Daftdweeb - Lost - Tumblr Blog

Shot tayo 🤪 call it manic moscato monday 😆

off the top of my head, here are some things i did over the holiday break: - finally put my netflix and hbo accounts to good use by binging movies everyday. heaven on earth! gr8/8 💗 - lost count of the impromptu 1 or 2 AM trips i made downtown for some bhonnette's. yes they spell it that way. but also yes their arroz caldo is the best thing in the world 😭 - last minute divisoria xmas shopping... man what an experience but never again 😀🔫 did all that while wearing platform boots. di ko maramdaman binti ko for the next 2 days thx <3 - spent xmas eve at home with a lovely bunch of folks... drank tequila (!!!!!!!) for the first time in many years. got inebriated -> karaoke til dawn. it was alright, the house was filled with joy and laughter and my allergic reaction to alcohol the next day was totally worth it. 100% would do it again =)) - i guess spontaneity was my running theme over the holidays.... decided outta nowhere to visit a resort nearby for a late-night swim. by myself. because why the fuck not? 🥸 loved every second of it - went to star city the next day and i felt like i was gonna die riding that goddamn frisbee thing but overall i had a fun time - spent and celebrated new year's eve with the same lovely people. ate a LOT of good food. drank some more. and then we crammed a last minute xmas party and exchanged gifts. grateful for these moments and for these people. wouldnt trade them for anything in the world happy new year!!! let's all have a prosperous and blessed year ahead 💗💗💗

...so yeah I yearned and longed a lot this year

proof of life

My 2-year-old dog died today. Had the most bizarre relationship with her. I didn't even bother naming her when my neighbor gave her to me. I vaguely recall calling her Kikay at some point but also stopped, shortly after. She came into the house right after my mom died. I must have taken her in on impulse. Just so I can feel something filling in that void. Thank you and I'm sorry, Kikay. Rest easy.

I've always thought that my threshold was already stretched to no limits given all the circumstances that I had dealt with in the past but when something that you never expect happens and life takes a drastic turn for better or for worse, no amount of preparation is adequate. You'd still wish you were a better person. So I've been trying to find the answers to thousands of questions for the past 24 months - one of which is if things would have turned out differently if I were wiser and more patient. Does everything really happen for a reason? But enough about me, I'm writing this down to celebrate you. True to being the selfless mother that you always were, you did not say anything about the pain that you were going through in an attempt to protect me from what was about to happen, for the last time. I have always been that doe-eyed 5-year-old kid in your eyes. Of course, you were going to put me first above everything else. What a soulful and loving thing to do. I can't get any luckier than that! Happy Mother's Day to the woman of my life! Coincidentally (and unfortunately) - on this day, 2 years ago - she passed away. Can't believe it's been that long already but my grief is just as visceral. And when I say grief, it's all the unconditional love that I never got to express to her. Because I still have a lot more to give. So maybe this is the best possible version of it? Maybe things DID happen and turn out this way for a reason. I choose not to run away from it. Palaging dahil sa'yo, at palaging para sa'yo. Mahal kita, Mama. 💗💐

It's my 10 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

Mind you, the cringefest that was my high school blog does not count. Pretty sure I've been around for 15-ish years now. This place has seen it all from me lol

Ang lungkot na nga ng langit tapos wala pa 'kong natatapos na trabaho. Sa kakayearn mo 'yan eh SJDKFFKFJJG Maroon pa nga vakluhng twoah! 😭😭😭

good morning and happy weekend mga ka-THE BURGUNDY ON MY T-SHIRT WHEN YOU SPLASHED YOUR WINE INTO ME AND HOW THE BLOOD RUSHED INTO MY CHEEKS SO SCARLET!!!! IT WAS......THE MARK YOU SAW ON MY COLLARBONE THE RUST THAT GREW BETWEEN TELEPHONES THE LIPS I USED TO CALL HOME SO SCARLET IT WAS MAROON

27

Well into the winter of my 20s, I wish I can tell my younger self not to run after validation from other people. I used to do that a lot. In the end, it didn't matter. Things have changed. I still don't know whether I'm making the right decisions most of the time. But unlike before, I'm slowly becoming surer of trusting myself, and whatever path things would lead me to, I will let them come as they are. I do things on my own now. I live and go through phases by myself. And that's just as hard as admitting that - wait for it - I'm okay. I have made so many grave mistakes. I fell in and out of love. I've dealt with loss and grief. On some days, I still feel so defeated and loathe myself. I didn't turn out how I pictured myself to be. And I never promised myself that things will get easier, but I have overcome so many adversities and learned from them. If that's not strength, then I don't know what is. So maybe I'm good enough? 🙂 Happy birthday to me! Hehe.

