Chapter 8 Coming Soon

Chapter 8 Coming Soon

Chapter 8 might be coming sooner than expected...

𝙖 𝙨𝙤𝙡𝙞𝙡𝙤𝙦𝙪𝙮 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙬𝙚 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙖𝙙 | ᴛᴏᴊɪ ꜰᴜꜱʜɪɢᴜʀᴏ| first times (18+ MDNI)

pairings: toji fushiguro x gojo!reader, toji zenin x gojo!reader

summary: the first time you were close enough to see the stars.

tags/genre: toji x gojo!reader, gojo’s older sister, pre-star plasma vessel arc/star plasma vessel arc, Shiu Kong cameo, suggestive language (thanks to Toji, of course), explicit language, SMUT (if that makes you uncomfortable please do not read this), symbolism (?), satoru being a little brat (are we surprised?), sibling bonding, strangers to friends to ?, fluff, 2nd person point of view, the first person point of view switches are intentional!

warnings: 8.5k word count, rated M (18+) for language and sexual scenes, male masturbation, allusion to female masturbation, vaginal sex, male dom, fem sub, virginity kink (if you squint), praise kink, breath play, brat themes (barely), handjob (fingering), oral (fem rec.), teasing (this is toji were are talking about), sweet talk, dirty talk, pet names (doll and pretty girl are the extent of it), semi-edging, missionary, safe-sex (they used a condom), titty sucking.

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Your first time was in the garden underneath the blazing lights of the stars and the judgmental gaze of the moon with the man you loved most.

That’s how you retold it to me when I became a teenager and told you I was interested in dating. You stretched the importance of communication in a relationship. Your exact words were, “Make sure they know it’s a relationship! A lot of people assume things! Oh, and use protection!”

But that wasn’t the truth. At least, not the way that Yuki told me about it.

You lost it in a dingy apartment in Shinjuku with the night sky hardly peaking through the openings of the blinds. The man you lost it to, well, I can’t speak on that. 

He was an impatiently patient man. He had texted you his address soon after your date and added a few suggestive words to truly hone in on his desire to see you again but under an unrestrained environment. He left it at that and let the waiting game begin. His mind was filled with the chances of winning but in a small subsection (that’s as much as he’d ever admit to a living soul) of all that, he questioned what you’d be doing in your part of your world.

He would be lying if he didn’t have you as a constant in his mind since that day; to be more specific, your body had been getting him hard at just the thought of it. The silhouette of your body in the dress alone would have left an impactful impression on him but the opportunity to see you nearly naked and have the images he had fantasized about be confirmed. 

He envisioned you stuck in a circle of Elders dictating the state of their society and you idly listening in. They’d mention your role in their hierarchy as the face of the “New Era” and implant their belief systems into you through innuendos. You’d play the attentive archetype but secretly rather be in your garden or seeing that you enjoy spending time with your sibling, you’d think about taking Satoru to eat at his favorite place because who were you without trying to appease someone who wasn’t yourself? 

He also foresaw that after all of your tasks, you’d decompress in your garden. You’d be trying to do your daily routine of inspecting for weeds and checking what didn’t and did need watering. In between that routine, you’d somehow get reminded of him while taking in his failed attempt of carving out a snake in one of the hedges due to his reckless craftsmanship. You’d stifle a smile but you and those petunias that circled the surrounding area knew that you found amusement in it and though in the moment you cursed him to hell for trying to create something so hideous you never urged him to fix it. 

Afterward, you’d get frustrated thinking about him and believe that the frustration that needs to be released is through training. You’d have no one around to train with and take out your frustrations on the nearby trees surrounding the training ground. After attempting to release variations of Red and Blue on the trees you’d come to grow even more frustrated at your countless failed attempts at being able to use it continuously. So you’d switch the practice to something you were good at, fighting close range. This would need the help of a helpless punching bag and you’d try to exhaust all of your frustrations in a concoction of varying different punches and kicks. 

You’d take a shower to wash away the incessant thoughts of his presence. Your hands would massage in the shampoo to provide relief but it would remind you of the times he’d brush through your hair to find a strand to tug on. A tug, just one tug. That’s what you’d start with when you tug on one of your white strands. It wouldn’t feel the same as when he’d do it and that notion would certainly irk you. You’d continue your routine of washing your body but you’d make the mistake of closing your eyes when you brushed over your pebbled nipples. Curiously you’d grope them with the image of his exposed body in the pond cemented into the forefront of your mind making it easy to imagine his hands instead of your own. The hand that wasn’t busy with your breast would wander down to give attention to your needy clit that had been giving you clues as to what the target of your frustration had been. 

This is the scenario that Toji found himself jerking off to late at night in his bedroom after fighting the urge to take home a woman from the bar he had been at. He cursed you for this. If you hadn’t made the sole rule be not fucking anyone else, he’d be having his dick blown right now. You’d have no problem with that rule. That rule was a test and Toji was one boner away from breaking it. 

It was pathetic how he was holding out for someone who he hadn’t even felt yet. 

It had been a few days since he had last seen you and his body was not reacting to it well. He thought you would’ve been crawling to him by now. He pumped his shaft faster in frustration that the scenario he had imagined wasn’t even a probability for you. You had gone your whole life without sex, what would be a couple of days, weeks, or months added on of not experiencing it? 

He let out a few pumps before he came and let his other arm fall over his eyes while he tried to even out his breath. The pleasure that should’ve come along with it was nonexistent. Instead, he made the mistake of letting his mind flash an image of you again. 

He would spend the rest of his night restless and sore.

The next day he had to clear his mind through means that keep him sane.

There he was in a gambling pub in Shinjuku trying to make use of his money by trying to expand on it. It was also his unhealthy way of killing time as he anticipated your call. His gambling feats were enough to forget about all the other times he had lost money. He had placed his bet for the horse race that was the gamble of the day and ordered himself some takoyaki. The pub was situated on the outskirts of Shinjuku and was a hole-in-the-wall place. The pub was littered with all walks of life – a salaryman that is using gambling as a salvation, a group of construction workers who were there for lunch and had bet the lowest amount possible as they treated it as a game, a pair of middle-aged men that didn’t want to go home to their wife and kids, and then the majority were questionable characters that were stereotypical to the environment.

If Toji were to choose between the aforementioned list he would say he was a mix of them all. This information was based on observation and had a high possibility of it all being false but Toji didn’t plan on finding out. No, he is going to take his profiling as gospel and allow himself to be right. They were the least of his worries after all. The horse he bet on was advancing and the money he put in looked like a sure win. 

From the corner of his eye, he saw the door to the pub open and knew from the suit and the stench of cigarettes that approached him who it was. Sipping on his fountain drink of choice, he huffs out a laugh and announces,  “Was under the impression you were embarrassed by me, Shiu. You always restrict our meetings to over the phone so what’s with the sudden appearance?” 

Shiu Kong, a 24-year-old Korean national and former detective somehow found himself in Japan as a handler for mercenaries. Toji met him at a pub similar to the one they were in 2 years ago but not by coincidence. Shiu had seen him a few times before approaching him but observing him get into a bar fight and his blatant disregard for others made him approach him with the offer of becoming a mercenary. 

“Unfortunately, you’re hard to miss.” The man lamented referring to the window that was directly in front of him and the man’s large silhouette. He walked closer to the table and spectated the horse race that was projected on the screen and made his bet with himself that Toji would lose. The gamble was that if Toji lost he’d reward himself another pack of parliaments and if he won he’d quit smoking.  

“Plenty embarrassed of you but I just happened to be in the area and saw you through the window. Decided to cut out the middleman and fill you in on the job in person.” He explained while he searched one of his pockets for a staple of his image, a cigarette, and a lighter. Digging out both he exhaled, “Might find some entertainment watching you blow a shit load of cash in one go.”

“You’re wasting your time. I might not even bother with the job after I win this one. Bet 8 million on that Bronco and heard from one of the guys here that he’s a sure win.” Toji assured, offhandedly directing his chopsticks toward a sleazy-looking bald man across the pub.

“Yeah?” he asked in disbelief as he pulled out a seat next to his delusional client, “Should you be taking advice from a man who’s betting against you?”

No, he shouldn’t but he could always leave the man a generous message if he did decide to play dirty. Regardless if the man had “reassured” him that his bet was solid, Toji felt confident in his bet. He contributed his confidence to the outlook of his week. He was hoping that the biggest star in the sky was as much in favor of him as it had been on that date. Again, your image manifested in his mind causing him to try to remain neutral and adjust himself discreetly under the table. 

He returned his gaze to the TV while he was picking up his set of chopsticks when he saw the announcement that his horse had lost. Out of frustration, he had cracked them with the emotion that had manifested in the force he held them in. He stood up from his seat and scoured the pub for the man with his eyes. He focused his eyes on where had been earlier and saw only the food he had been eating left.

“Coward”, he mumbled as he plopped himself back on the stool and pulled out another set of chopsticks from the canister on the table, he grumbled, “How much is it and when do I have to do it?”

Puffing out the smoke, he taunted thoroughly amused with how the situation worked out for him, “Trying to make another quick buck after this? Employers are going to start paying you a salary with how frequently you are asking for jobs.” 

“If it’s anything short of a million they can shove that salary offer up their ass. I have to force you to negotiate to even get half the amount the jobs are worth.” He swallowed and drank from the fountain drink that he had refilled multiple times with no plans of paying the refill fee. His most recent job payout was a rare one, usually, the payout for his jobs is between 10-50k. The employers never understood the value or cost of a life. Why would they? If they were never the ones doing it. Rich people had money to blow but not the faintest idea what it’s worth was.

Pulling a seat next to the enormous man, he lets a chuckle escape, “God forbid, a 22-year-old survives on a million a month. Your gambling is going to leave you on the street eventually and don’t expect as your handler I’m going to offer you my house to crash at.”

Plopping another takoyaki ball in his mouth as he watched the horse he betted on in the lead, he jauntily answered, “As long as the jobs roll in we are both in the clear of that ever happening.”

Call Toji any negative adjective (trust, I have some of my own) but he was diligent with his work. He was the highest mercenary in demand in all of Japan with how efficient he was with his commissions. Employers appreciated that all he asked was the lump sum and the general details of the job. Morals were not a driving force in any particular aspect of being a mercenary, at least that’s how Toji perceived his career path. 

Shiu nodded and vaguely detailed, “All these people want is for it to be done by the end of the month.” 

While Shiu began to debrief him vaguely on the job, Toji felt a beep in the pocket of his jeans. His contact list consisted of the man in front of him and the woman he had eagerly anticipated to be inside of. He could’ve groaned out of relief at this revelation. From briefly listening in on the job description, it seemed like a pretty standard job.

Finishing the last sips of his drink and chewing on the last ball of takoyaki, he grunted as he stood up from his seat, “Got it. Forward me the details in a text or something.”

