Hes So Skibidi Coded

hes so skibidi coded 😻

SERIES : BASTARDS IN MÜNCHEN

04 // casual conversations between two footballers - [ series masterlist : 03 ,, 05 ]

sypnosis: kaiser has plans to devour you

no prns used (reader). bm academy timeline. ness is only around at the start. cw: swearing. some dialogue-shit-talking. kaiser & reader showering together.

This isn’t how it’s supposed to turn out. You weren’t supposed to be there. You're supposed to be anywhere else but there right now!

Ness widens his eyes in disbelief. It was supposed to be an easy win like always- the rest of their team passing around when convenient, leading up to his assist, then Kaiser scores the inevitable goal.

So, why exactly are you currently clashed with his team’s ace forward? Your limbs stretched out, restricting each other from progressing any further. Kaiser’s forearm in front of your chest; Your thigh pressing onto his calves.

“LOOSE BALL!” Your teammates call out as the defenders are quick to pass the ball back onto the midfield.

“Tch,” Kaiser expresses in irritation. “Should’ve known you got something gearing up in that hollow head of yours when you begged Coach to have you switch teams.” Wasting no time, he sprints towards the ball.

You smirk, following right on his trail. “Playing alongside you and playing as part of your little charade has gotten boring, I had to do a little switcheroo to stay entertained.”

Glancing over to your teammates’ current positions. You then suddenly dash off to the other side of the field.

“SCHNEIDER! PASS!” You signalled towards your midfielder. Eyes still darting around the field.

As the ball is speeding towards you, the opponent team’s defenders prepare themselves to face you.

You can see both central defenders and the left wing back running towards you. Using their speed to assume their next action- you shot the ball forward, angled slightly to the right.

“!?” The defenders were caught off-guard by your shot. Get played, NPCs. The field is truly your playground- and you’re that one big mean bully in charge of letting the smaller ones know their place.

“What was that, man!?” Your teammate yells at you. Silence, no-name lackey. This big-brain play is too much for his smooth, non-wrinkled supposedly-complex organ to interpret.

Bursting towards the ball with surprising powerful acceleration, you didn’t need to yell back to your teammate to answer him as you then launched a finishing kick at the ball.

A vertical spin direct shot. The ball curves so dangerously beautiful it sent shivers down Ness’ spine as he helplessly watched from his place.

“PWWWWWT!” - the referee finalises your goal with his whistle.

SCORE : 1 - 1 (TIE)

“Alright, time’s up. Match’s over. Take a nice relaxing shower, and I’ll meet you guys in the footage room for an overview.” Coach shoo’s everyone off the field to the showers. Even someone as experienced as him can’t handle that much foul stench of stinky teenage sweat in one day.

“Yes, sir!”

—

You’re currently humming in the showers, slathering shampoo onto the top of your head as you massage your scalp soothingly. What a match that was, you’re really improving and getting better at kicking a ball around.

And of course, someone has to disturb your well-deserved me-time.

“You humiliated me twice on the field today,” Kaiser took the spot beside you in the showers, even though there are so many vacant ones elsewhere. “I won’t underestimate you any further. That was my mistake.”

You side-eyed him with your hands still up on your head. “Dude. In the showers, really?” You quickly start washing yourself off with the cold water, ever so eager to get out of confrontations.

“I commend you,” The blond earnestly compliments. “For your ability to read every single player’s positions so well.” He presses his lips together grimly.

You pause, then sigh. For the first time in this facility, willing to cooperate. “Just spit it out already, what is it that you wanna ask?” You were always the one to barge into people's conversations, rather than having them to walk up to you and start talking. You look at Kaiser weird for wanting to chat with you- more so for the lack of his usual judgy tone.

Kaiser stares right into your eyes, “You purposefully positioned yourself behind me, after you sent the ball flying front. You placed yourself in my blind spot, and you took the chance to sprint to the other side of the field. Fully utilizing everyone else’s position and focus on the ball.” He reads your face to gauge out any reactions, “You were able to predict- no, you knew what everyone’s next move was, in a live match. Weren’t you?”

“Yeah. Now you’re just pointing out the obvious. What of it?”

“I want to know how you did it.” His brows are now screwed together at your indifference, “I will learn and evolve, then gracefully destroy you and everyone else on the field.”

You only raise a brow at that bold statement, “I just use my eyes.” Deciding to not address his threat- or promise, you start getting up and reaching for your towel.

“Elaborate.” He hisses out as he rushes to follow after you. Did he even wash off the soap properly? He’ll get skin irritation for that.

“There’s really nothing much to it,” you shrug then start patting your wet hair with the towel. “When I’m out on the field, I multitask to watch everyone. So while I’m able to carry out my own objective, I’m also able to react to other people’s decisions and predict their live objectives while at it.” You struggle stuffing your arm into the holes of the shirt.

