You Don't Think I'm A Bad Person? - Tumblr Posts

you don’t think i’m a bad person ? ༊*·˚

m.list ◦ askbox

synopsis: in which you find out that regulus got the dark mark

You leaned against a pillar, your back feeling the cold transferring from the marble to your exposed back, making shivers run to every part of your body. The music coming out of a pianoforte filled your ears, fading all the other sounds of people surrounding you, dancing, laughing, chatting…

The House Elves did great job with the decorations. The place was filled with white roses, his favorite. Your eyes traveled to the fresco at the ceiling, falling down to the paintings hanging on the walls and moving slowly to the marble ground in front of you.

There was no point of you being there if he wasn't. You had examined every single face in the room and none of them belonged to him. To your one and only. To the light of your eyes, the light of your soul, the light of your everything. To your Regulus Black.

Regulus Black, the person you would kill every star for, burn every tree, drain every ocean. You would trap all the earth's oxygen in a jar and give it to him, you would shrink the moon so he could carry it in his pocket. He was your everything.

And it was killing you like a slow-acting yet painful poison the fact that it's been a while since you exchanged your last words. He had decided to abruptly cut the ropes connecting you without any explanation.

You had written him plenty of times about how much you missed him. How much you missed the days you were lying in bed together wrapped around one another, his hands on your forehead as he was staring at the ceiling calm and serene, and your eyes sinking into his stare. You would give the world to go back to these days, when you were walking around the room feeling his eyes fixed on you, and you pretended that it didn't affect you at all.

You had written to him that your life didn't have meaning without him. You were miserable.

Only then did he send a letter to you with two sentences written in a sloppy handwriting you've never seen from him. It concerned you because even though you could tell that it was his handwriting, his letters, it wasn't his hand that was writing it:

Dear Y/N,

I'd rather see you miserable than dead.

Burn the letter.

R.A.B.

Of course, you didn't burn the letter. If these were his last words to you, you wanted to have them, even if they hurt.

Every time you read those two sentences, you could feel knives piercing your heart, breaking it, and letting it fall in pieces right in front of his feet.

You breathed out heavily, feeling like you were suffocating, like you couldn't breathe. So, you decided to go for a walk around the manor. Besides, there was no point in you staying at the ballroom and watching all the people having fun, when he wasn't there with you.

You made your way deeper into extremely quiet halls, then to another and then another, as if drawn by a supernatural force to a lane that was leading to another world.

Weak square lights were balanced at the pillars, as the gleaming moon was pouring her pale light inside. Everything was dark but you kept walking.

Suddenly, the sound of your shoes started to quieten and got replaced by a painful scream. It turned your blood cold, utterly horrifying. Your body froze for a few moments before you took out your wand.

From the last door to your right, you saw a faint light coming from a half-opened door. You moved slowly deeper in that direction your grip tight around your wand ready to attack or defend yourself from the scream.

Another animalistic scream was heard and you felt paralyzed by fear. You gulped but you kept going until you heard another painful cry followed by sobs. You weren't sure if it was a wild animal or a poor child.

« Fuck! », the voice cried loudly. Your lips separated and your wand fell down. Without much thinking you burst into the room, letting the door hit back at the wall with a thunderous sound.

Regulus was curled on the floor, his back balanced against the cold wall, legs close to his pounding chest. His dark curls were concealing his face that was buried between his legs.

The moonlight slipped through the window swimming inside to give light to his form. His tie relaxed hanging from his neck and the sleeves of his shirt raised as he was holding tightly his left forearm, pressing his fingers on it.

If it wasn't for the damn moon you wouldn't have seen anything, but your eyes fell immediately on the place he was holding.

Your lips quivered and you stood there like a statue looking at him, not being able to move or say a word.

« Y/N, I'm not joking, get the fuck out of here! », he shouted looking at you angrily. You opened your mouth taking a few steps back. Regulus had never raised his voice like that, not to you, not to anyone. You were completely terrified by his tone, his mad expression, and the Dark Mark stained on his arm.

« What the hell Regulus? What is this? », you asked your voice high as you kept shaking your head in disbelief.

« What does it look like to you? », Regulus glared back at you. His face was deformed by pain. Your lips couldn't stop trembling and your eyes brought tears that were streaming like small rivers down to your cheeks. You wished the old Regulus could come to you, hug you tightly, and with his tongue lick the sorrow away.

« Regulus, » you murmured his name sweetly like a prayer. Regulus breathed out and covered his face with his palms. He started to cry as well because he hated being the reason of your tears. If he could cry for both of you and stop those drops from running down your chin, he would.

« Please, get the fuck out of here! », he screamed at you through sobs. Watching him like that made you walk closer. Regulus wouldn't hurt you, not your Reg, not the guy that was putting flowers behind your ear.

You sat right beside him slowly slipping on the floor. Regulus shook his head. He couldn't understand why you weren't leaving.

« Please, leave, » he murmured. Even if you wanted to leave, you couldn't. You were drawn to him like a magnet. You loved him so much, nothing mattered to you. He was in pain, that's all you saw, you wanted to take his hand and kiss it. You wanted to kill anyone who did this to him and caused him that much pain.

« I am not going anywhere, Reg, » you said, voice soft.

« You don't get it, Y/N, » he replied. « I had to do this! » You touched his shoulder and pressed your eyes shut tightly. You were so scared of him, but you loved him too much. If he was going to be your doom, let his shoulder be the last thing you touched. « I had to, » he cried even harder.

« Why? », you asked. You didn't know what else to say. « Because of your parents? » Regulus lightly raised his gaze for you to meet his swollen gloomy eyes. « We made plans, remember? That we were going to get the fuck out of here. »

« And you think he wouldn't find us? », Regulus asked with a bitter smile. You didn't speak back. « Y/N, I didn't do this because of my parents. » He looked away.

« Then? »

« I did this because of you, » he said and bit his lips. « I did this because if I didn't, he said he would hurt you, in ways… you don't even want to imagine. » You gulped and for a moment felt completely vulnerable and exposed.

« Me? Wh-why? »

« Because the only way he could get me, was through you, » his lips quivered for a moment. « Because Y/N, you are the only thing I care about in this life. » More tears ran down your cheeks as you looked at him. You sealed your lips together to get strength. Your arms wrapped around him, holding him tight. For a moment he stayed still, surprised by your reaction, but then he tied his arms around you too, holding you for dear life. « That's why I wrote you this stupid letter, » he said to your ear. « I can't be with you, Y/N, not like that. » His forehead touched yours lightly rubbing his head against yours. You held him on the back of his neck, feeling his curls tangling between your fingers.

« I missed you so much, » you said. He wrinkled his eyebrows pleadingly, the fingers of his left hand wrapping around your wrist to feel your pulse. He was shaking and felt heavy, as if the earth was dragging only him down and no one else. Frozen thumb drew the line of your most prominent vein. He tried to show you how it felt to be with someone like him; someone heavy, and cold, and helpless; someone in pain. But you didn’t care because you were holding his head steady and would never let it fall.

« You're killing me, » Regulus sealed his eyes, shaking his head. He let his fingers slip down. « Please, don't say that. We can't. I can't do this to you. »

« Regulus, listen to me, » you said, lightly lowering your head to look straight into his eyes. His gaze couldn't meet back yours and fell to the floor. « There is nothing that can drive me away from you. » He left a shaky breath slowly raising his stare.

« You don't think I'm a bad person ? »

« All I think is that I love you. »