Madison Julius Cawein, Geraldine

Madison Julius Cawein, “Geraldine”

"i am my own ghost haunting the memories i love most."

“As long as he doesn’t shoot you and then eat you, we’re good.”

“The standards are so low.”

I screamed out your name as I submerged under the water. The air escaped from my lungs as I descended to the pool floor. At that moment, I longed for your lips to be eternally intertwined with mine, fused, never unlocking or escaping like the last air had done from my chest.

douleur-douce/douxsouffrance, fused

I question my confidence, and I question my worth,

on the raft I get scared of falling—plunging into the water head first,

losing all breath,

sinking to the cold depths

of the abyss to drown.

unconvincingly telling myself,

all it takes is one step,

the water is not deep,

I can walk through the seemingly,

infinite abyss

—below,

I can swim,

I can float,

without my raft.

but will I dare losen my grasp,

will my float lighten their grip,

it has on my anxiety,

will it force me to flip,

will I fall silently,

I don’t think so,

I cling to my raft.

douleur-douce/douxsouffrance, my raft

I was looked at, but I wasn't seen. — Albert Camus, The Misunderstanding