As It Turns Out, Not Calling Back Was A Bad Decision. It Started With A Voicemail Back To Me, At About

As it turns out, not calling back was a bad decision. It started with a voicemail back to me, at about two o'clock pm central standard time. 

An Update

"Hello there Ciara, It's Macy. I'm sorry if I crossed any boundaries, Axton and Barry were in the backyard, and I thought we could get to know each other a little better if I answered his phone for him.  Again, I'm really sorry if I made you uncomfortable at all-"

I sucked in a breath, pinching the bridge of my nose. 'Okay, so they did have caller ID. Good to know.' I should call back. I know I should, and yet

I didn't. I listened to music on my phone and I procrastinated BIG TIME on this. Every once in a while, I would check the call history to make sure it actually happened. I cleaned the house, I talked about work online, I did just about anything else that did not require me to get on the phone with my soon to be in law. So when the phone rang, I realized that this was it, and that I would have to answer. "Hello?"

"Listen to me, Macy is really excited. I'm really excited, and you are not going to ruin this for me, Ciara. I'm dead serious. Don't give her a hard time." Click.

Okay, I probably deserved that. Maybe, I'm not too sure actually. This dynamic felt foreign to me. 

But then, it gets worse. Much, much worse. "Don't walk behind me. What, are you going to make me hold your hand too? What was that, speak up," The man snaps his fingers in my face, as we walk through the grocery store.

 This is the story of my father, Byatis Shoggoth. Don't open your mouth around him. Don't show him any facial expressions. Don't even show the hint of a smile around him. Play dead, and you may make it out alive.

"What? Speak up, r-" and this is where he swings into his old familiar tirade. I'm used to this speech. The one where he says, "You're 23 years old, and moved back in with your parents! You have no job, no social skills, no man, and no future! Nevermind that you don't like men and you work at Mallmart! Give up on your hopes of being a singer, an actress, an internet star! You are hopeless," 

Well, he threw me a curveball this time though. "Macy may be the black sheep coming into the family, but she's a hell of a lot more put together than you."

I keep my face passive and neutral, but inside I'm wondering- what the hell just happened?

And if this is how it is after only half a year since moving into Okaloosa County, maybe I'll move out

A Question! For The Void

It's April 29th, and a wedding that will pull me from my duties in Okaloosa County is on the horizon. The wedding is Axton and Macy. One thing I would like to say before I ask my question is that I love weddings. I adore the planning aspects, the flower arrangements, the food, the symbolism of two people becoming one is something so passionately breathtaking that only a heartless person could say they truly hate weddings. Forget customs and traditions, it's about love, plain and simple. Another thing I would like to say is that Macy and Axton are both wonderful, and great for each other. 

So, onto the question. 

With the wedding coming up, I wanted to speak to Axton about the wedding, about if the dress I chose is appropriate, about how Barry was doing, about how he was doing, really. So I pick up the phone and dial his number and listen to the hum of waiting before the phone crackles. "Oh hello, this is Macy! What-" click.

I looked back at the phone in my hands. 'Call Ended, 11:25'

Yeah, I had hung up on her. There was no taking that back. So I ask whoever is out there in the void that is Tumblr, do I call back? It's already been at least twenty minutes. Do I hope they don't have caller ID, and that they assume that this was a wrong number call? I'm all ears.

(Names have been changed to protect the innocent. I forgot not everyone wants to be a part of this empty, vacant blog.)

A Report! From Inside The Walls of Aiden

Sand was swept by the wind as I made my way into the Mallmart store of Okaloosa County. Being greeted by the harsh fluorescent lighting and the song "Dancing Queen" playing overhead, I made my way to the back rooms with a nervous energy gripping my stomach. Because this is the story of Aiden Gossman.

"Dude, there's no blog." 

"No, there's a blog. I don't have a Tumblr but there's definitely a blog." Taylor reassured him. The two sat at a table in the breakroom, biding their time before they clocked in for another day at Mallmart. "Dude, they wouldn't even let me take a day off without them taking some of my Mallmart points off! For real!" Aiden, was originally from Georgia, caring for the many animals that filtered in and out of his home at an early age. With long blonde hair that he dyes brown, and sunglasses always on his face, Aiden was a truly unique individual. Luck had an odd relationship with him as he often found himself in hot water, making it out by the skin of his teeth. And as luck would have it, he walked away from a car crash relatively unscathed. 

When he first got hit, he had thought for sure he was dead. The flip of the car left him winded and the seatbelt dug into his skin, drawing blood and making it impossible to breathe. His hands felt around for the buckle but as many times as he clicked the release, it didn't let go. He was suspended there, up above the roof of his car, staring down at the crushed metal and broken glass, and the growing pool of gasoline beneath him. Aiden Gossman was not going to give up. Pushing the button of the seatbelt down he wiggled and strained against it with all his might until the seat belt retracted and he was roughly thrown to the ground. Aiden crawls out through his shattered driver's door window, and makes his way out into the growing crowd. 