“Think of it as like, opening multiple tabs on Google, or running a variety of different heavy-duty tasks on your PC.” You stretch your arms to the back, “It’s incredibly taxing at the start, but it’s so absolutely atrocious, disgustingly, mind-fuckingly fun.”

Ignoring your use of vocabulary, Kaiser allows himself to ponder over your words.

You grin at him, poking his bicep as he stood silently. “Once you learn that little trick, I’ll show you how to recreate my incredible Midas’ Touch too.”

“Midas’ Touch?” Breaking himself out of his trance, he looks at you with a brow raised. “Is that what you named your curveshot? Lame.”

“It’s not just any curveshot!” You boast loud and proud, “It’s a clinical shot that the audience will wet their pants over, you know? I know that I get them on edge with that finisher.”

He scrunches his face at your choice of words, but plays along with you anyway. “Well, my Kaiser Impact shits on the opponents- AND my goal will be so batshit insane that the audience wishes they can see it coming.” He starts smirking, getting confident. “It’s going to be so fast that they’ll get a whiplash by simply witnessing it from their seats.”

You both start laughing over each other, while simultaneously throwing in add-on statements, glazing the absolute fuck out of your own signature shots.

“Yeah, your Kaiser Impact is the most beautifully destructive weapon I’ve ever seen.”

For a moment, Kaiser pauses. He stares at you, eyes blown wide. What the fuck? You, the most demented, narcissistic player of all of Bastard München Academy, just complimented him?

He suddenly feels light-headed. Like he could vomit on the spot.

“Oh, you should probably start wearing your clothes too. Wouldn't want Coach to get all pissy at you for being late again. Would we?”

You smile cheekily at him, throwing his pants over his head.

Maybe he’s caught a cold, or gotten sick from being bare-skinned in the air-conditioned room for quite awhile. Because at that moment, you start to seem less annoying and he starts to find your company more.. enjoyable. He can't help but feel excited at the notion of the both of you talking again.

Yeah, he's definitely gonna throw up if he keeps this up.

Somehow, it fuels his desire to devour you on the field. He needs to destroy you- as beautifully as you described his Kaiser Impact.

© littlemissferret 2024 ✦ do not repost, translate or modify .

yippeeee the plot thickens !! reader's the one that introduces meta vision to kaiser 😼

- kaiser is now reader's little vomit bug - think i got abit too soft on their interactions for the bottom half... i was listening to sweet love songs

second chance romance with sae. write it.

x : WITH(OUT) :*+ﾟ

in which: after a messy breakup with sae, you find yourself waking up next to him two weeks later, this time just more in love.

warnings: 1.8k words, exes to lovers, hurt/comfort, SFW, gn!reader, tooth-rotting fluff with quite a bit of angst, a lot of metaphors here and there i apologise if they don't make sense get on my brainwave (nicely), ooc!sae perhaps uhh lol, bad writing, reblogs appreciated!!

a/n: lets see if tumblr community labels this post... sigh. rip first version u were a champ. this is my official claim to become tumblr's sfw itoshi brothers (separate) writer. i've made progress with rin, it's time to show some (reluctant) love to sae!! i literally only wrote this bc @limitlesshq and i had an agreement.

you wake up due to the rustling beside you, the movement rousing you from your slumber as the world becomes ever so clearer with each millisecond, the drowsy haze wearing off you as you take in your surroundings.

there’s a white ceiling overhead, the mattress beneath you feels like a cloud, and you can’t remember when your sheets turned a shade of gray. no- scratch that, you can’t remember when your mattress became this soft. 

hold on.

this wasn’t your room and the mop of magenta hair lying atop your chest is an indicator of such.

you’re in bed with a soccer star who just so happens to be the ex you messily broke up with two weeks ago. he’s wrapped around you like nothing had ever happened; as if you two were still in love and devoted to one another and hadn’t shouted at each other to the point that your throats were sore for a days afterwards. 

you needed to get out of here which was something easier said than done. especially when you had itoshi sae lying on top of you, wrapping you in a vice grip as he sunk further and further into your warmth, chest methodically rising up and down. you want to slap him for being so peaceful in this very moment. that should be you but instead, you’re panicking and trying to avoid another messy scene with your ex. 

the fact that said-ex was itoshi sae too… goodness what have you gotten yourself into. you should get out of here before it’s too late.

slowly, you begin to shuffle away, trying to pull yourself away from sae’s grasp. 

you’re halfway out when you hear the magenta-haired whine quietly, the sound causing you to turn your head and look at him. it’s to your horror that you’re greeted by a pair of hazy, turquoise eyes, still groggily waking up as sae tries to adjust to his bearings. he blinks a few times, waking up a little more with each flutter.

“where are you going?” he asks, voice hoarse from unuse. his arm tightens ever so slightly around you, pulling you back towards him and completely ruining your efforts.

you’re stunned, unsure of how to respond as sae tucks himself into your chest, breathing you in.

you hate the way you feel your heart lurch in your chest, rapidly beating with the urge to be as close as possible to him. this feels like a life you once knew, especially when his fingers start running up and down your spine, nimbly finding their way under your shirt. 

