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doodle of Polite's reaction to the wonderful ship of ThunderClap that @anniflamma created

Just rewatched The Shrine and I needed to see and read all the posts about that episode again, GOD DAMN. How often will this show hurt me again?? I wish I could watch it gif for gif, because I want to see every little detail, every expression and emotion. The love this team has for each other. Ronon being so emotional while yelling at Woolsey. John barely keeping it together in the cave. I only wish we could have seen more interactions between Rodney and Teyla (and Radek!). And more scenes with just the team. Actually, the more I think about it, the more I need. This episode could have been twice as long and it wouldn't be enough. It helps a lot to see how we all feel the same love for this show.

Season 5, Episode 6: The Shrine

I said I had to gather my thoughts before I would be able to write something coherent. I still don't know if I can do it justice. It's weird, but I hesitate to call The Shrine my favorite episode because it's so devastating. It's very shippy, it has phenomenal acting from everyone, the story is heartbreaking, it should be perfect - but it just hurts so much. If this is my favorite episode, what kind of masochist am I? (Don't answer that, that was rethorical.)

I'm placing this under a cut because this is gonna be long.

The cold open on this one is just brutal. Rodney is already pretty far gone, and he calls himself "Mr Rodney McKay" instead of Dr, because "doctors are smart, and he's not smart anymore". To know what's happening to you, to slowly lose your mental capabilities and to be able to still process what's happening, that's cruel. And then he's calling for John, and that's when I had to pause the video for the first time because the tears were already coming. The title sequence hadn't even started.

Fuck.

I lost my grandmother to Alzheimer's a couple years ago. She had a slow and steady decline and thankfully, it was one of those cases where she just forgot more and more, but without the mental anguish. She wasn't panicking, or aggressive, or even agitated. Just a smiling, sweet old lady, who in the end didn't remember how to sit or eat or breathe. When she died, I couldn't cry. I was too busy consoling my mother and aunt at the funeral. The first time I cried was when I rewatched The Shrine, years later. It just shook something loose in me. It's also the point where I decided that if I ever got diagnosed, and was still in a state to do something about it, I would end my life on my terms. I'm not putting anyone through that.

I remember Kate Hewlett saying in an interview that a lot of people on set where crying during those scenes because they had family members with dementia, and that she had to leave the room at one point because it hit close to home for her too.

At first I thought it was mean that everyone was like, "Yeah I realized something was wrong when Rodney was being nice to everyone", but then I thought, no, that's actually a good point. Because his friends were uncomfortable with alternate universe Rod (who was too suave and cool) and they're uncomfortable with a Rodney who is uncharacteristically nice. They love him as he is, not a polished version.

I know everyone is giving Dr Keller shit for not wanting to try the Shrine, but I really think it's because she's a doctor. I work with doctors, and almost weekly I have discussions about respecting a patient's advanced directive. I've had a doctor wanting to install a gastric tube in a patient who was at the end of their life. We had the advanced directive that CLEARLY stated they didn't want that. When I confronted the doctor, she was almost angry. "But they will starve! I can't let them starve!" Yes, you can, and you will, and you have to. The hardest thing for a medical doctor is to have to sit back and not be allowed to do something that might help the patient. I think that where she's coming from. There are treatments to be tried, and if Rodney is taken to the Shrine, all those other options stop. I still think she was wrong and I don't like her approach, but I think it's an explanation why she was acting the way she was.

And then we have Rodney running to John's room in the middle of the night because of course that is the first and only place he'd go. It hurt to watch him be so frantic and desperate. And John is right there for him, grounding him, telling him, I'm not going anywhere.

Beer On The Pier. Yes, you have to write it like that because this scene is a fixed point in time and a goddamn cornerstone of this ship.

Rodney, knowing this is probably the last night he'll be this lucid, wants to say goodbye. And John doesn't let him. Because Rodney's stuck with him until the end. He's not going to turn away, no matter how ugly it's going to get. The very thought of saying goodbye is so foreign to John that he doesn't even want to discuss it. "That's final."

(Also, just for aesthetics alone, the night shots of the city are beautiful.)

I'm trying to be a bit less rambly, but what can you do when you have this masterpiece of an episode?

In the cave, when Rodney is intense pain, John has his arm around him the whole time and doesn't let go until he is himself again.

I love how everyone is so caring and surrounds him with love.

And ugh, the surgery - with fucking power tools. Barbaric. But necessary. But man, to hold your friend's head in your hands, holding him still, while a literal drill is going into his skull? I'd have passed out.

The only tiny little thing that was a bit jarring was Rodney's confession to Jennifer at the end, and just because for me, it came a bit out of left field. But I am nothing if not good at ignoring things that I don't like, so I'll just refer to fanfics that fix this. No harm done.

And finally.

David Ian Hewlett.

Holy fuck, dude.

HOW are you not buried under a shitload of Emmys? How is there not a whole wing of your house dedicated to housing the tons of awards you should have gotten for this? (I know he did get quite a few, but I'm talking custom built shelves in at least four rooms. Minimum.)

Everyone brought their A game acting wise, but this guy knocked it out of the park. It was heartbreaking, moving, extremely believable, and just jaw-dropping. David is, in my opinion, one of the best, if not the best actor of the franchise, and I don't say that lightly. I have a massive crush on Joe Flanigan and he's great, same with Amanda Tapping, but David is just fantastic.

So yeah. There you have it. My very concise, totally normal opinion of this episode. I doubt anyone reads all of this, but hey, this is my tumblr and I do what I want.

If you did indeed sit through all of this, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to tag or reply or add stuff.