Amidstnamjin-and-binchanlix - Arlo Julien, Hades' Deity Nightchild (semi-ia) - Tumblr Blog

i really am desperate to find this #yoonmin fic i read a year or so ago where basically yoongi is the town pariah and outcast and jimin is his only friend (and the writing paints him as a sweetheart) that is everywhere with him and iirc they somehow live together until it was revealed in the end that the reason why yoongi is the pariah is bc of jimin

apparently jimin was supposed to be already dead (he slipped or fell from the top of the church iirc) and he somehow rose from the dead (not sure if yoongi has smth to do with it) and since everyone knows that jimin is supposed to be dead, they ignore him in fear and put the blame on yoongi instead

if anyone has read this fic and knows the title (or something similar), please let me know it's been months and it's on ao3 but i can't find it on my history so it might be deleted 😭😭😭

𝑼𝒑𝒅𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝑴𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕

𝖏𝖚𝖑𝖗𝖊𝖎𝖓/𝖏𝖚𝖑𝖘 || 𝟗𝖝 𝖑𝖎𝖓𝖊𝖗 || 𝖆𝖑𝖑 𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖓𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖘 𝖆𝖈𝖈𝖊𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖉 || 𝖎𝖓𝖋𝖕-𝖙 𝖈𝖆𝖓𝖈𝖊𝖗 || 𝖍𝖆𝖉𝖊𝖘' 𝖍𝖎𝖉𝖉𝖊𝖓 𝖈𝖍𝖎𝖑𝖉 𝑺𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒆𝒅: 22/09/23

𝑼𝒑𝒅𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅: 10/02/24

mixtape: all i have left to give

i. how long can you stand the heat ii. fight off the light tonight and just stay with me (honey don't you leave) iii. i wanna see the sun rise (on your sins, just me and you)

placeholder

i. avoust xxix ii. óutobre xxxi iii. nouvèmbre xv iv. desèmbre xxvi v. febrié xxiii vi. mai xiii vii. juliet xxii viii. ???

there you'll be

COMING SOON

COMING SOON

mixtape: all i have left to give

ending 1: i don't wanna look at anything else (now that i saw you)

COMING SOON

COMING SOON

This masterlist is not final, and will be updated soonest. I'm just triggered by how disorderly my dash is and it's been itching my brain for so long lmao

Also, I know I write crossover fics, but the ones the ones under the artists listed are where they are the main focus

That's all for now kthx byeeeeiiii

url change

still your friendly hades cabin deity, arlo julien! just a change in url (both tumblr and ao3)

also writing my next part for my mixtape series, so sorry it's taking so long uwu T_T

okay toodles bye~!

placeholder

Warnings: Uhhh. Non-graphical smut and slight angst, but that's pretty much it for now since I'm still crafting the next part, and some curse words lmao.

I won't control you, but MDNI. This is not for you, please.

Pairings: OT7/(F) Reader

Plot: Seven dates that has a significant mark in your life, one of which massively tilted and fucked up your world for good.

Seven men you didn't want to have more significance in your life than they already have for each of those dates you desperately want to forget.

Genre: mutual pining (ik, ik, i'm sorry), light angst, denial of feelings, eventual poly ot7

placeholder: avoust xxix - óutobre xxxi - nouvèmbre xv - desèmbre xxvi - febrié xxiii - mai xiii - juliet xxii

this is not my first dabble at the bts fandom but this was my first bangtan fic i posted in ao3 2 years ago bc i was a baby army (and my first bangtan creation [not the mixtape series] one is still unfinished and unposted wkwkwkw) so pls be kind to me uwu n i don't really have army moots so if you wanna, come say hi to me on twitter @shimaeara (i don't use it for now because i have no moots there yet) this fic is fucking self-serve and was written without sleep and came to me after reading a fucking drarry slowburn and binge listening to Moonchild and continued after weeks(months) of procrastination and am not good at smut so i might not be able to write it graphically for now idk sorry (edit, 2023: I can write smut now lmao but im still not good at it so i'll try!!!!) artists mentioned are not mine and own themselves. only my original character is self-made, and portrayal and descriptions are in no way real and did not happen in life. everything is entirely fictional not beta'd so i take full responsibility for each and every mistake, my existence included.

i'm reposting this right now because of the date in my country (and a happy birthday to my irl bestfriend, allain. hope you're happy wherever you are, fucker

aight imma head out

💜 You're not aware of the date today.

You wake up unusually early. It's ironic—everything today seems to be, and it's only six in the morning. That in itself should've clued you in because never in a million years would you wake up at five fucking thirty ahead of your alarm, and a weekend at that.

No one dare wake you up voluntarily before seven safest, not after that incident with an overly-hyper Joji that resulted in him sporting a black eye and split lip for a week. No hard feelings were had; you've been bestfriends with him during the past few years since he became your client at the villa. It was resolved with a quick fuck before you even got out of bed. Everybody pretended that the scratches on his back were—ahem—inflicted during the fight.

Pft. Sure.

He has since left residence, but he still flounces around whenever his schedule allows, the motherfucker. You should remind him to bring his own food next time because he cleansweeps the fridge every time.

Your mood has been off since you opened your eyes. You lie there for a few minutes before you realize that it's still kind of dark outside, and a quick check of your phone informs you of the time.

5:36 am

Huh. That's fucking early.

You rub at your chest softly, wondering where the hollow sinking feeling is coming from and what roused you from your sleep. Granted that yes, you're not the most mentally healthy person, but the feeling is different from usual. Almost worse.

You try to go back to sleep but right as you were about to drift off, your bladder decides to kick in. Groaning, you roll out of bed and pad sleepily to your bathroom to do your business with closed eyes, trying not to let go of your sleepiness. Of course, that proves futile. You aren't able to fall right back to sleep after that. Normally, you'd have no problem jumping right back to snoozing, but again, irony.

When trying prove to be useless, you decide to get up. On the way down, you forget to take your phone with you, and you ain't going back to sixth ass floor when you're already on the second. You continue onward and bump into Shads. "Morning, Matt."

He looks at you in trepidation, and you laugh lightly at his expression. Nobody dare forget that you're not a morning person. "Hey, Y/N."

"Relax, I'm not gonna punch you." He laughs at that and visibly relaxes.

"You're up early," he comments.

"Yeah. I don't even know why, and I can't go back to sleep now anyways so..."

He nods. "Well, I'm just turning in. Need to catch some sleep before we fly later."

"Fun night?" You ask.

He snorts at that with a laugh as he turns away to walk to his room. "Wish. Had to be at the studio to fix some things."

"Aw, you poor baby."

"Fuck off."

You both laugh and walk away; him towards his room, and you towards the kitchen. "Sleep well. I'll make sure the car will be here later for you guys."

"Thanks, babe."

You feel it again while you are making myself a cup of hot chocolate at the communal kitchen. You have a love-hate relationship with coffee, so you don't drink it that much. You thump your chest lightly with a slight grimace, the feeling almost crushing now. Your heart is racing and you don't know why, hands shaking as you grip the counter and try to breathe through your mouth.

"Y/N?"

You look up to see Jin in his pajamas, blinking at you owlishly. "Hey, Jin." Your grimace morphs into an awkward smile and you put your arms to your side in fear that he might've seen it—he did.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," you say, ignoring the heavy pounding feeling in your chest. He doesn't look convinced. "You're up early."

He shakes his head. "This is my usual waking time. You're early."

Well, you don't have a rebut for that.

"Are you sure you're okay, Y/N?" he asks again when you stay silent.

"Yeah." You will yourself to calm down, even though it's obviously unsuccessful. "I think I'm just having a heartburn."

He raises an eyebrow at that, clearly not buying your lie. He decides to spare you instead. "You shouldn't be having hot chocolate then; that will just trigger it more. Sit. I'll make us some tea."

"No, no, it's okay! I'm fine." You try to argue, but you quickly shut up when he narrows his eyes at you. You wait in awkward silence as he prepares the tea and starts making breakfast, possibly for his friends. Once it was done, you thank him and turn to go back to your room.

"Where are you going?" he asks, spatula raised from where he is cooking.

"Back to my room?"

He shakes his head. "No, you sit. I'm making breakfast anyway."

"But I—"

"Are you really this stubborn?" When you remain silent, he hums and goes back to cooking "That's what I thought. Now sit down."

