I Get It. The World Is Always Moving Towards Entropy And You Have To Repeatedly Do Things To Maintain

I get it. The world is always moving towards entropy and you have to repeatedly do things to maintain them as you want. But fuck, it would be nice if the results of my hard work could last. What do you mean I have dishes again? That dog hair is back on the floors by that night? Why can’t I stay full longer when cooking and eating with chronic illness is such a fucking chore? Why can’t the things I do to feel better last a bit longer than just a few hours? I know nothing lasts, just could it last a little longer?

stop villanizing disabled people. stop assuming we're just being lazy. stop assuming we could be trying harder. stop assuming that we'll "feel better" in a few weeks. stop assuming that we have the same energy levels as everyone else. thanks for coming to my ted talk.

i think some of the least helpful medical advice is when you ask how you would know if what you're experiencing is [thing] and they say "you'd know it if you felt it." i guarantee i would not that's why i'm asking

The mind numbing anger of chronic fatigue is getting irritable because you're so fucking tired but you really feel like you SHOULDNT BE.

You SHOULD be able to sit at a desk and do work. You SHOULD be able to just watch a freaking YouTube video. You SHOULD be able to just eat fucking lunch.

But you can't. Because your eyes are closing and it's like temporary death is taking you.

I was really pushing myself for a couple weeks doing like everything all day and definitely felt it but I’ve reached a point that I can’t really do more than 1 or 2 big things a day now because I’ve pushed myself into a flare that if I want to shower that’s my activity for the day (yeah a shower is a big thing and I hate that that’s the case)

You may wonder, why do some disabled people not shower often? Well, you see, showers are actually quite intense trials designed to kill us. The steam? Makes the blood in our bodies go wild, fucks up our balance and tries to make us pass out. You have to be standing or sitting. Standing is hell and sitting is a peculiar purgatory. Reaching for bottles and soap and shit requires moving The Body, which is in constant pain that will only get worse the more we move and so will the fog that envelopes our brains and impairs our thinking.

Don't even get me started on drying off. "Why don't some of you shower often" I don't know, why don't you run marathons regularly? Because it sucks and you can't, that's why.