In Matters Of The Heart, I Often Find Myself Not Playing To Win, But Rather Simply Trying Not To Lose.

In matters of the heart, I often find myself not playing to win, but rather simply trying not to lose.

I am haunted by the fear of heartache and the agony it brings. The thought of surrendering control of my heart to another fills me with dread that I can not overcome.

Due to my overwhelming anxiety and paranoia, I struggle with forming deep connections with people. The fear of being hurt makes it hard for me to trust anyone. Trust feels like a double-edged sword to me. Once I open up to someone, I feel powerless. It's as if I've handed them a loaded gun, waiting to see if they will use it against me. Is it really worth taking that risk? Have you ever heard of an unintentional discharge? Like a flawed firearm, humans can also have their imperfections, and that incompatibility could be destructive.

Regrettably, experience has taught me that if someone has the power to break you, trust that they most certainly will.

douleur-douce/douxsouffrance, Double-edged Sword

Anna Akhmatova

Marina Tsvetaeva to Rilke after his death

fake idgafer, i saw you yearning

“As long as he doesn’t shoot you and then eat you, we’re good.”

“The standards are so low.”

Anaïs Nin, Delta of Venus, originally published: 1977