To Any Suicidal Followers I May Have: This Is A Sign To Not Kill Yourself. You Are Loved And The World

To any suicidal followers I may have: This is a sign to not kill yourself. You are loved and the world is special because you are in it. Keep holding on.

Reblog this when it’s on your dash. You will save someone’s life.

Blood Bond

Summary: after bob taylor’s death, you and your police partner loki have to work through the trauma together.

Warnings: MAJOR TRIGGERS IN THIS!!! suicide, lots of blood, cursing, drinking. this whole thing is just sad lol

words: 3,380

There was something beautiful about the bond formed within a traumatic event. Somehow, even in your state, you thought about this. You could feel the shift between you and Loki as he placed his hands on your cheeks, shaking you lightly as a desperate pleas spill from his lips, an attempt to will you back to reality.

His palms slid against your cheeks that were slick with blood. The feeling made you sick. It wasn’t your own blood, of course. But Bob Taylor’s. The man that had been questioned relentlessly by your police force- well- mostly Loki. Loki could only keep his cool for so long. You tried to take over the interrogation, but he was too stubborn to ever let that happen. One thing led to another, and in a blink of an eye Bob had his hands on Lokis gun. You tried. You tried with every fiber of your being to get him to drop it. Whilst the rest of the officers in the room pointed their guns and screamed with rage, you never touched yours.

“Bob… look at me. You don’t wanna do this, okay?” you were close. Almost in arms reach of him. He was listening to you, even through the shouting, he heard you. You continued to inch forwards. “All you have to do, is answer our questions. It’s no trouble. Please, just put the gun down.” you stop, mere inches from being able to grab the gun, but you were too late. Bob looked you dead in the eyes as he brought the gun to his own head and pulled the trigger.

You don’t remember falling to the ground, but you do remember the ringing in your ears and the oddly warm feeling of his blood trickling down your face. Loki hooked his arms under yours and dragged you backwards before kneeling down in front of you, blocking the sight of Bobs body. It took a second for his words to reach your ears.

“Y/N! god… jesus…” he didn’t know what to say. You noticed how badly his hands were shaking as he grabbed your face. You couldn’t speak, couldn’t move, you could only look at him. You noticed how blue his eyes were as you stared into them in a trance that you didn’t know how to get out of. Finally, he lifted you to your feet by your arms, basically dragging you out of the interrogation room. You followed on numb legs as he pulled you all the way to the bathrooms, pushing you down to a sitting position on a bench by the sinks. The dim blue fluorescent lights flickered unpredictably above you.

“Y/N, honey, are you hurt?” his voice was soft and brought you back to reality a little. You had the mind to shake your head no, though if you were you were sure you wouldn’t have felt it. You looked down at your hands in your lap as loki wet a rag in the sink. Your hands, shirt, hair, face, pants, they were speckled with blood. You looked like a sick art project. You decide shut your eyes for a while, allowing Loki to wipe your face down gently. After a while, he speaks.

“Hey, I need you to say something.”

You look at him. Even though you felt numb, there were tears falling down your cheeks, and when you finally opened your mouth to speak, you felt it. A sharp, stabbing, murderous pain.

“I…i’m, I don’t,” your words quickly deteriorated to sobs that violently took over your body. Loki pulled you by your shoulder into him, allowing you to cry into the crook of his neck.

You had only been lokis partner for a month or two, and were very new to the police force. You had never witnessed a murder before, and especially not a suicide by gunshot a foot away from you.

“I’m gonna take you home, alright? Can you get up?” You nod against him as loki ran a hand up and down your back gently as he spoke softly into the silence of the bathroom. You notice the blood that you left seeping into his light blue button up shirt. You wondered if he’d be upset at this.

When you exited the bathroom, you passed by the interrogation room again. Bobs body was gone, but his crimson blood remained. On the walls, on the floor. There was a large smear where you had fell and Loki dragged you backwards. You were dully aware of the way loki brushed off every officer that tried to talk to him. You were sure youd have to fill out some kind of paperwork and have a stern talking to by o’malley, but the sight of you was enough for everyone to back off for now.

