The Premium Version Of Human Is Here To Wreck House, Mfs.

The premium version of human is here to wreck house, mfs.

[Twst x Obey Me!AFAB!reader]

CHP 1.2 : Deck of Cards.

CW: Cursing... Idk what else.

Um what the actual f.... WHY IS THIS HERE THIS WAS IN MY DRAFTS?!?!

If the tone of this chapter is kinda different from the usual, I read a fanfic that made it that way. (I tend to subconsciously copy the tone and humor of the last fics I consumed, sorry.)

Thanks for all the reblogs, comments, and likes on these past chapters of mine, guys. They mean a lot to me and I'm so thankful for you all for them <3

Wretching open your front door for the second time, you hear the tell-tale signs of someone being smacked-dabbed in the face by the glorified piece of wood as you relish in the very satisfying groans of pain from your victim. (Sorry, It's your Lucifer–kinnie rearing its head.)

"Eh– Deuce? What the hell are you doing here??"

You asked, mildly concerned because Deuce has been nothing but nice to you and Yuu, unlike Ace the fuckin prick.

You don't even bother to ask if he was okay, you have eyes. So instead, you removed his hands that were covering his face and started to massage the area that the door hit, mumbling apologies.

Thankfully his nose didn't become crooked or bleed. That would've been unfortunate.

Deuce, bless his kind soul; Returned your apologies with his own for bothering you and your current housemates so early in the morning.

Haiyah, Ace should take notes, because this is how you're gonna be able to pull maidens and keep them.

• • • • • (Help my phone is lagging)

(So um, this was supposed to be longer but I don't why it suddenly uploaded itself and idk how to un upload it without deleting it)

You 'peacefully' smiled at Ace's annoyance as grim rightfully taunts him about his big-ass collar.

You and your gaggle of disappointments (except Yuu and Deuce) are on y'all's way to the mirror chamber right now so that the douchebag Ace can shove his big-ass ego down his own throat and actually apologize to his poor house warden.

Hmm.... Side note; you're feeling kinda extra petty today... You might just blackmail Crowley later again... Y'know.. just for the funsies... And also for some pocket money because y'all are broke.

*Que Yuu trying to hold back Ace from punting Grim across campus like a screeching football*

As you reach the mirror chamber you hum lightly, gesturing to Yuu to quickly straighten up their posture, patting off the non-existent dust and fixing small wrinkles in their clothes along the way.

Yesterday... The two of you had talked to each other in the privacy of your newly renovated 'dorm' before Ace showed up, discussing boundaries with each other and laying down ground rules, obligations that the two of you expect from each other. Grim just said whatever and tried to binge on your hard-earned canned foods. Safe to say, he almost became one himself.

Coming to compromises and both having an agreement to do whatever they can to support the other and vowing to tell necessary truths to each other as the two of you can only rely on eachother for now due to being entire worlds away from where you both came from.

You share a brief summary of your story (ommitting some... parts that aren't needed to be known) and Yuu shares their own, with you coming to the conclusion that you two do share the same world.

Events just line up too well to be said otherwise.

Though you actually confirmed this when Yuu talked about seeing a certain event on the news that you and the brothers ft. Diavolo and Barbs definitely didn't cause... yeah, DEFINITELY.

Should something important or big happen and the other isn't unavailable (i.e. dead or MIA), you two won't just make your own decisions without consulting or at least informing the other first.

You've... made a firm promise to yourself last night. To allow Yuu to thrive and form a foothold in this society with you as an unofficial apprentice/co-conspirator.

In a world of uncertainty, where a single wrong move can unknowingly compromise your safety, one will always come to desire some kind of power and control over their surroundings.... the people surrounding you, someone... anyone. And you're no different.

The need for a subconscious reassurance that even if everything is unfamiliar and potentially dangerous, you have power over someone else. That you're better than someone else. That should something happen, you won't be the first to be cut out or thrown into danger because you have more value than others will always be present in the back of your mind.

