Do You Have A Problem You Can Tell To No One Irl Because You Fear Their Judgement?

Do you have a problem you can tell to no one irl because you fear their judgement?

I do.

(And it kinda makes me crazy because I do need advice and emotional support

...but I'm just keeping it to myself for the moment to try and wait it out)

But truly, it IS a lonely feeling.

To be surrounded but to have no one to go to.

But sometimes,

It can also be because of your own sense of insecurity

That you don't talk to them

Or out of shamefulness

Because you know you are the source of the problem.

Saturday, 10th of August / Samedi 10 août 2024

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Sleep: still bad, from 4am to 12am

Health: Ate healthy food, very very little sugar. But I was busy so I couldn't eat when I wanted, I was so hungry (thanks cousin for giving me a meal at 11pm)

Work / Focus: only 30mins today, revised for my driving license before being interrupted by people

Today's description: Had peace and took care of my own matters until 4pm. Had to eat with family and the guests. Then my family is going to a store so I go with them. I buy a puzzle of a 1000 pieces there. I'm so excited for the puzzle.

I also buy a notebook but why does it smell so damn bad. It smells so bad, I threw some deodorant and perfume on it but the good smell was canceled by the bad smell. It smells this bad. Dammit.

Then, I spend some time at home, too much family is at home (includes the guests) so I can't work.

Then, 9pm, my sister is going away, so I go out to say goodbye, then take a walk outside my neighborhood with my cousin who lives a minute away.

Night comes quickly and we're still outside talking (we're right in front of our houses si it's safe).

Then to keep talking, I go to her home, and she says let's go eat, so we eat in the kitchen while talking, (it's my second actual meal of the day, thanks for feeding me (╥﹏╥) )

At midnight my bro comes to walk me home, even though we live a few minutes away, we never know, better be safe (that's a typical women's life, the world can be scary sometimes).

He also just got back from spending the night at my other cousin's place.

Then we just talk to one another and laugh until 1am.

I go to my room and my 12y old sis is still awake.

I wanted to journal for just a bit but then it's 3am and I just finished the journal I had been using for 5 months.

So now its 3:35 and I'll go to sleep very quickly.

(I swear I want to sleep early, but why am I always so busy until very late. I definitely need to make some changes 😭)

At least I don't overuse my phone, I improved on that and I can focus on my work when I want to, so it's a big positive point

(I only use it to talk with friends and write on Tumblr, I stopped scrolling, thus stopped destroying my brain, I feel my brain capacities coming back, but for that to definitely work, I need to sleep correctly)

I also eat healthily and do not overeat.

I guess I can't change eveything at once, it will have to be one thing at a time.

So next is, making more time for work through the day and improving my sleeping habits

Anyway, good night, sleep well and on time (don't take my example)

Bisou bisou, peace and love for y'all.

Saturday, 3rd of August / Samedi 3 août 2024

♡♡♡♡

I think today is going to be an alright day.

I just need to disconnect from my phone and move myself.

Less than a month left until school starts again, I want to improve myself before that and gain more happy memories and experiences.

Thursday 8th of August / Jeudi 8 août

I will try to describe my day in a more organized manner

Work/Focus: I focused for an hour today, did some sudokus, my focus isn't that bad, and the more I do sudokus, the better I become at it.

Since at the start of summer, I tried to slowly stop my scrolling consumption, I definitely did get better, mentally, physically, cognitively.

I literally feel like I got freed of my addiction to scrolling and short-form content, like I got back my control over myself and what I do and Im definitely happier like that.

Obviously, it's not perfect but the fact that I don't have urge to scroll anymore, the fact that I gained back my clarity of mind, the fact that I can focus half an hour without needing to be distracted or needing a shot of dopamine says a lot about how I improved just by cutting back from this destructive habit.

So I'm happier and proud because I actually did improve on my worst point.

(Because of this addiction I even failed this year's exams for my degree at uni, just so you know bad it was)

Health: ate pretty healthy, (apart from the burger and fries at 11pm), also walked a lot outside before and after that, 5000 steps

Main event: Tried to work on myself by doing actual work as said previously.

Then I visited some cousins with my family, I played Minecraft, it recalled me my childhood, I want to play that game again now.

Then, with my brother and the 2 cousins my age, we got outside at night, it was 11pm and we decided some fast-food would be good.

It was a short fun trip at night (it was so fun, I now have a good memory for life).

So we go out, it's dark, 11pm, we drive to a fast-food, buy burgers and fries and enjoy the meal over some talking. It was delicious.

Then we drove a bit more around the place where they live with loud music in the car.

And when we got home it was late.

My mother was waiting for me and my brother to come back so we could go home, we had to go by foot since we didn't have a car that would fit all my family.

It was a short walk; 15 minutes at most, they don't live far from us, it's one small neighborhood away and it's pretty safe (I live in a nice place in France so it's alright)

So we go home then, my small siblings are singing random things during the whole walk.

There's literally no one else around so we can run around, race, take poses on the road to take picture. We were just enjoying.

When we finally get home, it's 1 am.

Summer bucket list; or in other words, things I wanna do:

- make a tiramisu ✅️

- wake up super early when the whole family's still asleep (at like 7) ✅️

- get my driving license

- keep on learning japanese and spanish

- watch more movies and tv shows

- finish two animes (aot, mha)

- make spring rolls ✅️

- go shopping with a friend

- eat out with a friend ✅️

- go karting ✅️

- exercise regularly

- eat healthier ✅️

- bike

- picnic

- take a walk in a park

- go to the zoo

- go to a garage sale

- craft or diy something

- make a letter for future self

- go to the library

- discover a coffee shop ✅️

- read a few books

- buy a new lego flower set

- catch up on my summer's journaling process ✅️

- dye my hair (omg that will be so fun, I never did that before)

- chalk a sidewalk

- road trip to a new town

- take a long walk under the stars

- go to the aquarium

- create a time capsule with my closest friends

- learn to edit videos

- go to an amusement park

- try to find an association

- visit a historical site from my town

- take a boat ride

- buy a flip phone

- go to a trampoline park

- make friendship bracelets

- visit a national park

That's seems to be quite a lot, but it's really not because a few of them are habits I should take like being healthier and so, and others are like unique experiences you do once for fun and novelty. There are also some that are mundane things but they make your daily life better; like going out with friends.

Anyway, hope y'all can have excellent summers and find yourselves a new happiness, away from the brainrot and mental destruction that social media has personally caused.

Wish y'all good things.

Aurevoir les amis, sur ce, je m'en vais poursuivre ma voie de fortune.

À la prochaine fois :)