“You’ve been in a rush the past couple of days, Zenin. What other unhealthy habit of yours have you been indulging in?” He asked to take a draw from his cigarette while stuffing one of his hands in his pocket. With how long they’ve known each other, he’s hardly ever seen him rushing to places. Toji lived on the ideology that he had all the time in the world and he didn’t care much for how he spent it. Now comparing this ideology with how he had been acting lately, the former detective’s interest had peaked.

“Nothing that you would care about.” He replied as he put on his jacket. He threw some cash on the table and patted his handlers back as he made his way out of the pub. 

“Thanks for that restaurant recommendation, by the way.”

Shiu watched as his associate walked through the doors of the establishment and smirked to himself. Getting up from his seat and throwing away the trash Toji had left behind he makes his way to a nearby smoke shop with his head held high and mentally thanking him for his misgivings.

No, thank you, Shiu thought as he handed the cashier his money.

———————————————————-----------------------------------------------------------------

Weeds are grown out.

[image attached]

The text alongside him reaching the garden to see you fully clothed, in baggy jeans and an even bigger knit sweater with an annoyingly yellow garden apron on top of it all with that brat of a brother beside you, well, color his disappointment.

Irony befell him as he found himself going back to his old routine of trying to go unnoticed by you guys. He must’ve been rusty because it didn’t take long for your blue eyes to find his hiding spot. You nodded your head in acknowledgment before turning your attention back to the miniature version of you that was inches away from terrorizing a flower. If he hadn’t known he was your brother, he could have passed off Satoru as your son. 

You slapped his wrist away causing him to yelp in pain and sheepishly grin at being caught. You looked at him unamused and demonstrated how to properly pluck a flower.

“You are too rough on such delicate organisms, ‘Toru. You have to treat them with care and love–” He brought his hands up mimicking your speech and guessed the next words you were going to say, “Because they feel it too blah blah blah.” 

He stared boredly at how you plucked the flower from the stem rather than from the root and didn’t notice how your method was any better than his.

“Feel stuff, my butt. Why care for something so weak? They don’t even do anything.”  You heard him mutter and were growing irritated at his attitude. Normally, you’d hear complaints about his attitude from his retainer and any other unlucky person who crossed his path. You’d reprimand him but his behavior never was bad when he was with you. He’d be whiny and pouty but that was the extent of it. This was unusual.

“Why do you care for the teddy bear that I gifted you? Why do you care for the toys that you play with?” You asked, placing the flower you had plucked in the pocket of your apron.

He answered as if it were obvious, “Because you got them for me.”

“But they don’t do anything, so what value do they bring you? You wouldn’t care if I threw them away, right?” 

“I wouldn’t care. You could buy me new ones.” This kid was audacious as he stared up at you with the cheekiest grin. 

This kid knew his strengths and Toji could applaud you for resisting the urge to enforce corporal punishment. 

You scoffed, “I would? What gave you that idea?”

Satoru wrapped his arms around your waist and snuggled into the embrace he had created. “Look at this face! You can’t say no to this!” He cooed, shining his eyes to yours that dulled in comparison.

You shook your head with a laugh, warming up to his antics, before creating some distance. You plucked two flowers out from nearby; hyssop and heliotrope. 

Crouching down to his height, you explained, “You don’t know the meaning now but I hope once you find this interesting enough that one day you’ll understand.” You threaded the flowers in the crevice behind his ear, brushing a few strands of hair out of the way to properly display them.

Smiling at your work, you confessed, “You are annoyingly cute and sometimes I wish you didn’t know that but that’s not why I buy you those things.”

Pointing to the flowers behind his ear you said, “Those flowers are important because they have meaning.”

“Huh?” Your brother's face contorted in visual confusion, unable to grasp the point you were trying to make.

“Satoru means “to know.” Your name has meaning and lets people know how to address you. It reveals to people the kind of person you are from that alone. It’s what makes you a person.” You recall fondly on the day you were given the honor to name him. Your parents were so preoccupied with the revelation of birthing a user of the Six Eyes that they had forgotten to give him a name. The responsibility then had been passed to you. His birth came before you had thought of baby names for your hypothetical future child but keeping in line with your unoriginality Satoru was the first name to come to mind.

“These flowers may look weak based on appearance but many hold toxic properties that could kill something based on impact or consumption. Assuming that something is weak makes you the weak one in a situation and inevitably leaves you at a greater disadvantage. It could lead to your death.” You explained as you pointed to a patch of lantana, bitter nightshade, and mountain laurel; flowers with beautiful exteriors but poisonous compositions. 

Satoru groaned but made no effort to take out the flowers you’d given him, “If I wanted a life lesson, I would’ve stayed with Yoichi.”

Being compared to his retainer made you recoil. You hadn’t meant to turn a sibling bonding day into a day of lectures. The world after the ignorant closings of childhood is nothing but continuous put-to-use life lessons. You’d rather give him insight into his destiny as the strongest than further inflate the propagated ego that the masses had given the boy that convinced him that he was invincible. 

“You are welcome to go back to him if this bores you so much.” You are met with silence and that only elicits a sigh from you. You announced, “Let’s call it a day. I have some matters to attend to and Yoichi is most likely searching for you.”

In truth Satoru wasn’t bored, he just wanted you to spend time with him. Without the lessons, without being at home, and without anything or anyone else to worry about. You were his moral compass and anything you’d say he’d follow. His attitude was directed toward the retainer he had been trying to dodge all day

Satoru’s voice called out behind you, “It’s not boring! Tell me about those! They look kinda funky, what do they mean?”

You turned around to see him pointing at a patch of weeds. You giggled walking over to him and ruffling his hair, “Those are called weeds and they mean that I need to pluck them out in order for the other flowers to stay alive.”

“Can I help you with that one day?” He asked, unknowingly robbing Toji of his side hustle.

“Of course.” You smiled when you leaned down to place a kiss on his head, “You can go ahead of me. I’ll see you later.”

“Be nice to Yoichi!”

“I’m always nice!” He stuck his tongue out as he ran off passing the tree Toji had been hiding behind. He walked out once the kid was outside of earshot and made his way to an expectant you.

“To what do I owe the displeasure, Zenin?” You asked, patting your hands onto your apron.

Gesturing his head to the fading body of your body, he confronts, “Was here to clock in but instead saw you interviewing someone for my job. Did I mention that I work better alone?” 

You laughed, “Guessing that I was interviewing for a new worker rather than a replacement is audacious. I’ve been giving you warnings about how you handled my hedges and you never seem to listen.”

“I express artistic freedom.” He shrugged, “What do they say? Art is in the eye of the beholder.” 

You chuckled then teased.“As I’ve said time and time again, you need better eyes.” 

Walking up the array of hedges that had been brutalized by Toji’s craftsmanship, you inquire, “Alright, what is this one supposed to be?”

What you had been pointing to were two hedges that you had thought looked like either a yin and yang figure or– actually, no that was your only guess. None of his pieces have ever looked easy to understand. You suppose he could make the argument that’s the point of art so instead of voicing that you let it remain a thought.

“Obviously that’s supposed to be a lion fighting a tiger.” He claimed with certainty.

You raised a brow, “They have stories?”

You didn’t think Toji had the capability to be creative or thoughtful. His life was based on thoughtless behavior, it was the basis of your friendship. Sure, the portrayal he was going for was violent but the thought did render you temporarily speechless. Thinking about it more, what kind of hobbies did Toji have? What kind of things does he like? Does he listen to music?

“You’ve said it yourself. Everything has meaning. Isn’t that what you were trying to tell that brat?” If you had been familiar with his bashful tells, you would’ve noticed how he refused to make eye contact with you when he answered and the tips of his ears went red.

“By the way, if that’s how you talk during sex too I might have to rethink our deal. Unless you're moaning during it then by all means continue.” He mocked, naturally reminding you of the agreement you had made almost a week ago that had been constantly replaying in your mind.

You rolled your eyes, feeling the incessant jabs at you today to be unfair, “You’d be able to get those sounds from me? I’d like to see you try.” 

His hands found their respective places at each side of your waist, pulling your ass into the outline of his hardened member as he breathed into the shell of your ear, “You could find out. We still haven’t put the point of this deal to trial yet.” 

“You’re vetoing my analogies during sex but that proves otherwise.” You rebuke, restraining the noise that wanted to come out from the impact. Remaining in his hold any longer, you would have let him take you right then and there. When you did get out of his touch, you heard him groan and felt the effects of it go straight to your core.

“I also remember mentioning that I don’t plan on losing it in the garden.” You calmly remind, trying hard to deny the throb in between your legs.

“I haven’t fucked anyone in a week. I’ve been maintaining my end of the deal. It’s now your turn to maintain yours. I was under the impression that you’d be one of the better pussy I’ve been in.”  He said in annoyance, growing tired of your game.

You didn’t necessarily have any proof to prove that he had been lying but you also had no proof that he had been telling the truth. You shrugged, not understanding how that had anything to do with you, “Whether I am or not, that’ll be up to you to decide.”

“Yeah, and when is that gonna be? It’s been nearly a week, doll. My patience is running out.” 

And it truly was. After jerking off to an imaginary scenario and sporting one to the thought of you, he could only endure so much. An ironic predicament for a man who has a Heavenly Pact that enhances his senses and his physical strength.

It must be your Gojo instincts because you felt pleasure in having something over the outcasted Zenin. 

“Tomorrow. I’ll give myself to you tomorrow.” You stated, making it seem like a less than thought out decision when in actuality you had this decided from the moment you had sent that text. 

“In the meantime, if you want to keep your job.” You handed him the hedge clippers, “Fix my hedges."

The rest of the time, it was a comfortable quiet with the noise of your collective pensive with the thoughts of tomorrow above all else.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The address in his text led you to a wear-for-tear apartment complex on the outskirts of Tokyo nearing Shinjuku. It was enveloped with nearby liquor stores, gambling pubs, drunkards, and arguing couples. It worried your driver to leave you alone in such a place so much that he had asked to wait for you out of concern for your safety but you waved him off without a second thought. The excuse you had used was that you were meeting up with an old colleague on work matters. He had been hesitant but he obeyed and drove off leaving you in front of the disarray. The environment is very well aligned with where you had imagined Toji would live. Given the amount of money that Toji was given in his jobs, he must’ve spent it all on a continuous streak of failed gambling bets and couldn’t afford to pay rent in a better place. You couldn’t even imagine the structure or the furniture he had in his apartment. You felt that it could have been the affluent possessions or black-and-white essentials. 

You let those thoughts linger as you made your way up the flight of stairs to his apartment. Each step was louder and more concerning than the last. The noise of cars passing by and various sirens were heard clearly throughout the motel-style infrastructure of the apartment.

