Friendly Faces Everywhere

Friendly Faces Everywhere

Codename Dovahkiin Part 2

Now that the Stick of Truth RPG is over it's time for N.K. to face the normal everyday life of South Park.

She should have known nothing in South Park is ever normal!

Day to day the craziness of this supposed quiet little mountain town she has to combat now.

Thank god, she has Tammy, Wendy, her boys, and her Social Media/Magical Girl Powers on her side.

This gonna be a wild ride!

Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski

I put three episodes in one Chapter.

This shows how adding a new character can basically change the whole storyline.

Fascinating!

Now happy reading.

P.S. I didn’t add Handicap because this was not a main character EP and like N.K. has not really contact with the disabled kids.

Chapter 3: Weird, weirder, South Park!

It’s after lunchtime at school and I’m with Tammy in the girl’s bathroom. Wendy, Bebe, and Red are also here with us.

I’m helping Tammy cover up a pimple, while our friends each take a turn to do the business the toilettes were built for.

All is normal and nice.

Of course, SOMEONE has to disturb it.

Fucking Eric Cartman enters our bathroom, zeroing at the stalls!

Before anyone can react or say something, I grip Cartman by his fat neck, ignoring his protests, and drag him out of the bathroom.

Out on the school floor, I throw him against the lockers.

“You stupid bitch!”, he curses at me.

I punch beside his face at the locker staring him down with my best death glare. He is shaking in fright.

“What the fuck was that?!”, I ask. “Why did you enter the girl’s bathroom?”

I give him this, at least, even if he is shitting his pants, he managed to press out: “I'm transginger.”

“What?”

“Did you notice the bow?”

Cartman points at the little pink bow he has now on his wool hat.

“I'm not comfortable with the sex I was assigned at birth, so I'm exercising my right to identify with the gender of my choice.”

“Bullshit!”, I growl out and punch again beside his face. Cartman flitches. “That’s just a scheme of yours to use our bathroom, god knows why. You aren’t transgender, dickhead.”

“Don't give me any more issues than I already have, Douchebag!”, he has the balls to say to me.

Okay enough.

I grip him by his collar slamming him against the lockers. He winces in pain.

“Don’t pull this shit you fucking asshole! I don’t want to make me angry! Let my community in peace and don’t use it for your agenda!”, I hiss at him. “Stop this shit right now or I gonna beat you up! I will beat you up so much that the beatdown I gave you while we played the Stick of Truth was a nice massage! You understand me!”

I let go of him and he falls on his fat ass painfully.

I point at him.

“Don’t test me bitch!”

With that, I return back to the girl’s bathroom.

I should have known that Cartman is as stupid as he is stupor.

I get called into the principal’s office, where Cartman is already waiting there with his mom, crying in her arms. Principal Victoria and my parents are there too.

“Oh god, what lying story did he tell you!”, I ask annoyed into the room.

I can see from Principal Victoria’s look that she doesn’t buy Cartman theater either, but somehow he managed to convince his mom, and now we are here.

“Novella-Karin Campo!”, begins Papà. “Did you really threat Erica here to beat her up if she uses the girl bathroom?”

“That’s not Erica that’s still Cartman who has one of his schemes going on!”, I counter.

Cartman wails and hugs his mom tight.

“I told you she is a transgingerphobe!”

“I’m not and it’s called trangenderphobe, you ignorant piece of shit!”

“My daughter is part of the LGBTAQ+ community since she was a little girl.”, comes Mamma to my defense. At least her! “She never was transphobe, she always was there for her sisters and brother who struggle with their gender identity. This is ridiculous!”

“Mrs. Campo I understand you and your daughter, but I need to get to the bottom of this. Sadly.”, mumbles Principal Victoria the last part, but I heard her.

Yep, she is totally not buying Cartman bullshit too.

I don’t wanna have her job right now too.

“Also, Eric here-“

“-It’s Erica, goddammit, mom say something?!-“

“-Don’t get angry so fast hun, people need to learn your new name, I certainly do-“

“-Mom!-“

“-Anyway as I was saying!”, starts Principal Victoria again. “Erica wanted to use the girl bathroom and you Novella-Karin dragged her out of it and threatened to beat her up if she tries this.”

