Constantly Forgetting What The Hell You Were Just Doing Because You Suddenly Switched

Constantly forgetting what the hell you were just doing because you suddenly switched

The constant battle between “no one must know my secret” and “everyone must know about this!”

Sudden rapid switching due to something (always at the most inconvenient times)

Blurry blurry soup

“Is this my depression, someone else’s very strong depression, the body’s depression, tiredness, some combination of the aforementioned options, or a secret sixth thing we’re unaware of??”

“Why did you just use we to refer to yourself??” “Uh… I mean that in a Royal we sense… Hahah… yeah…”

Fading in and out of front

Out of body experience which is so weird the first time it happens like holy shit

“Are you guys real or imaginary?” “Do I look imaginary to you, you fu-?”

“I’m faking.” “You deny my existence one more time and I swear-”

And lastly… for us at least, interrupting someone irl because you were making a comment in headspace and accidentally started fronting mid-conversation

-🩶👻

Life as a system in a nutshell:

Wanting to eat a certain food, only to suddenly dislike it/crave something else.

Tries to order something off the menu, ended up pondering for minutes straight with no definitive choice.

That constant song/phrase inside your head

Cringe on what other parts had typed previously.

Forgot you liked those fav post/content before.

“Idk who i am rn?? Just vibing out here yk, all cool.”

Actions are silently judged others now, somehow.

Forgetting to hydrate,, go drink right away guys.

Avoiding medias because of brain >:(

That sigh when registering a new member..

Memory not memorying

And etc.. [Reblog yours to make it longer!]

- j

shout out to fictives who:

do keep their source name

dont keep their source name

feel disconnected from their source

have intentionally distanced themselves from their source

have an "embarrassing" or "cringy" source

really love their source

feel like they're too different from their source

really miss their source world, family, and friends

theres no right or wrong way to be a fictive, just be yourself and you're doing more than enough. ♡

Any other hosts feel this… immense need for control that makes it so you never leave the front? No matter how badly you know it’ll be ok and you know your headmates are trustworthy and absolutely capable.

Because I often have a very hard time letting go of front and allowing myself to let others take control. The last time I talked about doing that, I was screamed at not to by a (now realized to be emotionally abusive/manipulative) ex-friend. But I know it’ll be ok. But I can’t seem to let my headmates take control without me at least partially present/in co because there is just this overwhelming anxiety that something will happen the moment I let my guard down.

The second I allow my guard to slip, shit will hit the fan. That’s how I feel 24/7. My headmates keep telling me it’s ok and that they understand. They all say they understand and that they will be there to help quell that anxiety as best they can because they know I’m so tired of being in the front constantly.

But that fear is still so fucking present.

Do any other hosts (or alters who aren’t designated as hosts but stay in front a lot) feel this? And does that anxiety ever go away?

-🍓

Shoutout to:

Alters with different human races than the body.

Alters with different human nationalities than the body.

Alters with different human races who face a lot of discrimination from their system and/or the DID/OSDD community.

Alters with different human nationalities who face a lot of discrimination from their system and/or the DID/OSDD community.

Alters who prefer to refer to themselves as just "having a different skin color than the body" rather than calling it a different race.

Alters with different human races than the body who want to learn more about their race's culture.

Alters with different human nationalities than the body who want to learn more about their nationality's culture.

Alters with different human races/nationalities that try to learn that race/nationality's language.

Alters whose body is of two or more races, whether those alters choose to accept only one of those or multiple.

Alters whose body is from two or more cultural backgrounds, whether those alters choose to accept only one of those or multiple.

Alters who are scared of telling people they are of a different race/nationality.

Alters who love/aren't scared to talk about their different race/nationality.

Alters of an alien race/nationality.

Alters of a fantasy race/nationality.

Alters of a race/nationality that was made by their inner world and doesn't exist outside the inner world.

Alters with names from different cultures than their own.

Anime fictives that identify as Japanese.

Alters formed from media that is not od their country, and therefore makes them a different race/nationality.

Alters with different races/nationalities from D&D campaigns.

Multilingual alters/systems that accepted multiple cultures and formed alters with different cultures as a result (goes for both IRL and IW languages).

Alters with different races/nationalities that seek out people of their nationality/race IRL that could teach them aspects of that specific culture.

Y'all are valid, loved, you exist, you deserve to exist, and accepted at least on this blog.

(I tried using the correct terminology, feel free to correct me)

-host, your fellow Russian & Asian alter

We drawing alters in what they want to be their Halloween costumes. Gonna be posted before midnight in our timezone! So… yeah! Blue is drawing them :)

The first ones look really cool!!!

-🩶👻

fictive culture is like. im really attached to source. i can also barely find any source media that portrays me like how i am