Reading How Centaurs Deliver Their Side Of The Bet, Gave Me The Idea Of A Centaur And A Human That Are

Reading how centaurs deliver their side of the bet, gave me the idea of a centaur and a human that are friends getting some revenge on a non-taur (whether they are also friends and this revenge is playful or they are enemies is up to you). The centaur and the human loading up together on a bunch of gassy food, the human eating double what the centaur eats to try to be at equal level. Maybe similarly to how 2 centaurs come together to deliver scenic air, the centaur and human stand side by side and have a fart battle of sorts while they discuss they beautiful weather they're having or favorite topics as the non-taur is suffering their joint gas.

I like the way you think. ;3 Although, I do have ONE tweak I’d like to suggest. A human who tries to stuff themself so that they can be as gassy as a centaur will almost certainly strain the limits of their stomach. No creature would want to take a long walk in a state like that. Not to mention that the ass level of a human is so much lower than the ass level of a centaur.

Therefore… the centaur kindly offers to let their human friend ride on their back, with the human slumped forward so that their ass is fully pointing at the passenger behind them. Usually, adding the extra weight of a rider isn’t great when you’re also pulling a carriage, but in this case, the centaur will happily make an exception.

The human stubbornly tries to sound cocky as numerous farts rumble out of them, but their competitive remarks are said between groans of how their stomach is so goddamn full and how they’ve never been this bloated in their life. The centaur (who is the kind of friend who won’t mind when a bro farts so close to their back) is more sympathetic and doesn’t try to show off too much when they prove that their half-horse guts can easily match the human’s farts.

Thanks again for sending this ask!

This fart-related thought is a little complicated, but stay with me.

Imagine that two characters, A and B, used to be in a relationship, but they broke up with B dumping A. The breakup was really hard on A, who was head-over-heels in love with B. One of the things they took the hardest, though, was that they blamed themself for the breakup. A is a little gassy, and they have a fetish to go with it. B doesn’t have the kink, but allowed A to explore it when they were together. A spends a lot of time despairing that their gas and fetish is what ruined the relationship, and what makes it worse is that they don’t really have anyone to talk to about this, so they just marinate in sadness for a while.

After months of keeping their distance, B happens to talk to A in person. The conversation is a little awkward, but some things are finally apologized for and some subjects clarified. In the middle of their talk, A mentions that they’ve been miserable knowing that their gas ruined the relationship.

Finally, B says something that lifts many of A’s dark clouds of despair: the gas had never chased B away. True, B had been new to that sort of thing, and it was a LOT different than kinks from the other relationships he had been in, but it had no factor in the breakup. Honestly, B started finding A’s farts cute, and they appreciated being able to see a side of A that no one else did. They were signs of A being comfortable and happy around B. In fact, in a moment of honesty that even B didn’t expect themself to reveal, B sometimes finds themself missing those farts as he continues to be with other people.

Well, it’s no “Take me back, I miss you,” but it cures A’s post-breakup depression. They finally feel like they can embrace the thought of dating again, and can move on from B. Although, B has to admit, the conversation brought back a lot of nice memories...

How would a friendship or relationship between a human and merfolk be?

How would either react to their gassiness?

Good question!

Obviously, a friendship between a human and a merfolk would need to happen in or near water. The human probably takes regular swims, sails out in a boat, hangs around docks/shores, or takes spells/charms to breathe underwater. That last option is rather expensive if you’re not a magic user, so it’s probably a special occasion thing.

The gas factor provides some interesting possibilities, but they all depend on the personalities of the people involved, especially that of the merfolk. Merfolk aren’t strangers to the surface, but most of them spend a lot of time underwater. When they do come up and begin breathing air, they’re particularly sensitive to smells. Only experienced air-breathing merfolk gain a tolerance for strong smells, and that takes a while to develop.

This can be an issue with how potent merfolk gas is. While farts are partially created from the resulting gases of digestion, land-dwellers also fart to release the air that they’ve swallowed and didn’t belch back up. Even if merfolk breach the surface of the water to eat every meal, they have fewer opportunities to swallow air while living underwater. This means their farts have greater concentrations of digestion-related gas, making their stench stronger. This is something that merfolk don’t need to worry about underwater, but that can be a nasty shock to them when they’re forced to breathe air.

If the merfolk involved is sheepish or queasy about farting, they’ll probably get embarrassed every time they surround themselves with bubbles while speaking to their air-breathing friend. They wouldn’t be able to help coughing at their own smell and wondering how their friend could live having to breathe in farts whether they want to or not. Their friend might try to make them less embarrassed by cracking farts of their own, laughing at how the merfolk is affected by that smell too. It’d be a friendship full of groans and coughs, but it could work! As long as the friendship truly is worth it.

Now, if the merfolk likes farting… ooh, that’s a different situation. There are merfolk who have a fondness for the strength of their own farts, who take pride in how many bubbles they can blow and how much it can make an air-breather gag. In this case, the merfolk would intentionally fart during conversations with their human friend. They’d take every opportunity to comment on just how big the bubbles are or to joke about how they’re polluting the air to get back at people for polluting the water. They’d also say a common merfolk joke: that air-breathers are so powerless without air that they might as well smell farts all day. That’s why merfolk are better: they have the option of living underwater.

If the human friend is also gassy and farts right back, this merfolk would probably have loads of fun, joking that the human is just making their own air to breathe. You also can’t hear land-dwelling fart sounds underwater (where there’s just bubbling noises), so the merfolk would probably love hearing those silly noises over and over.

Ultimately, any friendship (and farts) between these two will be unique and fascinating!

Imagine person A of your otp adding a health smoothy to their morning routine, after a few days however, they decide to stop drinking it because it makes them really bloated and gassy for the rest of the day. Person B berates them for not following through on their healthy decissions, and forces them to drink it every morning, maybe even doubling their dose.

unironically my situationship rn lolll

Imagine if there were a full nutrition-based plan to slowly alter your digestive abilities and make you as gassy as physically possible.

The regimen would likely be multi-course, involving food/drinks/pills that were specifically created to change the levels/types of bacteria in your guts. There would also be a recommended diet plan so that you know how to recognize which foods make you gassiest and how to incorporate gas triggers naturally into your meals. This plan would pride itself on turning even the most tight-anused person with a golden digestive system into someone who can’t last fifteen minutes without passing a long, fresh fart.

Beware, though. Each customer is warned that while theoretically, the effects of this nutrition plan will wear off after a month or so of not taking the branded food/drinks/pills, at least 25% of people experience some minor permanent increase in their fart output, with 5% of people staying permanently as gassy as when they were on the digestion-altering substances at their strongest.

Now, the question is… would you try it?