I shrug my shoulders.

“I told a little boy, who takes advance of my transgender brothers and sisters, only the truth! I will not let him use them as an excuse to shit in the girl’s bathroom.”

“N.K.!”, growls my father in warning, but Mamma gives him a little hit on the head.

“Christiano Campo, you rather believe someone else than your own daughter?!”

Oho, Mamma used Papà full name. She is pissed at him. He realizes this too, while he rubs his hurting spot.

Papà stays still.

Yeah, that’s probably better.

“I see.”, says Principal Victoria. “Sadly there is no evidence that Erica is taking advance.”

“Not even that we talk here about Eric Cartman who is known to pull shit like that?!”, I call in disbelief in between.

“Novella-Karin I can understand you, I really do, but my hands are tied. For threatening Erica you get a whole month of detention.”

I stare at her in disbelief, while Cartman, the fat fuck, grins in triumph.

Oh just wait, I have still a triumph card!

“Okay if Cartman here really is transgender then he must have started hormon therapy.”, I point out. “There are surely doctor notes that support his claim. If not he is lying.”

I’m betting that he probably doesn’t know that you don’t need to be on hormone therapy to be considered transgender. I bet he only made a little research on the subject.

Turn out I’m right. It’s satisfying to see Cartman’s face fall. Didn’t think about that, heh, fatass?

It’s still for a few seconds till Cartman yells: “Motherfucker!”

In the end, Cartman gets two-week detention for entering the girl’s bathroom, and my detention is canceled since it was my right to kick him out.

Also, I think Principal Victoria has nothing against it if I really beat up Cartman.

Of course somehow the whole school hears about this and people celebrate me like a celebrity.

It’s an enormous ego boost.

Also, it shows how hated Cartman is.

All in all a good day’s work.

The next days in South Park are again fucked up!

Somehow a drone took a video of Craig’s mom naked and from there on, neighborhood drones, police drones, and military drones flow around us.

Even my parents participated with a drone!

What really pissed me off besides that all our privacy was invaded, was that Mrs. Tucker got heat only because she doesn’t shave down under.

Again I made use of my Social-Media Powers to help to get rid of the problems.

#AllNaturelBeaty and #DownWithDrones were trending everywhere.

My first Hashtag did help Mrs. Tucker, but I learned something new about my powers. I have to be more specific with my Hashtags since the solution to taking out drones was to bring more drones in.

In the end, someone used a blow-up doll with a hairy vagina to lead all the drones away from the city.

The evening after that the whole city is having a fancy banquet and celebrating the supposed hero, Mrs. Tucker, and her bush.

I can just facepalm at this all, as also a mistrial sings a heroic song for her.

Why is South Park so sick?!

Our school day starts pretty normally. I’m with Tammy at her locker, she is getting her books for our first lesson, as Jimmy walks up to us.

“G-Good morning, g-girls!”

“Hey, Jimmy!”

“What’s up, noble bard.”, I add playful.

“Not much. I just wanted to make sure you heard the fuh-fantastic news. There's a new Terrance & Phillip mobile game, and it's so amazing and incredibly fun.”

He shows us this fun game on his phone. I frown, while Tammy purses her lips.

I’m not much of a smartphone gamer and Tammy isn’t a fan of Terrance and Philip. I know shocking, I’m trying to get her to like them.

“That’s nice?”, Tammy says for us both.

“Isn’t it? And the most unbelievable part? It's totally free. You should download it to your phone right now. I mean, come. On. If it's free, why wouldn't you?”

“I don’t play mobile games, but sure, I could check it out.”, I tell Jimmy.

I mean it’s still Terrance and Philip.

“You betcha, pal.”

With that, he leaves us. We both look at each other and shrug our shoulders.

At recess, I try out the game, while Tammy watches me.

“This…is the biggest bullshit ever!”, I declare as I uninstall it.

That game wanted me to collect coins and then asked for real money to have more coins to rebuild Canada.

“I stay with my PlayStation game!”

“Aren’t DLC also kind of expansive? What’s the difference with this?”, Tammy wants to know.

“You didn’t say this! It’s a lot different. You get at last a whole new level and extra hours to play in it.”

We are walking around the school playground as we see Stan’s gang minus Stan and…huh I’m hearing right.

