Brittanymoura - Brittanymoura

nervous

azriel x reader

summary: inspired by Nervous (The Ooh Song) by Gavin James & Mark McCabe

word count: 2k

warnings: angst, war

a/n: Part two can be found here: All My Heart (part ii) Enjoy!

————

“Azriel!” You squealed, high-pitched and shrill. A breathy laugh escaped your throat as you hung, bent at the waist, over the Shadowsinger’s left shoulder. Your hands found purchase amongst his lower back as you pushed yourself further upright. “Where are we going?”

He did not deign to respond, breathing out a low chuckle instead. The sound ricocheted down your spine and your skin prickled with anticipation. A swift smack landed on your rear and you let out a small yelp of shock before falling back into another fit of laughter.

Azriel had made a habit of this over the last few months you’d known him. You had met him back in summer, when a few young Windhaven soldiers had come to your neighboring camp. The moment you had met his piercing hazel eyes you knew you were well and truly fucked. In that moment, you swore you would follow him anywhere. It was a thought that frightened you for a brief minute. Then, this gorgeous male opened his mouth and his voice poured out like warm honey, rich and soothing. You found that all semblance of fear had bled away into complete contentment. And he had spent every free moment with you since.

On most days now you could count on him showing up in the evening when the sun began to sink below the horizon, having slipped away after a long day of training. He’d scoop you up and haul you off to some forest picnic or mountainside view where you’d spend the night cuddled against him to escape the harsh winter chill, wings just barely touching, laughing and kissing without a care in the world.

Azriel set you down, feet touching the snow-covered ground, on a cliff side you had come to know well and his shadows dispersed through the tree line, keeping an ever-watchful eye on things. A few logs remained piled up in front of a large fallen tree, the remnants of the last small fire you had made just a few nights ago. A small smile pulled at your lips as you glanced over at him. He sat atop the log, wings held wide open behind him to block the winter wind as he cast an expectant look in your direction, preening as he watched your eyes rake over the massive sprawl of them. Rolling your eyes playfully, you made your way over the the logs, grabbing the matches from his grip as you passed by.

You crouched down before the log pile, casting your wings open as well in an attempt to stop any stray wind blowing in the opposite direction and not allowing yourself to glance up at the male before you. You could feel his lingering gaze on you and were grateful for the distraction that lighting the fire had given you, hoping it would allow for the calming of your racing heart. Despite spending months now in his close company, you never failed to feel nervous around him. Every moment you spent with him had your palms sweating, chest aching and your stomach tied in knots. Even now, you were practically shivering and shaking at the knees.

Finally, the fire began to crackle before you. You took a deep breath, a sorry attempt to slow your heartbeat to a healthy rhythm and looked back up at him. His lingering gaze was as intense as it always was and his mouth was turned upward in small, knowing smirk. That bastard, he knows exactly what he’s doing.

Gliding over to him, you placed yourself between his parted knees and his hands came up to grip your hips as he looked up at you. You placed one hand on his shoulder, allowing the other hand to move slowly upward and brush back a loose lock of hair that had hung low over his forehead. His eyes fluttered shut at the gentle touch, his fingers flexing at your sides and he leaned forward, placing his chin upon your navel and breathing out a small sigh of contentment. His arms looped around your waist, pulling you closer to him and he buried his face in your stomach. Suddenly you caught a small mumbling sound and you let out a short laugh, “I can’t hear you.”

Azriel pulled back, his head tilting back to look up at you again with bright eyes, “I said, I missed you.” You smiled down at him, a large grin taking over your face, and you cupped both his cheeks between your small hands. You leaned down, pressing a small kiss to his forehead and murmured against his skin, “I missed you too.”

You moved over to sit beside him as the warmth from both the fire and his touch spread through you. Your cheeks were stained a bright red. Though whether it was from the frigid nighttime air or Azriel lavishing you in attention you could not be certain. “How was training today?”

He let out a long sigh, staring into the flames as his brows pinched together. “Training was rough today, more strenuous than usual. There have been whispers of war on the horizon, human rebellions against their slavers.” You felt a shiver travel down your spine, the images of blood and death flashing behind your eyelids as you allowed your head to tilt sideways resting upon his shoulder. Reaching out you grasped his hand in yours, happy that he no longer flinched away from the contact as he once had, and set them on your thigh. He gave your hand a small squeeze.

“Do you think the rumors are true? Do you believe war is coming?” Your voice was small, barely a whisper on the wind. He heard you all the same. He turned his head to face you, and caught your lips in a light kiss.

“Yes,” he replied and gave your hand another squeeze, harder this time. You squeezed back in acknowledgment of what you both knew to be true, but would never speak aloud. Your time together was limited.

————

The alarm sounds rang out across the camp as hundreds of Illyrians emerged from their tents and cabins. Mothers, sisters and wives were frantically searching for their family members, helping to strap leathers and blades to them as quickly as they could. The time for war had come.

