Oni Thoughts - Tumblr Posts

Imagine an online content creator has already gained a good-sized following and a nice amount of success with their fun, honest content. They’re a chill, silly person and their work reflects that. It’s up to you whether they do things by themself, work with friends, or a mix of both.

One day, they decide to start a Patreon and, without any better ideas for initial rewards, they decide to upload “behind the scenes” videos including bloopers and what they do between takes. What no one expects is how these videos are filled with all the belches and farts this creator has to cut out of their videos. It turns out that they’re a LOT gassier than they let on, enough so that every chance they get, they have to let something out. Sometimes these bloopers are even caused by accidentally letting out something that they just couldn’t hold back.

Well. Word gets out and suddenly this content creator has a MASSIVE following for their Patreon content alone. How this creator handles this is up to your imagination.

In a couple where one person is perpetually gassy and the other isn’t, I like to imagine the non-gassy person only watching scary movies when they’re at home with their partner. Partly it’s because having their partner around makes this person braver and more able to withstand the scares.

Partly it’s because it’s hard to be scared when you regularly hear deep farts rumble into the sofa next to you.

Imagine someone who has always had a habit of sleeping with their head under the covers. It started with a childhood belief that it would keep them safe from monsters, and now they’re so used to it that they have trouble sleeping with their head uncovered. (They usually only resort to being uncovered in the summertime when it’s much too hot to have the covers over their whole body)

Finally, this person starts having a relationship with somebody who is swiftly becoming their dream partner. They love spending all their waking moments with this person, and now they’re finally about to spend some sleeping moments together...

… only for this person to learn that their partner lets out all their pent-up gas while they sleep.

Now this person realizes that unless their sleeping habits change or the two of them break up, they’ve got years of dutch ovens in their future.

… of course, as the relationship goes on, they could also learn that maybe this is the opposite of a problem.

Imagine someone (A) developing a HUGE crush on somebody else (B) in their life. Everything about B is perfect: their looks, their sense of humor, their kindness, there’s almost nothing wrong with them.

The one thing that holds A back from taking a chance with B is that whenever someone else in their circle farts around B, B reacts with visible discomfort. They immediately wrinkle their nose, or try to leave the room, or anything that shows they’re displeased.

This is a problem because A is a gas factory. It’s a miracle that B seems to always miss A’s need to slip out of the room very often, or their occasional slip-ups - both loud and silent but deadly - that apparently elude B’s senses. A loves B, but they know that in their case, gas would outlast true love.

Finally, though, A can’t take it. They ask B out, wanting at least a few dates of happiness before inevitably disgusting B. The dates go really well, and after a few nights, the both of them end up in the bedroom together. Suddenly, a huge fart rumbles out of A, and they brace themself, expecting the worst.

… this is when A learns that B is actually a HUGE eproctophile.

B noticed A’s guts ever since day one, but kept their feelings to themself purely out of not wanting to look like a horny weirdo. B’s reactions towards their friends and coworkers’ farts were genuinely disgusted, but only because B isn’t attracted to any of them. B isn’t interested in a stranger’s farts, or any friend’s farts. Just the farts of people they "like-like" or are already attracted to.

Soon, A and B become of the strongest and most loving couples they know. Gas didn’t outlast true love after all; it merely supported it.

Centaur-themed April Fool’s thought!

Since it’s my fantasy world and I can do what I want, I imagine this world has an April Fool’s Day, or a similar holiday. I just thought of an adventuring group's party member (probably someone hired because the group needed a certain skillset and not because of personality/friendship) who constantly complains about the centaur party member’s farts. The rest of the group (whether they’re all non-taurs or a mix of taurs and non-taurs) has no problem with their friend’s gas; they’re all really close now and they know the centaur literally can’t help themself. Centaurs fart, and that’s a fact.

Unfortunately, this one stuck-up party member keeps complaining and insulting the centaur after each horse fart until one night, they go too far. However, the rest of the group realizes that April Fool’s (or April Fool’s equivalent) is fast approaching, so they get all the necessary components needed for their party’s wizard to cast an appropriate spell.

When the stuck-up party member wakes up on this April Fool’s holiday, they find that they were turned into a centaur in their sleep. The spell has no other side effects, and will only last for a day… but they have to manage a new digestive system’s worth of farts until sunup the next morning, and the party’s chosen a full fiber-loaded meal plan for him until then. And his party members make sure that they parrot back some of the stuck-up person’s insults whenever he needs to let one rip.