And what choice do you have?

"Do you take any medicines?" he asks after a few minutes of silence.

"...no?"

"Not even for anxiety? Or anything?"

Wow. What happened to sparing you? You shake your head no. He just raises his brows at that and (mercifully) changes the topic. "What are you doing today?"

"Nothing. It's my first break in months, so I think I might just sleep all day and stay in bed. I don't know." You shrug. "How 'bout you guys? Do you have promotions today?"

He shakes his head. "Nah. We're all preparing for Jungkook's birthday. It's in three days."

Wait. Jungkook's birthday is September 1.

You stop at that, the cup of tea paused from where you were just about to take a drink. "T-three days?" You ask shakily as he puts some food on a plate and places it down in front of you, unaware of your inner turmoil. The food smells amazing, but you don't think you can handle eating right now.

"Yeah. It's 29 today, isn't it?" Jin takes his phone that was on the counter and checks, then puts the phone back down. "It is. We're gonna prepare a surprise for him."

Fuck.

"That's good," you say, trying not to show how your heart feels like it's about to burst out of your chest. He smiles at you and turns back to where he's cooking.

So that's why you've been feeling off since you woke up. 29th. It's the 29th of August today.

You finish your food with difficulty but you don't show it to him to not be ungrateful. His cooking is great, but your mind is really just elsewhere today. "Thanks for the breakfast. And uh, the tea." You clear your throat as you finish washing your plate.

"No biggie." He smiles brightly and you almost forget—almost.

"Have fun today with your plans. I'll be"—you swallow as you leave the room almost hurriedly, and Jin finally notices your distress—"I'll be in my room if you guys need something from me."

You hear him ask if you were really okay but you ignore it, almost tripping on your way out. You don't know you've been holding your breath until you let it out as you reach your room and flop uselessly on your bed. You can't even cry at this rate. You've spent so long crying that it left you tearless and empty. When you try to look deeper, the pain is crippling that you can't even move to shed a tear. It feels like being suspended mid-air in a dark void with that feeling that you might fall anytime, only you don't know when and if the fall will finally kill you.

You spend the whole day in bed with minimal to no human interaction. Matt swung by midday and thanked you with a hug before the band left. It will be hours later when someone knocks on your door again.

It's Namjoon.

"Y/N?"

You're tempted to not answer him. While yes, your closeness with him and his group came a long way from just them being your clients, you still don't feel comfortable with giving them the burden of trying to deal with your tragedies and discomfort. He calls your name again with a light knock before you amble to the door weakly, opening it just an inch. "Hey."

You smile at him, but it's clear as day that you aren't really feeling it. "Hey, Namjoon."

"Are you okay?" He pauses, then shakes his head. "No, you're obviously not. Can I come in?"

And of course, he can.

One thing you like about him is his maturity and perceptiveness. With the chaos that comes with his group, Namjoon keeps them tethered. You love their group, you really do. But when the energy becomes too much, you're thankful because he always senses your need to slow down and calms them. Maybe it's the same reason you're drawn to him the most out of all of them. All you know is it isn't just a plain crush on such a charming person anymore. When you spend a lot of time with someone so kind and wonderful, their looks become just a fucking bonus. Every time you look at him your heart won't stop racing, and it's the exhilarating type that makes you sweat and puts the coil in your stomach.

You both sit on the bed, pulling up the covers as he sits a respectable distance from you.

"Hyung told me what happened," he says at last. Your stomach drops at that. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

Do you want to?

With your silence, he continues. "I understand if you don't want to. Just know that we're here for you." Then softly, "I'm here for you."

Your heart stutters, but you keep your face neutral by giving him a soft smile. "Thank you, Namjoon."

After a few minutes, he asks, "Is it because of Jungkook?"

"What?"

"Jin-hyung said you ran away when he mentioned our surprise for Jungkook." There is an emotion you can't name that briefly flits through his face before it smooths out to curiosity. "Is there something you want to tell me?"

"No!" At his surprised face, you backtrack. "No," you say in a much softer voice. "It's not that."

"Then what is it?"

"I—"

"Noona!"

Wow. Speak of the devil and all that jazz.

Jungkook bursts through the door, completely oblivious to the tense atmosphere in the room. Or if he does, he doesn't comment on it. "My favorite Noona~!" He climbs on the bed and sits beside you.

Your eyes flit to Namjoon, and you nearly miss the sharp look he gives him when Jungkook lies with his head on your lap. You snort at Jungkook's antics, a slow smile spreading to your lips.

"I bet you say that to all your noonas," you tease, to which Jungkook splutters.

"No, I don't!" He turns to Namjoon. "Tell her, hyung."

"I—what?"

"That she is my favorite noona!"

"You do say that to all your noonas, Kook." Namjoon deadpans.

"Hyung!"

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding." Namjoon laughs. "Everyone knows you love Y/N the most."

"Yeah! Don't be jealous though, hyung." Jungkook chides, a crimson blush slowly spreading over Namjoon's cheeks. "We all know you love her the most."

"Hey—!"

"By the way," Jungkook back turns to you and ignores Namjoon's protesting, "we're all going out later. Want to come with?"

"Uh," you awkwardly scratch the back of your head. "I don't know, Jungkook. I—"

"Please?" He pulls his infamous doe eyes that makes it hard to refuse. While you normally don't have an issue with going out, you're not feeling up for it today. Especially not today of all days.

Your mind drifts to your old friends.

It's been seven years since they'd all been gone, but the memory is still fresh. For the past few years, you'd celebrated this day—all their birthdays—cradling a bottle of whatever liquor you get your hands on. You'd plow through bottle after bottle, glass after glass, trying to forget that you would have been celebrating with them had that day not happened. Then, you'd come home and sob yourself to sleep and pass out from being drunk because them being gone meant your alcohol tolerance was suddenly gone too.

"Y/N?" You snap out of your trance and see both men looking at you in confusion. "Are you okay?"

"Y-yeah." The hollow feeling intensifies and you feel a little nauseous, but you shake it off. "Sorry, what was that again?"

"Do you want to come with us later?" Jungkook's mood subdues at your lost expression, concern marring his pretty face. "But you can say no if you don't want to!"

You know they really wouldn't force you to come with them if you say no. They never once made you feel like you have no choice with the shenanigans they drag you into.

Then you think about what Alex would probably say if he's still here, what all of them would say. They'd kick your ass for stopping yourself from celebrating and getting wasted. They'd tell you that you need to try to forget even just for a day, and that drinking a whole ass bar is one way to do it. They would probably say some shit about honoring them by getting shitfaced.

"Okay," you say weakly.

The two men looks at you apprehensively.

"Are you sure, Y/N? We really wouldn't mind."

You nod. "It's fine. I'm sure it'll be fun."

"It will be!" Jungkook says excitedly. "I'll make sure it is."

And make sure, he does.

Eight pm rolls around and you're ready to head out with them. You don't want to risk them being seen with someone who'll just drag their image down so as much as it pains you, you actually do put effort in dressing up and looking presentable. Normally, you would just wear the most comfortable outfit. You can't risk that tonight, however. You're going out with people who has all eyes on them. Being associated with someone who looks remotely like a trash can would do nothing good for their image, although you know they could care less about that.

"Noona, you read...y?" You turn around in time to see Jungkook's Adam's apple bob in his throat. His eyes rakes your figure and you can't help the slight flush in your cheeks when you meet his intense gaze.

"Am I overdressed?" You try to joke, but it feels weak. He shakes his head, cheeks a lovely shade of pink.

"You look wonderful, noona ." He mutters under his breath, "too wonderful."

"What?"

He ignores that, giving you a blinding smile. "Shall we go?"

You feel baffled by his actions, but nod at him nonetheless. "Lemme just put on my shoes." You turn around and miss his eyes go wide when you bend over to slip on your pumps. He subtly adjusts himself through his pants and tears his eyes away from your ass before you can catch him staring. "Let's go?"

"Y-yeah." He clears his throat. "Hyungs are all waiting downstairs."

"Are you sure you're okay?" You ask. You walk over to him and put your hand on his forehead, unaware of his inner turmoil at the skin contact.

He catches your hand, and you gasp at his intense stare. A few seconds pass and he squeezes your hand before letting go.

