WINTER

WINTER

It’s too cold and I miss Jamie Drysdale I haven’t seen booboo bear in forever

“I’m still concerned how you think this” jamie shrugs to the 60 degree weather that’s begun invading California, “is cold” but nonetheless he still lets me drag a blanket all around the house and lets me cuddle up to him all the time. Even when I stick him with my cold feet.

“You grew up in fucking— fucking Canada” I butt out, “you have an unfair advantage” I whine at him. As I slowly drag myself back into our bedroom, “why is it so cold”

“Because it’s fall” He never misses a beat as he stands in the door way. Leaning against the frame as I snuggle myself into my side of the bed.

He eventually leans in and takes his shoes off before sliding into bed with me, still in his hoodie but thankfully taking off his hat before he snatches me with his arms.

“You’re freezing” He groans, I move into him and he tries to scoot away, “no you’re cold”

“Yeah but you’re warm, please jammy, im so cold. And you love me” I complain latching myself into him.

“You’re going to be the death of me. I hope you know that”

“I would never”

INSTAGRAM

Y/n.official

Liked by; Anaheimducks, jamiedrysdale, trevorzegras, Nicohischier, nhl, Jackhuges, and 76,629 others

My personal heater

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Trevorzegras - Jimmy with the rizz

Jamiedrysdale - stfu

Nicohischier - y/n. Didnt you grow up in Germany. Where it’s like negative degrees

Y/n.official - hush Nico baby. Hushhh

Jamiedrysdalefan1 - stop why r they so cute together

Jamiedrysdale - she’s a solid 10

Jamiedrysdalefan1 - AH HE RESPONDED

Jamiedrysdale - you have the coldest feet ever but I still love you

Y/n.official - dw bbg I’ll still marry you

Jamiedrysdale

Liked by, matbarzal, trevorzegras, nhl, anaheimducks, Nicohischier, y/n.official, and 189,628 others

Ice cold baby

Matbarzal - how’d this man get a 10

Y/n.official - 🤷‍♀️

Jamiedrysdale - a little offended over here

Trevorzegras - Mama y Papa

Y/n.official - my son, my baby!!

Jamiedrysdale- stop enabling him

Trevorzegras - don’t say that jimmy

Anaheimducks - so cute

Y/n.official - I totally agree!

Jamiedrysdalefan1 - y/n on the ducks??

Y/n.official - they need to sign me

Jamiedrysdale - you fell over three times and tripped over the puck.

Y/n.official - hes lying

ALL THE LOVE

Nico Hischier insta edit 😋😋😋

NICOHISCHIER

*my love mine all mine - Mitski

Liked by; trevorzegras jamiedrysdale nhl jackhuges newjerseydevils lukehuges y/nbooks

Liebe meine libens

COMMENTS:

Trevorzegras - I’m going to be alone forever :(

Y/nbooks - sorry bubs

Newjerseydevils - Mr. Captain and Mrs. Captain

Nicohischier - It’ll be official soon 😉

Y/nbooks - loml ❤️

Nicohischier - I love you infinity more

Jackhuges - the cutest

Y/NBOOKS

*I can see you (Taylor’s version) - Taylor Swift

Liked by ; Nicohischier jamiedrysdale nhl newjerseydevils lukehuges Jackhuges

Always and forever

COMMENTS:

Jamiedrysdale - coolest couple

Y/nbooks - luv ya Jammie

Trevorzegras - set me up w ur mom plz

Y/nbooks - im blocking you

Trevorzegras - NO PLEASE IM SORRY

Nicohischier - love you to the moon and back

Y/nbooks - love u too bubbas

Newjerseydevils - cap needs to wife u up

Y/nbooks - facts!!

HOW YOU GET THE GIRL

Mat Barzal x fem!oc

Series Masterlist

(TW: drinking)

Three

I don’t like going out often, going out is a once in a blue moon occasion. I’m scared; but also nervous. Nervous because what if— if he is the one who unravels my plans. Makes me want to fall in love again. I’m so focused on the what ifs as I stare at myself in the mirror, wondering if the baggy jeans look good with this white cropped tee.

Mat Barzal sent you a text !

I click my phone open and read through the message

Mat Barzal

Hey; I know I said I would pick you up and I’m so sorry that I can’t tn. My friends girlfriend said she was willing to bring you. She’s super nice I promise. I’ll meet up with you as soon as I can. Pinky swear ❤️

Emma Miller

No yeah that’s alr

What do I talk to her about tho…

Mat Barzal

She likes books!! She’s the one I got Romeo and Juliet for!