When you arrived at his door, you felt the reality of the situation sink in. Your virginity wasn’t something sacred to you. As a teenager, you weren’t interested in any guy that much to want to lose it to them. You wished you had caved and just lost it to one of the many guys Yuki had sent your way. Due to your high standards, you’ve landed yourself in a situation that was more than you bargained for. You’re stuck with the option of Toji Zenin, the embodiment of sex.

You let your knuckles graze the door believing if you left them there for a while it would give you the courage to knock. The meandering thoughts were pushed aside once you lifted your knuckles to knock and felt your stomach twisted up into knots. You vaguely heard thuds and things opening and closing from the interior and felt the knots in your stomach tighten. 

He opened the door with relatively the same image that you had engraved in your mind; nothing but a towel around his neck and low hanging plaid red and black pajama pants that visibly displayed his defined v-line. Your blue eyes knew not to linger and went to search for his but found them fixated on your mouth. You’d have to address that habit of his eventually. You took that as your cue to speak.

“H-Hey.” 

Pathetic, you thought to yourself. It had only been a few hours ago that you held the power in the situation. Seeing a preview and what you’d be seeing soon, you forfeited any semblance of power that you had left. Pushing your way through the door, you reiterate, “Where’s your bedroom?”

Entering his apartment, your suspicions of what it would look like were semi-confirmed. There were no luxurious items but it was filled with household essentials like a couch and TV. It was also barren of any personality aside from a bar cart that had looked to be untouched.  

“Straight to the point? I appreciate taking into account how cruel you’ve been towards me.” He grinned at your flustered state. 

“Shut up, asshat. I just want to get this over with.” You barked back, walking aimlessly in his apartment aiming to find the door that led to his bedroom.

“It’s the first door to the left. You can wait there for me. I’ll be out soon” He called out as he made his way back into the bathroom to continue his night routine that you undoubtedly disrupted.

You entered the bedroom and were surprised to find that it was cleaner than you had imagined it to be. Much like the living room, it only held the essential furniture needed to distinguish its purpose. After assessing the room for what it was, you situated yourself on the bed with your hands gripping the skirt of your kimono. 

“You still have your clothes on?” You could hear the disappointment from his voice and as you turned to see him his face matched the tone of his voice. His body leaned against the doorframe, his appearance the same as it had been when he had opened the door.

You groaned, “At least try to pretend to not be disappointed.” 

“You preach that speaking the truth is important to your brother but when I do it you draw the line.” He said, referring to the day you had acknowledged his existence for the first time. He sits next to you, leaving a good distance in between, but the scent of his shampoo is so intoxicating that he might as well have been millimeters away.

“For someone who partakes in sex as often as you do, you should know that talking about relatives beforehand is a serious turn-off and not a form of sex talk.” You chastised with no merit to your words.

He looked thoroughly unimpressed by your comment and rebuked it, “We haven’t even started and you’re already questioning my skills.”

The foundation of your knowledge of sex came from sources like porn and Yuki that were classified as the same; dramatized and romanticized. Another source was Toji but the thought of him having been with other women doesn’t entirely sit right with you at the moment. 

“So how do you do this?” You asked, not entirely aware of how to initiate it. 

He loathed verbal communication if it wasn’t necessary. He was a firm believer that people can understand from physical cues alone. Therefore, he used his movements as a response. One of his hands maneuvers its way to the small of your waist, pulling you to where your knees touch. Having you secured where he wanted you, he reached his vacant hand to cup the underside of your jaw and licked his lips before consuming yours. Similarly to the first kiss you shared at the park, it was short and sweet. He pulled away before you could even reciprocate finding your lips searching for him.

He smirked and guided, “We’ll start with this and then we can work your way up to it.” 

Your lips hovering his and the scent of your strawberry chapstick lingering was not going to do it, he had to taste them again. So he did, working his mouth against yours and licking away the temptation of the strawberry chapstick. Unlike the first time, you had managed to catch on faster. You situated your hands on his shoulders to stabilize yourself but still felt unsteady. It wasn’t until you threaded your fingers into his hair that you felt secure.

He tugged on your lower lip to gain access but you weren’t one to back down easily. You weren’t the first to deny him and he had learned how to bypass brats like you. With his hand that had still been on the small of your back, he moved it lower to give your ass a quick tap causing you to gasp and for his tongue to claim your mouth.

Trying to win a battle of strength with Toji was a pathetic effort and after what felt like forever but was only a few seconds, you had given up on trying to win. 

“What am I supposed to do?” You whispered in earnest but the delicacy in your voice had translated in his head to something sensual in his ear. He withheld the groan that was threatening to leave his throat and opted to busy himself by placing one of his palms on the underside of your jaw to have you facing him as he brushed pieces of hair from your face. 

He brushed his lips over your own as he spoke breathlessly,  “You don’t gotta do anything, doll.”

He kissed you one final time before descending towards the valley on your neck and collarbones. His impatience waned with each descending kiss he’d leave on your body. Some parts earn attention while other parts yearn for it. The marks he left left him satisfied until he encountered the hemline of your kimono blocking the visage of your breast. 

“Sit up.” He instructed, helping guide you up while also loosening the obi from your waist in the process allowing your body to be exposed for him to see.

He had been complaining about you essentially blue balling him for over a week but he had no intention of having you work. Not tonight. Tonight was all about you and he was going to let you know that. 

Understanding what he was trying to do, you attempted to cover yourself with the fabric with your face flushing in the process. However, your attempt to fall lackluster in execution with your breast is now enhanced by your crossed arms. 

“Don’t just stare.” You muttered, suddenly feeling small – a feeling that did not come naturally to you.

“You’re just s’pretty. Hard not to.” The effects of his praise manifested differently, your upper half illuminating your cheeks in bright pink while the lower half hiding in your core.

Your pose and your expression had him experience a sexual high he had never been able to achieve with any other woman. A sculptor like Brancusi could feel,see, and anatomically understand your body but he could never be able to sculpt it in a manner that remained faithful to your essence. 

He took hold of your clothes and tossed them in the same direction he had your panties. You were fully bare but unlike earlier, you felt a surge of confidence at his dark green eyes morphing away from its former greed hue.

“Come on, now’s not the time to get shy with me.” He laughed before latching his mouth onto your breast bringing out a moan that had yet to be released from you. His tongue lapped, swirled, and tugged on your nipple with expertise while his other hand replicated his tongue's movement effortlessly. You tried covering your mouth in an attempt to muffle the noises that were fighting to come out but Toji took quick notice and moved it to situate back into his terrain of hair..

“I wanna hear those sweet noises of yours, doll. Let them out. You can try covering up how I’m making you feel but I know.” He urged you on before taking the hand that had been toying with your nipple and using one of his fingers to hook onto your panties and move them aside to rub across your slit and in doing so pick up how wet you had become from just from touch. Your lips were sealed shut but your hips bucked against his touch, trying to catch the sensation again. 

Slipping his fingers inside his mouth to suck up you up. He stuck his tongue out to give you a visual of his tongue churning on his finger. Pleased by your reaction, he kissed your lips in reward for your submission, permitting you to taste yourself. He mumbles in between kisses, “Your body makes it so obvious for me.”

“Do something.” You uttered between battered breaths.

He lowered himself between your thighs and raised your legs to rest on either side of his shoulder after he had skillfully taken off your panties in the process, tossing them aside without haste. Coming in contact with your pussy, he breathed haughtily against your folds. You had to have the prettiest pussy he had ever seen. It was dripping and anxiously awaiting his touch but he had to contain himself. 

“Demanding me? To do what exactly?” He used his breath to an advantage, drawing in and out of the vicinity of your pussy but never too close or too far. His antics are the source of the shiver that overtook your body.  

“Touch me.” You said in an obvious tone.

“Where? Here?” He asked coyly, grazing his tongue throughout your inner thigh barely reaching the meeting point of your thigh and your vagina. Deciding to be generous, he presses a kiss onto your swollen clit. You could’ve slapped yourself with the whimper you had let out.

You gritted out in between moans, knowing what he was doing, “Fuck you know where shit, you are such an asshole.” 

He rolled his eyes at the nickname but decided that since it was your first time he should save the edging for another day. 

Without warning, you feel a slow swirl on your clit before he commits to seeking refuge with his lips. He ate you out as if you contained ambrosia and the only way to fully attain it was by ruining you.

“You’ve got such a pretty clit, doll. Looks so cute and swollen.” He teased as he swirled a finger over it before giving it a little tug. You glanced down to see his hungry eyes drawn to your panting and moaning figure. You quickly looked away and he retracted his fingers from your clit at the same time. You whined out at the loss.

“Eyes on me.” 

You couldn’t find yourself to disobey. 

“Want you to remember this.” You heard him whisper in between sucks as he descended again. Occasionally he would groan into your cunt shocking you closer to an orgasm. The bed sheets weren’t even a contender for places to latch on. Your eyes were only on Toji. It was an automatic response to thread your fingers through his hair and guide his head closer to you. 

His name is left broken on your lips while your orgasm is on his. He gave you a second to compose yourself before asking, “Think you can handle more?”

More? Before you could ask, you had your words caught in your throat.

“All that from just my mouth.” He lapped up everything that had been seeping out of you. “Need to prep you before you take the whole thing. Wanna see how much you can take when I add one in.” He murmurs to himself more than to you. 

“Inflating your ego during sex, you’re such- fuck Toji!”  You cut yourself off at his finger slotting inside your cunt without any resistance or warning. 

“So loose. I’m sure you can take one more.” He mumbled against your ear.

He pumped in and out while his mouth met yours allowing you to taste yourself. Originally the thought had repulsed you but with the assaults on your cunt and an impending second orgasm, you couldn’t find it in yourself to care. The kiss was sloppy. You would break away each time his fingers hit the right spot. 

Toji was right. Sex was a stress reliever. You couldn’t think of the documents on your desk that you needed to sign, missions that you had lined up for the week, or the brunch your mother had asked you to attend. That damn brunch was the least of your concerns. None of that mattered, not with how his fingers were slamming in and out of you at an inhuman pace that no other man could achieve. 

You felt that you were close but so did he. His lips left yours at the same time his fingers did and you anxiously anticipated their return but they never came. You turned to face him but noticed him get up off the bed.

“Why’d you stop?” You asked panting, lifting yourself using your elbows. Had you done something wrong? Before you could ask, he lifted a hand signaling you to remain still.

“Like I said, I was prepping you. Want you to cum on something else.” He informed, swiftly removing his remaining clothes leaving him fully nude.

Your imagination didn’t do it justice. At this point, nothing you had envisioned this to go to had been beyond your comprehension. That night at the pond was proving to be a preview. You had no dicks for reference to go off but based on the assumption you knew he was beyond average in girth and length. It had to be his Heavenly Pact at work because no normal human would be able to have been blessed like that.

