Villain Posting - Tumblr Posts
You don't think cops check laundromats for money laundering operations because they think that supervillains might think laundering money where they launder their clothes would be funny, right?
Asking for a friend.
Queer coded villains make the best role models.
I say that because they were the only relatable characters I had growing up which is why I am now a queer coded villain.
The Tahltan Bear Dog was a small native dog bred for KILLING BEARS
The Tahltan bear dog was a small dog breed domesticated by natives of Canada for hunting bears.
The Tahltan people would carry several bear dogs in a sack while out on a hunt. Then if they saw a bear they would RELEASE THE DOGS FROM THE SACK.
The bear dogs would then proceed to VICIOUSLY yap at the bear. Like, a lot. They are very yappy little dogs.
Thus the bear would be completely FLABBERGASTED, CONFUZZLED, AND ENTIRELY DISTRACTED, creating an opportunity for the hunters to sneak up behind the bear and ATTACK THEM FROM BEHIND.
Sadly, this breed of dog is now extinct. Not because of the bears, but because of diseases that European dogs brought to north America. The last of them died out in the 1980s. Which is a shame.
Could you imagine me as a supervillain doing gay crime then some superdorks show up and they see me carrying a $ sack, which they FOOLISHLY believe to be a bag of cash, and they’re like;
“Jig's up, Doc, drop the bag!”
Then I’m like “Poor choice of words!”
Then I drop the sack and a dozen tiny doggos pop out and start yapping at them?? I’d be unstoppable!
Evil inator #2: THE GOONER-INATOR!
It's a hypno machine that brainwashes people into becoming my loyal goons! With an army of goons I'll be the unstoppable GOON MASTER!
Why do all my lab assistants keep giggling? GET GOONIFIED! *goon zap*
Some space samurai cowboy just wandered into town, talked to some people, fucked up my shit, then just fucking left. wtf? okay??
*fighting superhero*
*gets distracted by their abs*
*suddenly wakes up in jail*
Spandex costumes are unfair
I have this henchman whom I see only as a childhood friend who really seems to idolize me for some reason which is why they are my henchman even though they seem to be a nice and sensitive guy at heart.
So a while ago I experimented on him with magical gamma radiation to give him the ability to transform into a giant rage monster. Thought that would help him with the whole ‘not evil’ thing. It didn’t seem to work, though. I guess radiation really does just give you cancer and not superpowers, huh?
Anyways, completely unrelated, shortly after that a new superheroine nemesis appeared that is a magical girl with emotion based powers wearing a pastel pink, white, and blue dress. And for some reason she always seem to show up to foil my plans right when my henchman isn’t there to fight her!
So I got an instant crush on her which isn’t even unrequited! It’s like she already knows me! Unfortunately our forbidden love would never work out because #hero x villain relationships just too based. Also because she keeps foiling my plans and giving me radiation poisoning
Evil inator #69: the GAYinator™®!
This doomsday device will INFECT EVERYONE IN THE WORLD WITH HOMOGAY! With no more heteronormative relationships the birth rate will plummet causing the END OF THE WORLD (eventually)(probably)
Why? BECAUSE I'M EVIL! MWAHAHAHA! and definitely not so I can smooch that superhero I have a gay crush on
Edit: Even a concentrated blast from the GAYinator™® had no effect on the superhero?! 🤨😳 Anyways, then they just threw it into the sun so no gay apocalypse unfortunately.