“sae,” you breathe out and his ministrations stop, diverting all of his attention upon you. “i have to go.”

he groans his protest, shaking his head. “why?”

“i just have to.”

“no.”

“what?”

“stay.”

“what?”

“did you not hear me? i said stay.”

just to prove his point a little more, he puts even more of his weight on you, tangling his legs with yours as if rooting you to his mattress. ever so demanding, he is.

the breakup was disastrous and entirely hurtful, wrecking you from the inside out when you woke up the next morning registering the previous night. you couldn’t remember the last time you felt so heartbroken and it hurt even more with every trace of sae that remained in your apartment. looking back, perhaps it was a little naive to believe that he was the one for you, that he was your endgame and not simply another lesson to heal from. all that time spent in a relationship, crumbled thanks to an argument that lasted for three hours and ended with a decisive slam of his door. 

yet just when you thought you were making process on the journey away from him, sae finds a way to pull you back in.

“i can’t stay,” you whisper, voice already a little shaky.

the magenta-haired looks up at you, apathetic eyes boring into yours. “but why?”

“i just- i just can’t. thank you for letting me stay over but i’m going to go home now-”

fingers thread through yours and sae’s hand pulls yours closer towards him. a pair of warm lips press themself to your skin and linger there as if burning and branding you- all of you, as his. 

he then kisses each of your fingers delicately and softly. “don’t go,” he mutters between pecks.

you feel a little breathless. like he’s punched your gut with every piece of gentle affection he plants, twisting the knife he had stabbed in your chest two weeks ago deeper and deeper, reopening the raw wound of hurt and pain with unmatched love.

you need to leave before anything else can happen, before you begin breaking down in front of him. 

quickly shuffling away from the athlete, you abruptly pull your hand out of his, throwing the covers off of you. however quick you may have been though, sae is undeniably faster, his hands crossing the distance to pull you back. his strength forces you to sit down once more and you bounce a little from the soft impact. he drapes himself around you again, chin resting on your shoulder. 

“let me go,” you plead, putting your hands over his wrists as if trying to pry them off but you feel too much for sae to truly try and resist him. his spell, no matter how hard you try to fight back, is just as potent. 

you fear that you may never be immune to his poison. 

he begins trailing kisses along your skin, uncharacteristically affectionate. “i can’t,” he begins, voice wavering uncharacteristically, traces of heartbreak evident in his tone. this display of emotion shocks you endlessly and you stop fighting against him, freezing when you feel his breath shudder against your skin.

your heart is thumping heavily, causing your chest to clench.

"stop messing around, we-"

"i'm not messing around just stay," he hushes gently, "please."

you feel the world stop for a second. sae? pleading? he knew how to do that? the prospect of sae beseeching for anything was incredibly unfamiliar and the fact that his voice cracked merely proves how entirely unfamiliar the word was in his vocabulary. 

the love you feel for him will choke you before heartache does. unbeknownst to you, a tear begins sliding down your cheek and you don’t feel it until it’s halfway down.

“hey, hey, hey,” the magenta-haired mumbles, catching the tear with his thumb. “don’t cry.” 

he sounds so tender and doting it hurts. there’s so much love in the way he’s holding you, pressing himself closer to you with each minute as if he hates the idea of being too far away from you, as if he was trying to make sure that you were still the same love of his life from before he hurt you tremendously, as if he was committing you to memory before he does lose you forever.

but he doesn’t want that. he wants to stay with you. sae doesn’t think he can handle another day without you, that’s why he’s so stubborn to keep you here; to put you under his spell again so that you could feel an ounce of the love he has stored for you. so that this love has somewhere to go before it inevitably ruins him, punishing him for being so stupid. 

“i’m sorry,” whispers sae hurriedly. “i’m sorry, i’m so sorry pretty, don’t cry.”

glancing away from him, you wipe away any remaining tears, inhaling deeply as to try and collect yourself with whatever willpower you had left.

"i need to leave," you murmur, not entirely meaning it.

"no you don't," he answers, entirely meaning it. "just stay until breakfast or something."

wordlessly, you fall back in his grasp, leaning into the athlete when you feel rapid beating against your arm. that’s when you realise that it wasn’t your racing heart… it was his. 

giving in to his desires, you tuck your legs back up on the bed and he manoeuvres you, practically cradling you whilst you find solace in his neck with your arms wrapped around his torso. here, you feel whole again. 

you’ve lived life with sae and without sae and you now know well enough to prefer the former. something tells you he feels the same too. 

“are you going to stay for breakfast?” he asks after a few minutes of simply soaking up the other’s presence. glancing up at him, his expression remains beautifully neutral, illuminated perfectly by the bright morning light that seeps through his windows. he’s radiant, gorgeous as ever. 

you hum against his skin. “i’m not too sure. i was going to leave before breakfast.”

