I Want To Kill Everything We Ever Were.

i want to kill everything we ever were.

damage , contort and , torment the memories beyond repair. .

and , as they fade , slowly bleeding out across the creases of my brain. .i'll bury the pieces in the deepest parts of my forest of a mind-scape.

6ft. under the carcasses of passed trauma. .

where no soul , split or , demon could ever sniff them out and , recall a time where we were once happy. .together. .

nor , indulge upon the sickness of keepsake trophies. .toxic reminding representations of when things took a turn for the worse. .

shoving my face into it , as if to waterboard a dog in an apple-bobbing barrel of its own piss.

bc it deserves penance for its mistakes , misjudgments and , falsities .

i am the heartfelt valentine . i am the black dog , cerberus . we are a fissured tree and , i know what i deserve to be is. .

crucified.

put down.

slit at the stump.

sOo. ., i suppose penance doesn't end at the memories alone. .but , lies at an eternal rest of my own .

make no mistake , this isn't an excuse to escape bearing the pain of my wrong doings.

i am simply stating that this very soul has no right to make amends.

the chance wasn't missed , it hadn't evaporated. .

it is still born. .and , in order to right this wrong..

i bury myself alongside my offspring of an opportunity at true happiness with you .

praying to our god , gods and , goddesses that my recycled soul will finally. .

„get that fucking grip"

. .get it right in the next fucking life.

here i sit pensively.

contemplating my lack of options. ..as i hover the restart button.

„. .i'm dying to reach you

i'll beg you to stay

but , you don't believe me

so i'll run away. ."

i will forever hate myself and soon i am going to kms out of a craving for relief from this burden. .in spite of everyone and everything. .yet , i begrudgingly sit and suffer in hopes that things will change when i am the only one who wants to do anything abt changing them. i hate-....

everyone and everything.

i can't just be your friend. .i wish i never knew you.

it'll finally be my turn.. .