It was her bday!!

That and I needed a reason to talk to you

Emma Miller

K, does she have my info?

Mat Barzal

Yeah I can send it to her rn; are you cool wearing my jersey?

Emma Miller

I’ll wear it, as long as it’s clean?

Mat Barzal

Ofc it’s clean, I gtg but I can’t wait to see you.

I feel a little bad for leaving him on seen but I did get his message; I go back to curling my hair and doing my makeup. I feel a brush of butterflies in my stomach.

I need to shut that down ASAP, but I really want to enjoy this. Because I know how it’s going to end.

607-914-9290

Hey Emma, I’m mats teammates girlfriend; what’s ur address so I can come pick u up 😨😨 also my name is Kasra

Emma Miller changed 607-914-9290 name to Kasra

Emma Miller

Yeah! Ok

Emma Miller shared her address

Kasra Bahman

Ok ok!! Can’t wait to see you 😍

I like her, she seems nice. I apply a little more blush before putting in my gold hoops before doing a little spin in the mirror. Af1s and a white leather backpack to carry some essentials in. Tampons, gum, tiny mascara, brush, perfume. Pepper spray. Everything a girl could ever need.

My phone buzzes and I do one last check in the mirror before walking out of my apartment and smiling as I see a girl wave at me. Her dark hair set into waves, wide eyes and those perfect eyebrows.

“Hey hey” Kasra smiles, “it’s so nice to finally meet you. Don’t tell anyone but Mat talks about you quite a bit”

I laugh and buckle myself up as we start the drive to the arena, “don’t take this as rude— but why are you picking me up instead of Mat?”

“Oh, yeah.. sometimes at home games the islanders have the team like do media management and walk ins. He was bummed not being able to pick you up” She says, leaning back a bit, “Bo was bummed out too; because usually he picks me up but I don’t mind driving you!” She clarifies looking at my unease

“Ohh, he must be your boyfriend?” I inquire as I apply some lipgloss to my lips

“Yeah” She grins; blushing and tapping her left foot against the footwell, “hes so perfect for me”

I smile at her, “your last name is Bahman right?”

“Yeah”

“Are You— Persian?”

“Yes! I am, are you?”

“Yes!” I cheer out, “my moms name is Amira! My dads white though”

“Oh how amazing is that”

I catch up to Mat fairly quickly, “hey, here’s one of my jerseys, it’s clean. Don’t worry” he smiles at me then quickly wrapping me into a hug after I put his jersey on, “this is so embarrassing to admit out loud” he whispers into my ear

“What is?” I whisper back, wrapping my arms around his neck

“How glad I am that you’re here… and how good you look in my jersey” he is soft to admit it and I allow myself a moment to run my fingers through his hair.

“Mm, I like this too..” I reply as his hands hold my back into him.

“I’ll see you after”

I kiss his cheek and push a bit of his hair out of his face, “good luck.. be safe”

I feel so cheesy; how blushy I am. How much I want to keep my fingers in his hair and hold him forever. How well I fit into him. How my heart jumps a little every time he gets slammed into the shields.

Kasra rubs my knee, “it doesn’t get easier. If that’s what you’re thinking. But it lessens.. the anxiety” she informs, gently patting before she moves to holding my hand again

“I just— ah I don’t want him to get hurt” I confess, “this is all so new to me”

She smiles, “drink. Oh baby drink like a fish” she laughs a little and I watch as Mat almost zooms past. I’d like to thing he caught a glimpse of me and that’s why he tripped over his own skates. But I think his laces were undone.

I’m sipping my second beer when the game ends, isles winning 4 to 3. I would feel bad for the Devils as they’re my home team but.. I’m proud of mat.

I follow Kasra as she greets her boyfriend; wrapping him up in a swift kiss and looking him over for cuts and bruises, “hey” Mat speaks out from behind me, “how was the game? Did you have fun?” He asks as I turn around and smile at him

“Yes, yes it was fun. You got slammed hard are you like uh— ok?” I ask him as he puts a arm around my shoulders.

“Yeah; I’m fine. Can I still take you out to dinner?”

“Mmh” I hum, “I don’t really feeling like going out out if you wanted to order in or something?”