The ride home in his car was dead silent. You didn’t dare move. You were afraid that if you did, you’d crumble into a million pieces. Instead, you started down at your lap, counting the flecks of now dried blood that you’d never get out of these clothes.

“You have a very nice place.” Lokis words shot through you like lightning. You didn’t know why. You were too in your head, you guessed. You hardly remembered the walk from the car into your home.

“Thank you.” you look over at him slowly, noticing the look of deep guilt on his features. You’d never seen him show so much emotion before in the short time that you had known him. He stood awkwardly near the island in your kitchen, not sure what to do next.

“Do you… need help, with anything right now? First things first you should probably take a bath.” he looked at you like a lost puppy as he waited for you to say something. You could tell he wasn’t good at this comforting thing, so you figured it best to be blunt.

“I don’t think I Can bathe myself right now.” in reality you knew that was a weird thing to say to your police partner of 3 months, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care right now. You needed someone there otherwise you were afraid you might drown in the tub, or get in and never have the will to get back out. Loki dosent hesitate with his answer.

“Yeah… yeah, I can help.” he slips his jacket off and places it over the back of one of your dining room chairs. You avoided looking at the blood stains on his light blue shirt. You show him to the bathroom, watching as he starts a bath. You stood with your arms and legs apart ever so slightly so they wouldn’t touch your sides or each other. You felt disgusting. You refused to move unless you had to. The feeling of the dried blood cracking with each movement on your skin made you want to faint.

Within the blink of an eye, the bath was full, and clouds of white bubbles floated upon the top of the water, calling you to step in. Loki looked up at you from his crouched position in front of the tub. He opened his mouth to say something, you assumed along the lines of ‘the baths ready’ but you didn’t let him continue. Your movements were swift as you pulled your shirt above your head and slipped out of your pants. You didn’t realize how eager you were to get them off of you. You tossed them into the trashcan that sat beside the toilet. Loki, flustered, turned his head away from you. When you were fully stripped, you turn to take a look at yourself in the mirror above the sink. There was smeared blood across your face where Loki had previously tried to clean you off. It was in your hair, and down your neck, cascading between your breasts and stopping at where your bra previously sat against your skin. You couldn’t look anymore. Slowly, you turned towards the tub and stepped in. Once you had settled, Loki finally pulled his head up to look at you. His brows had been furrowed in this expression of worry and guilt for the past however long it had been since the incident, and somehow you were just now taking note of it. You looked at each other for a long while, but nothing was said. Finally, Loki broke eye contact, grabbed a rag, and dipped it beneath the bath water. He gently took your chin in his free hand, turning your face towards him so he could gingerly wipe your face clean. He dragged the cloth down your neck, and inbetween your breasts, until all the blood was tinting the water instead of your skin. Nothing was said. The two of you seemed to be deep in thought. On a normal day, this interaction would have made you faint. But this wasn’t a normal day. Loki ran soap and water through your hair a few times until the water stopped coming out red, before draining all the water. You watched in a trance as the water and bubbles swirled out of sight. You hardly noticed the fact that Loki had pulled you from the tub and wrapped a towel around your naked shivering frame.

“Hey” Lokis voice was stern this time. You shifted your eyes to look at him. “I need you to look at me. Really, look at me. I can see you replaying what happened over and over. I know, it’s happened to me. It’s easy to get stuck. I want you to get dressed for me, alright? I’ll stay overnight with you.” You don’t think you’ve ever heard him talk for this long unprompted. You were seeing a new side of him.

“Okay. thank you, David.” you give him a firm look before stepping past him and into your room. You knew he was shocked at the use of his first name, But you thought it appropriate for the situation.