“Are you ready? We can stop.” He asked with a kindness you had never thought was possible from a mercenary. His eyes remind you of an exploding nebula. You had never seen that sort of emotion from him in all your years of knowing him. 

Momentarily shocked you stared gapingly at him and you shook your head.

“I want you.” You softly whispered, though it had sounded different in your head.Not given enough time to backtrack on the implications, your body had already been lifted and settled onto a few pillows with your back against the headboard of his bed. 

Those were the words he imagined you saying when he’d touch himself to the thought of you. When he needed something to get him off while he was with a woman who wasn’t doing it for him.

Staring at your figure, you were stunning. Pieces of your white hair sticking to your body due to the sweat that could mimic a blizzard. Your boobs moving to an unsteady and erratic rhythm, Your thighs rubbing against each other to release tension, Then those eyes of yours that might as well have been the six-eyes with how alluring they were, tempting him to dare to ruin you, taint you, take you.

“What.” You mumble, suddenly the confidence you had felt earlier converting into self-conscious.

He places his thighs on either side of your legs, hovering over you before closing in on your face. “Been waiting years for you to admit that. Give me some time to soak it in.” He breathes, stealing another breathtaking kiss.

“I’m here now. Do what you want.” Your words draw out when he departs from the kiss. 

He shook his head while he fluttered his lips against your jaw, “You’re not ready for what I want. You’d fall right apart.”

Your left arm latched onto his shoulder to keep him close and hummed at his words.

“Try me.”

You felt the chuckle he let out on your collarbone, “You don’t ride a stallion without riding a mule first.”

“You do if you dare to try.” 

He stopped his advances and again laughed at your audacity before snaking a hand behind you to give your ass a playful tap.

“Offering to ride me? I’m sure you could but that’s gonna have to be another day.” He promised and you were inclined to believe without any further information.

You weren’t thinking. You couldn’t think knowing that his dick was so close but so far away. That you were about to lose it to Toji, the man who has been in your life for as long as you’ve been sentient. 

He must’ve sensed your nerves because he smiled–not one of those condescending Zenin smiles– but a smile that was unique to Toji.

“I got you.” He assured you with words but his green eyes were the first thing to register in your mind. 

He reached to the side of his nightstand and unwrapped the condom wrapper. He saw you watching with curious eyes.

“Wanna put it on?” He asked and you could only nod as he handed over to you. 

It seemed pretty straightforward. All you had to do was slip it on him. As you were about to make contact with his dick was when you realized what you were doing but let the thoughts die out. As you slipped it on fully, you let your fingers graze the part of his dick that wasn’t covered by the condom out of curiosity. His hand caught your wrist and you thought you did something wrong.

“Not today.” He tried to remain assertive but his wavering voice begged to differ. However, you didn’t notice.

“I’m going to put it in.” He said and you nodded. When he did you could only describe the sensation as foreign – more foreign than a kiss but not unwelcome— and you felt that you’d never hold leverage over him again.

This was too intimate. He was handling you with the care of a flower. Ironic, given how he went about tending your garden. You had hardly been allowed to do anything because he wouldn’t let you. He was partly in, with a little more than half of his dick inside of you, inching in slowly so as to not overwhelm you. 

“You can move.” 

“With pleasure.” He started off slow like he did when he first put it in – in the haze of your impatience you’d consider it a snail's pace– however, the way he rolled his hips into yours to make up for it. You observed as his eyes found a new fixation on his dick disappearing into your cunt. No matter how he tried to make up for it, you needed more and you were passed not wanting to beg.

“Faster, you can go faster.” You encouraged and he didn’t need to be told twice. He wrapped your legs around his waist and the angle immediately caused a knot to form in your stomach. The snail's pace was overtaken by a speed that you could compare to a jackrabbit. Your jaw lolled and began moaning and yelling profanities mixed in with his name that hazed out in your head to sound the same. It must’ve been a mantra because he joined in too.

“You’re doin’ so fuckin good, pretty girl. Takin’ it so well.” He praised before groaning out your name causing you to clench around him involuntarily. 

“Fu-uck you’re killing me here, doll. How does it feel getting ruined by me.” He growled, drawing out of you before ramming back into your cunt. The crescendo of your bodies resonating through the walls. 

“S’good! S’good!” He laughed at how gone you were. You were his dream incarnate. As he pushed into you, he let the thought of the long wait you put him through be worth it.

He kissed you, branding your hips with his hands and using the momentum to rut further into you, as he said, “Want to feel you cum. I know you got one more in ya, pretty.”  In such a short amount of time, he had already memorized your body’s cues.

You gasped at the increase in pace and knew that you would be reaching the end soon.

“To-oh-ji! Toji! Toji! Fuuh-uck!” You had officially lost all sense. Your hips rutted into his, a failed attempt at matching his pace. 

His mouth latched onto your boob, sucking harshing on your nipple, and occasionally biting onto it. Rather than giving your other boob the same attention, his other hand traveled into your valley and made a home abusing your clit that was pulsing from the overstimulation.

“I’m close.” You warned and his actions weren’t what unraveled you. It was his words.

Unlatching from your boob, he smirked against your lips, “You're there, baby. Let go.” 

His blinds were closed all the way, not allowing a speck of light to permeate through the bedroom but you were seeing stars. You may have seen Cassiopeia amongst them all. 

His mouth caught your moans but his pace didn’t relent just yet. His movements were not as precise as they had been, stuttering between strokes, and he had begun to be vocal. He was near his end and you had to repay him for his work by clenching around his dick and tugging at his hair. 

He rammed into your cunt one final time before you felt his cum spurt inside you. This is by far the most he had cum in– no, he had never cum this much before. His body fell slack onto yours and for a while, all you felt was your chest beat in unison. He stayed inside you for a while and when he did eventually take it out, you felt your cunt clench on air at the loss.

He tossed the condom into the nearby trash can and let himself fall beside yours. It was awkward for a while but you knew that you needed to leave. You started to get up from the bed, preparing to find your clothes that had been scattered throughout the room, his hand lying on top.

Turning to face him, you saw his pose embodied a sculpture of Hercules to a tee– naked with his sheet draping over the parts you had met a few minutes prior. 

“You don’t have to leave” If you didn’t know any better you could confuse his tone with his pleading.

“It’s already so late and my driver will definitely grow suspicious if I don’t return home tonight.”

“You had a driver bring you here?” He asked unimpressed. For someone as calculated as you, the rookie mistake of having a driver bring you here was laughable.

“How else would I get here? You didn’t necessarily offer me a ride.” You reminded him while you found your phone and texted your driver 

“No but you did.” He smirked and you felt your cheeks heat up.

“Consider the offer off the table.” Though it was a threat, he found the pout etched on your face too cute to hold your threat at a value. 

You made your way out of the apartment complex to see your driver waiting for you. 

“I surmise the meeting went well.” Your driver asked as he opened the door for you. 

Meeting? What meeting? Oh, that.

Clearing your throat, you ascertain, “I don’t believe those matters concern you.”

“R-Right, my apologies ma’am.” He stuttered out. Once you had entered the car, he dashed towards the driver's seat. You saw him stumble over his feet and wipe a few nervous sweat beads from his forehead before entering the car himself. 

Your hand was hovering over the privacy divider button when he spoke again.

“Your mother asked me to remind you of the brunch you have tomorrow with your father.” 

Your heart froze.

“Noted. Can we get going now? I’d like to wake up on time tomorrow.” You assumed he had replied after but could never know for certain because you had already drawn the divider up.

Staring out of the window you notice a light turned on inside of the apartment and a shadow briefly before it was overtaken by the bustling streets of Shinjuku.

It was odd to stare at the stars knowing how they felt for the first time.

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a/n: sorry for the two month break! honestly had a lot of trouble writing this chapter. I've never written smut before so I hope I was able to do the genre and toji justice. Also, after seeing Toji in the anime recently (do not speak to me about the Megumi scene or I will cry) felt like I missed writing about my man.

italicized references:

cassiopeia: a queen in ancient Greek mythology and constellation.

hyssop and heliotrope: flowers

tag list:

@cococola-cocaine @justtnat @softvgold @missroro

comment to let me know if you want to join the tag list for future updates!

make sure to reblog, like, and comment! they really help me know what you guys like and don't like!

IMPORTANT!!

Rewriting the most recent update. Honestly, reallly disappointed with my writing on this one and the plot. I’ll still leave it up until I finish rewriting it but it’s just a heads up. Also want to preface I won’t completely change it but there will be things removed/added.

𝙖 𝙨𝙤𝙡𝙞𝙡𝙤𝙦𝙪𝙮 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙬𝙚 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙖𝙙 | Toji Fushiguro| fate's entanglements

characters: toji fushiguro x gojo!reader, toji zenin x gojo!reader

summary: fate had a sense of humor that you didn't appreciate.

tags: toji x gojo!reader, gojo’s older sister, pre-star plasma vessel arc/star plasma vessel arc, satoru content!, suggestive language, explicit language, symbolism (?), strangers to friends, angst, fluff.

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The ceiling lights that hung above your head did a very lackluster job of replicating the scenic starlit nights you had grown accustomed to. The wooden paneled walls littered with religious scrolls reminded everyone in the room of their purpose for being here. The matching floorboards had probably been polished by a low-ranking clan member. The room was filled with the voices of countless men trying to talk over one another believing their words were more important than the others.

When you first started to attend these meetings, you would listen as attentively as you could as you tried to adhere to the diligent daughter archetype. After a while, they would repeat the same things over and over again just with different wording. It made you realize that being inside this room, power was nothing but a word. None of these men truly cared for the life of anyone: not their families, not their clan, not the non-curse users that they had to save, and not the children that they sent off on missions. No, these men’s purpose for having these meetings was fueled by control and appearances.     

“When are you going to just accept Osamu’s marriage proposal? My son is an impatient man with many women being offered to him. Why not make my boy’s day, Gojo?” 

“Perhaps you should consider that there is a reason why I have never accepted his marriage proposals, Naobito. Along with any other son of yours you’ve tried to send my way over the years.”  You retort as you take a sip of the sake in front of you. Like the others, Osamu wasn’t anything to look at. By far, the most unappealing of them all. You aren’t referring to his appearance but to him as an individual. With his mediocre skill set, you believed he entered the Hei on sheer luck. His only redeeming quality is that he was the same age as you. It contributed to his unattractive appeal as his mental age did not reflect his physical.

“When will you let go of this childish rebellion and accept one of their marriage proposals? Fairytale romances and true love do not exist for someone who is to ascend to be a clan leader.” His words are possibly the only logical thing that has been said during the entirety of the meeting. Love was never something you wanted and you don’t think it ever will. Partially because of the life you were set to have but also you have never felt those kinds of emotions for anyone before aside from familial love. 