“Yeah, honestly me too. We could go to my house and watch a movie. Get pizza? I have wine” He offers

“I don’t say no to wine”

By late late into the night I’m laid on Mat’s couch fairly drunk and absolutely rounchousing half of a pizza. He’s drinking wine and we’re talking and drinking, “so you work an office job” he asks; almost astonished at my confession

“Yeah, managing market sales. It’s alright. Not anything I’m too passionate about” I admit, allowing myself a moment to lean into him, “you don’t eat the crust?” I ask. Giving him that same wide eyed look he gave me

“No. Of-course not”

“You’re insane” I gasp out taking the crust off the box and dipping it into ranch

“Ok what’s even more insane is that you eat pizza with ranch!”

I laugh; that hearty deep soul laughter that has you rolling and wheezing. It’s probably the two glasses of wine I’ve had and the shitty beer during the game but I’m laughing. Laugh so hard I can’t breathe.

Even Mat’s laughing. The kind of laugh that’s deep and makes you stare with those kind of heart eyes.

He leans in a little, his ears turned pink a little. Hand nervously getting closer to mine. I can smell the wine on his breath and my heart speeds up, “I really.. really want to kiss you”

A little nob lodges into my throat. And I’m finding myself pulling away, “I can’t date you” I whisper out his eyebrows quirk, “because you’re going to want to get married and I can’t get married”

“Why.. Are you already married?” He asks. Sitting back

“No. It’s such a long story. I’m scared to get married. And you seem like the guy who wants to get married”

He nods slowly, “I do. But I also really like you” he admits, “I’ve come into that bookstore like seventeen times hoping to see you”

“I-“ I put my heads in my hands

“Emma. I really want you to be my girlfriend. And if that’s something you don’t do then I guess that’s ok”

“I- but what if you want to get married” I ask him, looking up at him

“I don’t need to be married. I don’t even know if I want to get married” he admits, “but if I do. I’m mature enough to communicate that. And I don’t expect to change your mind or anything”

I lean back, “I’m scared I’m going to fall so in love with you and you’re going to break my heart. Shatter it right into bits”

“I’m already in love with you, I’ll try not to. I will” He says, “and you can be my girlfriend forever. You never have to be my wife unless that’s something you want”

“I..” I nervously pick at my fingers, “I can try— I’ve been told I’m not the best girlfriend”

“Can I Kiss You?”

“Yeah. Yes you can kiss me”

SMELLS & SUMMER

Reminiscing as a Persian girl who wanted so badly to be white

Someone told me that you can smell death in your finals hours. Sweet; sour. Reminiscent of childhood.

For me I would think it might smell like pistachio and rosewater ice cream and hot summer nights on my grandmothers Persian carpets. Sweating as I toss and turn in these musty sleeping bags.

Sitting up late with my dad as we watch cat videos and drink tea; I’ll tell him my feelings and those moments are some that I’ll still love as I die.

I love the summer; memories of laying in the grass as the sprinklers go off. Jumping into the cool pool from the toasted hot tub. Screaming underneath water.

I think death doesn’t smell like charred flesh, smoke and fire. I think death smells like childhood, wet grass. Fairy potions, bike tires. Falling on the asphalt. The burn of my bare feet

My childhood summers were spent in car rides to Los Angeles, seeing my grandparents. My bubba. Sitting on his lap as he tells me stories of the military, my grandmother teaching me to make Kabab Koobideh. She always told me to be proud of my heritage.

“Love yourself before you love someone else” she would tell me; kissing all over my face and my hair.

We would eat pistachios and other Persian treats together as she would paint me in the sunset; she would spend hours on my paintings. Making sure she got every freckle, loose eyelash, and curl in my hair.

She kissed the blonde strands that covered my face. The brunette that shone through.

I used to cry because I wasn’t white and blonde, cried because I wasn’t skinny enough to fit into my friends jeans. I bawled because my hair wasn’t blonde and it wasn’t pin straight. Was upset because I tanned so quickly while my friends burned.

Sat staring at myself in the mirror as my mother put her powder on my face and someone thought I was sick.

I’m older now; still struggling to love myself because I see my friends ‘tan’ be my pale. And through all of this; somehow I still feel like a fraud.

A Persian girl but I don’t speak Farsi, white but not white enough to be white. Persian but you can tell that I’m not 100%

But I don’t think that matters anymore. Because that was in the 2000’s. When being the whitest of white was trendy; but now I see myself. My culture and my body become a trend and I can’t help but feel used.

