I Didnt Know That Anybody Begged For The Opposite End Of What I Desire.

I didn’t know that anybody begged for the opposite end of what I desire.

It’s not until this post can I put words into for what I’ve longed, what I’ve lacked in firsthand experience by the limitations this body brings.

I didn’t know that someone and others can or want to feel the need of what I just want to provide by default. All I know is how to give love, though I grieve at my hardship in not knowing how to receive adoration. This post takes what leaves me broken, shattered, but melts it into a new material. I’ve felt the fragility of glass, but it’s the reflective and refractive heat of metal that desire brings intimacy into the forge.

I freeze. Genuinely, I blame myself for having to survive, having to feel the absences from all of the trust I’ve lost. It weighs and remains true to this day. I live in the constance of confusion, the multitude of grievances I feel between pleasure and violation. The avoidance through solace is an apprehension that brings inconvenience by the senses survival is brought upon by traumas and tragedies.

I may appear to walk casually or nonchalantly, but there’s a slight heaviness within my gait. I find safety in the feeling of not needing to know words to simply walk over and straddle myself to a lovingly and welcomingly lap—I cry and whimper. My heart, it achingly flutters and palpitates as a response from everlasting hurts I’ve encountered.

I do get overwhelmed. I’m tender and vulnerable, and it’s exhausting in a world that is incentivized to prey upon anything within my queerness that cannot be commodified or sold. I have to rest, and I need the reassurance of protection and safety. In such, I dig deeply into being wrapped by those arms in the art of contortion and nuzzling, embracing the human need for touch within vulnerable adoration.

I want to feel human and for once feel the need to apologize for my humanity.

hello universe i don’t often beg but i am here on my KNEES asking you for a boy who will casually walk over to me and without saying anything will straddle himself over my lap, wrap his arms around me, nuzzles his face into my body, and asks for me to hold him. i want someone who makes me die a little on the inside each time i feel him because my heart is so overwhelmed with love and adoration for him. i am a simple man, and my desires for a guy who inspires a deep need to protect, fawn over, take care, tease, and shower in love has reached a critical breaking point.

I need to watch more European football!

*gathers notes like these to make a great pinned post*

Queer people who are anti-trans boggle my mind like bro who are you to hate them? They fought for your rights and you repay them by calling them freaks like dude what do you think conservatives call YOU??? We are all dirty queers in the eyes of conservative's eyes, you aren't special, bestie :)

You aren't "one of the good ones" you're just an asshole

To those of y’all who are burly, strong, able to put on a fight and filled with that sweet tea-stosterone, your cute lil’ cripple queers will back you up with our canes and chairs to worship you. I don’t speak for anyone but me. Let me worship you and heal your wounds while you defend us from hate. 😘🫶🔥

Long Covid has ruined my life and I forget who I am or what I’m doing in the process 😩

Something I desperately want ppl to know:

LONG COVID CAN LOOK INDISTINGUISHABLE FROM ADULT ADHD

If you are an adult who has never experienced ADHD symptoms until recently: you may have a form of Long COVID

many ppl who have it call ‘brain fog’. Its primary feature is being unable to concentrate & short term memory/working memory issues, which severely impairs executive function.

COVID-induced brain fog’s effect on executive function is essentially indistinguishable from ADHD’s effect on the same.

& brain fog is A VERY COMMON LONG COVID SYMPTOM

as the number of adults with executive dysfunction has shot up, i want people to remember this. Especially if they get an ADHD evaluation and are told they’re not ADHD

Because we are all disabled, and we deserve care and understanding no matter what disabled us

I think one reason ableism is so prevalent is because it requires able bodied people to ditch the invincibility complex that acts as their security blanket. Anyone can become disabled at any time. No one is immune to the possibility. Letting yourself truly understand means facing your own mortality, which makes people extremely uncomfortable. But it is absolutely necessary in the fight for accessibility. Discomfort fuels change, and we need change.