It was rich that he was talking to you about being childish. Don’t be blinded to believe that the Zenins were the only clan asking for your hand as that’s not the case. Naobito was the most persistent out of them all. Your father wasn’t even as concerned about your future spouse as Naobito was.  “You may not understand my worth or even that of your sons but if I may express myself freely, let me pose an even far more daring question that could make you understand.” I did a horrendous job of defining you before. You were indeed still glorified that much hasn’t changed but you were a puppet with a consciousness with a life that could never be your own. “How many of your sons could put up a good fight against me?” 

The expression he made was one that you wish you had taken a picture of to show Toji. His thin eyebrows furrowed with a hardening gaze that was on the brink of cracking with the tension that had been created. “Trust, the reason that you are the next head of your clan is purely because fate decided to gain a sense of humor and made you the firstborn. Your abilities aren’t enough to be considered your silver lining.” The man remarked with words that have been made known to you ever since Satoru was born. The only aspect of life that was out of reach for the elders was fate but if this life were a utopia for them, they would’ve had Satoru be born first. You were grateful that you could carry the burdens so that Satoru wouldn’t have to one day. That’s why everything was bearable since this was all for him.

“If you wanted to challenge me to a spar you could’ve asked instead of hiding it with this prolonged conversation. How about we-” The benevolent voice of your father that called your name was enough to stun you into silence. “ You’re dismissed.” 

You believed that you inherited your father’s gift of having your tone of voice direct the atmosphere of a situation rather than the words spoken. He had spoken so little during the meeting you had momentarily let it slip your mind that he was present. People would say how similar you were to him and largely judge your character based on his. You didn’t consider yourself to be calm, calculated, or reserved but the world did. You considered yourself to be the complete opposite.

Standing up, you bow to your father, “My apologies.” You don’t even make the effort to see him with the gruff he let out as a response enough for you to know his disappointment. You also didn’t need to bother to look at Naobito to know that his eyes were hunting your retreating body.  

You weren’t even allowed a moment to reflect on what had happened as a tiny body with tufted hair like yours was seated at the first steps that descended from the building. His back was facing away from you but you could make out that he was holding onto something, maybe a ball or a toy of his. You watched as his head turned as if he were inspecting the area to either avoid being seen or trying to look for someone. 

“Toru, what are you doing here?” You asked, looking around to see if he had come here alone. Most of the meetings took place at either one of the campuses for Jujutsu High but today was the rare case of holding it at the Gojo compound. 

 “Finally! I thought I was going to have to wait all day for you to come out.” The tiny boy complained as you felt his hold tighten as he tried to tug you away with him. “Now come on! I want to play!”

Those meetings became bearable for him. You smiled at the boy before you ruffled his hair. “I thought we talked about being patient, ‘Toru? You can’t run away from training like this.”

He lifted his head toward you and pouted at your words. “But I missed you! This whole week has been training and it’s always the same thing over and over again. It’s so boring!” 

Placing one of your hands into his, you allow him to lead the way, “It’s for good for you. How else do you think you’ll ever get stronger than me? I had to do the same thing at your age to get to this point.”

You didn’t wholeheartedly believe that to be true. He deserved to be a kid and be able to play, go to traditional primary school, and make friends. Naobito was right, fate had a sense of humor. A terrible one at that.

“Whatever, I can worry about getting stronger than you when I’m older. Right now, I just want to play with you!” As the eldest, you should’ve taken him back to the training grounds. As his sister, you let him coerce you into playing an array of different games. It started off physical with games like “Red Light, Green Light” then strayed into games like “I, Spy.” You often wondered if he enjoyed the life he had and if moments like these were as important to him as they were to you. I could tell you that you are naive to undermine your brother’s love for you. In many ways, you felt you were failing him as his sister. The previous comment you made is a prime example of that. You should be nurturing his childhood but at some points, you feel like you hinder it. 

As a soft yawn escaped the little boy's voice, he made quick by covering his hands over his mouth. He wanted to keep spending with you. Lately, you’ve been busy with meetings and missions. This was one of the rare occasions that he’s been able to have you alone and away from everyone else. He didn’t want to go to sleep and then wake up with the uncertainty of if he’d even catch a glimpse of you throughout the day. 

You smiled at him as you poked his cheek. “I spy with my little eye someone who needs to go to sleep.” You brought your hand out for him to take but the 7-year-old boy didn’t budge.

He shook his head, crossing his arms over one another, and with a pout, he affirmed, “I’m not tired!” His body was against him as another yawn came out.

You scooped him up into your arms and almost instantly he fell asleep. Thankfully, where you guys were was close to the main house so that walk wasn’t far. Once you had entered the house you took notice of the familiar silence that was present regardless if your family was home or not. Your mother prided herself in her image so you assumed she was out at a tea party with high-standing women from other clans. Your father could be anywhere from still being at the meeting from earlier or in this case right in front of you.

“Care to explain why Satoru is with you and not training?” He made no effort to lower his voice and you felt Satoru twist his body a bit at the sound of his voice.

“Father, he is a child. He should not be training as hard as he is now. At his age, I wasn’t-” You were never allowed to speak freely with him, and at times you forget that. No worries, he would always remind you in the form of cutting your words short.

“And that’s where I went wrong with you.” The blue in his eyes was darker and more menacing compared to yours and Satoru’s. His hair was long with half of it being held up in a top knot while the other half was down.  His height aided in his uninviting aura standing at 6’4 and his yukata matched his cold exterior with it being a mixture of cool blues.  “Naobito’s words hold merit, I hope you know that. Don’t bring your brother down with you.” 

“Of course.” is all you say as you continue to make your way into Satoru’s bedroom. There wasn’t much personality to it as it was a traditional Japanese-style bedroom. The teddy bear on his bed that you had gifted him after winning it at a summer festival in high school was the only piece of personality his room had. Placing him down and tucking him in, you kiss his forehead. 

“Love you, ‘Toru.” You were making your way out of his room when you heard a mumbled, 

“Love you too.” from his direction. Turning to face him, you saw he was still asleep but now was hugging the bear. Your brother would always unknowingly find ways to make you smile which you did before leaving his room while trying to make your way out of the house.

“What are you doing going out at this time?” You heard your father call out from behind you and the smile soon fell. Turns out he hadn’t left when you took Satoru to his bedroom as he stood at the corner of the hallway with his arms crossed.

“I thought it would be a good idea to train. I haven’t been able to recently due to missions.” You lied and he seemed to buy it as he simply nodded before making his way to whoever knows where. 

He would have you castrated if he knew you were meeting up with the renowned Sorceror Killer.

“Is that my damsel in distress? How much do you want this time?” You teased the bulky man that looked comedic sitting amongst all the flora.  He yanked out a few flowers that were nearby before throwing them at you. Normally you would’ve reprimanded him for damaging your work like that but it wasn’t yours. You had somehow coerced the man into helping you plant/maintain your garden under the agreement that you’d give him money in return.

 “That joke stopped being funny after the first time, doll.” He rolled his eyes at your other comment before rubbing two of his fingers together in a money motion before “poofing” it away. “You don’t pay me enough to even consider you another form of income.” 

You laugh at this before grabbing the collar of his sweatshirt and pulling it down, you point to the prominent “love bites” he had received recently as you playfully pushed him away, “Maybe not, but those dates you take the women you swindle money from aren’t being paid from the money earned from that highly respectable job of yours.” 

A while after you found out about his “hobbies”, you grew desensitized to them. Granted you only experienced the before/aftermath of them; the “borrowed money”, the nauseating perfume that mingled with his, and the poorly hidden hickeys.  He described himself to be someone that was just experiencing the world and what it had to offer, good or bad.

“Getting so handsy with me but then pushing me away. You’re giving me mixed signals, doll.” The knack for being hypocritical had to be an inherited trait amongst the Zenin clan. 

A year has passed and you both certainly were liars. 

To an extent.

Yes, that was the closest that Toji had ever been allowed to get to you. That was in terms of physical contact. Over the year, you have gotten closer. You found out that he was a year older than you making him 22, how he got his scar, the night you talked for the first time he had only attended to tie off some loose ends with Naobito, and that he liked to gamble his money away.

After that initial meeting, the garden continued to be the designated meet-up spot. The number of times you’d see each other varied. Neither one of you had contact with one other outside of the garden so figuring out when the other would show up was a guessing game. You could either see each other every day or go months without any contact. The interactions held similar exchanges overall: talking about their days, stargazing, lingering touches, and unspoken words.

The mutual attraction from the start was palpable, but it had become difficult to deny as the years went by. This is more of an issue for yourself than for Toji, who vocalizes his attraction at any moment as long as there is an opportunity. You denied him for multiple reasons. The first is his instinct to wake up in other people’s beds rather than his own.

You were correct in assuming that Toji was a womanizer even if he heavily denied it. 

“Trying to signal to you that we’re friends shouldn’t be viewed as a bad thing. It seems you keep conveniently forgetting that part.” 

“Those women could be you if you just said yes.”  As per the routine, you ignored him. 

“You’re not usually the last one to show up between the both of us. Stuck in one of those meetings again or did something else take up your time?”

“Hmm.” Was the only response you gave him and he noticed your mood sour at mentioning your day.

“What did they do to piss you off this time?” He asked, chuckling at the irked expression you made. Anyone would consider your friendship to be an unlikely pairing that neither one of you could offer an answer to. In terms of bonding, if asked how you managed to remain friends you would bring up the mutual distaste for the higher powers of Jujutsu society. 

Landing your head onto his lap and letting your hands run down your face, you groaned,  “More like I pissed someone else off.”

He ran his fingers through your hair, pushing away a few strands that had fallen on top of your face. He gave up on trying to get rid of his habit of admiring your features. Though he has never admitted this to you, the women that he has hooked up with have never once come close to your beauty. It’s not like you made it easy with those eccentric features you had.  “You know, usually someone has to piss you off before you piss someone else off. If I were to guess it was Naobito this time?”

You shook your head irritated at having to think of that man again before answering,  “It’s always the same thing with him. With all due respect, none of your cousins are necessarily the most tolerable to be around.” You knew he didn’t take offense to that. He would’ve made the same remark about them too. Most likely an even harsher and more descriptive assortment of words. 

“It was my father.”

“Oh, now that one is different. Don’t tell me I’m influencing bad behavior on you, doll.” He was joking but there was truth to that statement. His influence was not in your actions but more in the actions that you wouldn’t allow yourself to act upon. For reference, as you lay on his lap you wonder how he would feel inside your mouth as you see the imprint of his dick from his sweatpants from your peripheral, and judging based on the imprint alone you could see that he was well-endowed. 

“It’s been a year and I still can tell you that you don’t have that kind of effect on me.” Lies like these remained a focal point in your relationship but Toji always knew when you were lying. You’d do what everyone else did when they lied like avoiding eye contact.

