Aliens Are REAL And They Think Were WEIRD!

👽Aliens are REAL and they think we’re WEIRD!🛸🛸🛸

I made a blinding powder!

My royal jester keeps thee thying me even though im pretty clearly transfem, and also referring to me as Halfbrinson as opposed to Halfbrindohter, any advice for getting him to stop?

I’m so mad I read that correctly and didn’t notice

I'm at a :.|:; for words.

Counterspell these sick abs you witch!

Merlin by Earl Norem (1990)

Cover for Marvel Preview Presents, Merlin Magazine, No. 22, Summer 1980.

Danny, Security Chief

Part 1

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“You know, the GAIL asked specifically for a Human security officer for this position. Yours was the first name on the list.”

Admiral Townes had said those exact words to him not 48 hours earlier, and here he was, in a rocket ship filled to the brim with races from 25 different species with different needs and different temperaments. Danny knew this was gonna take up a lot of his time.

Daniel Ducane, or Danny if you were a drinking buddy, liked it when things were quiet. He’d only really joined the service because of his family, both his mom and granddad had done it, and Danny genuinely did enjoy the feeling of helping people. God knows why he said yes to this posting though, an ‘experiment’ to push people to their breaking points. People usually either broke before then or they didn’t. Usually the former, and since the mission was a year long this time, Danny expected he’d get busy sooner or later. Apparently ‘keeping the peace’ aboard the Noah was such a high priority they’d even given him a commander rank the second he took the job. Weird.

Right now Danny was on his way to the Captain’s office for a briefing. Making his way down the halls of the ship, he took note of the many different species aboard. Several of them noticed him as well, some going so far as to stand at attention while he walked by. Danny even noticed how some of the crew took note of him. He wasn’t deaf to the rumors circulating about humans, about how we evolved on a deathworld practically designed to eradicate anything that wasn’t the best of the best. Humans had somehow conquered every other creature on their planet without any natural armor or weapons, by being these strange pursuit predators, apparently just too stubborn to give up the ghost.

When asked, Danny conceded that sure, Earth is kinda rough around the edges compared to other planets, but it was pretty quiet there these days. He liked that. His last posting had been on a security detail at the Doun embassy on earth, and he’d been asked a thousand times how he’d survived in the hellish landscape that had been ‘Arizona’. The Doun homeworld had an exceptionally long rotation period so most of it was frozen a majority of the time, a cool -4 on a hot day. He’d told anyone who asked “you just wear some sunscreen and short pants, you’ll be fine.” The idea of short pants was unheard of on Doun. They didn’t ask a lot of questions after that.

The door to the captain’s office hissed open, and Danny stepped in.

“Sir, security chief Ducane reporting for briefing.” Danny stood at attention, the only thing out of place being the black ball cap he always wore. It clashed with his gray uniform but he didn’t care too much about that. The hat wasn’t negotiable.

Captain Nadh, a Mergal man, stood up to meet him. The Mergal were insectoid, with two main limbs at what would be his shoulders if he were human, and a set of sub arms tucked into his abdomen. His left main arm was missing, replaced with a chrome prosthetic. His legs bent backwards like a grasshopper’s, and his body was sectioned into three different parts like an ant’s. The Mergal standard uniform was a two piece wrap, one around the neck with his rank proudly shown, and another like a skirt or kilt around his waist.

“At ease. Good to meet you, Ducane. My name is Captain *sssccchhht* [Proper Noun: Pronounced; Skitch] You came highly recommended from your last CO, so I’m hoping your brought the same level of commitment to the Noah.”

“Aye aye sir.” The Captain’s base language was a bit hard to understand to human ears, what with the lack of lips in favor of a set of short mandibles, so the translation was a beat slower than normal. Danny didn’t mind too much.

“Allow me to be honest, Chief Ducane. I specifically asked for a human security chief on this mission. I know your people have only been part of the GAIL for a few decades, but human exploits are known across almost every system by now.”

The corner of Danny’s mouth twitched up, and he had to stifle a laugh.

“You hired me…because I’m a Deathworlder, sir?” Danny asked. Skitch laughed, a low pitched chittering sound.

“Takes one to know one Ducane. I’m Mergal, everything at home wants to eat me, the plants, the animals, other Mergal.” Skitch laughed again.

“I wanted a human. I hired you because your record, your training, and your personality profile all tell me you’d be the best fit. You’d have full control over your team, train them how you’d like, outfit them with the best gear we have available, I think you’d be very happy here.”

Danny took a beat, then smiled. “Happy to keep things quiet for you sir.”

“Very good. Dismissed.”

Danny turned back to the door.

“Oh, Ducane, before you go. I got your clearance for your…requested gear and personal kit. I’ll trust you, until proven otherwise, but are you certain the equipment you requested is necessary?”

“You were honest with me, boss, so I’ll be honest with you. I like it when things are quiet. But I’d be an idiot if I wasn’t ready for things to go loud.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Danny put his feet up on his new desk and let his head rest back against the chair. He hadn’t brought a lot of stuff on board, so ‘decorating’ his office hadn’t taken that long. Two photos, one of his parents and siblings with himself, the other of him with the other members in his old unit back in his army days.

Two family photos, he thought to himself, and smiled.

He’d already squared away his duffel and his foot locker in his quarters, so all that was left to do was meet his new team. He’d seen the 3 other humans that’d be on the Noah with him, but none of them were on the security force, so that meant the 10 other crew were all going to be non human.

2 teams of 5, he thought. That way one team can get some sleep while there’s still half on duty at all times.

Danny had never really considered himself a leader before, but never really a follower either. He’d always just been part of the pack, watching someone’s six while someone else watched his. It was going to be different leading the pack this time. But hey, Rangers lead the way, right?

This is gonna be fun, Danny thought as his team came through the doors.

“Everyone fall in! We got work to do.”

Aliens would be weirded out by fiction or fantasy

So I KNOW this one has been done, but it bears repeating cuz the idea of it is HILARIOUS.

We wanna write/draw a fictional world, we just sit there starring at screens or a blank sheet of paper for HOURS vividly hallucinating intricate and complex universes that have never happened before and usually couldn’t happen in reality, with laws of physics that follow no known law in our existence. Imagine a species that’d didn’t really get it, say they’re more practical and less inclined to whimsy, a real no nonsense type of aliens.

Alien: human what are you doing?

Human: I’m thinking

Alien: about what?

Human: how a dragon could hoard so much gold it fills a mountain

Alien: …is that a normal occurrence on your world?

Human: what? No, I’m writing short stories for November. It’s a fictional creature, they don’t exist on earth. Think those big reptilian things on Trigor 7 and you’d be close tho, except they have wings and breath fire

Alien: that is inherently worse, I would not like to think about that at all ever again. Why would you want to inflict such a terrible idea of another sentient entity?

Human: I mean…mostly for fun

Alien: …deathworlders *shakes head and sighs*