“let’s go back to sleep then. i’m not hungry anymore.”

amused by his request, you agree nonetheless and sae is able to move the both of you around to the same positions you had woken up in with you on your back and him on top of you. the soccer player then pulls you closer and throws his leg over your hips- something he does to keep you in your spot so you won’t slip away from him again.

you won’t. you don’t want to leave and live a life without him. 

“are we back together?” you hesitantly ask. the question floats into the tranquil air, afraid to break whatever quiet, ecstatic haze you were both in but you need to know.

“will you take me back?” the soccer player counters, surprisingly shy and unsure, so unlike the arrogant sae you’re used to. he’s putting all the cards on your table despite knowing what he wants because although he wants to be with you for eternity and a little longer after that, it’s up to you to decide whether or not he deserves such a paradise.

sae can only hope you’re merciful. 

“i want to. i miss ‘us’, i miss you.” 

he immediately feels a heavy weight lift itself off and the exhale the magenta-haired lets out communicates his magnitude of relief. fate has saved him today. 

“good.” is all he says as your hands rise to the nape of his neck, playing with the hair there. “be here when i wake up.”

“so demanding,” you joke with a smile, “but okay.” 

as sae dozes off once more, you take the time to scan around his room once more whilst trying to lull yourself into dreamland as well. 

his decor had always been rather plain and it didn’t change until you started dating. remnants of you have been lingering around his place and you’re surprised he didn’t get rid of them the night you left out of rage. a little nanodroid that you gave him of a character from an anime you both like sits on his shelf, there’s that little fake plant on his desk, and there are still photos of you two on his dresser. 

he used to only have one pillow and the only reason he bought more was so you could sleep over comfortably. you don’t think too hard about the lingering smell of sae’s shampoo on the pillows that you had previously claimed as ‘yours’.

shifting a little so that you were comfortable, you gaze up at sae’s ceilings once more. a gentle smile makes its way to your face before you doze off peacefully knowing that two hearts have found their way back home. 

Hiii!! I loooooveee your blog so much!! Every time I see your notifications, I get like SUPER HAPPY!! It really makes my day!! AND SOMEHOW I DIDN'T SEE THAT YOUR REQUESTS ARE OPEN?? Could you do the types of dates kurona, otoya, and karasu from bluelock would go to? ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Date with kurona, otoya, karasu, isagi, rin

m.list | rules

Note: Hiiiii omg your message make me so happy thank you sm 🤍 I hope it's what you expected

Kurona

He would loves outside date

Things like aquarium and parks, which is chill but you can still have fun and take great pictures

He changes his lockscreen all the time

He's kinda shy with pda but if you take his hand while walking around the aquarium he would love it a lot

He can stay a lot of time around jellyfish, the color it captivating

He can be loud around bigger animals like sharks or tortoises

Absolutely wants a matching keychain with both your favorite animals

He's most likely to play around if you're in places like parks so he would initiate contacts more

But he also like to take a plaid and lay down with you while toi read or just make fun about people around you

He would never be mean but likes to play along

Tag with along with some ice cream or a very fresh drink and you have a perfect date for him

Otoya

He tries to impress you even if you're already dating lmao

Would try to teach you how go skate

So you can fall into his arms or cling onto him

It's a good excuse to touch you outside

But he would really love to do it with you so he takes it seriously, don't worry

He would feel bad if you get hurt tho

He wouldn't say it out loud but you notice how super serious he'd become

He has a good sense of style so he would like to go shopping as well !

Window shopping is something he really likes

Add a coffee to the equation and he's the happiest!

Really to hear you talk about style and how you could style a piece with what you already have

Karasu

On the other hand, karasu knows he has nothing to prove

So he'll be chill about date

Don't get it wrong: he will plain it on every part and regularly (if not all the time)

And he wants to win your heart over and over again

But he also know that you love him and that staying inside with a movie only is enough

Yet he prefers to make it better like baking while watching a Disney movie!

Bonus point if you make something from the movie

Or while watching an old sitcom

Be prepared to have flour on your nose and for him to kiss it away

Rin

Football date, tell me he wouldn't

He takes you with him to see the matches of his favorite team

Or just with a pizza (for once) at home

He probably prefers date at home in fact

Even if he's not against it if you want so to something outside

Horror movie marathon

This is a routine, you have one every week, that's his cheating moment of the week

He stays up late, eat junk-food with you and don't get up early next morning

He loves it so much to be honest

His arm is around you all the time, pulling you against him if you're scared

He can also hide his face in your hair if needed

Bonus point if you fell asleep in his arms

Isagi

He would love taking a walk around the town and go see museum or important location

Like he read something about a place and he wanted to go check with you !

