't erase my past with the Church or my previous struggles with faith due to being trans and gay. It doesn't take away the sleepless nights of wondering who I am and why God made me this way, or the angry, tear-filled prayers to a God that, at the time, I wasn't even sure was listening. But it is a starting point for myself to really move forward from that, to let myself let go of some of the baggage I've been carrying in my faith life and start a new journey, this one filled with self love and joy instead of despair and grief for a girl who never even really existed in the first place. Every time I see my correct name in the front, it's a little reminder to myself that I'm the only one who can define who I am and my relationship with the Lord. My faith is my own, and no one else gets to dictate it.

I've been highlighting some favorite verses of mine throughout the day with colored pencils and exploring some of the maps, and I've started reading Genesis, too! I promised myself I would read the Bible this year, and I'm grateful that I can do it with a brand new one that I can use moving forward! 💙