Elves Are Usually Those Serene, Elegant, Beautiful, Calm And Composed Mf's. Which Is Why I Chose To Make

Elves are usually those serene, elegant, beautiful, calm and composed mf's. Which is why I chose to make the elven wizard of my story the most pathetic piece of shit ever like this man knows no sleep, his skin knows no peace because it's medieval times and magic doesn't cure acne, he constantly gets thrown against walls and off cliffs by his vampire ex because my god he's an asshole and he deserves it so muchhhhh

My thoughts exactly! u-u

NOBODY FUCKING MOVE

On one hand I want to tell people in graphic detail how Porter would willingly cut open his chest and break all of his ribs out of his ribcage one by one in front of William while he watches in a strangely homoerotic way just because he asked him to but on the other hand I don't want people to think I'm some sort of freak

I just think sad and distressing Guy headcanons are very delicious and I should not get shot or beat up with a toaster by someone's reblog for saying that he uses his writing and comedic banter as an excuse for self-depreciating comments and suicide jokes because he is very much not mentally stable even though he pretends to be and- [gets beat up with several toasters]

You'll regret having said that-

•William would compare the varying sounds of bone cracking and splitting to bird songs and Porter would not exactly understand why William thought this way, but he'd thank him for it.

•William would talk/tease about how he can literally see every single time Porter gets caught off-guard by something he does or says by the sudden movement of his exposed lungs when his breath hitches (Porter does not appreciate this (lies) and neither does his practiced poker face)

•"Be careful not to lose your rings in there, dear." - "You're saying that like you don't revel in the idea of watching me fish them back out for you."

•William is wearing gloves throughout all of this and despite priding himself on his cleanliness, he will keep them even after they're so bloodstained that they won't ever be white again.

•Porter, despite having plenty of experiences with injuries and pain, would start shaking and hurting after some time and William would gently talk him through it while maintaining his distance because getting too close would make things weird (at least that's what they think)

•"Don't get another handprint on my carpet; the bloodstain on the last one was so bad I had to throw the whole rug out."

•William would comment about Porter's heart and the "comfortable shape" of it and Porter would respond that he'd let William hold it if he wanted to. William tells him he doesn't, but barely holds back a chuckle when Porter's heartbeat speeds up after he catches William's gaze lingering on it.

•Comparing pieces of Porter's ribcage to his teeth and then to William's featuring an indirect kiss because William can't help himself and just licks/kisses the blood off of some of the less sharp bones

•Porter, delirious and dizzy from bloodloss, would say that it tickles when William gently runs his fingers across what is left of his ribs sticking out of his open torso

•William would feed Porter the blood gushing out of him and say that he looks almost cute while drinking it. Then he'd get him a bloodbag and feed that to him too.

•Porter would hold William's hand in place over his diaphragm and liver as the bones and flesh grew back and around William's wrist.

•He would fall into William with an uncharacteristically pitiful, pained noise when William rips his hand out of his healed chest.

•William would let Porter sleep in his bedroom for the day while he recovered and definitely would not watch him sleep because he has to maintain proper distance and putting his hand into Porter's chest most certainly did not count as "being too close" because Porter wouldn't even remember it and- (William is smitten with Porter in a way he can't quite explain)

On one hand I want to tell people in graphic detail how Porter would willingly cut open his chest and break all of his ribs out of his ribcage one by one in front of William while he watches in a strangely homoerotic way just because he asked him to but on the other hand I don't want people to think I'm some sort of freak

Oh shit "opening up" would be a great title if I ever finished that and put it on ao3-

Also I'm glad you like my -w- because my ^-^ and I are kind of a packaged deal u-u

NOBODY FUCKING MOVE