Of course you do know how to control yourself and your emotions, but the sins that the brothers embody kinda tend to emerge from inside you every once in a while.

...Though, maybe the reason you bonded so specifically well with your demons is that you actually have an intrinsic desire for power above all else. Not the kind of power where you're ruling over a kingdom or things like that but something else entirely.

Or, the evil inside just you began to slowly amplify the more time you spend with demons and that's why you're like this..

Either way, over the years, you've started to notice yourself becoming more... mature? in a sense?... your outlook in life slowly becoming more focused on how you can better yourself to ensure that your lovers didn't make a mistake in choosing to love you.

(You don't need to prove yourself to us, MC...)

The pride you've developed through your experiences and your constant connection with high profile individuals that drives you to constantly compare and contrast yourself to others reassure your deepest subconscious that you're still good enough, to reign in the insecurities brought in by how goddamn amazing your partners are.

Your greed to have more, to be more amazing than you already are, to leave behind other people in the dust of your brilliance.

Fearful envy for those people that aren't your friends who are smarter than you, more beautiful than you, more charismatic than you. Or the fear when you see someone making more progress than you. Afraid that they'll sooner be better than you and replace you somehow in the hearts of your lovers. (You still don't know where that fear came from though... Maybe from your other selves experiencing it? *cough* replaced au's *cough*)

Wrath when the desire to ruin whoever is overshadowing you starts to creep up from the dark crevices of your mind and begins to ensnare you.

Lust for more beauty, more elegance, to shine more brightly, to have more power and control over your own life.

Gluttony as you continue to desire more and more without feeling contentment.

And sloth because... you're just becoming too tired of the heavy duties and expectations thrust upon you by everyone around you intentionally or not... These past months, years wearing down on your fragile human soul.

You can't just do whatever you like anymore.. Your close relationship with the Brothers, Diavolo, Barbatos, Mephisto, as well as the angels, Thirteen, and Solomon caused the public consciousness to keep a heavy watch over you, the human that these very important individuals treasure very much.

Try as they might, your babes can't completely shield and protect you from the jealousy-filled rage of the toxic side of their own "fanbases". Not to mention those meddling mfs with even a small smidgen of power within the three realms keeps scrambling to mind your business as if it would somehow make themselves more important.

Of course, your significant others do their damn hardest to protect you from the public's scrutiny, that's for sure. (With Barbatos teaching you high-end etiquette to make sure you carry yourself with elegance to lessen things that could be used against you.) But.. it's unfortunately not enough.

Because you do often go outside to touch grass while still being quite active on the internet, whispers and gossips about you will inevitably reach your ears.

Whether it's you walking in RAD's halls and hearing hoes bad-mouthing you for your close relationships, your "unbecoming" attitude and "unflattering" qualifications, or you scrolling on the internet and seeing threads dissing you and calling you greedy for "taking all the good ones" with your "luke-warm" qualities.

Of course, you forwarded those threads and recounted those events to at least one of your significant others in the guise of light-hearted laughing about some trolls, knowing full well the exact consequences that you snitching on them will bring onto those poor unfortunate jealous gossipers. (Is it really snitching if they were the ones with the audacity to badmouth you? )

You can't find it in yourself to care though. Shouldn't have tried to intentionally talk behind your back WITHIN HEARING DISTANCE.

Fuck around and find out, as they say.

Just because they're jealous doesn't mean its your fault that all of the people you've managed to somehow seduce all happened to be extremely ethereal, intelligent, and are fuckin rich. YES. Even Mammon, contrary to what an ordinary person would expect from someone who's always out gambling or wasting money. (It's one of the mysteries of the universe, actually... How that guy can amass an impressive amount of wealth in a short amount of time whenever he gets really serious.)

So if they thought they can bully you into somehow, someway causing a rift into your relationships then they're dead wrong.