Being clean made you feel a lot better. You shook the sight of Bob from your thoughts for the 100th time and quickly threw on the first clothes you grabbed in your pajama drawer, which happened to be a pair of shorts and a police force shirt that was given to you way too many sizes too big. When you walked into the kitchen, things seemed more awkward now. Or maybe you were just more aware. Loki was sitting at your kitchen table, fiddling with one of his rings. He looks up at the sound of your footsteps, a light smile crosses his features. You look away out of embarrassment, remembering he’d seen you completely naked a mere 10 minutes ago.

“You… you really don’t have to stay if you don’t want to.” you busy yourself with walking to the cabinets of your kitchen to grab two glasses.

“No, it’s okay. You shouldn’t be alone after going through something like this.” Loki watches as you nod and head over to grab water, though stopping at the small collection of liquor sitting on your counter.

“Water or whiskey?” you ask him, forcing a light smile onto your face at your weak attempt at a joke.

“Guess” is all he said. You poured two glasses of whiskey and sat across from him at the table.

“I would say try to completely forget about it, but when you go back you’re going to be bombarded with questions. If someone dosent show up to your doorstep, that is.”

“Well…” you pause for a while, swirling the liquid and taking a sip before continuing. “I don’t know if im ever going back. I’ll sign whatever papers they need and make a statement but…” you let out a large sigh, not having much else to say.

At this, Lokis head shot up to meet his eyes with yours. They were widened with surprise.

“Are… are you sure?” He was looking at you intently, and this shocked you. He seemed afraid.

“No, i’m not sure. But today was a lot. I need to think for a while. Plus, i don’t think anyone really likes me there anyways” You let out a dry laugh. It was true. Most of the officers there gave you snarky looks, and within the short span youve been there you’ve just about heard it all. The entire department thinks your every move was to impress Loki. You knew they were jealous you got to be his partner considering the rep he has, but it still hurt. Especially since you did find Loki crazily attractive, you tried your best to make it look like you didn’t, but your co workers don’t see it that way. Loki nods, his head dipping back down to stare at the little bit of whiskey left in his glass.

“If it gives you any reconciliation, I enjoy having you as my partner.” You meet eyes again, and you cursed yourself as you felt that agonizing pain of butterflies in your stomach. You give a shy smile to match his and you eye his movements as he downs the rest of his drink. You watch his adams apple bob as he swallows, and immediately force yourself to look anywhere else but at him. You decide to change the subject.

“Sorry I don’t have a guest bedroom, but the couch is very comfortable” you gesture over to the couch that sat in front of a tv that was playing whatever was going on in the news. You knew sooner or later Bob Taylor would show up as one of their stories.

Loki shrugs and gets up to put his glass in the sink. “I’d sleep on the floor if I had to.” he smiles softly at you and kicks his shoes off by the door. You rise to your feet and place your glass in the sink as well, making a mental note to wash them out in the morning if you found the energy to. You grab a blanket and comfortable pillow from the chest in your room and bring them back down to Loki.

“Thank you again for staying.” you look up at him for a few beats, before turning on your heel to head to your room. Loki watched you walk off until you were out of sight.

~

Sleep that night was not so forgiving to you. Though you usually had nightmares, the ones you had tonight were plagued with Bob Taylor. The scene played out in a million different ways. In each one, you tried to save him, but it always ended the same. The sound of his blood splattering against the wall was sickening and bounced around your nightmares seemingly endlessly. What you didn’t know, was that as you dreamt in your bed, you were also screaming.

When you opened your eyes, Lokis face was probably a mere 5 inches from yours. He was half on top of you, shaking your shoulders and holding your arms by your sides to stop your thrashing. You woke up with a half yell half sob as the dream continued to replay in your head.

“Hey, hey!” Lokis harsh tone snapped you out of your trance. “Look at me Y/N” his voice was stern and he kept his firm grasp on your wrists, grounding you and keeping you from reeling back into your thoughts. You were near hyperventilating as you looked up at him helplessly. Tears were flowing down your cheeks, leaving wet spots on the pillow on each side of your head.