"I'm okay." He then smiles but it doesn't quite reach his eyes. "Let's go?"

--

You've already lost track of how many drinks you've consumed tonight. The corner of the bar was the perfect place and you made a beeline for it straight away once you spot it, unaware of Namjoon's eyes that were trained on you the whole time. You know you probably should've stuck with the others but you know your presence wouldn't be missed that much, so you stay put. You just left when you had enough turning down unwanted attention. Seriously, can't they all get a fucking hint?

"There you are!"

You startle as you feel a hand on your shoulder. You turn around and Jungkook stands there with a dopey smile. You assume he's on the way to being drunk now, but you really can't tell. "Y/N! I've been looking for you everywhere."

Obviously not everywhere. "Sorry, Kookie. I was just at the bar."

His smile gets wider at the pet name. "Kookie?"

"Oh, I mean—"

"I like it." He takes your hand with a slight tug. "Come on, let's go find the others."

You let him lead you and weave through the throng of partygoers. You feel the warmth of his hand on yours and fixate on it. Too much, that you don't know where he's leading you until the sounds of music gets muffled and muted. There's a firm click and thud, and you're being pushed against the door. His lips are on yours before you can even comprehend what's happening.

It takes you a few seconds to realize that you're kissing back. Weakly at first, you try to push him off you until he takes the hint.

His lips detach from yours and he pulls away, breathing heavily. His profile is illuminated by the purple light of the room, and you can feel the rise and fall of his chest from catching his breath.

"What are we doing?" You ask him, eyes wide.

"Nothing you won't consent to."

You look at each other wordlessly. He steps back a little from you and removes his hands on your hips. You realize that he's giving you an out if you want to, but that you really don't want him to give you an out.

The last part scares you.

"I won't force you to anything you don't want to," he says gravelly. "You can always say no."

"What if I don't want to?" You mumble. "Say no, that is."

He looks confused for a moment. When it dawns on him, however, his lips pull into a slow devilish smirk. Goosebumps follow his fingers on your skin.

"Then we do whatever you want."

It's all a blur after that.

His lips find yours again, hands seeking the curve of your hips. He trails kisses on your cheeks down to your neck and chest, and sucks bruises that make you gasp out loud as your hands tangle in his silky hair. They don't slack grip as you guide him down right where you want his mouth and hands.

He takes you twice; first is when he pounds you from behind. Your hair is fisted in his hands as he pulls on it, and your eyes roll back in pleasure.

He thrusts deeper when you moan loud. "Stay quiet, noona," the honorific sounding sinful from his lips. You keen when he grinds his hips and hit that wonderful spot.

The second is with your legs wrapped around his waist, arms on his shoulder. You can feel the pulse of his cock inside you with every savage thrust, and it makes you forget what it is you're running from. Half-crescent scratches are etched on his shoulders as you grip him tightly when you come, his hips stuttering in rhythm as his own orgasm crashes through him when you tighten around him.

Once you both finally catch your breath, he puts you down gently and fixes the creases on your dress.

"I'm taking this home," he says and pockets your panties. You don't have it in you to protest. Instead, you settle on rolling your eyes at him with a placid smile.

"I think you fucked the sad out of me," you say as your breathing calms to normal. You run your fingers through his hair and he kisses your wrist. "Thank you, Kookie. Happy birthday."

He pulls you into a tender hug, pressing a kiss on your hair. "Love you, Y/N."

You don't respond, don't need to. You know he feels it with how you fix his appearance and ruffle his hair as you lead him out of the room, totally unaware of a set of eyes that follow you both on your way out.

Hai hai hai

Idk if there are peeps here who loved my mixtape series, but if you did, hi!

I just started meds, so my body system is kinda wack.

HOWEVERRRR

I'm already starting on another part hwhshshsqhahwhjsujwjsjw

Please note that when I write the mixtape series, it's not necessarily in chronological order. I already have a rough draft in my mind of how it would go, and I am already planning to write the prequel to the first part, but it won't necessarily mean that it will come first. I also have an idea of what will happen for the ending(s?), but I have yet to muster the energy to write continuously right now bc so much has happened irl

With that being said, my next part will be a glimpse of one of the "what-if" endings. If it irks you that my writings are all over the place, I'm so sorry but I rly cant force my brain to write in one linear pace. As I always say, I hope I don't disappoint, and I'm so sorry if I do.

Thank you so much for loving my babies and for giving them the time of the day. Everytime I get a notification of likes/reblogs/kudos/bookmarks, it warms my heart bc wtf it is more than I ever hoped for.

Thank you so much! I hope to be able to finish writing the next part and post it within this weekend while I house sit because my parents will be out of town.

Toodles~!

*Katniss' voice* I volunteer as tribute!

I am no longer able to run this blog. Please contact me if you would like to take over. I would hate for this blog to die because of me. I know this blog has helped so many people.

✨️✨️

so I got into grad school today with my shitty 2.8 gpa and the moral of the story is reblog those good luck posts for the love of god

🥺🫣✨️

REBLOG IF ITS OKAY TO TALK TO YOU.

Please.

i'd die for gun

Gunslinger > Thief 

his name is Gun

still not a doctor

Hey Google, play 'Die For You' by The Weeknd

© Aurora_An | do not edit and/or crop logo

yEEESSSS

im so well-fed while waiting for the yandere!felix fic 😭😭😭

All in an hour

pairing: felix x reader

summary: A lot can happen in one hour...in other words during what's supposed to be a fun night with all of the others felix instead suffers through a night desperation, need and finally, pleasure

warnings: dom reader, sub felix, voyeurism (pretty much all of the others watch as felix gets ruined), mommy kink (though the reader's gender is never mentioned) nipple play, biting, marking, humiliation, degradation (felix's called a slut like once or twice), possibly more that i forgot

word count: 1.8k

a/n: yes it's short, i'm working on the changbin fic rn so take what you can get!

A lot can happen in one hour.

In 60 minutes. 3600 seconds.

It's funny how when you break it down like that it seems smaller, more insignificant.

Or sometimes it's the opposite, when your eye is on the clock, counting down the seconds time seems to slow just for the fun of making one suffer.

Funny...

Funny how Felix has been sitting here for exactly that long. Three thousand, six hundred seconds. Each tortuous one feeling like an eternity.

He's experiencing the latter of the two. Watching the analog clock that sits on the side table by the tv. He swears it's broken, the seconds can't possibly be moving that slowly.

But they are.

And he's endured a whole sixty minutes of this insanity.

Of clenching his thighs together, trying to stave off the inevitability of his neediness. Especially in front of all the others.

And friday nights are usually his favourite of the week too.

Because it's the agreed upon day when they all get together, him and all his bandmates and sometimes you if you're off for the night.

The one night a week when they get together in one place, set aside work entirely and watch a movie, play games, eat junk food and be normal people for once, not perfect idols with unblemished skin and the vocabulary of puritans and priests.

Not worrying about their idol images and able to act as they are. Young people who if they weren't in the eye of the public would be in college, running around, experiencing the world of sex, drugs and whatever the hell they wanted.

And for one night, in the privacy of one of the three dorms or possibly your place they could do that. Be that.

But tonight he really can't help but want this to be over as soon as possible.

Really, truly, Felix doesn't want to be rude to any of his friends, the guests of the night but it is anything but his fault that your hand brushes over his inner thigh under the comfort of the blanket that covers the two of you, making him wanna kick them to the curb so that you can have a bit of privacy while he lets you have your way with him.

"Okay Hyunjin, truth or dare?"

And this annoying game, the one that Jisung is having way too much fun with, the lightweight he is, all giggly and fidgety as he points at Hyunjin, shouting as if they aren't sitting next to each other.

"Hmm, truth."

They all groan."Pussy!" Minho clears his throat, giving a good fake cough for measure.

Hyunjin glares but doesn't budge even when Han begs him to.

That's all he's picked all night and anything juicy has been extracted from the first few questions, leaving only the dry and boring yet strange ones that Han's drunk mind will come up with.

"Hmm, let's see,"

Felix nearly jumps out of him skin as you touch him again, a simple brush over his hips, it really should be nothing but he really can't help how sensitive they are and the sweat that begins to run down his temple only prove how easy it is to break his composure.