dunno how many times i have watched this movie and neither do i care..... i will always cry a bucket of tears to it and then cry some more

prettiest bouquet i've bought for mama thus far =) the newspaper wrap's so funky!!!

just got home from seeing carly and this is the happiest i have been since early 2021 in fairness ang daming pent up shit yung naiyak ko 🫢 makes me think that all this appreciation for pop music is my inner child doing the lords work lmao the older i get lalong bumababaw yung kaligayahan ko but thats another topic!!! good night carly rae jepsen i love you so much pls dont make me wait another 3 years just to see you again

Already dreading to get this work week over with. So much stuff will happen and let's just say patience will be tested, all nighters will be pulled and tears will be shed. 😃🔫 But at least I have something to look forward to! Wanderland on the 4th and 5th! Kinikilig ako! Hi tumblr! 😄👋👋

since the gap between zed and renata's deaths exceeded the streak window this falls as an unofficial pentakill😄🥳happy sunday!

it only feels this raw right now

lost in the labyrinth of my mind

uh oh, i'm falling in love

oh no, i'm falling in love again

oh, i'm falling in love

December 31, 2022 -- Circling back to this entry which I posted exactly a year ago.

I can't say no to my kind neighbors who poured me 4 straight shots of alcohol and I have a shallow threshold for it so here I am, writing this down drunk. My head's spinning so let me get this over with quickly. Today I paid my mom a visit because New Year's Eve was her favorite time of the year. I said a little prayer thanking her for everything. For carving and paving the way for me. For all of her sacrifices. For unconditionally loving me. Great! Now I'm getting teary-eyed. I DEARLY, CRIPPLINGLY miss her. Emphasis on all caps because there is not a single word in the dictionary that can justify its magnanimity. Point being is!!! I feel like things have been slowly falling into place. I am humbled and thankful for how this year went by. It's far from perfect, but hey, a year ago today, I was only hoping to redeem a small fraction of last year's travesty. And I feel like I got so much more than that. My dad's health condition was hanging by a thread back in May but some divine intervention took place and he miraculously recovered. I got to reconcile with him too after almost a decade of radio silence (still working on this oh boy we have a lot to unpack haha!), my niece lives with my sister now (rightfully so lol), and I got promoted at work (!!!). Most importantly, I learned how to be gentle with myself. I tried my best to take things one at a time. Fight's not over yet and I have a lot more to learn but let me savor this moment and give myself a pat on the back. Said it before and I'll say it again: God, please help me tread on the right path. Wishing y'all a very happy and prosperous 2023! Cheers to better days!

Not to be that one edgy loser but I don't have a lot of things to be thankful for the past year. I lost the person who meant the world to me. That one person who stood by me through my mistakes, who cheered me on every step of the way, who believed in me more than I did in myself. Be that as it may - it can't get any worse than that, can it? This is the hopeful part of this post. Tragic circumstances kept on happening and 2021 was the absolute worst period of my life. There's nowhere to go but up from here on out, is there? If I can redeem at least a small fraction of how bad last year was, this 2022, then that's an immediate win for me. The goal is to learn self-forgiveness. Happy New Year! :)

Wishin' y'all a very happy Christmas! 🎅🏼🎄🥳🎉🎊

can't ever say no to a festival lineup that has carly and phoenix included in it. the rest of the lineup is kinda meh but w/e regalo ko na for myself this xmas hihi! wanderland 2023 - see yall there! ps - arctic monkeys scheduled a day after the festival i rlly rlly rlly wanna go but idk where to get funds for it benta ko na lang siguro kaluluwa ko? i hate it here

just gonna vent out quickly kasi grabe lord my d12 salubong x leadership debut = a success (kinda)!!! thank you po ang daming ready tumulong sakin and they've all been very nice about me feeling so anxious and pressured😭🙏onto the main event - 12.12 mayhem. wish me luck, good night!!!!!!!!!!

Feels like I'm grasping for straws 'cause I'm so overwhelmed by the amount of information that I need to take in - to the point where I feel so dumb and stupid and I'm questioning whether I made the right decision by taking this offer. I can only hope it is and I hope it gets better but the past 2 days have been kicking my butt, I'm not gonna lie. Hi.

friday the 13th month lets goooooooooo happy weekend yall!