They're gonna be riggin their last mortis before you can even start to form any semblance of fucks to give to them.

Your inner thoughts really just kinda tend to go against you sometimes, but who doesn't have that problem?

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• • • • •

You snap back out of your trance as your body fluidly weaves to the side, jolting your mind awake as you dodge something small that was flying towards you.

'Oh.. It was just a small splatter of paint... Dang, I really need to chill.'

[Did... Did whatever that liquid thing was, just... burnt through the sidewalk right now...?

You subconsciously thought as you feel yourself being pulled into someone's —this scent.. Mammon?—  chest, arms simultaneously hugging you and shielding you from any further potential harm.

...Why? Why can you never get away from these things..? Why do you never know peace??

WhywhywhywhywhywHyWhYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYHWYHWYHWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHWYHYWHYWHYWHHWHYWHYWHYHWYHWYHWYHWY—?!?!?

. . .

Is it such a crime to want a peaceful life with those you love...?]

Hm... another ginger.. And with a healthy amount of zestiness too?

"oOoH! I'd recognize you famous freshies anywhere!"

(Thanks for screeching to the entire universe that there's someone else here Grim, we would've thought we were just hearing voices if it weren't for your super keen observation.)

Now, you'd think Mr. Fruity over there had just casted a haste spell on himself with how fast he went from on top of a ladder painting roses, to suddenly being beside you and squishing you all into a group picture but no, the power of tea and likes is just that powerful I guess...

(You'd know all about that, seeing Asmo breaking sound barriers the moment he catches a whiff of any kind of gossip will never be less horrifying yet amusing.)

Somehow, someway, you and the gang ended up being enlisted to paint roses, after the upperclassman who's apparently named Cater uploaded your group photo and tagged you all.

(Yuu has a phone is this au because of the power of ✨Extortion✨ [Crowley's the one being extorted dw])

You shook your head to get rid of your momentary brain fog and sighed.

So there you are, standing still as you watch your ragtag gang try and fail at the task that was asked of them to do.

'These guys are quite incompetent with this painting the roses thing.' You thought as you watched Deuce turn roses blue, Grim setting fire to entire rose bushes, with Ace and Yuu splattering paint within a ten meter radius of themselves either intentionally or due to inexperience.

Cater meanwhile wants to urge for your help in painting the roses as well –losing hope for the other freshmen– but backing out because of your thousand-yard stare and patented resting bitch face.

• • • •

"Haaaa, this is getting ridiculous"

You deadpanned as Cater "escorted" you all out because Ace didn't have a replacement tart in the ready. (Ignoring Ace who was actually rightfully complaining this time, your group excluding you, had wasted time botching rose painting attempts when you could've left earlier or gone to the store if Cater had just told you all that a replacement tart was needed in the first place.)

You deadpanned even harder when the bell rang and they all started scrambling to get to class.

You feel like a disappointed mother right now.

Grabbing Yuu, you quickly teleported the two of you to a secluded corner near the entrance of your classroom, making sure that no one saw the two of you spawn out of nowhere.

Steadying Yuu as they stumbled from the sudden change in scenery, you quickly dragged them inside and seated them beside you in [chosen spot here] before texting a quick middle-finger emoji to y'all's newly made "Losing hope for humanity" group chat with the one braincell duo, grim, and your unofficial apprentice – Yuu

You're not that cruel though, you reserved seats for them beside Yuu so that they can hear you laugh at them when they finally arrived from their impromptu marathon and took their seats.

. . .

'I hate my life.'

You thought, as you and your... friends?walk to y'all's next class.

Honestly, you didn't want to attend these classes because you could've been doing something more productive (like drinking through Crowley's wine stash that you found) but you still want to know about the lessons the students of this oh-so-prestigious college are taking. Maybe you'll come across information that can be vital to your return home or something.

