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& assholes will be guillotined. NTAs will be free to go. ✌

in 2024 we will replace the supreme court with r/aita

Publishing this on a side blog so that any followers with bpd and/or who are trans don’t have to see this nasty pile of horse shit. I’m actually hoping this was a fake story someone put on here to spice up the asks, though I’m gonna be real, if it is, I don’t think blatant transphobia or this disgusting and misleading prejudice against people with bpd is a good one to pick to fake, but that’s just my two cents.

Addressing first the most obvious issue: this was literally none of your business. You are protecting him from… what? Someone who MIGHT not be bi-gender? That alone cannot make Mike fall for him, and if he’s that serious already, then it sounds like it IS a bit deeper. Therefore, I’m not sure what you actually think you’re protecting Mike from, aside from maybe high expectations for you as a person.

Further, your evidence for her lying seems tied up in her bpd. Yes, lying and manipulation can happen, but if you really think that gives you an excuse to doubt and pick apart anything and everything Anne says, then congrats, you misunderstood what you read and are actually just contributing to bpd myths. Have you ever actually caught Anne in a lie? Or has he just admitted that he lied in the past before starting treatment for bpd? Because those are two very different things, and even if she HAS lied before to you, that doesn’t guarantee that he’s lying THIS time. So, sure, take things with a grain of salt if you’ve actually caught Anne lying regularly, but deciding that she’s lying right now with zero evidence (which I’ll expand on in the next few paragraphs) about something that is entirely personal is not actually a good response to respectfully navigating your friendship with someone with bpd (and frankly, I don’t think you have ever counted as a friend to Anne. You even talk about him with so much disdain I can’t believe you ever considered her to be more than some fucked up charity case, and she probably would’ve been better off never meeting you, if I’m honest, because I’m sure dealing with your prejudice has left scars).

Finally, you seem to be under the impression that you need to transition to be trans… and even if that were true, switching pronouns does, in fact, count as transitioning (signed, a trans person who hasn’t even built up the courage to do that yet—this world is NOT kind to those visibly in transition, and I imagine trying to navigate the horrid depressive episodes that come with bpd while actively fearing for your safety because you’re visibly trans might be too fucking much to bear all at one time). Moreover, the fact that Mike is the only one who uses he/him for Anne even after he asked for the rest of you to is a sign that YOU ALL are the transphobic assholes, not Anne. The fact that you don’t even understand this but somehow think you’re a good ally?? Buddy, you know being a good ally means that people you don’t like will be trans and you do have to respect them, right? And other trans people can be just as nasty about gatekeeping those they don’t like as cis people? Other trans people can’t actually spot the “fakers” like you seem to think. And, shocker, it gets leveled at someone with a severely stigmatized mental illness, who are already more vulnerable members of the trans community.

Now, the easiest (and pettiest) dig would be the most obvious: that you’re literally just jealous Mike didn’t want you but wants Anne, and you’re using psuedo-woke language (e.g., calling her potential lies “gaslighting” even though you have not established that he regularly engages in abusive behavior or has an abusive pattern with Mike, in general assuming that a symptom of bpd justifies you getting to pick and choose what you believe, framing Anne as a manipulator and abuser without actually providing examples of him ever doing those things to you or someone you know) to justify sabotaging the relationship. And, as I’ve pointed out, you aren’t being “woke” and protecting your trans friend—you’re actively telling him that you don’t trust his judgement and ability to determine his level of safety in a relationship and that he needs you to protect him from himself… which is not “kind” like you seem to think it is. And the fact that you “called him before she could so she couldn’t gaslight him” after bombarding Anne with this bullshit seems like you’re the one trying to do the gaslighting. You actually think the person who gets a word in first is the one who will be believed? Or the one who gets to dictate reality? Someone who respects their friend’s ability to critically think wouldn’t need to try to set the narrative before anyone else gets a say.

For real—take a hard look at yourself because this reeks of an inability to look at Anne as a complex human being outside his mental illness, which is far more dangerous than any damage a “fake” trans person is going to inflict, even in a relationship with a trans person… especially since it seems like Mike has no trouble identifying toxicity in relationships, as he justifiably cut you off when you displayed a shocking lack of empathy toward him and his partner. You really need to leave them alone and figure out how to navigate your future relationships respectfully. Stop trying to “deal” with this situation and take some time to really learn about bpd before you inflict yourself on anyone else with the disorder.

Side note: I typed all this out and reread it again just to make sure I wasn’t jumping to conclusions and holy fuck it was actually worse the second time. “They immediately hit it off, or should I say she clung to him and pretended to have the same likes and dislikes whenever they were alone I assume.” I ASSUME. So you don’t actually know what all Anne and Mike actually have in common. You’ve just decided that she’s a crazy bipolar wild child and therefore couldn’t possibly be deep enough for introverted Mike. Also you bombarded Anne with six people all accusing him of lying and manipulating someone she’s clearly in love with because… she doesn’t seem trans enough for you? Or worse, is too bipolar for you to trust that he isn’t lying? Even though YOU KNOW the horrid things people have said and done to Anne because of his bpd in the past?? Holy fuck. Genuinely, wtf is wrong with you??

aita for calling out someone for being manipulative towards a trans friend? Names have been changed for privacy reasons and TLDR at the end because this is long.