“Why don’t you leave?” He has posed this question to you previously and you’d always reply differently. Sometimes taking it seriously, sometimes not as much.

“Are you suggesting we become co-workers? With all due respect, I don’t think I’d take pleasure in knowing my livelihood is dependent on murder.” You chose the latter. 

“Don’t knock yourself too short. That gaze of yours could certainly knock a man dead with just a look. Might as well play up your strengths.” He joked as he twirled a strand of your hair in between his fingers.

“You flatter me too much.”

He tugged on the strand his hand eliciting a reaction out of you that he had dreamed about on various nights,  “You haven’t answered me. You keep complaining about the same things and the same people. Why not just leave it all?” 

“And what? Leave Satoru by himself? I leave and then what becomes of him? The elders will just force him to be the next clan leader and fulfill my responsibilities. That’s not what I want for him.” You’ve fantasized about your life outside of all of this on multiple occasions. If fate had been fond of you right now, you’d be studying in college for a degree you weren’t a hundred percent certain of. Rest assured, you’d have a collective of people who would understand and make you feel certain that you’ll figure it out one day. You’d also be working a part-time job at a nearby cafe to sustain you and Satoru in a one-bedroom apartment near his elementary. He would certainly be a class clown that was adored by all as an individual. Craving the ordinary may seem foolish for other people and if it was then you were truly an idiot. 

“You keep mentioning other people in your future but you haven’t said what you want yet.” Alongside the unspoken rule of not speaking about Toji’s sexual outings, topics such as these were hardly ever spoken about. Whether it was because it never came up in conversation or because it was believed to be too much you didn’t know.

“I don’t know what I want. I don’t have dreams. I don’t have aspirations. What’s the point of leaving if I have nothing worth leaving for?  ” You shrugged after you removed yourself from his lap to sit upright but didn’t make an effort to create distance between the two of you.

“Do you need a reason to be free?” His tone of voice made his words feel like a throwaway statement. As if it were the most obvious thing in the world. However, those words would continue to hang over your head for years to come, trust me I would know.

From his perspective, he was doing anything to get by. He became a mercenary because it was something he was good at and it paid well. It wasn’t a dream of his nor something he wanted to do. The only thing that it guaranteed him was freedom and a new life. Just like you, he didn’t particularly know what he wanted to do when he decided to leave the clan. He just knew that it was something he needed to do for himself. 

Leaning your head into the conjugation of his neck and jaw, feeling yourself get drowsy you let your eyes fall shut. “Don’t feel like talking anymore. Just stay here.”

After hearing your soft breaths, he knew you had fallen asleep. This was the first time in a while that he noticed that you hadn’t even acknowledged the guests that would frequent the sky at this time of night. The illuminated decorations scattered throughout the sky form different shapes. He never actually retained any of the constellation shapes that you’d point out to him.  It was mostly the stories and the names that were attached to the constellations that he’d remember. Orion and Artemis were apparently constellations that would appear frequently as that’s a prominent story he remembered you telling him. I would tell you their story but now is not the time.

He wrapped an arm around your sleeping body to keep you steady and leaned his head over yours as he spoke to the stars, “Friends? I think she’s the only one out of the both of us that believes that.”

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authors note: hope you enjoyed this chapter! please reblog, like, comment, or whatever you feel comfortable doing to let me know that you like this story and if I should continue it. Also, if you have anything you have questions about it don't be afraid to ask! I'll answer it to the best I can without spoiling too much :)

Magnum Opus | phantom reunions

characters: ex!eren x reader, husband!levi x reader

summary: Insomnia and nicotine can cause a lot of mental hiccups but neither of you believed this one to be in relation to that.

tags: angst, fluff, eren finally shows up (kinda ??), a slice of life, children, parenthood, grief/mourning, these kids ain't giving reader a break, justice for hange.

“Hange stop holding onto the fence like that. You’re creeping people out.” You lectured the adult as you leaned your back against a nearby wall, while one of your hands held onto the handle of Amos’s stroller. Your other hand was being used as a makeshift fan as January’s weather was erratic with it only getting used to the divergence of climate. Today is a testament to its troubles with the heat being overbearing. Living close to the school, Hange suggested walking instead of using your car as transportation. – “Gas emissions are one of the leading causes of climate change.” 

Reluctantly they retracted their hands from the wire, demeanor going slack at the fact they no longer could stand guard. Keeping your words in mind, they let their eyes wander the vicinity to see that people were indeed staring not at them but at you.

“I’d say that I’m not the object of interest here.” They muttered, side-eying all of the individuals that were bold enough to make their gazes on you known. Many people were attracted to you like a moth to a flame based on Hange’s analysis. Never had you taken their words for a fact as you simply believed they were trying to boost your ego. 

Deciding to let you be ignorant on the matter, they frowned,  “Excuse me for being a concerned guardian.”

In your case, you had not heard their first comment nor acknowledged the gazes not because you were ignorant of the matter but because you simply weren’t interested. You felt your eyes automatically roll at their excuse. “This is an elementary school, not some sort of underground fight club.”

“That’s what they all say.” They exasperated before crouching down to come to eye level with Amos, who was previously aimlessly observing the other people waiting. Noticing a big shadow overtaking the sun, the child smiles seeing their godparent. They poked Amos’s pudgy cheeks, trying to coerce him to agree with their antics. “Isn’t that right baby? This is just some big fight club and Han-Han isn’t crazy.” 

His eyes crinkled while his mouth drew outwards, nodding his head in agreement as he chirped, “Yeah!”

The artist who had drawn the adorable illustrated smile on your son had now drawn the same design on themselves  — be it not adorable but still the same design prompt, you watched their eyes switch up towards your sitting form. “Why can’t you be more like your son? He understands the vision.”

“Wanna change my diaper, Han-Han?” You spoke with a babyish cadence, inching closer to their face. 

No one batted an eye at your words, probably believing you were mimicking your child in the stroller. However, Hange knew that simply was not the case. Having been with a man such as Levi for so long, you’ve adapted his personality’s tang to be your own. You were given the package deal that included his crude humor. 

They recoiled at the mental image you graciously painted for them while they pursed their lips. Placing their hands on their knees for support, they become eye level with you. “Your humor disgusts me. I hope you know that.”

“Gotta make life interesting for you somehow.” You teased, grinning from receiving the reaction you wanted. It had only grown in length when you heard a little giggle coming from inside the stroller. Bending to the side you were welcomed with your cheerful child erupting in a gibberish tangent with the only word deciphered from it being, ”Up! Up!” 

Unlatching the buckles in his stroller, you pull him towards you, cradling him in your arms you use an arm to shove the now empty stroller towards Hange, who didn't make much of an effort to refuse it as they were minimally shocked by the betrayal of their old accomplice.

“Why can’t you be more like your godson? He understands the joke.” You mocked and before they could even utter a response the sound of the school bell rang throughout the campus accompanied by the boisterous bustle of children eager to leave. 

The loud noise was not welcomed by Amos as he almost immediately began to wail. You had made the mistake of not bringing his headphones and now had to deal with the consequences. A stream of tears flowed through his tear ducts and partially made his steely eyes look foggy. You learned to not panic in these situations as it would only add to his own overwhelmed state. Instead, you would reassure him that there was nothing to fear and pull him closer to your body to let him know that you were there. It did indeed calm him down as he was now reduced to sniffles. 

Lifting your eyes towards the influx of elementary school students, your eyes brighten seeing your two children walk hand in hand, both of their eyes frantically trying to find your silhouette amongst the crowd. Tapping on Amos’s cheeks you point a finger in their direction and whisper in his ear, “Look over there, it’s bubba and sissy.” 

His clouded eyes followed your finger in a rather skeptical manner. His vision was slightly obscured but he could easily decipher the hazy silhouettes of his sibling. Rubbing the tears from his face, he cleared his vision and using all the vocal power he called out for his siblings in glee. 

Meanwhile, Hange had begun a search of their own with their hand being used as a visor of sorts with their index fingers pressed up against their eyebrows as their eyes had zeroed in on the crowd and found their targets. To be fully immersed in their search, they had yet to notice that you had spotted them first. Believing their running figures to be directed towards them and confusing their excited voices chanting “Mama! Bubba!” to be other children. Opening up their arms in expectation, they sigh in bliss as they flutter their eyes closed for added effect. 

After a while in their position, they were not met with the graces of tiny arms wrapping around their legs but instead the gushing of air. Peering an eye open they are greeted by the scene they had envisioned for themselves to be realized with you. 

They tried to recover from embarrassment but it was too late. 

With a judging stare, Iris pokes her head out of your legs and points towards the adult. “Han-Han, why are you standing like that? You look weird.” 

Masking their disappointed disposition, they let out a whistle as they covered up their actions in a stretch. “Just taking in the air and letting out a good stretch! You know, gotta be ready for the walk home.”

“You’re getting old, Hange! If you stretch too much you might break a bone. We learned that in class today. Right, Iris?” He turned to his sister who nodded in agreement. “Be careful.”

Children are easy to deceive and take everything for face value. They don’t know better and have yet to understand that they shouldn’t trust what everyone says. Most children do, at least. Whether you or Levi had some sort of special intellectual gene that was then passed on to your children was beyond them. Since they were kids, they wanted to believe that they were genuine in their concerns. However, as your kids, they couldn’t wholeheartedly believe that to be true. 

Their jaw slacked with the inclusion of a twitching eye, staring incredulously at the twins. Shifting their eyes upwards they see you with your head turned away from them and lips suctioned inwards in hopes of not bursting out in laughter. 

“Hey! Your mom and I aren’t that different in age!” They retorted back, highly offended at the fact that they were the only ones being discriminated against.

“I’m not the one pushing 30.”

“Why you-”

“Ah ah ah, I am sensing some inappropriate words. Best not continue that sentence in front of the kiddos.”

“Let’s just go.” They grumbled out as they began to walk away but were stopped by some forceful tugs on the trench coat. Glancing down they see Ace and Iris wearing apologetic expressions. “We’re sorry, Hange.”

“You are lucky you guys are cute.” They cooed, hugging them tightly. It was visible to anyone that they were losing oxygen during the whole interaction.

Your family dynamic was unique and to many unconventional with no longer having the leading male role that was to be seen in most depictions of familial dynamics. In your family, there was no need for that role to be filled by anyone. Scratch that, no one was worthy of filling the role anymore. It belonged to one person and solely one person. 

Even now as you walked through your neighborhood with the many unwanted stares being set on you and you alone. A few had the looks to make a woman swoon with just a glance and others didn’t have the same impact but weren’t that unsettling on the eyes. 

None of them amounted to him. No man ever will in your eyes. That’s what you believed to be true and in your mind, it was speculated to be factual. 