This continued on until Grim decided to try his luck with escaping the lessons, causing you to put your foot down because poor Yuu can get implicated if Grim isn't in class, making the feline choose between studying in peace or resting in peace.

(Sorry Catan, this feline is really pissing me tf off right now.)

• • • • • •

"Ugh, really can't believe you left us like that."

Ace whined, picking out food beside you, Deuce, and Yuu in the cafeteria.

"Again, not my fault Yuu was the only one I could grab back then. This is the fifth time already, Ace." You said, ignoring the teen's ugly huffing.

"You totally could've included us if you made the effort!!" Huffed out Grim as he DEFINITELY didn't pout at you.

"Says the one who tried to ditch their window cleaning punishment." Yuu piped in.

"Ugh, not you too, henchman!"

"Yeah, bold of you to say anything about effort when you have to be dragged to classes." Ace said with a shit-eating grin.

"I DON'T WANNA HEAR ANYTHING FROM YOU, YOU UGL—!!"

You zone out the rest of their bickering, focussing instead into getting some [fav. food] because you're gonna punch someone if you let your hunger ferment any further.

But of course, the universe hates you. Nothing else could explain  why you need to suffer seeing some high school bullies that are trying to boast of their "authority" as seniors by throwing a tantrum over a fuckin egg yolk.

You lament, quietly standing slightly behind Ace, Deuce, and Yuu as you watch Grim defend his chicken with all his kitty cat glory.

They're targeting the rest of you guys too... Haaaaah, you can't get a break with these people.

(Belphegor twitched, he's not quite feeling full-on Sloth but instead, some kind of fatigue? that starts to weigh down on him.

He rushes to Lucifer's office to report the vague feeling that he knows, originated from you.)

MmmM... Haaaaaah. You're too emotionally drained from all the convoluted unfamiliar lessons that were shoved into your face today to even muster the want for a confrontation right now.

You pinch the bridge of your nose, feeling a dull headache settling into the back of your head.

This needs to stop, lest these bumbling idiots in front of you piss you off even further. (One of them grabbed Deuce's collar you observed, yelling at him for saying something about not using magic while the other is getting closer to Yuu, being the one who took Grim into their arms.)

You open your mouth; "Can the both of you get the hell out of the way, your big-ass foreheads are taking up the entire cafeteria."

Your clear, nonchalant but loud voice rang out, causing some silence from those that heard you.

And like a charm, ignoring any bangs that may have covered it, the two accidents subconsciously covered their foreheads with a dumbfounded "huh?" caught off guard with your sudden insult.

Not even bothering to grace them with a reply, you snap your fingers, golden rope manifested around the legs of those pathetic seniors, quickly tightening to incapacitate them and shooting up to the ceiling to tie itself to the newly remade chandelier with those seniors hanging upside down from it. 

That golden rope will prevent them from both trying to swing free and rocking the chandelier in any way, shape, or form, as a precaution to make sure that there won't be a repeat of the falling chandelier fiasco.

Ignoring the gawking of the entire cafeteria, you gesture to your group to hurry tf up and go to a table with you while you massage your temple.

'Hahhhh, I can feel myself aging.' You thought.

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Thanks for reading! I know I dipped for a couple of months, sorry bout that. Just know that school sucked.

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(Lawd help me)

Hi, Carl

*Puts my reading glasses on*

Well someone didn't read the source material before leaving a review.

1.) This reviewer probably: "Dragons, Magic, Mythical creatures, Reincarnators, Transmigrators, and LITERAL MULTIPLE GODS are realistic enough but the MC not being a bumbling fckin idiot?? Hell no! that's where I DRAW THE LINE!!!

Also, 100 is literally the average IQ.

I don't know what's up with people hating it when an MC doesn't have the intelligence of a soggy piece of bread, but seriously? Why?

2.) The foundation of transmigration stories are built on lies. Where the hell have you seen an MC that upon transmigration, just straight announced that they're not the original?