If you like historical places as well he's in heaven

I swear he falls in love again I'd you know some things and tell him as a cute funfair about the place

The type to find cute coffee shop that are not crown or trending

So be prepared ! He wants to try them all

And if you're a coffee or tea lover he simply needs to hear how you feel about it

His insta feed is mostly you on date and some pictures of the place (along with football)

I hope you liked it !

Michael Kaiser — On Your Knees

PAIRING: Michael Kaiser/Reader WORD COUNT: 2.9k TYPE: Humor, Teasing, ERM I think y/n and kaiser might like each other 🤓 WARNING: Suggestive sorry (flirting is only verbal but explicit at times)

Kaiser always looks alright with his hair wet. Not, like, stunning or anything, but passable. Then you know it’ll start standing up in weird ways after it dries a little and he’ll ask Ness to help him with it — which, embarrassing, by the way.

But anyway. You wanted to check out the communal bath after you took a shower, figured you’d be alone because it was already bordering on late, and Kaiser followed you because why wouldn’t he. Not like you value your peace and solitude or anything. He can be such a pest sometimes.

You were telling him what Isagi told you — it’s called a sento and apparently it’s different from the more popular onsen — and he said you weren’t ‘worldly’ and that you weren’t ‘impressing him’ and then some more about how ‘everyone knows this.’ Shithead. You should spit in his breakfast tomorrow, if you remember.

Well, you like sitting in the bath, at least, so you’re not too sour right now. Even Kaiser being right next to you can’t ruin it.

“I like this Raichi guy,” you say.

Kaiser shakes his head a little to show you he disapproves. “Don’t tell me you mingle with them. Also, the guy’s always benched. He’s second-rate.”

“No, listen, he was telling me about this sexy soccer motto he has. I really wanna know what it’s about.”

“You’re embarrassing. If you’re in my entourage, you should act like it.”

“Dude, you’re just mad at Isagi ‘cause he was trending on football twitter more than you were that day,” you say.

“I’m not!”

Very persuasive argument coming from him here. It’ll take a lot out of you to take it apart. He’s fuming about it, too. Maybe it’s not so bad Kaiser came along if you can poke fun at him.

“I don’t know why you’re the favorite on the team, anyway,” you say. “They all die over your corny tattoo and not to mention how much you love showing it off. Not cool at all.”

“You wish you were me. Now you’re being jealous because no one likes you, and it’s making you look even uglier than usual,” says Kaiser, seeming to believe himself if the smug look on his face is anything to go by.

“I mean, I had a girlfriend till recently, you know.” Kaiser rolls his eyes, but you ignore him. He’s always doing this, pretending he doesn’t want to hear you. “She had this botched blue dye job and said things like ‘pussy power,’ with the crystals in her room and the tarot cards and all.”

“Yeah? Sounds great. Did you pick her up after a match, loser?”

You click your tongue and wag your finger at him just to be annoying. “No, I don’t fool around with fans. Seems more like your forte.”

He flicks the offending finger away. “I’ve never done that, you slanderous pig.”

“No, but listen, she didn’t care about football at all. She didn’t even know what a scissor kick is. Ooh, she drove me wild.” You sing the last part, looking up at the ceiling fondly as if you’re recalling a warm memory.

Kaiser narrows his eyes at you, frowning. “You’re one strange individual.” And what a pompous way to put it.

“But anyway, wanna know what kinda tattoo I’d get?”

“I seriously don’t care.”

“A skull with two guns. Hard as fuck.”

“You’re so lame. It’s appalling, and also probably why you got dumped.”

He’s taking the tattoo thing seriously. At least seriously enough to insult you over it. He’s even snickering at you in amusement. His face is always, how can you put it… snide, but he does look a touch more evil when he starts grinning and shit. What a hoot, though. Really.

“Nah, there was this guy. He wore suspenders with plaid polos and these little sweaters over them. They were sustainable. Sustainable. Can you believe it? Sustainable! I didn’t stand a chance.” You poke him on the neck, already distracted from what you were rambling about. Kaiser is going to bring up your low attention span soon, you can smell it on him. It doesn’t take any effort to reach out, though, what with him sitting so close next to you. “This isn’t such a bad spot for a tattoo, actually. I don’t know, maybe you were onto something.”

“Paws off,” he says, swatting you away like a bug. A pedestrian bug, probably, at least in his imagination. “You really wanna fondle me that badly, you’ll use any excuse to do so?”

“Paws!” you repeat, clapping. “You’re hysterical.”

Kaiser rolls his eyes again. He seems to like to do that a lot, at least in your presence. If there was such a thing as competitive eye-rolling, you wager he’d be good at it, maybe even better than he is at football.

“No, but listen-”

“God, I hate it when you say that,” he interrupts with a groan, then contradicts himself by also swinging an arm around your shoulder, pulling you closer just to yawn in your face with great exaggeration. The water is way too hot for this nonsense, so you push him away. “Because I never want to listen to you.”

