Funniest Shit I've Ever Read

Funniest shit I've ever read 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Soap reclined against the back of the metal wall of the plane, eyes dragging from each member of the team until they landed on her. She, oddly enough wasn’t sitting like the others were, contemplating the mission and the risks. In her hands was a small book, about the size of a cigarette holder, perhaps a religious book, but he’d never known her to pray or be religious outright; then again, she wasn’t very open about many things of herself either.

Her eyes drew along the pages, quietly turning them, occasionally shifting with the movement of the plane and he heard lowly, “Keep staring at her like that and she’ll think you like her.”

He fought the urge to roll his eyes and merely retorted, “Would that be such a bad thing, Lt.?”

Ghost chuckled. “She’ll eat your heart out, Soap.”

“If it’s her, that doesn’t sound like a bad way to go.” He shifted his foot and tapped along the ground, loud enough for her to cock an eyebrow to acknowledge the motion. “Whatcha reading?”

She flipped a page. “A book detailing the capture, trials, and deaths of women during the Salem Witch Trials.”

Soap blinked, eyebrows furrowing together. “…Why?”

“She’s tryna figure out why they didn’t catch her back then,” Ghost chirped and her eyes rose from the page to meet his, knowing he was smirking behind that stupid mask of his.

“Don’t take the bait,” Price muttered beside her, arms crossed over his chest, and she was almost prepared to let it go. But, she also remembered that Ghost ate the last of her chocolate chip poptarts before they left.

She went back to her book and rattled off, “Ghost can’t play golf. We went to a putt-putt one time and I’ve never seen a man so competent in the art of war be so terrible at hitting a ball.”

Ghost spluttered as Soap snickered.

“He snores like an old dog and drools in his sleep.” She flipped another page. “One time we were on a mission in Baghdad, and he wasn’t paying attention and ran into a wall. Broke his radio from the impact.”

“I did not,” Ghost hissed.

“He cried watching Where The Red Fern Grows.”

“WHO WOULDN’T?!” he snapped. “SHE DIES OF A BROKEN HEART AFTER HER BROTHER!”

“One time he ate a box of fiber bars to recover from a hangover and he shit himself in the middle of the store.”

“Alright! I get it! I’m sorry!” he griped and she smiled to herself as she quieted down and went back to her book.

For a few moments, silence enveloped the group in the plane, then Soap asked, “Did you really shit yourself?”

“Shut. Up.”

I think Hobie and Pav are the sort to playfully flirt with all their friends(and maybe kiss them???🫣)

I call these “younger sibling solidarity” (which isnt exactly right bcs Daki is an ony child but whatev)

I love how in the submas fandom Emmet is seen as this absolute menace, and I can just imagine him cut loose with no responsibilites (and memories) while in Hisui. Unfortunate for the ppl of Hisui, bcs he finds a kindred soul in the savior of Hisui of all ppl.

But yeah, I just imagine Emmet and Daki becoming real good friends, the kind that love to step on each other’s toes but also genuinely have a good time together. And that get into a looooot of trouble together.

They’d also totally bond over weird bug/electric pokemon, and once I replayed USUM and finally got myself a Grubbin, I knew they’d get super excited about it.

I also found out Joltik and Grubbin can bread, and uh, that totally would not end well hahaha.

Do y’all think siblings in medieval times would look at the little beasts in illuminated manuscripts and point at each other like ‘ha! ‘Tis thou!’

The most ✨amazing✨ fic I've ever read in my life

See No Evil

Pairing: John Price x F!reader

Synopsis: The flowers came every week – Tuesday, two O’clock, two minutes after your break. The only problem was that you knew they weren’t coming from John.

Word Count: 17.5k

Warnings: Stalking, violence, intense gore, blood, abduction, angst, fluff, protective!John, not quite smut, swearing, stereotypical ‘Bad Guy’ character who gets his ass beat, minor character death

A/N: Finished this at 3am so forgive the absolute deterioration of the plot near the end.

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I am BEGGING fanfic writers to please write for dom male readers