“Don’t tell me you guys tried also out the Terrance and Phillip mobile game?”, I call out to them.

“We did.”, responds Kyle and puts his phone away. “It’s so dumb.”

We all together agree to never play it again. I have a feeling this is a scheme even if it’s Terrance and Phillip.

But apparently, the one who wasn’t with us yesterday didn’t get the memo and even didn’t show up to school today.

Stan, I’m talking about Stan.

I’m with Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman to see after him. Tammy and Leo couldn’t come since Tammy has now karate training and Leo has to help his parents with something.

We enter Stan’s room.

He is playing the stupid mobile game in his bed all right.

“Ohhh hey guys.”, greets us, Stan.

“You... missed school today?”, reminds him, Kyle.

“Yeah, I just wasn't feelin' the best.”

I cross my arms and cock a hip out.

“But you feel well enough to play the Terrance and Phillip mobile game, Stanley?”

“Well yeah, I was sick in bed. What else was I gonna do?”

“Not playing and trying to get well?”

“N.K., I don’t think he is really sick.”, whispers Kenny.

“I know, I was just pointing it out.”, I whisper back.

“How much money did you micropay today, Stan?”, wants Cartman to know from him.

“Nothing! Dude, I bought like $10 worth of Canadough. But check it out, I unlocked the stadium in Toronto.”

Stan even smiles at us.

“You spent $10 and eight hours to unlock a stadium?”, summarize Kyle in disbelieve.

“You guys, is it that much dumber than video games you play?”

“Yes.”

“I can’t believe I agree with Cartman, but yes. Even DLCs are more fun than that shit!”

“It's just something to kill some time. Like Jimmy said, it's a cool way to zone out.”

….Wait a second, Jimmy?!

“Waitwaitwait, Jimmy told you about this game?”, says Kyle.

“Jimmy told me about this game.”, informs Cartman.

“Kenny, N.K. who told you about this game?”

“Jimmy!”, we say together.

“Dude, what?!”

“The?!”, continues Cartman.

“Fuck?!”, end Kenny and I.

We decide to let Stan be and hunt Jimmy down. He needs a lot to explain to us. We find him, trying to sell the game to a kid.

As it turns out the Canadian government pays Jimmy to push the game to other kids and he accepts their money because he has debts with another freemium game.

What a fucked up circle of money-making.

On good thing is that Stan realizes he needs help and comes to us. While he and Jimmy talk, we other are in Kyle’s kitchen talking about what we could do to stop this all.

Well, Kyle tries to think of a plan, I just go to my many social media platforms and spread the hell out of it.

“Kyle, stop coming up with a grand plan I already put the word out!”, I tell him showing him my Twitter account. “"Terrance & Phillip hire pushers to make money off addicts." is already trending and gets millions of retweets.”

“I don’t like to say it but these social media powers of you are useful Douchebag.”

“Thanks, fatass, but your compliment doesn’t mean much to me.”

More we can’t do.

The boys decide to go play basketball, while I pick up Tammy from karate to hang out with her and our girl squad later.

We all are in Bebe’s room, talking and shit, as Bebe looks at her phone and tells us apparently Satan, yes that Satan, and the Canadian Satan had a face-off, and normal Satan won and Canada bans all freemium games.

This craziness of South Park spread apparently to the whole world.

Meh, I just lay down on her floor and continue reading my Demon Slayer manga to Heidi.

I’m starting to have no more fucks to give, so…whatever!

Next

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The Woe’s of a Fanfiction Writer

Welcome to my second blog where I just complain about how it is to be a Fanfiction Writer, waiting for reviews that never come and doubting

The Stick of Truth

Codename: Dovahkiin Part 1!

N.K. is angry at her parents. Not only did they move again, no, but they moved into a snowy hicktown named South Park! She was sure she would hate it there, yet surprisingly she gets to participate in the epic RPG the kids play and falls for the human princess and the elf king. Who is friend, who is foe and which side should she choose?

Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski

Chapter 14: More trauma, yeah!

“You make a hot Sasuke.”, compliments me, Tammy.

I just give her a deadpan look.

I’m dressed now in my Sasuke Uchiha Cosplay when he was 13 and Genin, and I’m with Tammy on my way to the Park, where this Monica Ryland is waiting for me.