He zones out just in time to hear the question that Han comes up with.

"Would you rather eat an entire block of blue cheese in one sitting, or drink a whole glass of water from a rain puddle? That children have been jumping in, like all muddy and s..."

His voice tunes out, your hands sliding up and higher, twisting and playing with his already hard nipples. And he doesn't even care anymore. He's ready to kick all of these nerds out right here and now. Or, he's not even sure if he has enough energy to do that-at this point he's willing to let them watch.

Watch you make him cry and whimper and beg, play with his body and use it however you'd like.

He can imagine 50 different positions that you could fuck him in right now.

Missionary and mating press and doggy, you riding him, him riding you; him with his back against your chest just like this, legs spread wide open all on display fo-

"Oh~"

He gasps and you smile. "You have such pretty tits baby, just keep quiet and I'll keep playing with them."

You're practically all over him at this point, groping his tits with one hand, pinching at his swollen nubs, twisting them so hard he has to bite his lip to keep quiet. The other higher up, holding his throat in place as you pepper kisses all over his neck, nipping and licking, laving affection onto every freckle and spot with your tongue.

The blanket does almost nothing to hide your stolen touches. It's not hard to see the bump of your hand on his chest and paired with the fucked-out expression on his face and the fingers wrapped around his throat there's very little left for interpretation.

He can feel their eyes on him. Feel the attention he's gained and can't help the way he flushes under it.

His body burns under the weight of it. Humiliation searing through his body like liquid heat, his panting coming out heavier and more ragged.

No one talks anymore. The game seems to be over and even Han's drunk self has seemed to sober up with the show presented in front of him.

"Isn't he pretty?" You coo, nuzzling gently against his ear before nibbling at the lobe.

"So pretty," Felix isn't sure who said it, his head isn't working right, his vision is blurring and a pathetic whine slips out, shivering against you at the praise.

"Oh, he liked that." you laugh, an edge to your voice he's very sure is matched with a wicked grin even if he can't see you. "You like be called pretty by your friends? Like be watched while I touch you like this?"

He gasps like a fish out of water, nodding and squirming, goosebumps breaking out across his skin. You roll a nipple between your fingers again, pushing the blanket down and off onto the floor, forgotten before grabbing the hem of his shirt, pulling it up his chest. Plain instinct takes over as he opens his mouth wide, allowing you to press the fabric into between his lips-red and swollen from being bitten for the last hour.

Part of you is possessive. Part of you wants to keep this pretty, blushing, begging boy to yourself, away from the hungry eyes of the others. His whimpers to your ears only though that's unlikely wherever you are given how loud your baby is.

Instead though, all you can think of is the fact that he's all your's, only your's and you now get to prove that. Make him cum his brains out in front of all of his friends that you pretend not to see looking him with gazes lingering for too long. Force them to see what they will only ever see all while you can play and tease and deny and overstimulate him as much as you want. All while they have no choice but to watch.

"Mommy please, it feels-feels so good!" His hands grasp at yours, pawing at your fingers with no real intent, only clawing at your wrists like his body has no idea what else to do with itself.

He's always been particularly sensitive but it's only been increased by the tenfold now. He's sure he could come from this and this alone, From your fingers and your lips and the weight of hungry eyes devouring the scene in front of them.

"Please Mommy, please don’t stop." His hips buck up into nothing and you place a hand there, pinning his pelvis down with surprising strength.

“Baby," your tongue laves attention over his jawline, voice dropping low. "Putting on a show. You look like a slut.”

Others murmur agreement and his entire body burns in white-hot shame, unable to help the way his hips thrust, trying against you until you pinch his hip, hissing for him to behave.

He wants you to say it again. More than he should.

To his delight, you do.

"Presenting yourself to the entire room like a cheap slut." you say it nonchalantly, so much so that it makes him feel dizzy. "Moaning like a pornstar, look at you. Why, you're practically a natural." Pursing your lips and continuing on, tilting your head like you're telling him the news, how the weather is. Talking as if you're not degrading him within an inch of his life and he's not about to cum from the words alone.

Like it’s normal conversation.

Like this is a normal occurrence.

“Yes! I-I'm” The word crumbles on his lips, voice cracking into a high pitched mewl when your mouth slots against the hollow spot of his collarbone, tongue dipping in before you suck his warm skin. "I-" he gasps, "I can't."

Your mouth moves higher, right beneath his ear. "You will."

And then you bite him-hard.

Right on a pretty little freckle, teeth digging into his neck in a way that feels so inexplicably good that Felix keens.

Too much.

Back arching away from you, mouth falling open in a silent scream as his eyes flutter open and closed for a few seconds before rolling back completely.

Too good.

With the eyes on him. With your fingers rolling his nipples between your fingers. With your teeth sunk into his skin and the way your tongue laves attention around it, soothing the bite, warm and wet.

He's so fucking pretty, is all you can think, is all you're sure anyone can think.

Especially now, like this. All open and vulnerable like he's being presented. It's a wonder that your fingers haven't danced their way down to his sweatpants where an obvious bulge makes itself apparent.

The reality hits him as his head spins, his breath a heave.

He just came in front of all of his friends.

And an even harder truth hits him when he realizes just how much he wants you to do it again.

Of just how much he wants you to now overstimulate him to hell and back. In front of all of them.

--

my taglist is open here, @hobihearteu, @lemonhongjoong, @laylasbunbunny, @d7dream, @abcdefgiwsmcty, @missrobyn81, @maru-matt, @hahagay,

patiently respectfully waiting and praying 😭😭😭

Do you have thoughts on himbo mingi? 😌(I want to breed him so bad)

i got lots of thoughts on himbo mingi-bc i too, want to breed him😌

poor boy doesn't know how to use his head all the time, it's a good thing he's so pretty.

at a bar or whatever else he's getting hit on by all of these people, but he doesn't realize it. he thinks they're just being friendly, biting their lips, eyes blatantly checking him out. one time, a woman even let her hands slide all over his body, down his chest and hips (he thought she was just a bit touchy-he's the same way🥺)

you leave him for a few minutes to grab the two of you drinks and you come back to him laughing with someone else-the girl almost sitting in his lap with how close she is, her hand resting on his bicep.

"mingi."

he looks up at you.

"mhm."

it's almost comical the way his eyes practically sparkle, his pupils heart-shaped. the adoration burning in his gaze apparent, almost overwhelming. puppy-dog like and adorable. the poor thing having no idea what's elicited the steel in your tone. his eyebrows furrow slightly and you can almost see the question mark floating above his head.

*sigh* it's a good thing he's so pretty.

"what's wrong?" he sounds almost sad now as he reaches for your wrist but you don't let him.

you know he'd never cheat on you, know that it would never even cross his mind. he's too obsessed by you, wrapped around your finger almost as much as you are his.

but it makes your blood boil seeing all of these people feeling him up, flirting with him all the while he's completely clueless.

the girl glares, clearly annoyed at the interruption as you pass him a cup.

"i have to go to the bathroom."

you turn on your heel and walk, knowing he's right behind you.

even as you lead him into a room that he's fairly (but not certainly) sure is not a bathroom. even as you lock the room behind you, crossing your arms against you chest as your foot taps on the ground.

you look unimpressed and the disappointment written across your face-it's enough to make a whimper build up in the back of his throat.

"what'd i do?"

he's so fucking clueless, it's dumb. so innocent and pretty. all beauty no brains.

you only sigh frustratedly, your hands flying to his shoulders, pressing down enough for him to fall to his knees in front of you. "what'd i do?" you mock, watching him look up at you like a kicked puppy.

anger flashes in your eyes and he knows he's in for it.

you reach down, grabbing his jaw in your hand, cupping it almost gently if not for the nails digging ever so slightly into his skin. "you're fucking mine. you hear that baby? mine." you spit, hot and angry and standing over him, fuck. he can't think properly like this.

he whimpers, hips almost imperceptibly grinding against your leg. enough for you to catch though, enough for you to press your leg harder between his spread open ones.

"say it. say you're mine, not that stupid bitch's you were practically fucking out there, what were you gonna let her do? jerk you off in the middle of the party? are you that much of a whore mings?"

he doesn't have the clarity to properly deny it, only crying out as he moves faster and faster, trying to get off. shaking his head no, muttering pleas and apologies against your thigh as he hides his face against you.

