Jazz Who Came To Visit: Dan...No.

Jazz who came to visit: Dan...No.

Dan who is watching Lexie give a speech on TV:...I can fix him.

Jazz: No! He probably has a villain basement and clones!

I want Dan to be a farmer.

Like redeemed Dan goes through therapy, takes one look at the world filled with spandex wearing heroes and monologuing villains and just goes "Nope, I'm gonna go be a farmer."

He didn't really have a chance at living a peaceful life in the last timeline since he had Danny's job of keeping the peace (and then turned evil) but now that Danny's doing Danny's job, he's got a chance to go off and do his own thing.

So, he moves out to a nice little town called Smallville, right next to a lovely couple named the Kent's.

And he enjoys it.

It's pretty peaceful, nobody bothers him (bar from a few visits from Danny and Dani, and also the weekly phonecall from Jazz)

It's just nice.

....

Now if only the heroes could stop crash landing on his property, that'd be great.

Like seriously, Superman! He just planted that corn!

And imagine it from Clark's point of view. He just got beaten up by Lexie boy, thrown into a field, had owner of said field go off at him, defeats Lexie, and then goes to his parents' house for some nice homecooked dinner. Only to find the owner of the field ranting to his parents about Superman destroying his crops. So now he has to sit through an entire dinner, listening to people talk shit about him. (Because the Kents have also had many a field destroyed by a young Clark)

I want Dan to be a farmer.

Like redeemed Dan goes through therapy, takes one look at the world filled with spandex wearing heroes and monologuing villains and just goes "Nope, I'm gonna go be a farmer."

He didn't really have a chance at living a peaceful life in the last timeline since he had Danny's job of keeping the peace (and then turned evil) but now that Danny's doing Danny's job, he's got a chance to go off and do his own thing.

So, he moves out to a nice little town called Smallville, right next to a lovely couple named the Kent's.

And he enjoys it.

It's pretty peaceful, nobody bothers him (bar from a few visits from Danny and Dani, and also the weekly phonecall from Jazz)

It's just nice.

....

Now if only the heroes could stop crash landing on his property, that'd be great.

Like seriously, Superman! He just planted that corn!

So, basically everyone thinks that Danny is John Wick.

Like he starts getting a legend, despite not having done anything, and the legend just gets bigger and more unrealistic.

"I once heard he killed eighteen people with a cupcake, a freaking cupcake!"

"I heard that if he doesn't like a contract, he'll make you disappear." (He gets them arrested but the arrested ones think their lucky and that the others actually got killed.)

They start calling him 'The Ghost '

If it's dpxdc then the Bats totally have a file on him (his occupation is labelled as Hitman)

Hitman vibes

Because Danny is half dead, he has some serious doom and gloom vibes without trying.

He smiles and wishes you a good day? Holy shit this kid just said this is my last day holy fuck.

Give you hot chocolate? Is this kid implying that this is the last warmth I'll ever feel?

It boils down to this; Danny had Hitman Vibes.

This is both hilarious and concerning, especially when people try to contract him to perform assassinations. He has gotten so many people arrested with that shit.

I don't think atheism would affect the zone much, because there will always be people who believe in things, like a little kid believing that's there's a monster under the bed or someone believing in aliens.

And at some point they probably won't need to be beileved in, like they outgrew that belief and can now function without people believing in them.

Kay, so let's pretend that Danny's a part of the justice league, and he wants to mess with them.

Now they don't know a lot about the ghost zone, so they kinda have to take his words as the truth (since he is a resident of the place) which means he can say the most insane shit and they believe it.

Someone says "when pigs fly!" Danny informs them that the ghost zone has flying pigs and there's also flying pineapples.

And then he invents The Game.

He grabs normal playing cards, pokemon cards, yi-gi-oh cards, Bakugan cards, Uno cards, and then he mixes them all together and calls it an official Game of the zone.

He makes up rules and everything.

And then John Constantine comes along, and he wants in on the chaos, so he adds tarot cards.

And when anybody asks him if something about the zone is true (since he is the only person other than Danny who knows so much about it) he says yes.

Somewhere along the way, The Game becomes an actual official ghost zone game.

Danny floating above a table with cards in front of him: I summon blue eyes white dragon!

Dani playing along: I use the Queen of hearts signature move! Off with your head!

Dan who's here for some reason: reverse card.

Hal:...What the hell are they playing ?

John wandering in: hmm? Oh your playing that. *Pulls out tarot deck* mind if I join?

JL: ?????

And all the other things Danny's said exists in the zone now actually exist in the zone because people believe that they do.

He asks Clockwork about it, and he just says that "the power of belief is a powerful thing."

I just imagine all the Constantine's trying to date Fright Knight, the poor ghost has no idea of how to handle this.

And does John being Danny's parent make all Constantine's royalty? If so, think of the horror all ghosts would feel and the chaos they'd cause.

And no one can do shit about it because they're part of the royal family.

:T Hello there, Thought(tm) of the day...

I? Just remembered that Constantine's "Laughing Magician"(?) title is... f*ckin HEREDITARY?

Like?? As in The Constantine Meances have been out here, harrasing divinity and demons alike for GENERATIONS on behalf of a Good Time, the Lols, and probably Humanity if they can be arsed and you make a good case.

W... What chance would there even BE of at least like? HALF those f*ckers(conflicted but affectionate) NOT becoming Realms Ghosts? With the sh*t they're exposed too? With THEIR luck??

You think DEATH can trick them? Take them away for good? Take away the local Rat B@stard, Tricks Gods Just To See If He Can, Fate Is My Second Mistress and I Cuckold Glory On Your Mother's Bed, Constantine?

