Lois: Clark..why Are You Wearing A Sweater?

Lois: Clark..why are you wearing a sweater?

Clark: it's a bit chilly today, don't you think?

Lois: [quietly] But it's the middle of June

Perry: uhh…nice fashion you got there, Kent

Clark: [awkwardly] thanks

Sometime later..

Clark: this won't work for long

Bruce: [chuckling sheepishly] Why, what happened?

Clark: why you ask?

[lifts his sweater to show the huge iron press mark]

Clark: you know, people looked at me like I was a lunatic

Bruce: [dying of laughter] I would make sure to do better next time

Clark: by better, you mean not burning it and not you being creative while burning it, right?

Bruce: [feigning innocence] oh my, definitely dear

Clark: that doesn't sound too reassuring..

No, but sports AU? Bruce as the new captain of the 'Gotham Knights⚔️' who hadn't won anything in ten years. Clark as the rising star of the 'Metropolis FC🌇' making the team rely on him so much they don't even prepare for the match cos, well, it's Gotham, lol.

Then the match comes and Gotham fucking cleans the floor with them, cos Bruce has studied his enemy like the freak he is, and they had no fucking chance.

Clark gets angry and frustrated with his own team. He finds Bruce in the backstage, they start arguing, it develops into shouting, and suddenly they are making out hard, and dirty, and violently. Clark is instantly ashamed, questioning his sexuality and life, but it's okay, because it was just one (1) mistake, and he is not going to see the asshole again.

Then the next season comes by and he gets sold to the Gotham Knights (who had won the league and suddenly has $) as their new star, and things get complicated.

AU where Clark lands on Earth as an adult and having to mask as a regular person. Sure, it sounds almost identical to canon, but.

For Clark, its fairly easy to blend in because he was raised by really good human parents with regular customs.

This Clark? When he went to an interview at the Daily Planet he tried to eat a pen. Shit, a whole computer! Lois asks him out for coffee and he's pissing sweat, " Coffee! My Favorite...Food?"

"...You country boys are weird."

When he interviews Bruce? Just spends 5 minutes gawking. " You're...Beautiful. May I court you? What's your favorite planet? I can bring you rocks."

Bruce just thinks he's autistic (just like him)

Okay, but Bruce suddenly getting cursed or something, and suddenly is able to read people's minds.

And among the drama, he turns to Clark and suddenly is hit with "Oh dear, he looks so hot today, I wanna kiss him so bad. Love his tight ass in those fitting pants❤️". And Bruce is like "WTF?!!!" But now he can't confess he is cursed and can read minds, cos Clark will find out he knows, he will be embarrassed, and their relationship will go to shit.

So Bruce tries to find the solution by himself, and of course Clark forces himself into the investigation because "that's what friends do, Bruce" but his mind keeps getting more and more horny and explicit about the things he wants do to him, and Bruce is suddenly hard and he can't fucking keep going like this and keep a straight face as Clark wrecks him in his mind.

I know I’ve written before about ideas for angsty “Bruce is Clark’s fixer” stories before, but also the cracky possibilities are endless.

Clark keeps shattering glasses at restaurants and picking up things he absolutely shouldn’t be able, and it’s only through the power of 17+ generations of Wayne breeding for charisma, Bruce’s flawless ability to lie about literally anything on the fly, and the fact that both of them are ridiculously attractive that keeps anyone from truly thinking any of those “accidents” through.

“My friend gets unlucky around glassware,” Bruce says, smiling, “You understand, of course.”

Confused waiter staring at 17 shattered water glasses while Clark hides his head in his hands: “Um….yeah, whatever man.”

Bruce: Clark..how can you do this to me?

Clark: Bruce.. I'm sorry but I have to do it...

Bruce: so at the end you only wanted me for money...I trusted you Clark..

Clark: but Bruce that's the rules of monopoly

Bruce: Ma Kent NEVER RAISED YOU LIKE THAT

Jason: and they call me the drama queen

Tim: did you forgot the time you tried to sell your body because you couldn't pay rent

Dick: says the one who begged not to be put in jail because he has 3 children to take care of

Damian: remember the time when you were asked to pay rent, and you simply said, “baby, I'm not even here, I'm a hallucination”

Jason: at least I didn’t try to sell Superboy off just because I didn't have money

Alfred:[slowly putting the board away] Very well, sir, I believe we've reached a satisfactory conclusion for today