Aiden thinks of this as he works in the dental aisle, the crunch of the glass, the way people seemed more concerned that he left his passenger behind, when he was in an empty car. The fact people seemed less worried about his well being. Now here he was, back to life as normal, and even punished for taking a necessary day off. Mallmart didn't care if you took the day off for your birthday or because you needed your appendix out. Failure to comply with the schedule was insubordination all the same. And Aiden was already down to his last two points. "Aiden!" A young woman, Tori, looked at him intensely from her spot at the end of the aisle. Was he already in trouble? "Were you in that car wreck the other day?" Her voice sounded heartbroken, as she eyed him with concern. "For real, I was." He smiled, taking a step down from his topstock cart. "Which one were you? The grey or the white car?" 

"The grey one."

"Oh my god!" The grey one, was the one that had been completely flipped upside down, after all. 

So when Aiden inevitably walked into the breakroom that afternoon for lunch and saw Taylor and I sitting at the table, chatting he was ready to explain everything that happened in depth. He took a seat, took a deep breath and watched as our gazes latched onto him, curiously. And he spoke, and despite his way of speaking being peppered with "dudes" and "for reals" we were completely hooked. It felt as if we'd been there. "Put that, in your sad little blog, Ciara!" He grins at my scowl. We probably looked like the masks of comedy and tragedy at that moment. 'Aiden was a pompous and insufferable little man who-'

I shut the narration down. 'No, the man nearly lost his life. The least I could do was be nice to him for today.'

"Rosa was so shocked when I called her," He continued on regardless of my irritation. "Like she totally kept gasping every time I spoke. I was like, "Hello, is this Rosa?" And it didn't even sound like her dude! Like I thought I had some random stranger lady on the phone,"

I found myself having difficulty containing my laughter. Aiden had a magnetic way of speaking. He wasn't stilted and awkward and ugly at conversation at all. He had us all on our toes with this sort of down to earth account of things, that was reaching a feverish pitch of humor. He had a personality for story telling, and it was sublime. 

"And I was all, "Oh I got into a car accident at the intersection, and she was all 'gasp!'-

 And she asked if I was okay and I told her that I wasn't hurt, my car got totaled since it got rolled, "gasp!" And then I told her that I had to go give my statement-"

"'gasp!'" I helpfully supplied, and he choked on a laugh so infectious that it yanked mine out, a string of drool sliding from my lips which I frantically wiped at and hid my face in embarrassment as I laughed, tears budding in my eyes from the exertion. "No- I- Ciara she didn't-" He struggled through barks of laughter. "I can't breathe-" Taylor giggled, her face flush. We sat there for a moment, trying to catch our breaths.

"You really are lucky with how little injuries you got, that could've gone really badly." Taylor's voice was still wavering slightly from her earlier laughter, but nobody missed the seriousness in her eyes. "Yeah well, I think my luck is better after that car accident. Dude, don't look at me like that! I'm onto something!" 

"Well take it easy, alright? Don't go getting yourself killed," Taylor stood, retreating over to the cabinet to put her sanrio purse away. 

"You know, everyone can see you like her. You're not exactly subtle,"

"Taylor is a wonderful employee, Aiden-"

The disapproval in Aiden's eyes reminds me that this was just a one off. So when he goes back to talking to Taylor when she sits back down, I find it hard to write about Aiden Gossman anymore.

– Audrey Hepburn

A Product Recommendation!

The Billie Eilish Moonbeam Razor has changed my life. When working at Mallmart, I found there was a lot of new glow in the dark stock that was being placed on shelves in the health and beauty section of the store. Things like, glow in the dark tooth brushes, glow in the dark bath bombs, glow in the dark bandages-

This item stood out to me because of its potential longevity, and plus... It's purple, how could I not buy it? So, after work I purchased the Billie razor, and eagerly drove home in hopes of spending my time off from work staring at it in a dark, quiet, bathroom. Unfortunately when I took it out of it's packaging, I found that it did not glow. Not even a little bit.

I went through the stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining. 'Billie, why would you lie to me?' I questioned. Luckily, a friend of mine had suggested it may be solar powered and to leave it in the sun. So, I sat it in my windowsill, perhaps a bit discouraged and disbelieving at this point, and after an hour- wouldn't you know it? It did in fact glow!

Now, every morning and evening, I bring my Billie Eilish Moonbeam Razor out to the backyard to feed. I dance around the razor, chanting

"Feed, my child, feed!" My razor now glows brighter than my future. My razor eats the sun itself for sustenance. It becomes ever stronger, taking in it's nourishment from the light like a plant. I am building a shrine for my glow in the dark Billie moonbeam razor. Am I feeling material feelings for this razor? Or perhaps see it as a well loved pet?

My neighbors now chant with me from across the bayou. They chant, "Feed! Yes, feed!" As well, but they do not know yet why. All they see is a crazy lady clad in pajamas dancing rhythmically around a razor, laughing maniacally. They do not know the joy of the glowing razor so tonight I will go out into the backyard and wave the razor over my head to show them. We can pray to it together. My glow in the dark razor is now a god.

So remember to make sure to get your Billie Eilish Moonbeam Razor in stores today! (This is not a paid sponsorship)