Aside from your hyper-awareness of the looks, the walk home was tranquil. Listening to Iris and Ace make the occasional comment about their surroundings while you and Hange would chime in and let them know what things were. Even with the lively sounds of cars passing and pedestrians talking, Amos didn’t seem too bothered by it as slumber overtook him. 

You and Hange had tried prying into their school day but to no avail. They claimed that the information was top secret and that people could be listening in. All you could do was play along with their silliness and await for the classified information to be revealed at home. Which they abided by, shoving you and Hange inside your home as soon as you had unlocked the door – gently taking the stroller away from you and slowly pulling inside to not wake their baby brother.

“What are you-” You had started but were soon shushed, being pushed further inside, specifically into your living room.  You both were ushered to the brown sectional couch that you had brought with you from the old house. It was one of the nicer items in your abode and your children knew this as they instructed you both to brush off any outside residue before taking your seat.

“What's the meaning of all this?” You ask with concern etched in your voice. The last thing you needed to hear was that your children were being mistreated by other kids at school. 

The twins gave each other knowing grins before reaching into their backpacks to pull out what seemed to be flyers. They gave you each one and as soon as you saw the title of it your heartbeat stagnated.

Dr.Yeager Presentation

On Wednesday, January 22nd

In the Shiganshina Elementary Gymnasium

@12:30pm

Ignorance was truly bliss as your children did not catch on to your desolate demeanor, taking your silence as you pondered on a decision. The surname that used to haunt you was now printed in bolded letters on a flyer. The flyer didn’t have any indications that it would be him either aside from sharing the same last name. You didn’t want to jump to conclusions and assume that it was the same person. In the years, you didn’t care enough to know about what career path he had chosen to pursue. Hell, you had no idea whether he was still in Shiganshina or not. 

A clap resonated within the living room walls, taking your attention off of the flyer and onto your enthusiastic son. 

“We want to go! We heard Dr. Yeager is a really good doctor and has done a lot of cool things! I want to be just like him!” Ace passionately proclaimed with his chest puffed out and an award-winning smile.

“I wanna ask him about dissecting!”, Iris added in a dreamlike state of mind, which left you a little worried and Hange oozing with pride. You didn’t have the heart to tell her that not all doctors “dissect” and let her live on her fantasy. 

“I say we let them! Enabling curiosity and building interests is good for them at this age.” They remind you, as a matter of fact. 

Staring a good while at the flyer, you nod your head following their claims. “I don’t see a problem with you guys going. It’s going to be after school so I’ll try to get off of work early and like Hange said this would be good for you guys.”

For the sake of your children’s happiness, biting the bullet was all you could do. Nevertheless, if it turned out to be him that could serve as a sign that he has changed.

Their steely eyes shined with excitement, their mouths beginning to open to vocalize their feelings but were silenced by you placing a finger on your lips, pointing to the dormant baby in the stroller. They nodded their heads and mumbled an apology.

You let out a chuckle at their actions and were going to speak but felt a pair of eyes on you. You see Hange tilt their head before giving a knowing gaze. 

Without the unvocalized reminder, you would’ve completely forgotten the commitment Hange had roped you into. You had almost allowed for a frown to graze its way on your face at the revelation but bit your inner cheek instead.

“We have some exciting news too.” Hange began and just when you thought they were going to take the reins on telling the kids the news, you felt an elbow nudge your side and a cough signaling you that would not be the case. You would’ve glared if the kids weren’t there.

“We’re going to the park and then afterward we’re going to go meet up with some of my old friends from high school for dinner.” You explained feeling rather awkward announcing the plans for the evening. Not wanting to worry them about your true sentiments about the situation, you concocted a faux smile to replace your rather dim expression. 

The excitement that they had previously felt had not diminished in the slightest, it had actually been amplified. They were jumping up and down in a circle as they held hands. You had checked off every excitable thing there was to them; Getting permission to go to the presentation and getting to spend time with you.

They threw themselves onto you as they welcomed you with a tight hug, peppering your face with long-lasting kisses. You made no effort to stop them as you enveloped your arms around their waists and pulled them closer to you.

Hange watched the interaction with sympathetic eyes, knowing and experiencing all that the family had gone through in the last couple of months. This allowed them to rest easy knowing that once they returned to Marley in a few days you guys would be fine and even if you weren’t, they were just a phone call away.

Taking one look at the watch on their wrist, they knew that they would have to cut this moment short for the sake of time – not because they felt left out at all, that would be petty. Clearing their throat, they let their voice be the bearer of unfortunate news. “Alright, Alright that’s enough kissing for today. We aren’t going until later so if you don’t want your mom to change her mind you guys have to finish your homework first.”

Just as quickly as they were to embrace you, they were equally as efficient to get off of you. Picking up their respective backpacks and rushing toward their bedrooms. Hearing the clicks of their doors shut, you slumped into the sofa with an exhale leaving your nose. 

“I think I’m going to take a nap. Wake me before it’s time to go.”

“You got it, boss.” You imagined they had saluted but you wouldn’t truly know as your eyes were shut closed and your mind had already begun to drift further from reality and into the abyss.

In recent months, your need to sleep has depleted. You never had sleep-related issues before and the running joke in your friend group was to compare you to a sloth with how frequently you’d craved to be asleep. When you dream you get transported to unrealistic situations where they can either be so realistic you believe them to be foretold prophecies or so far-fetched that you would make it the topic of conversation with your friends. With the passing of Levi, you didn’t get either. You wouldn’t dream at all. Rather you would be transported to a black void that made your mind wander for all the wrong reasons. Not to say the sleep you were receiving now was an improvement of that but you certainly stayed asleep far longer than you usually had.

What felt to be millennia was just short of four hours of uninterrupted sleep. It could have been longer if not for Hange sticking true to their word and shrugging you awake. 

“The kids are ready. We’re just waiting on you now.” They informed you as you nodded in response with addition of a yawn. 

You outstretched your limbs, hearing every bone crack in a satisfying way from the less-than-comfortable position you had slept in. “Let me freshen up and we can start heading out.” You groggled out as you rubbed your eyes, pushing yourself off of the couch to go towards the bathroom.

“Make sure to change your shirt! You got saliva stains all over it!” They called out from their position in the living room. Glancing down at your white shirt, you grimaced at the sight and rerouted yourself to your bedroom. You could hear their laugh slowly die out the closer to your bedroom you got. 

Entering the bleak room, you make your way to your closet. For being a walk-in, the lack of clothes made it look bigger than it was. A large portion of your clothes you had donated to a women's homeless shelter as a lot of your clothes no longer fit or you simply had no use for them. 

Rummaging through the minimal selection of clothes in your closet for an appropriate outfit had proven to be difficult as you began to overthink. Was this a casual event? Did you have to dress up? Did you want them to know that you tried to dress up? As you let your worries take up your mind, you failed to hear small footsteps enter your bedroom.

It wasn’t until they let themselves be known via vocalization that you had awakened from your trance. Turning behind you to meet the owner of the voice, you almost let a wail slip out of you.

In front of you was Iris. Her long raven hair was pulled into two separate low ponytails that had been tied with baby blue satin ribbons which granted her face to be showcased. 

If it was her beauty that moved you close to tears then you would be crying every single day at having such a blessing. However, the object of your near-close wails was not that. It was the dress she wore.

It was a prairie girl-esque style dress that was also blue but in a slightly lighter shade than the ribbons adorning her hair. A jewel-shaped lace neckline that had hearts spaced out every so inch thanks to the lace. Chiffon ruffles were seen going down the upper half of her body ending right at the end of the waistline that flowed out to be more chiffon. The ruffles were also orchestrated at the end of the sleeves, not overbearingly but in a simplistic way. The main focus points of the dress to a designer were its use of chiffon, the ruffles, and the color. To you, it was more than that.

“Do you need help, Mama?” She asked, not quite noticing your gaze on her dress as her eyes were looking straight past you and into your closet. “Han-Han told me to come help you.”

Not receiving a response she sees you eyeing her attire. “This is Papa’s favorite dress on me. He says I look like a pretty flower.” She explained bashful of her confession. Shifting with the balls of her feet, she muttered, “I want Mama’s friends to think I look like a pretty flower, too.”

You smiled at her explanation, brushing a few out-of-place hairs off her face before planting a delicate kiss on her forehead. “You do. You look like an Iris.” 

Your daughter’s cheeks faintly colored with a muted pink at the compliment. The urge to shower her with more affection was strong. Trying to relieve her embarrassment, she intertwines her hand in yours, pivoting you both in the direction of your closet. She grinned at your frowning expression. 

“If I’m a pretty flower then you have to be the prettiest!” She declared as she began to wreak havoc in your closet, tossing clothes she deemed to be ill-fitting for today's occasion across the room. You made no effort to stop her and sat on your bed expectantly. The possibility of her coming out with an atrocious outfit was slim. For being only six, she had a great eye for fashion. However, you were aware there weren’t many clothes she had to work with making the otherwise slim chance increase.

“Done!” 

Suddenly, articles of clothing are thrown directly at your face knocking you onto your bed. Peeling the article of clothing that had been obscuring your vision off of your face, you are pleasantly surprised by the selection. You had never been keen on wearing dresses feeling like they were a bit inconvenient with a lot of them not having pockets and the incessant fear that you’ll end up flashing someone. Albeit, this selection didn’t bother you at all.

It was a black short-sleeved bodycon that you hadn’t worn in years.  It has a mock neckline and was made of a ribbed knit material that ended mid-thigh. You never really had plans on ever using it, almost entirely forgetting it was even something you owned. In accompaniment with it was a neutral-colored plaid trench overcoat, it was endearing how considerate she was of your comfort. 

It wasn’t as intricate or showy as Iris’s outfit — in all honesty you didn’t believe anything ever could. The simplicity of the outfit and the mutable colors weren’t going to make you the talk of the discussion. As long as the muse – you – wore it that was all that mattered. It seems like what Iris meant wasn’t so much that you would be the prettiest – which you would regardless– but something that made you feel the way she saw you.

Looking in the mirror with the outfit on, you certainly did feel like a pretty flower. She permitted you the liberty of choosing accessories and footwear. A dainty gold necklace with your initials dangling as charms that were gifted to you on your first wedding anniversary by Levi and other miscellaneous jewelry that would compliment it. For footwear, you would’ve preferred to wear a casual white tennis shoe but were urged to go for a nude suede ribbon-laced heel by your persistent daughter. 

You were slightly nervous that you may look overdressed for the occasion which in turn made you not put much effort in was your hair or your face, deciding to go natural all around with the only product to grace your face being lip balm. 

“Good job, sweetie.” You praised. Letting her relish in her work and clapping in approval.

“You’re ready!” Not wanting to waste any more time, she pulls you out of your bedroom and into the living room where everyone else had been waiting for you. 

