I Keep Restricting And Then Binging Off N On And Its Getting On My Fucking Nerves. How Am I Supposed

I keep restricting and then binging off n on and it’s getting on my fucking nerves. How am I supposed to get skinny if I keep eating. I think what’s fucking with me more is I can’t track my steps at all either.

I just fucking realized I don’t have a look planned for the first day of school yet HELP

My header image on my profile is cake. I don’t even rlly like cake, I’m not vv fond of sweet shit. But as my ED got worse during my high school period of time I LOVED eating sweet shit, I craved it all the time. Which is probably due to my body trying to eat something to gain energy, but anyway. These last few days I haven’t been eating right (I started my period). It’s not even big ass meals it’s snacks n junk. my bfs family bought home cake from a party n as a cake connoisseur THEY BROUGHT THE GOOD SHIT. It’s a two layer vanilla cake except the FROSTING isn’t that overly sweet whipped cream shit that isn’t that great after being in the fridge, no no no no, it’s THE best fucking frosting ever. The kind of cake n frosting that lasts days in the fridge, and the frosting doesn’t get all liquidy or hard, but a nice creamy but not overstimulating texture.

I am absolutely FUCKED.

I need to fast or restrict JUST SOMETHING. I’ve been eating so bad I’m getting gross with myself, I’ve been eating so much any kind of food is unappealing all I want is fucking water, but I still keep eating out of boredom. (and bc there’s CAKE)

So I’m thinking I do a liquid fast during school, n then eat cake after. I don’t know yet, I’m not gonna just eat cake only obviously bc I don’t wanna go bald again, so I’ll eat foods with nutrients I need, but overall I need a restart rlly bad. I had a dream though that I lost my ass so I need to keep up with that as well.

Also I got a stye n it’s so fucking bad half my eyelid is closed so no makeup is gonna help. And I have to go to school with it, AMD I HAVE A PRESENTATION THIS WEEEEEK. Wish me luck y’all 🫡

no food log (Aug 22, 2024) bc I did a liquid fast throughout the day (matcha latte n lemon water) but had some cheezits in the evening. Not so bad but not so great either I hope I didn’t eat so many to where I went over my cal limit, I wasn’t counting how many I ate.

I went to the beach today with my bsf bc stuff went down with my “in laws” which I guess helped more with my motivation to not eat bc I now feel even more uncomfortable going downstairs without my bf. N even then, still feel more uncomfortable even if I am with my bf.

Food Log: Aug. 23, 2024

Breakfast:

Rice cake (35cal)

Nutella, 1tbsp (81cal)

3 Strawberries (146cal)

Vanilla spice tea (0cal)

Total: 262cals

Lunch:

Orange creamsicle (65cal)

Total: 65cals

Dinner:

Iced honey buns (320cal)

Total: 320cal

Snack:

Ruffles (160cal)

Total: 160cal

Exercise:

333 steps (11cal)

Total burned: 11cals

Todays Total: 795 cals

Notes:

I’m SOOOO FUCKING HUNGRY. I was vv close to binging but it was mainly snacks around anyway. I needed a lil salty treat after something sweet to balance it out. Overall felt vv fkn weak n shakey today but vv glad I restricted bc I’m going to a party tmrw. I’m gonna allow myself to binge tmrw bc I’m rlly hoping there’s tacos at the party. I’ve been eye balling this frozen pizza in my bfs freezer but I’m too embarrassed to make it so hopefully my bf would be down to make it tmrw. I still gotta figure out my look for tmrw since I also might be drinking n I’m not bout to be crunked n fugly.