Keep Trying - Tumblr Posts

“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.”

—Thomas A. Edison

“A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.”

—Albert Einstein

“I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.”

—Thomas A. Edison

“Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up.”

—Anne Lamott

“It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.”

—Confucius

From Boy Meets World Finale:

“George Feeny: Believe in yourselves. Dream. Try. Do good

Topanga: Don't you mean do well? George

Feeny: No, I mean do good.”

-Boy Meets World, Michael Jacobs

“Edison failed 10,000 times before he made the electric light. Do not be discouraged if you fail a few times.”

—Napoleon Hill

I've decided that I will no longer be sad that I can't recreate the things I cook up in my imagination. I will instead be living by the mantra of "art ain't shit" and trying it anyway. Wish me luck

i'm used to it, and how bad it is, and how often it's so bad that it rings like a bell inside of me, drowning out everything around me. and the truth is that i get frustrated with myself about it - again? we're like this still? again? it's not that i feel weak, precisely. it's just this sense almost like - i've already been pushing against this thing for years now, shouldn't i have gained more ground?

i get frustrated because i'm sick of picking up the loose ends every six months. i get frustrated because it's always this same shit, same problem - i lose myself in a matter of months; spiral out of control, lose touch with friends and loved ones. i stop taking care of myself and therapy gets hard and i let everything around me wilt and shrivel and fall off; start somehow both sleeping too much and not-enough. i panic-attack and cry in my car in a target parking lot, pulling my hair out and hurting my ribs from sobbing so hard - and later, when i'm better, i'm embarrassed because how could i let it get that far?

it feels like - i already have done this so many times. isn't there a way out of it? isn't there a point where i've just... won? that it never happens again, that i just get to be done? maybe this is weakness, i guess - that i still (so often!) succumb.

i am used to it, so i forget exactly how hard it gets. do you even know how many times i've laid in bed, exhausted, blank and numb and listless and said - i can't anymore. i just can't. i'm not even really upset. it's okay. i've been here long enough. so much of my life was beautiful.... i'm just... done.

do you know how many times i woke up and i said - i can't and put my feet on the floor and said i can't, i don't want to and took a shower and walked the dog and bought myself fresh bread and put a nice playlist on and said i really can't, there's no end to this and i went to work and i called a friend and i made myself cookies even if food tasted like ashes and decided that i really should wait for the new album from that artist i love and i thought i can't, it's not worth it and then i washed my hands and cut my hair and drank more water and wrote a poem and signed up for an art class at the local community college and said i can't, i can't, i won't do this again, and i paid my rent and let the dishes rot in the sink but still made myself eat anything fresh even if it meant overdrawing my account on a stupid bag of plums just because they looked delicious and do you know how often i closed my eyes and thought this is it i really fucking can't, something has to give and i have nothing left that it can take and then i went to bed and i got up and i fucking survived anyway

yesterday the local ice cream place opened up for the first time this season and they were giving out tiny samples of their new dairy-free options and i tried a mango sorbet. three months ago i was positive that februrary was going to be my last month on the planet. i am teaching my dog a new trick and i just discovered a new band i love. i got a plant from the clearance aisle and repotted her and she's been perking up. i made salmon for alison and we ate it in her new house with her new beautiful baby girl. my manager told me he keeps recommending my work to others just because i always include a stupid number of puns. tomorrow i'm trying a new dance class. tomorrow i'm maybe going to buy more plums.

i forget, you know? it's not some bone-deep strength or some magical power. it's that some part of me knows - i need to stay. in all of this; out of all of this - i just want to choose love.

:)

Saturday, 10th of August / Samedi 10 août 2024

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Sleep: still bad, from 4am to 12am

Health: Ate healthy food, very very little sugar. But I was busy so I couldn't eat when I wanted, I was so hungry (thanks cousin for giving me a meal at 11pm)

Work / Focus: only 30mins today, revised for my driving license before being interrupted by people

Today's description: Had peace and took care of my own matters until 4pm. Had to eat with family and the guests. Then my family is going to a store so I go with them. I buy a puzzle of a 1000 pieces there. I'm so excited for the puzzle.

I also buy a notebook but why does it smell so damn bad. It smells so bad, I threw some deodorant and perfume on it but the good smell was canceled by the bad smell. It smells this bad. Dammit.

Then, I spend some time at home, too much family is at home (includes the guests) so I can't work.

Then, 9pm, my sister is going away, so I go out to say goodbye, then take a walk outside my neighborhood with my cousin who lives a minute away.

Night comes quickly and we're still outside talking (we're right in front of our houses si it's safe).

Then to keep talking, I go to her home, and she says let's go eat, so we eat in the kitchen while talking, (it's my second actual meal of the day, thanks for feeding me (╥﹏╥) )

At midnight my bro comes to walk me home, even though we live a few minutes away, we never know, better be safe (that's a typical women's life, the world can be scary sometimes).

He also just got back from spending the night at my other cousin's place.

Then we just talk to one another and laugh until 1am.

I go to my room and my 12y old sis is still awake.

I wanted to journal for just a bit but then it's 3am and I just finished the journal I had been using for 5 months.

So now its 3:35 and I'll go to sleep very quickly.

(I swear I want to sleep early, but why am I always so busy until very late. I definitely need to make some changes 😭)

At least I don't overuse my phone, I improved on that and I can focus on my work when I want to, so it's a big positive point

(I only use it to talk with friends and write on Tumblr, I stopped scrolling, thus stopped destroying my brain, I feel my brain capacities coming back, but for that to definitely work, I need to sleep correctly)

I also eat healthily and do not overeat.

I guess I can't change eveything at once, it will have to be one thing at a time.

So next is, making more time for work through the day and improving my sleeping habits

Anyway, good night, sleep well and on time (don't take my example)

Bisou bisou, peace and love for y'all.