Hearing the sound of footsteps you hear Hange let out an exasperated sigh as they began their series of complaints. “Finally! How long does it-“

Seeing you now, they answered their question. Grinning from ear to ear, placing their hands on their hips as they whistled, “Look at you! Give us a twirl!”

You wanted to refuse but it looked like this was a group collective as Iris and Ace joined in.

“Twirl! Twirl! Twirl!” 

Rolling your eyes, you do as told. Crossing your feet one foot over the other to offer them all a lackluster twirl, not that they minded because they all still managed to dote on you. – “You look beautiful, mama!” “I think she looks the beautifulest!” “That’s not a word!”  "Is too!" “Who knew you had a body!”

Letting them all continue their compliments, you look over at Ace and Amos to see what they were wearing. It was a given that no one would be able to top Iris’s look today. It was to be expected in the family. However, that didn’t mean that they looked any less adorable. 

Ace was never one to care for how he looks. He’d grown accustomed to mimicking the outfits his father used to wear when they’d go out and had forgotten how to construct an outfit for himself. You assumed that Hange aided in picking an outfit since the clothes he wore were not even close to his normal graphic t-shirt and jeans he’d wear. A cream-colored jacket that had fur lining over the top of a plain white t-shirt and light-washed denim jeans. He seemed to get the memo since his usual hairstyle remained the same — a simple middle part.

On the other hand, Amos was wearing a white long sleeve that had a side pocket and three brown buttons coming down from the neckline. The same shade that was on the buttons translated into his cargo pants. To keep his head warm, he had an army green beanie that had an accent brown with the brand's name/logo. 

“You guys look so handsome!” You enthusiastically say, ruffling their hair resulting in them both, by choice nuzzling themselves into your hands. Looking up at Hange, who was holding Amos, you nod your head in acknowledgment. 

They were wearing the same clothes they had worn to pick up the kids. A white button-down that was peaking through their black vest, a navy green leather trench coat, and high-waisted white jeans that weren’t completely visible with their knee-high black boots. Their brunette hair was pulled back in the usual half-do bun with their bangs splitting to their respective sides as they slightly covered their eye-patched eye and their correctional lenses.

“And you look alright.” You passively remark. You walk past them and through the front door as they all follow close behind.

“Admitting that I look good isn’t that hard, ya know! Give me something to boast my ego a little!”

Luckily for all of you, using a car for transportation was needed. Both the park and Perko’s were too far to be considered a walking distance. Even with such knowledge, Hange was insistent that you all walk. You were all for the environment but if saving the environment meant walking across the town, the environment be damned. —- “If that’s what you want, be my guest. See you in 4-5 business days.”

In record time, they had buckled in the kids and had their foot on the gas. Given that the car was an older model and children were present, you would have to reprimand them at times for their reckless driving. You couldn’t stay all that mad since you had managed to reach your destination in one piece. 

From inside the car, you could see not many people or not any people at all were at the park. It was a school night and if people would’ve come to this park it would’ve been earlier since it was an early release day for all the elementary in the district. The kids didn’t have an issue with that. Claiming that there were more things to do and no playground showdowns. 

You had been prepared to play with the kids. You had not been prepared to play with the kids with heels on. Even with the feeling of blisters forming on your feet, you didn’t let it affect the quality time you wanted to have with your kids. Well, for a little bit, it didn’t.

“You guys are so fast.” You panted, gripping your knees to catch your breath while staring at the bark at your feet. It happened to go on deaf ears because when you went to look at them they were already playing on the monkey bars. 

Feeling a tap on your shoulder, you see a smug Hange holding out water with Amos clutching onto their hand attempting to stand by himself.

”I know those heels are killing you. Go sit on the bench. I’ll keep them company.” They suggested as they pointed to an unoccupied bench nearby. Grabbing the water you chug it down and breathe out a sigh of contentment while tossing the bottle into a nearby bin.

“I’m fine. I can manage.” You tried to reassure them but just so happened to prove their point by walking away with a stutter in your step. 

“I’m fine, my ass.” You heard them mutter out. Reaching your defeated figure, they spun you away from them and towards the bench. You shrug your coat off and allow it to shelter your legs from the breeze as you sit. Pulling out your phone from your coat pocket to check the time you notice that it was nearing six. 

Being left alone to your own devices, the overwhelming feeling of nausea overtook your senses. You were going to see your past in less than an hour. Never in a million years would you think of returning to Shiganshina. Much less reunite with any of your old friends.

To those that care, nothing dramatic caused this situation to be of this caliber. There was no “Big Fight”, no sides were being chosen after your break up with Eren, and there was ultimately nothing. On their ends, at the very most.

The one culpable was you. 

Eighteen-year-old, searching for independence and a new life, you. The consequences of your actions. You had brought this upon yourself. Cutting them all off in preparation for your new life and not having attachments to the past. The subpar decent thing you had done was invite them to your wedding.

Were they going to treat you the same? Were they going to treat this as an intervention? Do all of them know you’re coming?

More importantly, what would be your response to any of it?

Looking up ahead, you permit your thoughts to die out. Lifting your phone in landscape mode, you start recording the scene in front of you. The screen displayed a stressed-out Hange alternating between pushing each kid on the swings. Wanting each individual to shine, you would zoom in periodically on a specific person. You could only hope that the audio could catch their dialogue. —  “ Higher!” “I’m trying here!” “Try harder!” “Any higher and you’re reaching heaven, kid!”

A ghost of a smile weaseled its way onto your face. You liked capturing every moment you could of your life. That's how you knew a photography career would suit you well. Something about being the one responsible for capturing memories, being put in a spot where you need to capture the perfect moment, excites you. Sticking to being a wallflower instead of the centerpiece was comforting. You didn’t need to meet expectations and could do your sort of thing.

From afar you hear a voice, one that speaks your name with wonder. Too faint to be caught on camera but loud enough to be caught by your ear. The usage of your name aside, it was the voice that rendered you in a short-lived shock.

Raising your head in the enigmas direction, you’re met with nothing but a couple of fallen leaves swirling away with the wind. 

“Whatcha looking for?” Hange asked, scanning the baron park along with you. Judging by their worn-out faces and rumbling stomachs, you knew they were ready to leave. 

Not wanting to worry them, you shake your head, “Nothing, I just thought I heard something.”

“Insomnia must be hitting ya. It was most likely just the wind. I wouldn’t worry too much about it.” 

“I guess you’re right.” You reason, lifting yourself off the bench with your coat draping over your forearm.  A tug on your dress causes your eyes to travel down to see Ace. He must’ve caught on to your worrisome countenance.

“I’m here, mama. You don’t need to worry. I’ll protect all of us.” He spoke with resolve. Thinking that was the end of his declaration, you were ready to thank him for his thoughtfulness. He caught you off guard when he spoke yet again. 

“Just like Papa always does!”

That would make it the second time today you were on the brink of releasing a monsoon at your child's words. As if they had agreed upon reducing your mind to mush and letting the only solid aspect remain to be nostalgia and longing.

They say kids mimic their parents and adapt to their mannerisms. That belief would seem to apply to your children making everything about Levi. To an extent, that was true. Beyond that, They were kids in denial. Kids who loved their dad and made sure everyone knew. Kids who held onto their father's existence with desperation like their mom. 

“Just like your papa does.” You affectionately recite back in a soft voice, you lean down and let him kiss your cheek. Searching farther ahead, you can see that everyone else was nearing the car. “Come on, if we aren’t fast enough they’ll leave us behind. Means there will be no delicious food for us.”

A downfall of being a wallflower was while being in your world, you sometimes fail your duty as a wallflower. You had caught the eye of a man entering the park. He intended to defuse any tension or stress he had accumulated throughout the workday. A cigarette between his lips, a doctor's coat that you would think would hide his body only enhanced it, and tousled brunette hair. He looked like he needed this escape. 

Little did you know you had just tarnished any hope of him doing so with your presence alone.

At first, he believed the nicotine was fogging up his head and the added stress further worsened his cognitive thinking skills. He thought you were a phantom. In a way, that remained to be his general thoughts on the situation since the you that was a few feet away from him differed from the you from a decade ago. You were no longer a flower bud that had a crowd of spectators anticipating which kind of flower you’d bloom into. Matter of fact, it was hard to even place the title of Wallflower on you because you were far from it. 

A nurtured wallflower turned the centerpiece of a pleasing bouquet.

He had observed how your fingers would pinch into your phone screen, your hands tilting occasionally to capture different angles, and making the conscious decision to not acknowledge the eye-piercing piece of jewelry on your ringer finger.  He ignored it with such confidence that his legs began to walk towards you out of their own accord. Painting this to be a predestined reunion of sorts. The nicotine was surely causing his senses to malfunction. That’s what he deduced it to be.

Along with his other delusional assumptions, he had avoided labeling the children on the playground to be of personal importance. He had written them off as kids you were babysitting and the adult holding the baby to be a friend you had roped into helping – the only assumption he unknowingly had gotten right. Even when he saw the way the kids jumped into your arms. Even when he could see the resemblances between the kids and you. Even when he could audibly hear them call you their mom. He still stuck to his assumptions but with a faltered credence.

Whenever he had whispered your name – primarily for his clarification — it was never his intention for you to hear it. He didn’t realize he was just a foot away from you and that anything he said now was within earshot of you. 

He observed as your content guise was stripped from your face. How the guise had morphed into distress. His jaded eyes trailed over your face, checking out every single maturity it had developed over the years. They stopped on your lips when he saw them move and made note of them before he hid.

The “predestined” reunion he believed he was ready for was stopped out of his own accord. He had good intuition for halting it when he did because it certainly was not the time. He was just impatient. 

Overhearing you deem his mistake for the wind, he sighed out of relief. He and everyone else took your words to be truthful. Deciding to call it a day after making sure you were far enough away to not see him, he left. 

Entirely unaware that even if he had spoken it in the softest of tones, you knew his voice. The voice had a familiar feeling to it but with the monotone undertones and a gruff emphasis being foreign to you, the possibility of you being wrong was there. 

Nevertheless, you become restless when you don’t receive definitive answers. That’s how you witnessed his figure depart from behind the tree. How even staring solely at his fleeting back, you noticed his change in appearance. His brown hair had grown significantly in comparison to what he was working with in high school, now styled in a bun similar to Hange’s. His previous short and lanky physique was taken over by a six-foot stature and a pure muscle frame.

Eren Yeager had been here. 

Whether you were okay with that or not, you didn’t know. 

Whether that would be the last you’d see of him, you were reluctant to admit but were aware that this interaction would delve further than unbeknownst stares. 

CHAPTER 8 UPDATE

Chapter 8 might come out today!!!

I want to give out the disclaimer that there isn't any smut in this chapter but there are insinuations of it. So if anyone only reads for the smut I'm sorry :(