Or should I say, Mike?

I have to give it to the fourth-grade girls. They used one of my cosplay pic I send them to make a fake Facebook page about a boy named Mike from Lakewood with interests and all.

It really looks real.

Let's hope this Monica falls for this “trap” and we get this fast over.

All this is so stupid!

I’m glad that Tammy is my buddy, even if she is being a smart-ass.

“Ah, there look!”, Tammy points at a girl with brown hair in pigtails, who is sitting on a bench. “That must be Monica.”

“All right, let’s get this bread. The sooner we got this over the sooner I can watch some Yuri to get away from this straight stuff!”

“Huh? What is Yuri?”

“…I will tell you another time Tam.”

With that, I signal her to hide behind some trees as I walk up to Monica.

I channel my inner Sasuke. My hands are in the pockets of my white shorts and I have a resting bitch-face on.

“Monica?”, I say her name like a don’t give a fuck.

Well, I really don’t give one, but if this gets me the girls to join our RPG I will do it.

Monica looks at me with this glitter in her eyes I know from people who were interested in me.

Also in N.K., not the cosplay.

Nice to know that this look at least is an universal thing.

Or I wouldn’t get it if she wasn’t into Mike/me.

“Oh Hi… you must be Mike.”, she says in a kinda breathless tone.

I just nod.

She pets the bench to tell me to sit with her. Which I do.

“So. You wanna talk about Bebe, huh? Well, look… Bebe’s my friend. I think she’s really great. I- I don’t know if she’s the end all be all of girls – I mean… she’s a little two-faced if you ask me. But, hey, I read a lot of your Facebook profile, and I think you’re a really interesting boy.”

I can’t even say anything as Bebe, Wendy, and a red-haired girl appear.

Bebe points an accusing finger at Monica.

“A-HA! We knew it! You two-faced manipulative whore!”

“What the heck?!”, shouts Monica surprised.

I just lean back and let the fourth-gradee girls handle this. I don’t care, I just want this over.

“Thank GOD we sent the New Kid to spy on you, huh girls?”, says Wendy in triumph.

“Yeah! Now we KNOW you're a two-faced bitch!”, agrees the red-haired girl.

I normally would swoon since you all know my things for redheads, but these dramatic too straight girls don’t do it for me.

Besides I already have my eyes on the hottest redhead in this town.

It’s Kyle if you weren’t sure.

“What do you mean?”, wonders Monica confused. “You guys are my best friends!”

“Then why are you hitting on MY Facebook boyfriend?”, counters Bebe. “We brought someone else who might be interested!”

Oh okay. Didn’t expect this. A boy my age joins us.

“Monica? What the fuck are you doing?”, he asks her angrily.

Caunt Monica stands up from the bench and waves awkwardly at this boy.

“Uh oh. Hey, Jake.”

“Have fun you two-faced skank!”, calls Wendy over her back as she and her two friends leave.

“Guys, wait! Please! Come back!”

Monica runs after them.

I can’t even enjoy this is over since this Jake thinks I hit on Monica and wants to beat my ass.

Annoyed I just kick him in the balls.

I don’t have time or nerves for this bullshit.

He goes down like a sack of potatoes. Fainted from the pain.

“Jeez, you really are pissed off.”, comments Tammy as she joins my side.

She looks with pity at the downed boy.

I huff.

“Let’s change back into Dark Magician Girl and see if the girls will join us finally.”

“Whatever you say sis.”

We do just that.

The girls are already waiting for us in their base.

“And?”, I ask.

“Queen N.K. we want to thank you for helping us determine whether or not Monica was a two-faced bitch.”, begins Wendy. “She really made us mad, BUT it turns out she couldn't have been the one spreading rumors about Allie Nelson going to the abortion clinic.”

“Yeah. So we made up.”, adds the brunette with the hairband.

And surprise, surprise, there is now Monica sitting at one of the tables.

“You guys are the best.”

I can’t help but facepalm at this stupidity. Tammy pats my shoulder.

I really can’t with this girls.

“You see, the thing is, Heidi Turner was SUPPOSED to put on the Facebook page that you were Bebe’s boyfriend, but she didn’t.”, explains to me, Wendy.