"not her, not her, i-i promise, only-only you." he pants.

you sigh, fingers twirling through the strands of his hair. enjoying the way he desperately humps you like a puppy in heat, sounding like one as well.

he's so cute, you guess you can forgive him-just this once though. "good thing you're so pretty mingles, who knows where you'd be without it."

IS POLY??? 🥺😭✨️🖤

Sweet tears of ecstasy? That intrigues me

okay so Sweet tears of ecstasy is one that i've been working on for awhile...it'll probably (dunno for sure😅) never come out if i'm being honest because it's a whole ass series with complexity and toxicity, an actual plot between the smut.

the thing is idk if i actually have the commitment and drive to finish something like this, so if i did end up posting it, it would probably be after i finished writing all of it-which idk if it'll ever happen😭

it is hongjoong x fem!reader x mingi, a college au.

the reader is a smartass in one of mingi's classes who he's obsessed with-why? because he likes smart girls who say things he doesn't understand while he looks at them with stars in his eyes, nodding along even though he has zero idea what they're saying (basically he's a himbo)

the reader is a very private and closed off person, has a few close friends but even with them she mostly keeps to herself. one of said people she is close with is hongjoong-who is pretty popular. him and the reader are like fwb but keep it on the down-low because it's not really anyone else's business.

anyways, the plot pretty much is, mingi ends up walking in on them in the bathroom at a party one night...doing unspeakable things and immediately leaves, embarrassed but even afterwards he can't stop thinking about it

that's all i'm gonna say for the plot, just in case i ever do end up releasing it but yeah. i've got a few parts of it written, i'll release one small snippet of one of them here

Sweet tears of ecstasy

“Shit,” You groan, chest heaving, a bead of sweat rolling down your temple.

Fingers twirl through threads of his hair as he pants as well, trying to calm his racing heart while almost (maybe) unaware of the affect that it had on your shivering body from his hot breath fanning across you. 

He could barely help the churn in his stomach at the way you looked down at him, hungry as your eyes roved over his skin; ravenous, like you weren’t above pouncing on him the second after you came despite the slight tremble still apparent in your legs.

“Stop looking at me like that!” He moaned, trying to hide his head in your thigh as he squirmed, your hand in his hair holding him back.

How could you not? It would be a crime to not appreciate how puffed and red his lips were, his hair messy and chin covered in a mess that his tongue seemed determined to clean, poking out every so often. “Like what babyboy?” 

He sighs and rolls his eyes as you smile, cupping his cheek in time for him to brush his head against your inner thighs, blowing at you just to hear you hiss. 

You groan, “Don’t be a dick!” Using the position in favour for shoving him back, away from you before frowning at the cold left behind and pulling him back in.

He almost laughs but instead kisses your skin softly, lovingly.

“You’ve gotten too good at that y’know?”

“I dunno,” he looks up before crawling up into your open arms, allowing him to cuddle up against you as you light a cigarette, placing it between your lips with a puff. “Is there such a thing as being too good at eating pussy?”

The smell of nicotine fills his head, making him feel cloudy and safe. 

He’s never liked it when you smoke, told you many times to stop, tried many times to make you. 

Hiding them, throwing them in the trash, sending you websites and YouTube videos, threatening you. Nothing’s worked and he still doesn’t like it but he can’t help the way that the smell alone is almost enough to make him hard again.

A cigarette before you give him the best orgasm he’s had in his life, relighting the same one right after, right before round two and then another one before you hop into the shower afterwards.

Pavlov’s dogs or some shit, right? 

“You wanna stay the night?” The words echo hollowly, seeming to bounce off the four walls of his room. 

He feels foolish. For even asking. For even hoping. Especially when you don’t answer, simply taking another puff, offering it to him in which he declines with a quiet reminder of how you should quit.

His body feels cold when you pull away. The bed seems so much bigger when you’re not in it.

“Not tonight lover,” You grab your underwear off the floor, jeans too followed by the shirt you came in. “Got some stuff I need to do,”

He wishes that you’d grab his hoodie right next to it instead, slip it on and wear it tomorrow when he’d see you in class. “Mhm.” It’s a bullshit excuse. You know it. He knows it. 

But it’s an unspoken promise at this point. He asks you to stay. You say you have something. You leave. He stays. Cold and left with the scent of cigarettes and sex.

“You coming to the party tomorrow night?” You put out the deathstick on the ashtray that’s taken space on his nightstand, brought a couple of weeks ago by you after being annoyed with the fact that he had nothing else that you could’ve used.

“Wooyoung’s?”

“Yeah, the one at his and San’s place?”

He thinks over the things he had planned for tomorrow, ready to skip out anything originally planned to go to this stupid party with you. Graciously happy to find that he has nothing. “Yeah, why?”

You turn back to him, smile plastered across you face, looking so much more innocent than you really are. 

“Just wanted to make sure that I’d see you there, probably wouldn’t go if you weren’t. You’re the only one that makes that kinda stuff bearable for me.” He swears his heart soars with the words, with the way you lean down, placing a kiss on his neck, lingering on his jaw, then his cheek and the corner of his mouth before planting one on his lips, nipping at them playfully, pulling away just as quick before he can wrap his arms around your neck and pull you in, effectively starting round 3 of the night.

“Y-yeah,” 

He’s slightly breathless but you don’t seem to notice, fishing your phone out of your pocket to check the time. “Oh shit, I gotta go!” 

You scramble to grab the rest of your things, your bag, the pack of cigarettes and lighter you left on his nightstand beside the ashtray and one last stolen kiss.

“I’ll pick you up tomorrow, okay? 8 and don’t be late, I will leave you behind if it’s over ten minutes.”

He pouts petulantly, “I don’t take that long!”

You roll your eyes playfully as you unlock the door, peeking your head in one more time before you shut it. “Take a shower okay? You smell like sex and I’ll call you later, text me if you need anything, anything at all.” He nods and you pin him with a look that seems to say ‘don’t fuck around with me.’

“Okay!”

“Good." You smile softly and for a second he can pretend that he's really yours and that you'll come back later tonight when he's sleeping, cuddling up to him in the dark and that you'll wake up in the morning-together.

But then your next words come, like a slap to the face. What you say every night that you leave him. "See you later Hongjoong.”

And with that, you’re gone. And he’s left alone in the dark once more. 

--

so yeah, a snippet from the first part, after this it switches to mingi's point of view, already at the party mentioned the next night. which is where he ends up walking in on them.

Lifelong dream 🥺😭

I never had people draw fanart for one of my fics or write something based on it, but I just know that that is such a high honor and show of love. I once had someone ask me if they could translate my fic in Chinese and I was like, wow, they love it enough to want to put time and effort into it to show it to more people.

lmao, reposting my WIPs here as well, it is.

oHHHH SHIIII IT ME

Hiii!

I just finished reading your OT7 soulmate fic. Love the angst even if it is painful.

So, is it cruel of me to wish her to say she does not want them? I know Reader said that she loves them but I just can't see how you can forgive your soulmates after they rejected you. Myself, I don't think I would be able to.