Based off of some fart-related DMs I was recently sending:

Imagine a medicine (or, if you want this to be a fantasy world, a potion) that’s been developed specifically to make you pass gas. It doesn’t MAKE you more gassy, but it instead ensures that gas doesn’t build up in your guts and make you painfully crampy. After a dose or two, you’ll be practically unable to hold in your farts, as all that gas will immediately come rushing out your ass the moment it’s created.

Because of this, it becomes established as a sleepytime medicine: you take it before you go to bed so that you don’t wake up in the middle of the night with gas cramps, you don’t get embarrassed by your constant farts, and you wake up once the medicine is fully done taking effect.

Of course, there are ways that people use this medicine for mischief. Two common pranks are:

A) Swapping a person’s Bean-o or other gas-reducing medication with the gas-passing one (this eventually leads the company to make it visibly distinct from any gas-reducing medicine)

B) Loading all of the people in a group that’s sleeping in the same room with trigger foods before taking this medicine at bedtime, and then finding a way for the person getting pranked to wake up in the middle of the night. It’s hard getting back to sleep when you’re made. aware of a chorus of people farting around you...

NOTE: I didn’t base this off anything that already exists. Any relationship to existing medication is purely coincidental.

Super silly thought: A really gassy person referring to their farts as “aromatherapy."

The reason why? Because every time they let out a large, fragrant blast and take a deep breath, they feel happy.

Going back to my fantasy ideas: I’ve covered centaurs. I’ve even mentioned minotaurs. But there’s one gassy fantasy race that it’d be a crime to leave out: the goat-mans. (“Mans”, not “men,” because it’s short for "humans.”)

Call ‘em fauns, or even satyrs, but none of them mind if you use the most descriptive and animal-based term for them. Goat-mans are a bit unique in that regard: a majority of centaurs and minotaurs bristle if you’re quick to call them horses or cows/bulls. Goat-mans, or at least a good deal of them, readily embrace the goat identity, cheerfully calling themselves goats to any non-taur around. (As always, this varies from person to person, and you should always stop calling a goat-man a goat if they ask you to.)

As you’d expect, goat-mans are as flatulent as their animal counterparts, and they have NO qualms about relieving that gas whenever they need to. Goat-man parties are not for the faint of heart; joining a mosh pit with them means they’re guaranteed to belch in your ears and fart while they grind against you. And don’t expect them to hold back at meals either. A goat-man will happily fart while chewing their food, making more room in their guts before they swallow. And any drinking competitions with them (which they have option) are followed by belching contests.

Because of all this (as well as their incredible horniness), goat-mans have earned a reputation for being crass, and are sometimes left out of certain events, relationships, and even social spheres. This is, of course, entirely unfair, and a goat-man will hold back their gas and put on a mask of manners if absolutely necessary. They love pleasure and relief, but they’re not unreasonable. However, you can only be truly close to a goat-man if you’re willing to be around them outside of that stuffy social function, when they can wrap their arms around you and hold you close as they lift a furry leg and fart out their troubles.

Time for a university fart thought!

Sometimes, if you call ahead to the dorm department, you can pull some strings and get a single room for specific reasons. Imagine that one student had some strings pulled to get a single dorm specifically because they have really bad gas and they don’t want to inconvenience anyone else with it. This person is honestly a little embarrassed by it, but they know they shouldn’t complain.

Imagine that someone in the double room next door can hear their neighbor through the thin walls constantly. They’re just discovering that they have a gas fetish, and they only get more flustered upon learning that oh no, their neighbor is GORGEOUS.

And THEN, imagine that, not long after these two students start a relationship, the non-gassy person's roommate drops out. To settle everything with the dorm department, the gassy student moves into the double room in the dropout’s place so that they can room with their new partner. Finally, the gassy student no longer feels embarrassed, and their farts can be fully appreciated.

A very nice person requested more minotaur fart thoughts! :3 This post may not totally focus on minotaurs, but it DOES heavily include them. Before we get to the farts, though, here’s some world-building:

In my fantasy world, minotaurs are unique from goat-mans and centaurs in one peculiar aspect: how they reproduce with humans.

Surprisingly, centaurs can make babies with humans, despite their bodies being so different from each other. However, all the children produced between a centaur and a human will be humanoid, no exceptions. The hybrids will sometimes sport horse ears and horse tails, but that’s it, no hooves or extra legs or coats of fur. Hybrids will also produce humanoids if they interbreed, so no chance of recessive genes making a centaur.