Maybe a little abused as I look at the little me who just wanted to be like everyone else

BARZAL BABY FEVER

Mat BARZAL 😻🤠

“Oh lindy loulou” I grin sweetly at the three month old as I hold her into my arms, smothering the sweet baby in kisses, “oh ain’t you jus the cutest lil gumdrop to ever be”

I used to hate when my southern accent would shine through but I’ve grown to not mind it as much, “yes you are, yes you are!” I rock her slowly shuffling back and fourth, Noah looks at me and I know he wants his a baby back but I’m not ready to give her up just yet.

“Y/n please, Linds needs her nap” He begs quietly as I continue playing with his daughter, tickling her tummy and watching as she grins and laughs a little, “Mat tell your girlfriend to give me my baby back”

He doesn’t respond, sitting and staring as I let her suckle on my finger, “Noah, Shh” I whisper gently as I make my way back to the couch, once she starts to fuss I stand back up and keep rocking her, “she’ll nap, don’t you worry”

“Just support her head” He nervously goes to stand but I turn away from him, “y/n please”

“I have little siblings, don’t worry” I wave him off, bouncing her up so she’s got her head on my shoulder.

Mat comes over to me and stands behind me gently kissing her forehead and nose, “can I hold her”

I frown but reluctantly let him hold Lindy, even though she’s not my baby, “she smells so good” I whine out as Mat holds the small infant.

My heart swells as I watch him cradle the little girl, maybe because I’m ovulating or maybe because I saw the ring in the back of his dresser, “she’s just the sweetest lil gooseberry”

Noah nods and I watch Sarah slowly creep outside of the bedroom, “god I’m so sorry I slept through it all” she apologizes rubbing her eyes, “can I get you anythin? Water? Tea, maybe coffee” she asks

“No we’re alright, you sleep well?” I ask, patting down the couch for her to come sit

“Yeah, I needed that. If you two want to babysit”

“Yes” Mat and I say without hesitation

Noah and his wife look at eachother with an excitement and love I adore.

“Next Saturday?”

Lindy and I are laying on the couch of Mat and I’s apartment, she’s playing with the little gold shine on my earrings. Mat left for an hour to hit the gym but he promised to bring back lunch.

“Hey cuties” Mat fawns as he walks back into the apartment. Setting a bag of food down onto the island table, “when’s her nap?” He asks quietly as Lindy rests her head on my chest and sprawls out on me.

“In a few minutes, but I wanna get her sleepy before I put her down” I tell him. Mat nods slowly picking her up, whispering softly as he gently places her down in the little crib Noah lent us.

I get up and make my way to the food mat bought, “good workout?” I ask as he quickly devours a large fry and a few of my chicken nuggets.

“Ya” he whispers out, “so uh this is really out of the blue.. do you think kids are in the cards for us?”

“I think so, at least I would really.. really love to have my own baby. We can’t keep Lindy forever” I confess, “I’m sure once they’re back to a regular sleeping schedule they’ll miss her”

“With the way Noah’s blowing up my phone lately I think they already miss her”

INVISIBLE STRING

E. Williams

I love her sm

I don’t know when these feelings started, the flutter in the depths of my stomach and my brain just turns to sludge when she places her hand on the small of my back. Slowly leading me out in the snow, I can feel her eyes on me as I just stand.

I’m still as the snow flutters around me, I’m fighting urges to just fall into the snow; the pillowy snow.

“It’s so quiet” I hear her whisper, she steps closer and I feel her hand slowly reach for mine, “I like this. It feels..”

“Good.. peaceful almost. Like nothing scary is actually going to come for us” I finish for her.

The way she looks at me, the way her eyes flick over my body and I see her knees buckle a little; like she wants to step closer. But somethings holding her back.

“Ellie” I mumble, nervously licking my lips against the cold air. The wind that makes my eyes water and how the snow clings to my lashes.

She whispers my name; so quiet against the howl of the wind, “it’s bad..” I hear gently. I feel like I’m losing my mind; that something in my heart just draws me closer and closer to her.

“What is?” I question, and I’m leaning closer and closer to her.

“How badly I want to kiss you”

Her words don’t even still in my mind before I almost throw myself onto her, pressing my lips against her. It’s sloppy and uncoordinated but something about it feels right. And comfortable like this is where we’re supposed to be.

Her hand wraps around me, the curve of her elbow slowly deepening the kiss by resting on my waist.

When we break for air we’re giggling like little kids as her lips are close to mine, our noses brushing against each other, I take her hand and fall back into the snow.

She smiles; turning away from to catch her breath, “I like kissing you” she says; just before she grabs a pile of snow and throws it into my face