Please don't think you are a bad writer. You are so good! I can't wait to read more If you continue it

OMG I'm so sorry I think I blipped out of this dimension for a while and I wasn't able to see this my bad T_T Thank you so much for liking my babie! And no, it is not cruel. It is human. Altho, while irl, it is easier sometimes to have the boys forgiven (or so they say because i'm a 'fuck forgiveness, i'll burn in hell' kinda pal), i also like to look at my works from all perspectives—or how it would be in the fictional and real world. Yes, it might seem realistic to have them unforgiven, we also have to consider human nature. Soulmates or not, many people tend to forgive no matter how painful the circumstances are. However, I would like to go on record to say that this is not me saying that that is the route my story, nor will it not be. Do I make sense? I'm sorry it's 8 AM where I am and I'm at my WFH job T_T

Anyway thank you so much for appreciating my works, and I'm just gathering up some braincells to write some more for this series

thank you, thank you thank you soooo much! 🥺🥺🥺

For those who followed my blog for BTS written content, yes I am one, but I apologise in advance for posts I reblog like these lmao not even sorry

Backrooms™

I think I only discovered this recently, or rediscovered since I'm pretty sure that knowing me, I might have had this thought process before but have just forgotten it. I think—no, I know I would love to be fucked in the backrooms by the backroom monsters. Just thinking about it right now while I'm at work waiting for cases to come in makes me wet. Imagine being stuck in multiple levels of the backrooms before you realize that no matter how high of a level you get, there's no escape. I watched a video that said death in the backrooms mean escaping, and escaping in the backrooms are impossible, so you will just respawn to level 0, but with respawning comes the wipe out of everything you learned in the previous backroom levels you had been on. Imagine realizing half way through maybe level 158 that escaping is pointless. Of course, you had long since encountered the entities, some of them hostile, some of them friendly, some of them not taking any notice of you. Then the realization that there's nowhere for you to go dawns on you, and that you'll forever be stuck there. There's no one else as sentient as a human being around you, but we all know that one of the keys to survival is procreating. I think I've always liked the feeling of helplessness in these situations. Humans are more of monsters than the entities in these levels, anyway. At first, you resist the call of your flesh but what if at one point, your fight or flight instincts go haywire? Your flight response (the one you've been using all along since you respawned) goes offline, so it's all fight response now. However, your constant juggling between paranoia and fear and your brain running at 100 mph just shuts off the fear in your brain in your state of delirium and strips you down to your most basic survival instincts. Again, to procreate. I would like to imagine myself just shutting down all the fear receptors in my body and just... let the course of this unnature take you. The entities are hostile at first, as they normally were, but you stopped giving fucks a long time ago. Imagine a ravager ape finding you at level 803 trying to fuck yourself with your small measly hands. It is baffled at first, but then the scent of your perpetual horniness and the slick running through your legs from touching yourself with all paraphernalia you find in each level catches its attention. It cannot smell your fear—again, you've lost it a long time ago. It can only smell your horny thoughts and your chaotic thoughts of breed breed breed. In your state of ecstatic delirium, you don't register its presence until it has its grasp on your legs and spreads them wide. It leans in and tastes the arousal straight from your core and you think finally! it's gonna breed you and fuck you until you're nothing but an incoherent mess of fuck fuck fuck and please please please with your eyes rolled back and your hands trying to touch yourself to match the pace of its tongue or cock or anything it wants to use fucking you until it wishes, maybe breed you if it has eggs or wants to pump you full of its seed. You don't want it to end, you just want to be speared on its cock or tongue until you can't think of anything else and your mind goes blank. Ah, I just want to noclip into the backrooms and be fucked by a backroom entity.

.

Speak Now Taylor's Version is out and I started with Back to December and I'm crying goodbye

Helloo! I was the anon that wrote to you, I feel really shy sending asks to authors so i usually do it anonymously.

But you were bby 🥺 so yeah here is me💜

omgggggg hiiiiii!!! 🥺🥹 hi! hi! hi! 🫣

i just wanna thank you so much bc you don't know how your words mean to me like people will say that it's just praising my fics but i don't get that a lot at all. if you see my ao3, it's the same people who liked my fics and i've always been kinda insecure esp w my writing and you loving it just 🥺🥺🥺 my heart go cri 😭😭😭

thank you so much!!! really i can't even express this and you said am bby (ᵗʰᵉʸ ˢᵃᶦᵈ ᶦᵐ ᵇᵇʸ ᵃᵃᵃᶜᶜᶜᵏᵏᵏˀˀˀ 😭😭😭) 🥺😭

⬆️⬆️⬆️

Write fanfic for yourself.

Publish fanfic for the rotation of 3-6 people who are devoted readers and will either go feral or leave you very nice words and yell with you about it.

I really, really love how long can you stand the heat so much!!! I am one of those people who say that they don't like angst but I still look for angst fics, the pain that she feels is written so beautifully 🤩

I just really love this fic and can't wait for more

oh my god i wish i know how to laminate a post because 🥺🥺🥺 do you know you're my first ask? i wish you would reveal yourself so i can give you all my love 🥺

thank you so much for loving my babie! you don't know how much it means to me that my works are being read and most importantly loved—like, i always saw myself as only a mediocre writer so i've figured people will enjoy it and that's it. we're the same haha! i look for angst fics actively always, but i'm a known slut for angst lmao

thank you so much! and no worries, i am planning to continue some more, and i won't stop on two parts alone haha! i hope i don't disappoint, and i hope you guys will like what i will write in the future! love u!!!

thank you to everyone who reads the shit i write, no matter how shitty it is. i genuinely believe that art doesn't have to have an audience, but with my babies, i can't help but feel famewhore sometimes and i get immensely proud and fluttery and so so happy when you guys love my works, and even reblog and follow!!! it's already so much to ask for, and 15-16 year old me would be so so happy T_T

from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much you don't know how much this means to me T_T

-julrein

I know there's a lot of posts on here expressing frustration at the decline of reblog culture (and I do agree with them), but I also want to reframe that to express just how profoundly grateful I am to people who enjoy my work enough to reblog and recommend it to others. Especially since I started RTR, I feel such tremendous joy from every single reblog, and when someone sends me an ask like "I just told my brother/cousin/friend about your comic!" I think I might explode with happiness. I've never had the luck of being promoted by Webtoon's front page so reblogs and recommendations are the only actionable way to gain new readers, and it's so so appreciated to gain that support from people who don't have to give it to still enjoy the comic.

Not to get sappy on the sex blog but... you guys 🥺💜

there you'll be || day6 [psj]

Warnings: major character death, heavy angst(?)

I won't control you, but MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. This is not for you, please.

Pairings: Park Sungjin/(F) Reader, implied past Yoon Dowoon/(F) Reader

Plot: What if you only have today to say goodbye?

Genre: Established Relationship

I keep a part of you with me,

And everywhere I am, there you'll be

This was written 8-9ish years ago, and re-written and posted on ao3 3 years ago.

This concept came from my sister's dream, and she asked me to write it, and probably the main reason why i decided to have an ao3 account lmao

This was originally written with a different fandom and pairing and was supposed to be a part of this fic universe i wrote (but didn't finish). Re-written so it can be better, I guess (hope)??? but the concept is still the same with some major changes tho

Reposted here because there is a tragic lack of day6/reader fics uwu

anyway, all readers are appreciated! luvluv

🕛

6:00 – 7:00 a.m.

Y/N woke up to an irritating sound. It was this shrill beeping sound that made her want to hurl the object at the wall.

When she opened her eyes, she reached for the alarm clock and turned it off. "Shut up," she said, exhausted, and looked at the time. 6:00 am.

For an ordinary Saturday morning, six am is way too early. After dropping out of the university from her second course and running away with Sungjin, Y/N's life has changed; from the simplest things like her sleeping pattern to the biggest ones like missing her family. She wouldn't say she regrets it, she just wishes the situation was different.

Her usual weekends start at nine, and she always wakes up before Sungjin does. She would often be the one to go down to make breakfast for the two of them.

Sometimes though, when struck with an ahem inspiration, she would wake him with a lazy hand job—or a blowie, whichever she prefers—until he slightly shifts position and fist the bed covers. Slowly peppering his hips with kisses until Sungjin groans in annoyance to whichever is rousing him from his beloved, peaceful sleep. Y/N has to stifle her laughter because she knows just how grumpy he is when woken up 'too early', but how he won't be able to stay mad at her. He'd smile down at her and say in that sexy just-woke-up voice of his that he'd go back to sleep so Y/N can go ahead with what shennanigans she was trying to do.

Today though, that was not the case. She has to get up early because the local high school she volunteers at made a weekend program for writing and music. Every second Saturday, she would be facilitating two classes; a writing workshop in the morning, and the music sessions in the afternoon. Sometimes, she would take Sungjin with her, and he would teach the students how to play the guitar.

After switching the alarm off, Y/N got up and stretched her legs and arms, loving the way her joints popped as sleep from her muscles fade.

It's also during this time of the day, however, that she can't help but think of her life before this.

It has been five years. Y/N is sure her children doesn't recognize her anymore. After running away with the boyfriend of her ex-husband's twin brother, she's sure Dowoon would never let her be a part of their children's lives anymore, no matter how much he used to love her. Betrayal would definitely kill people.

Y/N padded sleepily to the bathroom to take a quick shower.