They run down main street, *ss in the breeze, wearing someone else's shirt and two shoes that don't match, not a stitch else, like run away lovers. Let Death TRY and catch them. Sorry, Luv, it's not them, it's definitely you.

..........I bet they're the wooooorst~~✨️

No joke, I bet they set up a whole *ss TOWN of Constantine.

Where the odds are in THEIR favor, gods fear to tread, and reality straight out stops working right. Like Diagonal Ally for B*stards, extended to a whole floating island. Everyone's related. It's Chaos. They can barely stand each other. Would sell each other for a toothpick.

Mess with ANY off them... and you can kiss your afterlife good bye.

They have NO neighbors because both no ones dumb enough to get NEAR them AND no one can stand to be around that many Constantines at once. The physical Manifestation of Fate wants to take the whole LOT of the handsy F*CKS to court for child support and a restraining order.

Somehow... they keep getting Earth Booze.

They SHOULDN'T have access. It's been anywhere from decade to centuries since they died. Millennium for a few. Howms't The F*CK, do they keep getting cheap gin and vodka? Bourbon and beer? Even the odd fruity cocktail for funnies.

Please... PLEASE! Tell the Zone at large, that their innate birthright powers STOPPED at Death. They... they are just REALLY good at smuggling right? Excellent con men?

Tell us they can't f*ckin PREDICT AND INFLUENCE Natural Portals!!!

*smug sipping noises from a large room full of Dead @ssholes*

Okay... They Won't Tell You~ 🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺 *siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip*

Now! I hear you ask? Why are John's Terrible, Terrible, God Awful Ghostly Relatives relevant? Absurdly powerful as they are... they seem to take the afterlife as an extended "Ha! GET F*CKED, DEMONS WHO WANTED MY SOUL!" Vacation/Family get together.

Minded their business and expected everyone to mind THEIRS, or ELSE.

Didn't give two solitary SH*TS that Pariah woke from his little nappy-poo to cause a tantrum. After all, in their family? When DOESN'T some "great and terrible Power That Be" get itself in a snit? Meh... it's baby Johnny's turn to clean sh*t up. Best of luck to 'im~I'm!

But THEN!

They must've been drinking... making out with their equally terrible and bamf trainwreck significant others... sitting around playing "who can cheat best at cards"... when? Huh.

Never seen the Fate and The Odds... STRANGLE like that.

Billions of billions of What-Ifs, Maybes, Could-bes, and more... suddenly YANKED towards a single spot. The allowance of Only One Outcome. Almost like what they can do, but... not, WRONG, per say...

Just... impossible.

There's NEVER.. JUST one way this plays out. You can control the big notes. The script. But the details and set dressing will always decide themselves.

NO ONE can just... Decide What Will Happen. And yet?

...............was....... was that Little Johnny? Has to be. Right? Where's his old man? Oi! Was that your Kid??! John's closest relatives are baffled. Nope. They can still feel him laying a beat down on some demon in Norway. So then? Who?

How?

Well mark them CURIOUS(tm).

They decide to actually get up. Put their various drinks and cards down. Put pants on. Somebody's done something... INTERESTING(TM) and they want to know what's up. So? Off they trot.

It's traumatizing from everyone who sees them. The Constantines have breached f*ckin B*stard Containment and are spilling into the Zone. On this! The DAY Pariah Waged A War! THEY JUST GOT RID OF HIM!

And Danny? His everything hurts. The Eyeballs are starting to come out of the woodwork and ARGUE about him like he's not even there. He's DANGEROUS blah blah blah. Give them the crown. Right now! Etc etc.

Somethings telling him not too.

It's... it's HIS isn't it? Has been for centuries and seconds. And... and... everyone one of him is King. There is only one of him. The Zone covers all the multiverse and all of the Hims that were and aren't here and helped and... and...! His head is starting to hurt.

But the more they try to push him to hand it over, the less he feels like unhanding the dang gaudy thing. No. His now. He'll use it as a DOOR stopper if he dang well feels like it! Stop yelling.

Then all these blonde ghosts saunter in... and all he can think is "F*ck. I think they noticed."

Huh?

@stealingyourbones @cyrwrites @bjurnberg @the-witchhunter @hdgnj

Dan: in my hero days, I had at least tried to fix what was broken in a fight, it didn't matter that there were government agents shooting at me because I wasn't considered sentient.

Clark: wait, what?

Dan ignoring him: didn't matter if my ex was also shooting at me, if I broke a fence in a fight then you could be damn sure I'd be there after the fight was over with a hammer, bucket of paint, and some nails.

Ma Kent: I know, it's terrible how much gets broken, we've had to replace the tractor three times in two years after some robot crashed into it.

Pa Kent: I heard a friend say that Captain Marvel down in Fawcett always stays to help out, it gets to the point they have to tell him that everything's fine and to go home.

Dan: I bet Captain Marvel never ruins any cornfields.

Clark: Are we just ignoring what he said?

Ma Kent: hush son, the adults are talking.

I want Dan to be a farmer.

Like redeemed Dan goes through therapy, takes one look at the world filled with spandex wearing heroes and monologuing villains and just goes "Nope, I'm gonna go be a farmer."

He didn't really have a chance at living a peaceful life in the last timeline since he had Danny's job of keeping the peace (and then turned evil) but now that Danny's doing Danny's job, he's got a chance to go off and do his own thing.

So, he moves out to a nice little town called Smallville, right next to a lovely couple named the Kent's.

And he enjoys it.

It's pretty peaceful, nobody bothers him (bar from a few visits from Danny and Dani, and also the weekly phonecall from Jazz)

It's just nice.

....

Now if only the heroes could stop crash landing on his property, that'd be great.

Like seriously, Superman! He just planted that corn!