My New Years Resolution? Become The Local Cryptid. Inspire Folklore. Haunt The Neighborhood. People Would

My New Year’s resolution? Become the local cryptid. Inspire folklore. Haunt the neighborhood. People would tell stories of seeing me under cars chasing raccoons in the middle of the night.

Aliens would be scared to death of Earth cryptids

Like full blown panic attacks

Because you humans are the dominant species on your planet what the fuck do you mean there’s mystery creatures on your planet that even you can’t understand???

Like imagine explaining Bigfoot or Mothman to someone who was totally unaware of them.

Alien: that’s it, we’re done, we’re going to nuke the earth from orbit. This is not allowed

Counterspell these sick abs you witch!

Merlin by Earl Norem (1990)

Cover for Marvel Preview Presents, Merlin Magazine, No. 22, Summer 1980.

Ahh but consider this!

*smokebombs*

We think since humans figured out stuff like shoes, phones, and stop lights we’re actually something super special on our planet but we’re basically just anxiety riddled monkeys.

Worse, even. At least the monkeys figured out you don’t have to pay taxes if you just keep your mouth shut.

Aliens would be weirded out by fiction or fantasy

So I KNOW this one has been done, but it bears repeating cuz the idea of it is HILARIOUS.

We wanna write/draw a fictional world, we just sit there starring at screens or a blank sheet of paper for HOURS vividly hallucinating intricate and complex universes that have never happened before and usually couldn’t happen in reality, with laws of physics that follow no known law in our existence. Imagine a species that’d didn’t really get it, say they’re more practical and less inclined to whimsy, a real no nonsense type of aliens.

Alien: human what are you doing?

Human: I’m thinking

Alien: about what?

Human: how a dragon could hoard so much gold it fills a mountain

Alien: …is that a normal occurrence on your world?

Human: what? No, I’m writing short stories for November. It’s a fictional creature, they don’t exist on earth. Think those big reptilian things on Trigor 7 and you’d be close tho, except they have wings and breath fire

Alien: that is inherently worse, I would not like to think about that at all ever again. Why would you want to inflict such a terrible idea of another sentient entity?

Human: I mean…mostly for fun

Alien: …deathworlders *shakes head and sighs*