Tox - Tumblr Posts
Quick doodle of Jude.
Quick doodle of Jude.
Quick doodle of Jude.
To.X
하지만 내 일기가 재미없어진 이유 내가 없어진 나의 매일들은 허전해
I never imagined that this time would come. But in a month since you left, this may be my only option. I understand why we needed to separate, and I let you go because I had no choice.
I need to block you. For myself.
Before that, I still find myself asking questions—questions that, if answered, might help me move forward.
And then we got a chance to talk.
I accept that you are happier now and that you no longer need me in your life.
Yes, I have hoped for a different outcome for us, but I have not forced it.
I have only asked questions—questions that only you can answer. I asked properly, and perhaps I pushed you to the edge by asking too much. But your reaction has been once again unreasonable, especially toward someone you once called home.
How can I move forward when I'm carrying a lot of baggage that you left me and all of that is the possible answer? Maybe you move forward easily because you left it all to me.
It is not the first time but it is always like this. Blocking me and shutting me down to make me stop. You always left me unsettled.
난 까다롭고 힘든 아이라 그런 피곤한 생각만 한대
I have expressed to you that your rudeness deeply unsettles me. You know how vulnerable I am when it comes to you, and even small actions that show irritation are hurtful. So, when you make an insulting comment or gesture, it breaks me down because it is the child in me who feels the pain.
I was like paper to you, you know the written words on it but you choose crumple, you can cut me with your sharp attacks.
You know I could never be tired of you, but the way I'm treated has left me exhausted. What's ironic is that I could never be rude to you because I want to protect the child within you. Being gentle with her means being gentle with you, and that's what I want to do.
But right now, I need to do this for myself. I’m tired of being affected by your coping mechanisms. This isn’t about getting back at you or mirroring your actions—it's about taking care of myself.
이젠 피곤해졌어 Every day, every night 나로 채우고 싶어
I will unblock you once I’ve found the strength to fill my days and seek the answers you couldn’t provide. When your rudeness no longer makes me cry, I’ll be ready. I’ll hold on to the good memories of you, but I’m letting go of the way you treated me poorly.
I'm not mad. I'm happy about the progress you make.
For now, I'll let you fade from my view before your coping mechanisms tarnish the love I have for you. I want to preserve my understanding of you as a person I love before it turns into a distorted image of a terrible person.
Gonna block you
Lights out, To. X