I Feel Like My Brain Is Just Broken Beyond Repair.

I feel like my brain is just broken beyond repair.

Nobody knows what wrong with it. All we know is that something is wrong.

Whatever it is is irreparable. All I can do is learn to live with it, but I don't want to. It's not fair.

guys i actually beg of you to not let palestine become an unpleasant flashback, a transient tumblr trend, a hasbeen subject that just faded away. as an arab—and specifically iraqi—girl, i know what it feels like to have family displaced all over the world as a result of western imperialism. i know what it feels like to not be able to step foot into your homeland because it’s no longer safe. as an american iraqi, raised in the us and insulated from my roots, it wasn’t until last summer that i was able to visit iraq for the first time, and even then my family was worried for my safety—in my own blood country. although nothing like what palestinians are experiencing right now, it might be the tiniest semblance of what it feels like to watch your country disintegrate in front of you.

and this is a universal arab experience. i volunteer weekly at a refugee center that serves middle eastern refugees, and every day i see the longing in their eyes when they speak of where they hail from. it’s safe to say that we will be getting a wave of palestinian refugees very soon: just another generation of arabs who can’t inhabit their own country.

arab culture is so rich, so profound, so beautiful. i am tired of being told by the world—through literal genocide—that it doesn’t mean anything. please never let this be forgotten. free palestine. free palestine. free palestine.

They don't want us to call what's happening in Gaza a genocide not because there's not been an official ruling but because these things don't get set in people's minds via official ruling. Instead it is the oral history that sets an event into place in mass consciousness.

Us calling it what it is - a genocide - means they can't wriggle out of it in years to come. They can't continue to call it a conflict or a war if we cement it in public consciousness as a genocide.

So don't tone down your language. Call it what it is. Make sure the history books know what happened and the genocides that took place in Palestine, Sudan, Congo.

"pizza tends to be greasier"

Even if you're using identical ingredients, of course it's going to be greasier. Cheese (typically) contains a LOT of fat. Do you know what happens when you heat fat? For example: when you cook a pizza?

The fat melts. It renders out of the cheese and stays liquid as long as it's warm.

If you cooked that sandwich, it'd be greasy too

Not invalidating anyone, but my abuser used the first two to emphasize how much of a disappointment I was when I couldn't deliver what was expected of me. I was "gifted," but eventually started to slip. Those phrases were used against me even before that whenever I thought something was difficult or I just flat out couldn't do it, which made it so much more painful when I finally reached the bottom of my fall. I wasn't what I was "supposed to be," and never would be.

Some of these others were used but they were empty. If I actually needed help, I likely wouldn't get it. "Are you okay?" "You can tell us anything." "If you need help, just ask." But help never came. For my depression, my anxiety, my autism symptoms, my ADHD symptoms... My siblings were helped when they needed it, but I was left to rot. The most help I got was being able to stay after school for tutoring a few times so I wouldn't have to repeat a class and be even more embarrassing. That didn't last long though and I had to resort to cheating.

The enabler was genuine about being proud. The other couldn't even utter the words to tell that lie. Captain enabler also said we were good kids, but never protected me from the abuse, so there was a lot of dissonance. If I'm a good kid, why am I being punished and called an asshole? A worthless, lazy dumbass? It's confusing.

Phrases I don’t hear from abusive parents:

“You can achieve anything you want.”

”You’ll be fine, you’re smart and capable. You can do this. ”

”Are you alright? Do you need help?

“Are you hurt?”

”I’m sorry.”

“You’re not alone, if you want to pursue this we’ll help you.”

“Nobody is allowed to hurt you.”

“I’ll be here if you need me.”

“It’s all going to be okay.”

“You’re a good kid.”

“You did a great job!”

“I’m proud of you.”

Hey y'all Bisan was just live in tt.

She stresses to not stop making noise because when noise stops nobody will care about Gaza anymore, they'll be normalized to it. That protests need to be bigger and to have more of them to "keep fighting, keep organizing more and more"

And that's she's lost everything; she doesn't even have clothes.

Here is the last part I recorded with her updates from Rafah

This ended as gunshots are heard in the background and she loses connection again. TW for that.

This is your reminder that she is in Rafah and it's a designated safe zone. She goes where Israel says it's safe.