Oh god, like I give a fuck!

“Because Heidi Turner is a two-faced bitch who says she likes me then tries to stab me in the back!”, shouts Monica.

“Right. So we need to know if Heidi Turner is the two-faced bitch who's spreading rumors about Allie being spotted at the abortion clinic.”

“So you still won’t join us if we didn’t find this out, right Wendy?”, it’s not even a question I feel it in my gut.

Wendy nods.

“Indeed. We need someone to go to the abortion clinic. But no one of us can’t do it. We can’t be labeled as sluts!”

Agreeing sounds from all the girls.

Okay, I have enough!

“Oh my god you little prissy nonfeminist straight girls who follow the patriarchy way of life and not fight to change this wrong way!”, I yell angrily and Tammy holds me by my shoulders so I don’t start swinging. “There are worse things in life than being called a whore. Does not never come to your brains that only girls get called whores if they kiss more than one boy, while boys could fuck an entire town and be praised as kings! This is the patriarchy way of controlling us! And you AND YOU JUST FOLLOW ALONG AND DON’T USE YOUR BRAINS?! IS THIS REALLY THE LIFE YOU WANT TO LIVE FOREVER?! YOU WANT YOUR DAUGHTERS TO STILL LIVE THIS WAY?!”

All the girls gasp at me. Even Tammy.

But I’m not done.

“I want you to listen and think about this song lyrics: All day, every day, Therapist, mother, maid. Nymph then a virgin, nurse than a servant. Just an appendage, live to attend him. So that he never lifts a finger. Twenty-four-seven, baby machine. So he can live out his picket fence dreams. It's not an act of love if you make her. You make me do too much labor!”

My singing voice echoes formally in the room. I sang the lyrics from Labor of the amazing Paris Paloma with all the rage we as women should have about our roles in society.

I fix the girls with a hard look. They are clearly lost for words.

“I will go to the abortion clinic as myself because I’m not ashamed to ask for a service which is my right!”, I tell them heatedly. “Believe me, if we didn’t need you to fight on our side I wouldn’t even look at you twice. You are one of the reasons we still have to fight for fucking basic human rights! Let’s go, Tammy.”

Dramatic I exit the girl base, after a second Tammy follows me.

“They made you really angry, huh?”

“Mmh.”

“That song you sang…it really makes you think.”

“Nice to know.”

“You have a nice voice.”

“Thanks. Since I can remember I always sang in the kid’s church choir in the city we lived in this moment.”

“Do you wanna go professional, N.K.? Because you have it to be.”

“…Are we really talking about our dream jobs, Tam?”

“I just…Look the song had an impact, but also it’s hard to think in a different way from now to then. Especially here where all are still so…old-fashion.”

I can’t help to sign, but I pet her shoulder.

“Now don’t stress yourself out. You get this stupid mission over with and then hopefully we have the girls on our side and can kick Clyde’s ass. We can think together later about all day.”, I offer her.

“You meant it?”

“Yes, don’t worry.”

Tammy smiles and gives me a little kiss on the cheek. I can’t help the blush.

Even if she is straight, meaning I will never have a chance with her, she is a beautiful girl.

And nothing is more amazing than getting a kiss from a beautiful girl.

We finally reach Unplanned Parenthood, why do I have the feeling this is a stupid joke on Planned Parenthood?

“You really sure about that?”, can’t Tammy help but ask.

“Yes, I don’t give a fuck.”, I reassure her. “I can go alone in there, I won’t force you to do anything.”

A bittersweet smile appears on her face.

“Oh, not being labeled as whore is already too late for him.”

I can’t even ask what she means by that, as she steps into the clinic. I go after her.

Note to me, ask Tammy later what she meant by that.

We walk up to the counter.

The nurse behind it gives us a friendly smile.

“Hi, here for an abortion? Who of you needs one?”

“That would be me.”, I answer.

“It's okay, don't be scared. The first one's always the scariest. Take room A, second door on your left.”

“Thank you.”

As we want to go through the door the nurse tells us that Tammy can’t come with me.

Patients only.

Tammy gives me a quick hug, whispering: “I see you at the other side.”

I return the hug, whispering back: “I see you at the other side.”

With my head held high, I enter.