Goat-mans can have children with humans, but human DNA is pretty dominant. A full goat-man and a full human will produce someone who looks like a full human, even though the child is a hybrid. You may see the odd goat tail, horns/nubs, or thick leg hair, but the bottom half would still appear human. However, it is possible to have the hybrids’ offspring go full goat-man; you’d just need to get enough goat-mans back into the gene pool to produce a full goat-man appearance, hooves and all.

Minotaurs are a different issue. Not only is minotaur DNA more dominant than human DNA, but the resulting children of minotaurs and humans can cover a full spectrum of minotaur-to-human appearances.

What most people would consider a “full minotaur” is the closest to “animal” on the spectrum: a full bull/cow head with horns, bovine tails with hooves, tails, at least a light covering of fur over most of the body, etc. If this minotaur had a child with a human, then the child would definitely look like a minotaur, but slightly more towards the human side. Perhaps they don’t have a full covering of fur, or a smaller tail, or their heads look more human but still with a bovine snout and horns. If this hybrid minotaur had a child with a human, then THAT child’s appearance would also move slightly more towards the human side. It often takes quite a few generations to go back to a full human. As a result, “minotaurs” can come in a variety of appearances.

Now for the fart content!

Whether the non-human parent is a centaur, a minotaur, or a goat-man, the one trait that they’re sure to pass on is flatulence. Well, more accurately, digestion. Some people suggest that the non-human digestive tracts are somehow more dominant than anything else. Others theorize that it’s the human and non-human digestive tracts failing to combine, or combining in the wrong way.

Whatever the reason, hybrid children all fart significantly more than full humans. Minotaurs (no matter where they are on the human-to-animal spectrum) can overpower any human with their gas, the human-passing children of centaurs will fart like horses, and the kids of goat-mans will pass tail-shaking gas, even without tails.

Some human conspiracy theorists will rave that this shows the importance of not breeding with non-humans, as this corrupted gas production will overtake the gene pool and flood the world with fetid air. Most people just ignore these theories. Others like to shut the theorists up. Non-humans and hybrids will sometimes offer to do this by sitting on the theorists’ faces. After all, wouldn’t they agree that it’s vital to sniff up this fetid air before it can pollute the world?

would love to hear you talk about some centaur fart torture fantasies <3

Ah, sorry, I’m not really a fart torture person! While I do find it fun to reference the concept lightly, it’s not one that I really fantasize about or dwell in.

To make it up to you, here’s a thought that's adjacent to fart torture (if only slightly):

Beware making a bet against a centaur. While most people modify their bets to fit the situation (and centaurs will do this too), centaurs have a traditional choice of punishment for people who lose a bet against them: the carriage ride.

If you’ve read my previous centaur thoughts, you’ll recognize the concept: a centaur pulling somebody in a carriage where the seat is perfectly at horse butt-level. Before, I described this happening in a totally loving and appreciative setting, where the passenger loves the centaur’s farts and centaur loves supplying them. These carriage rides are personal and (if you’ve got the fetish for it) beautiful.

Enduring a carriage ride after you’ve lost a bet is different. These carriage rides are intentionally long, or at least feature lots of “rest stops” where the centaur pauses, but the passenger doesn’t get out of their seat. Also, the passenger is restrained, always facing ahead (their view is more of flapping horse tails than the places they’re riding through) and unable to leave the ride until it’s done. The final difference is that when the centaur pulling the carriage loads up on trigger foods, they take extra care into choosing things that make their farts more pungent and “gross.” (They may also carry a knapsack filled with gas-producing snacks so that they can “reload” during the trip.) Sometimes, two centaurs will pull the carriage side by side so that the passenger endures twice as much “scenic air."

Oh, and let’s not forget the commentary. This is up to the centaur’s preference, but often, they’ll loudly comment on how bloated they are, or how their gas sounds, smells, and feels. If there are two centaurs, they’ll loudly have a little fart contest and compare blasts. Basically, it’s their time to show off in front of a disgusted, restrained audience.

Imagine if there were a full nutrition-based plan to slowly alter your digestive abilities and make you as gassy as physically possible.

The regimen would likely be multi-course, involving food/drinks/pills that were specifically created to change the levels/types of bacteria in your guts. There would also be a recommended diet plan so that you know how to recognize which foods make you gassiest and how to incorporate gas triggers naturally into your meals. This plan would pride itself on turning even the most tight-anused person with a golden digestive system into someone who can’t last fifteen minutes without passing a long, fresh fart.

Beware, though. Each customer is warned that while theoretically, the effects of this nutrition plan will wear off after a month or so of not taking the branded food/drinks/pills, at least 25% of people experience some minor permanent increase in their fart output, with 5% of people staying permanently as gassy as when they were on the digestion-altering substances at their strongest.

