Its Not My Fault You Sleep All Fucking Day, I Didnt Know You Were Asleep. A Text Would Have Been Nice,

“It’s not my fault you sleep all fucking day, I didn’t know you were asleep. A text would have been nice, you know. You slept for 12 hours straight. In what world do you need that much sleep?”

You’re right, let me just [sleep texts you I won’t be awake until 3 pm]

I sleep because if I’m not awake I’m dreaming of a kinder place without having to hurt anyone.

Me: “[partner] why are ALL of the trays in the lobby?”

Partner: “don’t look at me look at Nate!”

Me, turning to Nate with a stack load of trays: “well, NATE?”

Nate: “in my defense [partner] was the one working the front counter—“

Partner: “darling you haven’t even clocked in yet…”

J’s mom: “Martial arguments off the clock lovebirds”

Me, looking at my partner: “she call us LoooOooOve birds :} ”

Partner: “Darling don’t ever draw out the word lovebirds like that again 🫥”

Me, under my breathe: “I’m gonna kiss you”

Partner: “what was that?”

Me: “nothing :)” [skipping away to go clock in]

Me: [walks out of the bathroom, noting a void of smoke]

> smells it like a goddamn idiot

> "who's vape cloud? It’s so thick-"

> realizes it's not a regular vape

"that's not a vape it's WEED"

“You walk quietly,” she says, not looking up from her phone.

“I had never noticed it before. It’s just habit I guess.” I shrug, not expecting her observation.

“It’s not a bad thing, I just noticed you don’t make a lot of noise when you walk. I didn’t hear you coming from the kitchen.” She takes a handful of pretzels from the bowl in my hands.

I knew I walked quietly, I just hadn’t ever noticed myself doing it without thinking before. I learned very quickly very young how to go unnoticed. Some of it was because I was up to general mischief as a little kid; some of it was because I remember how angry my parents would be if I got up in the middle of the night for a sip of water and I creaked the wrong floorboard. Now that I’m older and don’t really worry about either of those things. I don’t think about them often.

I learned which types of flooring made the loudest noises, where the creaks in the floorboards were, where the tiles echoed the loudest in the house. I learned to walk on my toes with my heels off the ground, like I was wearing invisible high-heels. I learned when exactly my dad stopped playing video games at night and when my mother would leave the living room for the night. I learned to be a silent walker not because I wanted to, but because I felt like my only option was to stay under my parent’s radar at all times.

I still was silently, without noticing it.

CPII, during a sleep deprived game of scrabble: “I hope you choke on [partner’s] uvula”

Me, loopy af at 5am, thinking about it: “how the FUCK do I do that?”

CPII: “You THOUGHT ABOUT IT?”

[Playing Pictionary]

Me: “How come you get to draw penises and I can’t-“

CPII: “That’s a safety pin,”

We were playing on an app called playto! My friend code is cglxy_45