Dread pooled low in your stomach as you watched your brother don his fighting leathers. He sheathed a dagger to each thigh and slid his sword into place against his back. He took one last look at you and you gave him a small nod, lips pressed firmly together to keep yourself from begging him to stay. His gaze slid to your mother and he reached out to run the back of his fingers over her cheek. Then, without speaking a word, he turned his back to you and walked away.

You turned to your mother and could see the tears gathering along her lower lashes. But as any good Illyrian wife or mother or sister was meant to do in times of war, she did not allow them to fall. In the blink of an eye, she took a breath, pushed her shoulders back and steeled herself against the onslaught of sadness. A look of understanding passed between you two and she headed back for your home.

You heard a thud behind you and knew who it was before you even turned. You stood frozen, your back to him and your shoulders hunched over. You body was pulled taut. How can I possibly look him in the eye? How can I stand here before him and fight every urge I have telling me to fall to my knees and beg him to stay?

“Y/N. Please look at me.” His voice was a quiet whisper behind you and you felt his hand grip your shoulder, pulling your body around to face him. You only met his sorrowful eyes for a moment, before he was pulling you against his chest tightly. Azriel buried his face in your hair and allowed his eyes to fall shut, breathing in the scent of you.

You stood like this for a few moments, basking in the feeling of safety that being wrapped up in one another provided each of you. Slowly, gently, his hands grabbed onto your upper arms and pulled you back from him. His eyes raked over your face as yours did his. Desperately trying to memorize every detail of the look and feel of each other.

Another loud blaring horn sounded off in the distance. The final call to arms. He looked into your eyes for the last time and opened his mouth to speak. “I lo-”

You quickly brought a hand to his mouth and shook your head, blinking rapidly to hold back your tears. You felt his mouth shut behind your palm and you pulled your hand away. His own came up to tangle in your hair and he pulled you back to him, pressing his lips to yours in a bruising kiss, one that he desperately hoped conveyed all the feelings he no longer had the time to say. You pulled away from him, pressing one more small, soft kiss to his lips and stepped back out of his hold. Your eyes met his again and he knew you understood. Then, without speaking a word, he too turned his back to you and walked away.

————

Years had come and gone. He couldn’t believe it had been that long, that so much time had passed him by. The war was lengthy and many did not make it home. He considered himself amongst the lucky ones to know he and his brothers still drew breath in this world.

He landed roughly in the snow and glanced around the desolate wasteland before him. It was all that remained of your camp. A few families who braved the harshness of the Steppes together but little else was left. He took tentative steps towards your home, praying that your smiling face would greet him as you always had. He wanted to throw you over his shoulder again and fly you off to Velaris, his home now, where he could keep you safe, and finally speak those words he longed to utter all those years ago.

He raised his hand and knocked on the door to the small cabin, but did not hear any noise from within. Raising his hand to the glass window, he attempted to peer inside.

“You won’t find anyone in there,” a voice rang out behind him. He whirled around and his gaze fell upon a young female who was looking at him with distrustful eyes. “You’re looking for Y/N, yes?” He nodded his head in response, shoving his hands into his pockets and tucking his wings in tight.

The female narrowed her eyes at him in suspicion but continued on, “you won’t find her here. Her brother died in the war and her mother shortly after. When things started going south around here, the camp lord made some changes. Since she had no family left here, she was sent somewhere else, married most likely. But I can’t tell you where. None of us who remain here, know.”

Azriel startled at the news, reeling back in horror. Panic began to overwhelm his senses and his shadows gathered around him in a flurry. You could be anywhere in the world, how would he possibly find you now. He felt as though the world was beginning to crash down around him at the thought of you being married off to gods knows who and sent to gods knows where. With no further thought he allowed his shadows to carry him off into the night, sadness overtaking him.

Unknowingly, his shadows had carried him to that little mountain side cliff. The large tree still sat toppled over before a small pit of charred Earth. The air was still around him, the night completely silent, like moment frozen in time.

Azriel sank down onto the log and allowed his head to fall into his hands. He had lost you. The greatest joy in his life, and he had let it slip through his fingers like sand. The winter wind whipped around him and he realized it was infinitely colder on his own.

ahh!! nervous was so good, u got me hooked 😭 can't wait for part 2, i'm shaking in anticipation 🤍🤍

Thank you! That means so much to me!! I'll be away for a friend's wedding this weekend so I'm hoping to have it done before then.

GraffArt Shop x Fruits Basket ~ Rainy Season

Happy Tuesday!! The next chapter of the heir & the emissary will be out this weekend. I have a decent amount done so far. I just need to finish it off and edit it.

I am once again playing through Heavensward and I am frothing at the mouth, counting down the minutes until I get to see my one true love again. 

Lord Commander, Ser Aymeric De Borel.