On the floor I’m now in I can already see the record room, but there are camera facing it.

Like this I can’t for sure enter, it will probably activate an alarm.

So…I need at least a good enough disguise. The only one I could find here…is a doctor’s one!

Oh, that’s actually perfect.

That means I have to enter one of the patient rooms.

Okay, let’s hope I pick one who is free and no doctor comes in.

I randomly pick a room.

I’m lucky. The room is vacant.

Fast I look around and find…actually child-sized scrubs?

Why would they have this here?

And why do I still stand around and ask myself that when any moment could come to the doctor and then I have to explain myself?

Also on it with the scrubs.

My cosplay goes into my backbag I carry.

I look down at myself.

I look like a child playing doctor, hopefully, for the cameras, this will be enough.

Back on the floor a see a doctor who seems confused and mumbles something about where his patient is.

Who wants to bet with me that this doctor would have done the abortion on me?

I act like I belong here and walk straight to the records room.

Thank god my disguise works, I can enter without problems.

I don’t have to look around a lot to find the records the girls want.

I take my phone out and take photos of any important page.

That’s when I hear a ruckus coming from one of the air ventilation. Confused what this could be I look up…and Mr. Marsh drops into the room?!

Huh?

“Mr. Marsh?”

“Agh! Dammit! Oh, it's YOU! Thank God!”, he seems relieved to see me and walks over to me. “Something STRANGE is going on here! The PTA reviewed that tape you got us. Taco Bell has something called a Plan B. They've been here looking through these records. But... why would they be interested in the gynecological files of the women of South Park?”

I don’t know if he wants an answer from mine or not, since the door to the records room opens.

Two of the Men-in-black are here!

Oh shit!

“I'm afraid now you know too much.”, say’s the one without sunglasses, then he talks into a Walkie-Talkie. “We have two more asking a lot of questions.”

“Deal with them QUIETLY. We can't let anyone find out what we were doing there.”, this is the answer out of the Walkie-Talkie.

I cold shiver goes over my body. Not only because I’m close to seeing my creator but…I know this voice! I heard it before! And it doesn’t make me feel good.

“Before you kill us tell us why. Why is Taco Bell taking the records of women's vaginas in South Park?”, asks Mr. Marsh.

I don’t know if he really wants to know that or if he is trying to buy us some time.

Whatever, the little device the men-in-black with sunglass holds starts to beep frantically.

“I'm picking up some hot readings on the ESRB.”, sunglasses informs his colleagues.

“Tell us! What do women's vaginas and Doritos Locos Tacos have in common?!”, shouts Mr. Marsh in between.

Not that they two men-in-black care.

“The ESRB is going crazy!”

“Oh shit! There's an outbreak here! WE HAVE CONTAMINATION IN SECTOR SEVEN! ALL UNITS TO SECTOR SEVEN NOW!”

Suddenly a lot of men-in-black appear with soldiers on their sides and run around the floor like chickens whom you cut off their heads.

“Secure the entire building! Put that woman in restraints.”

The nurse gets grapped as the doctor I saw before joins in.

“What's going on?”

“Taco Bell security. Your clinic is infected with the Nazi Zombie Virus.”

“Nazi zombies?! That's ridiculous! AND bigoted! I happen to be German!”

“HE'S ONE OF THEM!”

The poor doctor gets shoot and looks now more like  Swiss cheese.

I feel like throwing up!

All is going to shit!

“Tell people... what you saw here today.”, cries the doctor to me.

The door to the records rooms closes and I blink in the darkness.

“Mr. Marsh?”, I call out.

Awesome.

He left me.

You can’t really count on adults in this town!

I need to get the fuck out of here!

I look around the room and find a mousehole.

Ah, yes, this will do. I have the magic glitter from the Underpants Gnomes!

I shrink myself and enter it.

I walk through the underground of the clinic. I can hear the soldier and men-in-black shouting.

Before me are…Nazi-Zombie rats?!

Of course!

I shot at the pipe above them, so the soldier takes care of them. I do the same with the Nazi-Zombie Underpants Gnomes I encounter.

After a while reach a fuse and jump out of it.

…Why is Mr. Marsh dressed up as a woman sitting in one patient chair?