“You’re crazy. Insane. It’s super clinical. Like, really.”

“Yes, I’m sure, unlike me, you’d pass a psychiatric evaluation because I’m crazy and you aren’t. Of course.”

“Imagine-”

“Can you stop topic-hopping?” Kaiser asks, annoyed. See, you knew he’d bring it up. “Does your head ever hurt with how much bullshit goes through it?”

You shush him. He scowls at you like you’re some mold growing in the bath, but you disregard his expression of disdain. “Imagine you’re having a nice day, I don’t know, at practice. Then I barge in with all of my asshole glory, right, and I walk up to you, and for no reason, I say, ‘On your knees,’ instead of greeting you. Isn’t that kinda deranged?”

Kaiser stares at you. To his credit, he’s decent at maintaining a poker face, but once he’s embarrassed, there’s no hiding it, no going back. Because no matter how much he does his usual male posturing or whatever it’s called, his face is all red, the blush even going up to his ears, mouth wavering the slightest bit. “W-What? In your dreams.”

“Oh, do you like getting bossed around or something?” you ask with the sensitivity of a numb toe. “That’s so pathetic.”

It’s quite the spectacle when his skin somehow becomes even more flush. Sick of your leering, maybe, Kaiser whips around, albeit not all the way, and covers his cheek with his hand while peering at you through his fingers. Finally, he decrees, “You suck,” with too much authority.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Forget about me, though. In that situation, do you spit or do you swallow?”

It’s unclear whether you’re getting any gratification out of this besides the satisfaction of flustering him, but you smile in amusement regardless. As if you care about Kaiser sitting there, looking all pretty and nervous because of some nonsense you’d been spewing. Not like you’re crazy about him or anything. That’d be ridiculous. You couldn’t be more unfazed if you tried.

You grab your towel with what you’d call impressive swiftness, then turn around and stand, covering yourself before preparing to go on your merry way. Kaiser pulls you back by the ankle, trying to trip you or something, the menace. Hilarious guy, really.

He is staring up at you in this petulant sort of way, grabbing onto his own towel with his other hand. “Why are you leaving so soon?” he asks, sounding peeved, as if you haven’t been here with him for an unreasonable amount of time already.

“I thought I should give you some privacy since you’re all hot and bothered now,” you say (with this douchebag laugh you have for situations like these, where you’re being a douchebag — self-explanatory), stepping out of his grip. Then you try to imitate his voice, but more high-pitched, accompanying your performance with a few vulgar hand gestures. “Oh, [Y/n], you slanderous pig! I think that’s what you’d sound like.”

“You’re such a lowlife,” he says, before all but leaping out of the bath and trying to maim you right here on the spot, and the only thing to save you from your demise is that he gets lightheaded and almost faints immediately after.

You reach out to pull him up and keep him steady, holding him by the arms. “You can’t be jumping out of the bath like that, man, come on.”

The lack of response concerns you, but after a while, Kaiser gathers his wits enough to say, “I’m going to make you slip, and I’ll be praying you split your head open.”

You burst out laughing. “Do it, then. You don’t have it in you, do you?”

Instead of doing as he promised to retaliate to your provocation, he settles for letting go of you and glaring, before clutching the side of his head and going still again. If there was any medical wing in this goddamn football contraption, maybe you would’ve taken him, but alas. At least you don’t need to worry about Kaiser too much since he eventually concedes and holds onto your arm for support.

The sight of you two stumbling around towards the changing room is probably comedic — uncoordinated as hell, covering yourselves with these flimsy little towels, using the hands not clutching at the other.

“You’re supposed to drink a lot of water before getting in,” you say.

“It’s your fault! You didn’t warn me we were going.”

“Yeah, ‘cause you weren’t invited. Jeez.”

“Oh, whatever.”

You return the tiny towel to the basket, swapping it for a bigger one and making quick work of drying yourself. You’re slipping on your shirt when you ask, “Is your head all right now?”

“I’m fine.”

When you turn around to judge whether he’s being truthful or not, he’s dabbing himself in a manner which is way more laborious, examining his reflection in the mirror as if he’s in some slow motion commercial where the camera will capture a conspicuous water droplet falling down his neck, admiring his jaw from different angles. He makes you sick sometimes.

“I’m not gonna wait for you to finish checking yourself out.”

He shoos you away with a dismissive wave of his hand. Unlike his, your actions most often align with your words, though, so you do walk out of the door. You’re not even ten steps in when Kaiser reappears, now magically dressed.

“Stop rushing,” he says, pushing you out of the way — and for no reason! There’s enough space for both of you in the hallway. You end up lagging a bit behind him. “I’m dizzy.”

“I thought you said-”

“Blah, blah,” he cuts you off, untying his hair and doing a bad job of smoothing it out with his fingers.