Obviously a person will lie to get benefits, ESPECIALLY when said person just suddenly found themself stranded in another fuckin WORLD with a goddamn WAR on the horizon!!!

3.) This review was made in 2023. The reviewer probably didn't even bother reaching past chapter 50 if they can say that Cale is evil this confidently.

Like– ARE WE READING THE SAME NOVEL???

This reviewer literally said: "He helps the crazy people in a war so that his kingdom can grow better and he can live in peace"

IN WHAT WORLD IS THAT EVIL?!?!

Not to mention, the reviewer omitted that Cale helped the "crazy people" in a war against a bastard who had no problem EXPERIMENTING on the innocent. But apparently, that makes him evil because the ones he helped aren't mentally sane.

And yes, Cale "scams" people into thinking he's a good person, but don't you think they would've left him by now through their adventures if he wasn't actually a good person? None of the ppl close to him are fckin idiots. They would've realized it already if he was actually a rotten man by heart.

Does the novel literally need to spell shit out nowadays just because some people seem to be incapable of reading between the lines??

The reviewer: *Complains that MC's intelligence is unrealistic*

Also the reviewer: *Wants an MC that isn't selfish, bad, or (probly) morally gray*

HELP💀 MY ONE UNFINISHED CROSSOVER WIP THAT I BARELY EVEN STARTED ON WATTPAD BECAUSE I LOST THE PASSWORD TO THE ACCOUNT

Poor Cale💀 Also, where are y'all reading the novel bro

Tcf part 2 chapter 330

Not On and Choi Han completely snitching on Cale about his position on the vr game world🤣

The pettiness was so deserved

Eruhaben: so you're saying you're the worst in that game world.

Cale: that's not what I-

On without missing a beat: Yes. Yes he is.

Choi Han also without missing a beat along with On: He also has angel blood there.

Lock: Wait so he's an angel!?

Choi Han: no he also has demon blood. Also he's the boss of the 3rd and 7th evils out of the eight.

Eruhaben: *disappointed but not surprised sigh* Well I guess growing your wokload is a talent as well.

Cale: No wait I didn't do anything! Seriously I didn't even do anything the game did that! I was just there like🧍‍♂️!

[W: I'm sleep-deprived, writing this.]

So I was tryin to find a way to read Tcf's chapter 257 of book 2 but then I started to drift across platforms trying to get even a lick of the chapter when I came across the novel updates page of TCF.

So as a bored person who can't find the chapter she's lookin for, I decided to scroll through the page when I reached the reviews section.

Safe to say, I'm between offended for Cale and amused as hell.

How is he a pushover?

The reason Cale survived until now is meddling in the business of others, bro💀 He should've just let ppl die, ig

Also, Cale is the type of person whose thoughts contradict his actions, he says he hates cats, then proceeds to adopt two of em and make another one into a king.

It's literally his characterization at this point.

That he's such an unreliable asf narrator to the point that even his own readers wanna smack him in the head.

Not to mention, Cale is not "reincarnated" he's a transmigrator it was never alluded to that he died and got there, y'all this is too funny I don't think this reviewer got very far in the novel xD

But then I thought; 'What would Cale think of this?'

And just envisioned the dude reading the review, probly being offended he's in a novel, totally agreeing he ain't unique or special in any way, and then complaining in his head that he didn't want the problems, the problems wanted him💀

What I really got vaguely annoyed about tho is the last snippet.

Rating something as 1 star when even you feel that it's 3 stars just to try to bring down its "undeserving" high rating? What is dis pettiness bro

TCF helped me get through the pandemic and I'm gonna defend this novel with m life.

Also, just a bonus one.

The review itself is aight but the "There's no real goal that the MC tries to accomplish" part??? Help—😂

Even some readers don't see Cale's dream of a Slacker life as true, poor dude. ( ಡ⁠ ͜⁠ ⁠ʖ⁠ ⁠ಡ)