“I could have fucking stopped it. I could have been quicker I- I-” another sob chokes the rest of your sentence away. Loki begins to loosen his grip on your wrist, moving his right hand to interlock with yours. He gave you a few firn squeezes, assuring you he was right there for you. You squeeze back as an unspoken ‘thank you’. You sit up to face him in the darkness of your bedroom.

“It was my fault. mine. You didn’t do this, You didn’t cause this. It’s not your fault. say that.” he looks at you for a long while, waiting for you to respond. You could see the hurt in his eyes as he spoke, you could see how much the suicide hurt him just as much as it did you.

“I need you to say that Y/N. It’s not your fault.”

Your lip quivers as you speak.

“It’s not my fault”

Loki nods, and you can’t tell if it’s for you or himself. You were both sitting up on the bed, holding hands ahd whispering to each other in the darkness of the room. You could barely make out his face as the moonlight gently seeped through your curtains, but you could tell he was close. Loki closes his eyes, and presses his forehead against yours. This, somehow, was more intimate than any kiss. Your eyes fluttered closed soon after. For a while, neither of you said anything. It was comfortable silence as you reveled in the feeling of his hand interlocked with yours, your breathing in sync as you rested your forehead against his.

The sounds of your sniffling broke the silence. Loki stared into your eyes for a while, unsure of what else he could possibly say to you.

“I don’t think I would have made it through today without you here.” your voice was so quiet that Loki nearly struggled to hear even with your closeness. He found that good reason to tilt his face even closer, causing your noses to touch ever so slightly.

“I’m sorry” he spoke, and this is when you noticed just how close your lips were.

“You couldn’t have known…” you respond. It’s all your mind could come up with. You didn’t know what else you could say, you knew all too well now how hard it is to truly make someone feel better in a situation like this. Either way, your thoughts became clouded as your lips ever so slightly brushed against his as you spoke.

That seemed to be Lokis breaking point. The next thing you knew you were propping yourself up at the force at which he kissed you. It wasn’t soft or gentle, it was rough, raw. You were sure you tasted blood after your teeth clashed together, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. It was what you needed after the day you both had. His hands were quickly on your body, toned arms pulling you flush against him as he devoured you.

This kiss was different than any you’d had before. You could nearly physically feel the emotion radiating between the two of you. You hardly noticed when Loki pushed you down to your back, head resting on the pillow that was still wet with your tears. He rested inbetween your legs, his hands not roaming but simply pulling you as close as possible to him. You couldn’t gauge how much time had passed, but eventually, the hunger within his kiss seemed to come to a halt. Slowly, your eyes fluttered opened as Loki pulled away. He was still holding you close, but he seemed to have frozen. Your brows furrowed. Did you do something wrong?

“Loki?” your eyes were struggling to make out his facial expression in the dark, but your mind seemed to go over every possibility. Was he mad? Did he change his mind about you?

Suddenly, something dropped onto your cheek. That’s when you realized. He was crying. A small sob, barely audible, escaped his lips as he began to crumble before you. You ran a hand through his hair gently, your heart somehow shattering more than you thought possible as he rested his forehead against your chest, his weight collapsing on top of you.

“Hey. You’re okay, loki. You’re okay.” your voice was merely a whisper as you held his shaking frame.

“What if I can’t find them?” his voice was small and muffled as he spoke into your shirt. Your mind instantly went to the two missing girls that the entire town of Conyers seemed to be relying on your department to find. You felt hopeless. With Your only lead being dead, you were stuck.

“You will. We will. We’ll find them.” you didn’t know if this was more for Loki or yourself.

MEEOOWW!!! 😻😻😻😻

rb if you agree

Jake Gyllenhaal

O sweet Lord...nothing is innocent about my thoughts atm!

Episode 2: People vs. Rozat Sabich.

Jake Gyllenhaal as Rusty Sabich in Presumed Innocent.