Now, the question is… would you try it?

We’ve all heard about people who can’t stop farting when they get anxious. But I wonder if it could ever be a thing to get super gassy when you’re horny.

Like, if stress can give people bubble guts, maybe those wires could get crossed enough in the brain that a person can’t have feelings of arousal without also brewing up some gas.

Someone with this condition would have to find a partner who is totally fine with farts squeaking out during foreplay, and then getting louder and longer as the sex gets more intense.

Centaur thought: An activity that shows the absolute trust that you have in a centaur is tail-braiding.

As we’ve established, centaurs are insanely gassy. As a result, grooming activities such as braiding a centaur’s tail (something that MUST be performed by somebody else) is often avoided. Even other centaurs don’t always want to be directly behind a huge ass that could blow off “steam” at any moment. And there’s the fact that all that hard work will inevitably be blown around by farts once you’re done anyway.

Braiding a centaur’s tail, especially while taking your time to make it as well-done and beautiful as you can, shows that you don’t care that your hard work will get relentlessly farted on: you care more about doing this kind thing for someone who matters to you. It also shows one of two things:

You trust that this centaur won't blast a fart in your face, at least not intentionally.

You have accepted that getting farted on is just a part of the process.

(Secret thing) You absolutely enjoy getting farted on while you braid a centaur’s tail.

You know how sometimes farts can smell like a certain type of fast food not long after you eat it?

I’m imagining someone having a cheat day where they just BINGE on stuff from their favorite fast food place. They load themselves up and enjoy every single bite, damn the consequences.

Well, the consequences come sooner rather than later when they’re holding in an insane amount of gas in a crowded area. Finally, they decide they can’t take it anymore and let out a thick, dense cloud of farts, a mixture of silent ones and ones that audibly rumble, but not loud enough to be overheard.

It doesn’t take long for the smell to seep through the entire room, and they brace themselves for the worst… but then are pleasantly surprised when everyone just starts thinking they’re smelling actual food: people comment that someone passing by must be carrying a huge delivery from the fast food place, or that there must be a location nearby they don’t know of. It even tickles this person to hear that some of these strangers now feel hungry and are craving whatever yummy thing they’re smelling.

This person slyly walks home and spends the rest of the day farting up their room, happily enjoying their fast food binge a second time.

Reading how centaurs deliver their side of the bet, gave me the idea of a centaur and a human that are friends getting some revenge on a non-taur (whether they are also friends and this revenge is playful or they are enemies is up to you). The centaur and the human loading up together on a bunch of gassy food, the human eating double what the centaur eats to try to be at equal level. Maybe similarly to how 2 centaurs come together to deliver scenic air, the centaur and human stand side by side and have a fart battle of sorts while they discuss they beautiful weather they're having or favorite topics as the non-taur is suffering their joint gas.

I like the way you think. ;3 Although, I do have ONE tweak I’d like to suggest. A human who tries to stuff themself so that they can be as gassy as a centaur will almost certainly strain the limits of their stomach. No creature would want to take a long walk in a state like that. Not to mention that the ass level of a human is so much lower than the ass level of a centaur.

Therefore… the centaur kindly offers to let their human friend ride on their back, with the human slumped forward so that their ass is fully pointing at the passenger behind them. Usually, adding the extra weight of a rider isn’t great when you’re also pulling a carriage, but in this case, the centaur will happily make an exception.

The human stubbornly tries to sound cocky as numerous farts rumble out of them, but their competitive remarks are said between groans of how their stomach is so goddamn full and how they’ve never been this bloated in their life. The centaur (who is the kind of friend who won’t mind when a bro farts so close to their back) is more sympathetic and doesn’t try to show off too much when they prove that their half-horse guts can easily match the human’s farts.

Thanks again for sending this ask!

I’ve been thinking about wizards, lately, or any kind of spellcaster. Much of standard spell-casting typically involves producing some kind of energy: fireballs, clouds of gas, beams of light, etc. What if a spellcaster could control where and how this energy was produced? And what if they focused their magical education on the method of their choosing?

I’m imagining a wizard specifically inventing “fart-casting”, a new method of using magic that specializes in casting spells through farting. Obviously, not all spells can be cast in this way, but no spellcaster can learn or use all spells in existence anyway. The wizard casts stinking clouds, gust, fog clouds, whirlwind (and even non wind-related spells like charm person, shatter, or earthquake), all through the power of their ass.