I (24f) am cis but have had a lot of trans friends (binary, nonbinary, and neopronoun) throughout the years and am very supportive so i take this very seriously. So I met this girl my first year in college (we were 18 at the time) and we became friends. We're polar opposites, she talks a lot and I don't, she parties a lot and I like to do more sophisticated things, she's a typical extrovert basically, and I'm more introverted. Anne (24f) was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I don't know when, she just told me this years ago. I've seen tiktoks about bpd and researched Google about bpd a little so I know all about how they have fave persons and will "mimic" people in the friend group and become clingy, manipulate, etc. I've seen pics of her in high school, noticed that she was a theater kid, she said she was good at acting and even said she thinks her bpd helped with her acting although I'm not sure how, but she said she only joined the theater club because a boy she had a crush on was in theater. That should've been my first red flag but I was naive. She has a degree in something else (not theater) because our second year in college her favorite character in a TV show did a certain job, she got interested in that, and now she also does that as a living. She doesn't talk about her bpd, she's only mentioned it a handful of times. I can count on one hand how many times. And I get it because she said someone once told her people with bpd should be sterilized and not be allowed near children. Which is really messed up and I hate that someone said that.

However on with the situation. One of our friends Mike (25m) is a trans man. We met him four years ago. He's very handsome, broody, introverted, intelligent, great listener, very accepting and understanding, similar to me but opposite to her. Now we didn't know he was trans until two years ago, because I asked him on a date and he turned me down, and when I asked why he told me that he was mostly T4T and only viewed me as a friend. We were like woah you're trans, okay that's cool, etc. He explained that he was lucky enough to get on puberty blockers and transition young etc which is why he passes. I said okay I'm not trans and you're mostly T4T fair enough.

Well last year Anne suddenly tells us that she is trans too. She says she's bigender. She says she is okay with either she her or he him because she feels like a man and a woman at the same time. Some days she's a woman, some days she's a man, and some days she's both, according to her. She says she does not like they them pronouns. Suddenly her and Mike are spending all this extra time together. Last month he confided in me that he thinks he's in love with her, after years of him only seeing her as a friend, and then they started officially dating.

Here's the problem: she has not changed her outward appearance, her name, started any kind of medical stuff, joined any groups, bought a binder etc. We all continue to call her she and her because she fully presents as female and doesn't have a problem with it. Also she's very effeminate in body language, the way she talks, etc. I know technically I could call her a he or a him, too, but she never asks me to or corrects people when they call her she because well technically she is a she too. Mike is the only one who uses he and him pronouns with her as often as she and her, but she has never thanked him. It really feels like she's saying she's trans and then going about her life exactly as a cis woman simply to convince Mike to date her.

First off, Anne and Mike are NOT compatible. She likes to party, smoke weed, talks a lot, I'm not sure how she graduated with such good grades or why she does so well in her job because she is honestly a LOT to handle and I'm saying that as nice as possible. Mike would never touch weed or go to clubs and he says he would be fine staying home while she does those things but how could you trust someone to party while high and not hook up with others? I've seen her make out with five people in one night at a frat party. They also had wildly different childhoods, such as she grew up in a conservative community and doesn't speak to her family, and he grew up in a liberal area and is close with his family. But more importantly she has a history of joining theater because she had a crush on someone in theater (plus she admits she is good at acting, so maybe she is acting now?) and getting a degree and job in a field because a favorite fictional character did that and now this? It feels like she was attracted to him, found out he usually dates other trans people, and found a way to continue being cis but claim to be trans without having to do anything trans related, basically mimicing her favorite person. As soon as they met they hit it off, or should I say she clung to him and pretended to have the same likes and dislikes whenever they were alone I assume.

It sounds terrible I know, which is why I discussed this with a group chat first that neither of them are in, and the group chat not only agreed that she is far too "obnoxious" for him (those were NOT my words!) but that she is faking being trans in an attempt to make him fall in love with her (which seems to be working.) I would NEVER have gone further without making sure with them first. So then a few of the people in my group chat and I held an intervention with Anne alone. The six of us (the others don't live close enough to come) met up with Anne at her place and told her what she was doing was wrong and gross and that she needed to get help for her bpd and to stop catfishing Mike. She didn't take well to what was said, which I anticipated, but she went crazy. She was screaming at us, insulting us, sobbing while yelling etc, literally said if we ever contacted her again she would call the cops, so we left.

I immediately called Mike before she could and asked him to meet me at a restaurant nearby and that it was very important. Since Mike doesn't know anyone in the group chat I went alone and I explained EVERYTHING before she could gaslight and manipulate him even further. He left, did not finish or pay for his food. I messaged him several times, but a few hours later he texted me to never to speak to him again, and then blocked me on everything. I showed up to his house and Anne was there. Mike said if I ever contacted him again he would get a restraining order on me so I left. I've discussed this with the group chat and now suddenly half of them changed their mind and don't want to talk about it anymore. Several of them left the group chat. Not only that but several of my friends who know either Mike or Anne or both have blocked me on everything. When I've tried to contact these friends through other means and explain everything, they either didn't respond or said for me never to contact them again because I was being transphobic. Listen I know under NORMAL circumstances you shouldn't question when someone comes out but this is NOT a normal situation, and now I am concerned Anne is unsafe for Mike but also an unsafe person to know, as she literally is trying to destroy my life because I called her out on some seriously messed up and abusive behavior.

TLDR am I the asshole for trying to protect my trans friend from a potential stalker?

What are these acronyms?