After getting ready for the day, she went down to cook some breakfast for them. Before leaving the house, she decides to check on Sungjin and wake him up early for his doctor's appointment. He sleeps through the alarm, and might miss his appointment.

She opens the door to their room quietly and see Sungjin's still sleeping form on the bed. She gently shakes him, just enough to wake him up.

"Sungjin?" She shakes him again when he doesn't respond. "Babe? Wake up."

Sungjin hums, cracking an eye open. "I'd be going," she says with a soft smile.

"Hmf... don't you want me to go with you?" He asks sleepily as he rubs his eyes. Y/N shakes her head, running her fingers through his hair.

"It's fine. You have your appointment today with Dr. Park, remember? Wouldn't wanna miss that." Sungjin pouts, and she smiles. "I'll bring home that Kimchi stew you like."

"Yeah?" He smiles at her hopefully through bleary eyes.

"Yes. So get your lazy ass up now, or you'll have to rush again." She slaps his bum and kisses his lips before she stands up. "I'll be home early. Get up now, 'kay? Love you." She shuts the door to the bedroom just in time to hear the faint and almost muffled love you too from Sungjin.

She leaves the house minutes later, not helping the smile on her face. She thinks that at the end of the day, after all the heartbreaks and challenges they had to face, running away with him is always worth it.

9:40 am

Y/N gives the students their second writing exercise for the day. She walks around the room and smiles down at Charlie, one of her favorite students in the writing program. The kid is really talented in writing.

Y/N wonders fleetingly about her twins. She wonders if they will inherit their father's love for music books, or her love for long novels? She puts her arm around the other and smiles to herself. She wants to see her children badly and maybe, just maybe, have some with Sungjin in the future.

10:30 am

Y/N was just about to tell her students to take a 15-minute break when she heard a commotion outside. One of the teachers ran up to her classroom with panic in her eyes. Y/N immediately knew something was wrong.

"What is it?" she asked.

"There's someone with a gun!" It took Y/N a minute to fully get that. "He's in the building. Send your students out."

She didn't need to be told twice. "Class, I need you to leave everything behind and quickly exit the room." She tried to keep her voice even so as not to alarm them. She didn't want them panicking, even though she felt like throwing up.

"Now!" She hoped her students can forgive her for raising her voice (she never does), but now's not the right time to think about that. Both teachers looked out while the students filed out of the room hurriedly.

"Did someone call 911?" she asked as the last student got out of the room. The other teacher's answer was cut short by the sound of gunfire, followed by screaming.

"Go, go, go!" Y/N yelled at the students as they all ran towards the direction of the stairs.

Y/N was nearing the stairs when pain blooms in her shoulder. She didn't dare look back as a second one hits her back, then her leg. That's when she lost her balance, and crumple to the ground face down. She heard more screaming as students ran for their lives before she felt the bullet to her neck, and she's—

12:00 pm

Y/N raises her head from the table with a gasp.

Disoriented, she looks around and blinks. She doesn't know she had been snoozing. Had she been snoozing? It feels like she had only blinked.

Huh.

She looks at the clock; 12:00 pm.

She hears the chatter of the students outside as she sees the essay exercises on her table. When she looks up, however, the classroom is a mess. The students' things are everywhere, and the chairs are all askew.

She remembers the panic and running, but nothing else. What happened after that?

She tries to recall as she flexes her head, pressing lightly at the pain in her neck. Not being able to come up with anything from her bizarre dream(?), she starts to clean up the mess.

1:08 pm

Y/N had successfully cleaned up the messy classroom by herself. She didn't notice that there were no students on the floor anymore. She slung her bag to her back and locked up the classroom.

It wasn't until she reached the second floor that she saw another soul. It was, however, a police officer.

What the...?

She walked towards the man, and called out to him.

"Excuse me?" He didn't seem to notice her. She called out to him again to no avail, the police turning his back on her.

"What the fuck?" Bothered, she continued down to the ground floor, where she saw more police officers.

She tried to talk to another police officer, but she was still ignored. She was getting frustrated and weirded out with each passing second. It's like they cannot see her. She didn't understand what's happening and felt her head spin, eyes prickling with tears of confusion.

She looked around, and finally, one person seemed to see her. The lady was looking straight at her. Relieved, Y/N walked towards her; she didn't know why, but she felt compelled to talk to her.

When she was close to the lady, she tripped a little on her own feet. She looked down and when she looked back up, the lady vanished.

"Looking for me?"

Y/N spun around to reveal the lady that had been staring at her.

"Yes..." Y/N said, torn between feeling embarrassed and confused. "But, you're there before. How...?"

The lady smiled at her. "You have more important questions to be answered, don't you think?" Y/N, who was dumbfounded, had just managed to nod.

"Come with me," the lady said. She turned around and started walking away, not waiting for Y/N to respond.

1:45 pm

Y/N cannot believe her eyes. She, or more accurately, her body, has been lying on a body bag in the quadrangle.

"B-but... h-how...?" She can only stammer in confusion.

This is just not possible. Y/N tries to breathe in and out to stop the spinning of her head, clutching her hands in each other.

She finally turns to the lady beside her, who is still staring at her lifeless body.

"You got killed," she answers Y/N's unspoken obvious question. "You're one of the last people he'd managed to kill before he was taken down by the police."

When the lady points at the bullet hole on her neck, a picture flashes through her mind.

Y/N remembers the pain through her shoulder, then her back and leg. Lastly, she remembers the blinding pain on her neck after falling to the ground.

After long minutes of disbelief, Y/N finds it in her to finally speak, her voice hoarse from the brimming emotions in her eyes. "I'm dreaming, aren't I?"

She badly wants to believe that maybe she was really just dreaming. Maybe this is all just a practical joke. By whom, she doesn't know.

"I'm sorry, Y/N." Her companion just shakes her head. "I'm so sorry."

That was the last straw for Y/N. Tears pour from her eyes as her world comes crashing down and her dreams shatter. She falls to her knees as she sobs her heart out.

She isn't ready to die yet.

Maybe this is payback for everything she did, for everyone she killed.

Sungjin.

How is he supposed to move on? How is she supposed to move on?

"Sungjin." She sniffs. "Don't I even have the chance to say goodbye? I wanna say goodbye to him."

"You only have until before midnight," the lady says.

"Thank you," Y/N replies.

The lady just smiles at her sadly, her eyes telling her that she understands how she feels. She wonders briefly if they had been in the same situation. The lady vanishes right before her eyes, leaving Y/N with a broken heart.

2:50 pm

She looks for Sungjin at the clinic, but he was not there. She goes home and he was there, sleeping soundly on the sofa. His arm has a band-aid, for his tetanus jab.

Sungjin hates getting shots the most. Y/N knows he hates hospitals and injections, and has a big mistrust with the institution, and it makes her chest swell with love for him.

It makes her heart shatter, though. It's so hard to leave and say goodbye to someone you had forsaken your world for, especially when you're starting to think that everything is turning out fine. She was just starting to build her world with him, planning their future and thinking of having kids.

Sungjin looks so peaceful and beautiful, having no care in the world that Y/N just wants to frame this moment. She knows she can't, so she'll just watch over him for as long as she can. Maybe it will last longer than taking a picture, or maybe it can stop the time. If not, then she can at least keep this picture embedded in her mind before she disappears forever.

3:38 pm

Sungjin shifts from his position, rubbing his eyes and yawning on his hands. Y/N wipes her eyes with the back of her hand so he won't see the tears that had been steadily streaming down her face for the past hour. His eyes find her, and smiles that beautiful smile she fell in love with.

It sends her heart skidding on the floor, and to splinter a little more at the thought of leaving him. She bites her lip to keep the tears from falling further, and smiles back at him.

"Hey," she says, barely keeping her voice steady.

"Hey," Sungjin smiles at hear again, but his smile crumples when he takes in her bloodshot eyes and runny nose. He shoots up and engulfs her in a tight hug.

It was the wrong thing to do as Y/N loses it again, tears escaping down her cheeks. He rubs her back soothingly.

"What's wrong?" he asks. "Are you okay?"

"I love you. Please never ever forget that," is all she can say.

"And I love you more." Sungjin pulls away and cups her face into his hands. "Now tell me what's wrong—and don't you try to lie. I know you so well."