Unfortunately, not everyone is as enthusiastic about this new form of spell-casting as the wizard is. But sure enough, followers do appear eventually. Admittedly, most of them are rather horny about the whole thing, but they’re eager learners nonetheless.

Sooo kinda recycling an earlier idea of mine, but screw it!

Imagine a group of YouTubers (maybe 3-4) who all work on the same channel. They usually sit down and play video games together without recording videos of themselves, but they also do other stuff on camera from time to time. They’re also kinda gassy guys, with every other video including one of them farting juuuuust loud enough for a small rumble to pick up on the microphones. However, since the microphones are at mouth level and not ass level, there’s only so much noise the viewers can hear. Sometimes, the viewers’ only clue that one of them farted is one of the YouTubers remarking that they did.

For April Fool’s day one year, their Let’s Play episode starts out a little differently. Their voices sound strangely distant, and one of the them takes a moment (unseen, since we can only see the gameplay footage) to lean over to a microphone and explain the situation: for today’s episode, they moved the microphones to a different area, and the group is interested to see if the viewers will realize where they are.

The YouTubers start playing their game and for five minutes, it’s unclear where these microphones are. Their voices are muffled and quiet, and the only clear noises are intermittent fabric rustling and shuffling.

Suddenly, a new sound bursts forth, loud and clear: a two-second fart. On any other episode, the couch would’ve muffled it, but now, the viewers can hear it with ease.

Yes, the microphones were put very near their asses, and the episode description informs the viewers that the guys loaded up on chili fries, wings, and “healthy” (i.e., inulin-laced) smoothies before their session. The following 45 minutes of gameplay are punctuated with farts of varying sizes, with even the more-silent hisses getting picked up by the mics.

Surprisingly, while an understandable number of people were a bit grossed out by the April Fool’s day upload, the YouTubers find their subscriber count skyrocket with an influx of new, very eager audience members. They decide to make the fart mics a yearly April Fools tradition, and for the rest of the year, they dare to try farting loud enough for even their mouth-level mics to pick up on.

This fart-related thought is a little complicated, but stay with me.

Imagine that two characters, A and B, used to be in a relationship, but they broke up with B dumping A. The breakup was really hard on A, who was head-over-heels in love with B. One of the things they took the hardest, though, was that they blamed themself for the breakup. A is a little gassy, and they have a fetish to go with it. B doesn’t have the kink, but allowed A to explore it when they were together. A spends a lot of time despairing that their gas and fetish is what ruined the relationship, and what makes it worse is that they don’t really have anyone to talk to about this, so they just marinate in sadness for a while.

After months of keeping their distance, B happens to talk to A in person. The conversation is a little awkward, but some things are finally apologized for and some subjects clarified. In the middle of their talk, A mentions that they’ve been miserable knowing that their gas ruined the relationship.

Finally, B says something that lifts many of A’s dark clouds of despair: the gas had never chased B away. True, B had been new to that sort of thing, and it was a LOT different than kinks from the other relationships he had been in, but it had no factor in the breakup. Honestly, B started finding A’s farts cute, and they appreciated being able to see a side of A that no one else did. They were signs of A being comfortable and happy around B. In fact, in a moment of honesty that even B didn’t expect themself to reveal, B sometimes finds themself missing those farts as he continues to be with other people.

Well, it’s no “Take me back, I miss you,” but it cures A’s post-breakup depression. They finally feel like they can embrace the thought of dating again, and can move on from B. Although, B has to admit, the conversation brought back a lot of nice memories...

SUPER silly idea: A new quiz goes viral online and EXPLODES in popularity. This isn’t too surprising, as people have proven time and again that they love sorting themselves into things: wizard groups, Myers-Briggs personality types, zodiac signs, etc.

However, this new craze is a little different: the Broken Wind personality quiz (or, as most people call it, the Fart Type quiz). Basically, you answer a lot of questions regarding how much you’re naturally gassy, what foods make you fart, how often you allow yourself to get farty (whether to intentionally fart more or to just enjoy your favorite foods), how fragrant your farts are, and SO much more. Providing all of this fart-related data will grant a personality type that is shockingly accurate, as well as advice on how to live your best life according to the type of gas you happen to blast.

What starts as a meme quiz quickly becomes a sensation, with people sharing their Fart Types in their social media bios, befriending/hooking up with people based on their Fart Types, and even embracing the power of farts by allowing themselves to get gassy more often than they used to. First dates soon include “proving” your Fart Type. Friend groups fart together and giggle because their Fart Types encourage social gas passing. Life legitimately changes… and some argue that it changes for the better.