You’re rooming with him and Ness, so you’re already headed in the same direction. As much as this stinks, your other option was Gesner and Grim. God, is fucking Gesner obsessed with dick cheese. Of all things, that’s what he’s always talking about. Grim has your condolences, but the problem is out of your hands now.

“Your hairstyle’s ridiculous.”

Kaiser turns his nose up and smiles, coming off as pleased by the insult. “You can only wish to pull it off.” Always preening like a peacock. He’s entertaining. You swear he is.

You hook one of the ends, where it’s the bluest, around your finger, twirling it around and around. “I had a dream about you recently.”

“Aww, I’m on your mind even when you’re unconscious. I could vomit right now.”

“You were in the meditation position, but you were levitating, and the rat tails were holding you up.”

Maybe you’ve committed some kind of utmost offense, because he doesn’t even bother insisting they’re not rat tails this time. “Wow, those are the kinds of things you dream about me? Your brain is defective to the core.”

“What do you want me to dream about you, then? Are you implying something?”

He faces you, and he has this way of looking at you like you’re a blight on humanity. You have an urge to press your palms against his cheeks to check how warm they get when he blushes, but resist it. “You’re so delusional.”

He’s rolling his eyes again.

“Keep rolling them, see where it gets you.”

“What, are you implying something?” Kaiser asks, mocking you, but he seems kind of happy at the insinuation. You’re not about to point it out, though, having a semblance of self-preservation.

“But anyway, your hair,” you say. “It looks good for tugging on.”

He snorts, either at your audacity to speak such things out loud to him, or at the way you straight up ignored his question.

So you elaborate, just so he doesn’t get the wrong idea, “Yeah, like, I kinda wanna grab you and swing you around till you fly outta my grip.”

“What?! As if.”

“It’d be so funny, though.”

“Maybe to other stupid people like you. Dense people who always ruin the fucking moment, for example, that type of thing.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” you say, stifling a laugh before entering the room.

The lights are still on when you come in. Ness seems to be reading some kind of book, sitting upright and all. “Hey, guys. You were gone for a while.”

“We were,” Kaiser says, you assume just because he likes hearing himself talk. “All that time I can’t get back.”

You crouch down to get him a water bottle in case he forgot how dehydrated he was (or more likely decides he’s above getting it by himself). It’s rare for you to do something out of the goodness of your heart, so when you turn around to pass it and find him draping himself over the solitary bed — the one you won dibs on in an honest round of rock, paper, scissors — you swear to never do anything nice for him ever again.

“Hey, get off! It’s mine.”

“But I want it,” he whines, as if his word holds more weight than the aforementioned game of rock, paper, scissors, which, as already established, you won.

You’re about to make an earnest attempt at throwing him out of the bed until Ness comes to his defense. “Come on, leave him alone.”

Saying no to Kaiser is exceptionally easy. But going against what Ness is asking? You can’t get a read on the guy. He’s either way too happy most of the time, or is secretly plotting your murders for all you know. You toss the water bottle at Kaiser, leaving him to smirk at your relenting.

“By the way, do you mind if I turn the lights off after I do my nighttime routine in the bathroom? I’m kind of tired,” Ness says.

“Sure,” allows Kaiser. So generous and charming with a winning personality to boot, this guy.

You lean against the bunk bed and ask, “Oh yeah, why are you still up?”

“I thought it might be rude if I went to bed before you both came back, so I decided to wait.”

Damn, now you feel kind of bad for dilly-dallying for so long. You clutch your chest with a tasteful sense of drama. “You’re so perfect. Hey, Ness, you wanna take the top bunk?”

“Wow, really?”

“Why not at this point,” you say. After all, Ness came in second in the game, but gave it up to Kaiser, and he ruined everything already.

“Thanks!” He grins at you before rushing off to do his business, almost blinding you with the sweetness he emits. Your gaze trails after him until he leaves the room.

Kaiser is looking at you with a mix between scorn and disgust when you walk over to his side to retrieve your phone from the bedside table, but you pretend not to notice.

Figuring you have nothing better to do, you take Ness’s previous spot, lying down on your stomach, ready to check your notifications. In your peripheral vision, you see Kaiser take his shirt off theatrically, then he has the fucking nerve to throw it at you. He makes such a big show out of existing.

It’s probably more painless to throw him a glance now than to be stubborn, so you exhale out of your nostril in resignation and turn your attention back to him. Kaiser props himself on his elbow while reclining on his side, posing on the bed, gracing you with a bastard smile. Almost presenting himself like a Renaissance painting you’re supposed to admire in some chaste, intellectual kind of way.

“Wanna know something?”

“What?” he asks, apparently irritated since you don’t seem so appreciative of him right now.

“I think shitty, obnoxious guys like you need to be put in their place,” you tell him.

It really is way too obvious on his complexion when he starts getting shy. He’s like a breathing mood ring. It’s almost fascinating. For a second, Kaiser is incredulous, but then he turns smug again, addressing you with a sense of challenge. “Don’t even joke. You’re not really about it like that. All you do is talk.”