She debates telling him because he deserves the truth, but she can't find the right words to say. "I'm fine," she sniffs and shakes her head. "I'm okay."

"You're definitely not okay." He pulls away and holds her arms. He frowns when he notices her body's dropped temperature. "Where have you been? You're awfully cold!"

"I'm fine. School's let out early." Y/N sits up straight and smiles, wiping at her tears. "Did you—have you seen the news?"

Y/N is nervous to ask that, but she has to know. She knows he would be shattered when he knows that he's talking to a ghost. Technically, Sungjin can still touch her, but she's already a ghost.

She also can't forgive herself for breaking their promise of forever.

"Not yet," Sungjin says. "I was so tired and sleepy so I had to go straight home. But we can turn on the TV anyw—"

"No!" Y/N grips his hand, cutting him short of turning on the TV. She looks close to tears again that he raises his eyebrows in surprise.

"No." Y/N composes herself with a fake smile to appease the surprised features on his face. "I'm just asking. I'm sorry for yelling."

"You're acting weird," Sungjin says.

Y/N puts on her best I'm-okay face and smiles at him. "I'm okay. I just had a snooze at work and I had a bad dream."

I wish this was all just a bad dream.

"I just want to make sure you don't forget I love you, you know? Despite everything that happened to us." She looks down and smiles sadly. "I'm sorry I made you worry for nothing."

Sungjin pouts, but pulls her into another hug. "It's fine, babe. I just love you more and more every second because you're the only person who loved me truly, and never left me."

Y/N's heart can't get any more broken.

5:55 pm

For the past few hours, Y/N and Sungjin were just curled up on the loveseat. They were watching a sappy romcom that seemed to mock her in the face as it was about leaving a loved one behind and coming back for them. On the other hand, it's a good reason for her to cry her eyes out without raising suspicion, safe and snug under Sungjin's arms.

Too bad, the peace doesn't last forever.

7:40 pm

Y/N is currently waiting for Sungjin to come back. She originally opposed to the idea because she has a bad feeling about it, but he said that he needs to get some food (since Y/N forgot to bring home some). It has already been an hour since he went out, and the store was only a 15-minute walk—five if you use a car.

What is taking him so long?

8:20 pm - 9:45 pm

Y/N was just about to go looking for Sungjin when the front door opens and shuts with a slam. Next came the heavy footsteps that sounded urgent and almost running.

Y/N stands up and was about to see if it was him (who else would it be?), when he comes running into the living room. He was panting and has a disheveled appearance, eyes puffy with the evident tear-stained tracks in his face.

Shit.

"Sungjin...?" Y/N steps forward, but Sungjin steps backwards. "Babe...?"

"Who are you?" he asks as he tilts his head to the side, an incredulous, almost crazed look in his eyes.

"What?" she asks, knowing fully well what is going on. "It's me, Y/N! What kind of stupid sh—"

"You're NOT Y/N!" Sungjin almost yells. He walks towards her and shakes her by her shoulders. "Who are you? What did you do to her?"

"Babe, it's me!"

"No!" He lets go of her and walks to the other side of the room, his back against her. He turns around, and he has tears in his eyes. "You're not her."

"I am!" she cries out, but he refuses to listen. His mouth is curled in an angry sneer. "I know it sounds absurd, but I came back for you... to say goodbye."

"How can I believe that, huh?" he laughs, but there is no humor in his voice. "Ghosts are not real, whoever you are."

Oh.

"How can you expect me to believe what you were saying?" he asks, but she can't give him an answer. "Answer me!" he screams when she stays silent.

Y/N suddenly feels tired. Heartbroken.

"I love you," she says instead. She looks down at her hands, and see that she is starting to fade as time passes by.

Sungjin laughs a ruthless laugh, not noticing the change in her, and it breaks her heart even more. She can't find it in herself to cry, mainly because she's already cried out as heck, and it's not like it will change anything.

"Just stay away from me," Sungjin says, face taut with anger. "Get the fuck out of my house."

Y/N can only nod. She debates reaching out to touch him, but backs out at the last second. She leaves her coat by the door, and gets out into the cold night.

She's already cold, anyway.

11:15 pm

Y/N begins to think about how her life has been and thinks how far she'd come. She's pretty proud of herself for coming this far.

She would want to say goodbye to her kids and to Dowoon as well, but it's not like that's in the cards right now.

She looks at her wristwatch, the one Sungjin gifted her for her birthday.

11:15 pm.

Right, 45 minutes left.

It's funny how she can't cry anymore, probably because she's past the sixth stage of grief. She thinks she had already accepted that she will be gone by midnight, and crying makes no sense at this point. It's not like it'll bring her back, or bring Sungjin back.

Speaking of which, she looks to her left and there Sungjin is at the other side of the park. She's pretty sure he hasn't seen her yet, so she stands up and keep her head down.

She walks toward a more secluded part of the park, not risking a glance back at him. She doesn't want to fight with him again. She'd rather go quietly without an affair, than have a big blow up with Sungjin. After all, this what she's good at; running away.

"Y/N!"

Ah, shit.

Y/N tries to walk faster without seeming like she was running away from him. If she runs away, he'll know she heard him. Y/N walks on, chanting a nopenopenope in her head.

Nope, indeed.

Nearly there.

"Y/N, please," Sungjin says, sounding out of breath and too near. "Wait."

Just keep yourself together.

"Y/N!" Sungjin grabs her wrist, spinning her around.

Her gaze lands on her wrist, and she sees that she was fading away fast. She pulls her hand back to her fast, careful not to draw attention to it. Too late though, because Sungjin's eyes are drawn to it.

She pulls the sweater's sleeve to cover her wrist and clear her throat. "Yeah." She laughs awkwardly. "Sorry 'bout that."

"It's true, then." Sungjin's face crumple. He looks younger, almost like a kid. "I was hoping it was just delirium from the shots."

She laughs quietly. "You don't get delirious from shots."

Silence.

Y/N takes a deep breath, and smiles like her heart's not on fire. "I'll be going."

"Where?" he asks in a small voice.

She shrugs. "Hell, maybe?"

That turns out to be the wrong thing to say, because Sungjin bursts into tears a few moments later.

No, no, no.

"I'm sorry," she says as she takes a step towards him. She suddenly stops, him asking her to stay away still ringing in her ears.

"I'm sorry," even though she doesn't know if she's saying sorry for the joke or for ruining his life. "Sorry."

"I was hoping—" he says as he hiccups, wiping at his tears. "I was hoping this was all just a practical joke."

Y/N smiles sadly, still keeping her distance. She badly wants to pull him into a hug, but she can't.

"Do you regret it?" she asks him after a minute of silence. He looks at her and it breaks her heart, but she just can't bear not knowing before leaving. "Do you regret choosing me?"

"No," he insists, shaking his head. "Never."

She nods with a small smile. Me, too.

"Thank you," she says. "That's all I need to know."

She turns toward the other side of the park, but he walks in front of her and blocks her way.

"Don't go," he begs almost desperately. He kneels in front of her and hugs her legs, still crying like a kid. "Please just take me with you."

"Sungjin..."

"Please," he cries harder. "Please please please."

Y/N unwraps his arms around her legs, and kneels with him, pulling him into a tight hug.

"Please don't leave me," he cries on her sweater. "You're all I have."

11:55 pm

Five minutes.

They spent the last almost-hour talking and crying. They reminisced about everything, and Y/N apologized, mostly. Everything she failed to say, and failed to make him feel. She spared nothing.

She looks at her wristwatch. 11:55 pm.

Her hands are almost transparent at this point.

"I'm sorry if I wasn't able to keep my promise" she says, taking Sungjin's hand in hers. "I mean it when I said I love you, and I want you to be happy—"

"—I can't be," Sungjin replies. At least he had stopped crying, but it looks like he was about to again.

Three minutes.

"Close your eyes, babe." He does, and she kisses his lips one last time.

"I'm gonna miss you," she says. "I'll wait for you, okay?"

"I won't take long." Sungjin's voice is quivering.

One minute.

"I love you." Her skin starts to glow while she was speaking, her body flowing like ashes in the wind and drifting upwards.

"I love you, too," Sungjin says.

When he opens his eyes, he was alone on the park bench.

He stays there for a long time, wishing she heard him.

She did, and she carried his love with her to the dark skies.

fin