You think you’re gonna start having even more fun together after today.

___

No homo I HATE HIM 😍

lowk having the craziest hyperfixation about him

Literally all Sae needs to do is give you one look and you're a mess, it's unfair. His eyes are enchanting and he's well aware of the power they hold over you.

He simply turns to you and narrows his eyes slightly. It makes you tingle all over and feel all warm and fuzzy. Sae raises a hand, beckoning you with his index finger and you're more than happy to oblige.

"Eyes on me." That's mean. He knows exactly what his eyes do to you and he loves it.

-𝐁𝐥𝐮𝐞 𝐋𝐨𝐜𝐤-

♡: I really like

𝑵𝒂𝒈𝒊 𝑺𝒆𝒊𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒓𝒐

-> 𝑭𝒊𝒄𝒔

• Aquarium date

♡ Meeting your parents

♡ Cooking with you

♡ A date to the beach gone wrong

• Friends to lovers

• Loving you is like...

♡ Late night gaming~

♡ Wishing upon a star, Hogwarts AU

-> 𝑯𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒔

• Sfw alphabet

• Living together

• Insecure!Reader

• bllk boys on your period

-> 𝑫𝒓𝒂𝒃𝒃𝒍𝒆𝒔

• Plush partner (he's jealous of your plushie)

• Nightmare comfort

• Will you be my Valentine

♡ Thunderstorm (reader is scared of thunder)

𝑹𝒆𝒐 𝑴𝒊𝒌𝒂𝒈𝒆

• SFW Alphabet

• Quiet moments

• Hurt and Regret (drabble)

♡ Dad Reo (hc's)

𝒀𝒐𝒊𝒄𝒉𝒊 𝑰𝒔𝒂𝒈𝒊

-> 𝑭𝒊𝒄𝒔

• What I would do for you...

• Beautiful, beautiful girl~, Model!Reader

♡ To the last drop, Vampire!Yoichi

♡ Stuffy nose, full heart, Sick!Reader

• eight legged nightmare, Hogwarts AU

♡ Please pick me up (I'm drunk), Uni Au, friends to lovers

• Always a way home, Spiderman Yoichi

• follow you to the end, fantasy Au!

-> 𝑯𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒔

♡ Sfw alphabet

• bllk boys on your period

♡ As a dad (of a girl)

• Dad Yoichi! When his daughter is sick

-> 𝑫𝒓𝒂𝒃𝒃𝒍𝒆𝒔

• Here for you (injured Yoichi x physical therapist reader)

• Will you be my Valentine

♡ Soft morning sun

♡ Wrap my teeth around the world, NSFW

• Dilf Yoichi NSFW

• Rainy day movie marathon

• Grateful

♡ Sacred knight Series

-> the princess falls in love with a simple knight (fantasy AU)

𝑴𝒊𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒆𝒍 𝑲𝒂𝒊𝒔𝒆𝒓

• Hurt and Regret (drabble)

𝑹𝒚𝒖𝒔𝒆𝒊 𝑺𝒉𝒊𝒅𝒐𝒖

• Calm and Chaos create balance (Rin x Reader x Shidou)

𝑹𝒊𝒏 𝑰𝒕𝒐𝒔𝒉𝒊

-> 𝑭𝒊𝒄𝒔

♡ caring for sick reader

• a little too much(drunk reader)

• The taste of childhood...

♡ What hurts the most

• What I would do for you...

• I'm not going anywhere

• Rumors

• Let me take care of you (sick!Rin)

♡ Life Death of the party

♡ Calm and Chaos create balance (Rin x Reader x Shidou)

♡ Please, make the pain go away

• To the very last Drop, Vampire!Rin

-> Roommate!Rin

♡ Code Red!, Period Comfort

• Emergency!!, comfort

-> 𝑯𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒔

• SFW Alphabet

• bllk boys on your period

-> 𝑫𝒓𝒂𝒃𝒃𝒍𝒆𝒔

• Plush partner

♡ Nightmare comfort

• Will you be my Valentine

♡ Helping him with his training~

𝑺𝒂𝒆 𝑰𝒕𝒐𝒔𝒉𝒊

-> 𝑭𝒊𝒄𝒔

♡ What hurts the most

• Meeting your parents

♡ Pining like idiots

• In health and in sickness

• Rumors

♡ Nightmare comfort

♡ Swallowed by stress

-> 𝑯𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒔

• SFW Alphabet

-> 𝑫𝒓𝒂𝒃𝒃𝒍𝒆𝒔

• Here for you (injured Sae x physical therapist reader)

♡ Lust & Love Series

Sae X Marquesa

-> Summary: the football prodigy and the Spanish royalty fall in love (Uni AU)

𝑴𝒖𝒍𝒕𝒊𝒑𝒍𝒆

• bllk boys as lifeguards hcs