What happens in the next minutes I never want to talk or think about it again.

It’s just too fucked up.

I only say this.

I didn’t know what do to and I’m thankful I did it somehow right since the men-in-black leave Mr. Marsh and me alone.

Aka. don’t kill us.

They tell us to leave the building.

Mr. Marsh waves me away. I should go alone, he needs…time.

I don’t blame him.

So you guys know where I can buy some brain bleach?

I step out of the room into the corridor.

But it seems we didn’t reach the fucked-up level today since Nazi-Zombie fetus attack the men-in-black and kill them!

I’m just…I’m standing here regretting all my life choices.

I wanna go back to Seattle where things were normal and sane!

I hear above me rumors.

It’s Leo!

He is picking his head in.

“I'm here for you, big sis!”, he calls.

Then he tries to jump to the ground without hurting himself.

It doesn’t work.

“God dammit.”

“Leo, are you all right?”, I ask him, helping him up.

He nods.

“Wait for me!”

Tammy jumps down too.

“Sis!”

I’m happy these two are here!

“Look at that little fella!”, points Leo at a Nazi Zombie Fetus who eats one of the men-in-black. “Are those little babies sucking blood?”

“These are fetuses actually, Butters.”, corrects him Tammy, looking at them in a kind of weird fascination.

“Nazi-Zombie fetuses.”, I add.

“Amazing! What’s next? One of our friends turns into a Nazi-Zombie?!”, wonders Tammy.

“Oh hamburgers, I sure hope don’t.”

“Tammy, Leo, we probably have to fight our way out of here. Just let’s go before it gets, even more, crazier here.”

The two agree and we make haste to leave the clinic.

Of course, we have to face off against the little Nazi Zombie fetus to reach the exit. Also, we need to walk through the air vent, thank god the Underpants Gnome glitters works for my buddies too, and we can see how the Nazi Zombie fetuses completely obliterated the men-in-black and soldiers.

When we finally reach the exit the fucked-up meter reaches its boiling point since we have to fight the aborted giant Nazi Zombie fetus of Khloe Kardashian.

Good that we are three people.

Also, Leo has a new sweet move that turns him into this buff and tall anime dude with cool powers.

I so need to learn it!

I wanna be an anime too!

In the end, we defeat the fetus and get out of the clinic.

Let’s get see if the girls are ready to join us!

The faster we know this, the sooner I can take a shower and cry.

I will need a LOT of therapy to process all this trauma today.

I’m back in my Dark Magician Girl cosplay and have my arms crossed. Tammy beside me smiles nervously at the fourth-grade girls.

We are back at their base.

Now let’s see what they have to tell us.

I noted that the girls are looking at me with a kind of…fear at me. I probably shook their whole worldview.

Good.

Maybe they will change for the better.

Wendy starts to talk after a few minutes of us standing around: “Queen N.K., the fourth-grade girls are very thankful for you texting us the abortion records.”

“We are one step away from finding out which girl among us is a two-faced bitch.”, adds Bebe.

“Unfortunately, the record keeper at the abortion clinic is from Paris and so everything is written in French.”

Of course.

“Whoever this two-faced skank is thinks she can outsmart us!”, curses Millie.

“We want to help you and the boys play your game, but we just can't have a two-faced bitch out there on the loose. Just get these documents translated for us, and we PROMISE we will join your army.”, promises Wendy. “Sparkle.”

“Sunshine!”

I roll my eyes.

Me losing my nerves at them didn’t make them overthink all this. They still are in their hurtful mindset, they are just now scarred by me.

Wordless I take Tammy by the hand and lead her out of the base.

I know when fighting is useless, even if I really want to punch out of them all this patriarchy bullshit.

Let’s see if the boys no someone who can talk French and translate the documents for us.

Next

Friendly Faces Everywhere

Codename Dovahkiin Part 2

Now that the Stick of Truth RPG is over it's time for N.K. to face the normal everyday life of South Park.

She should have known nothing in South Park is ever normal!

Day to day the craziness of this supposed quiet little mountain town she has to combat now.

Thank god, she has Tammy, Wendy, her boys, and her Social Media/Magical Girl Powers on her side.

This gonna be a wild ride!

Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski

Chapter 7:This is not you!

The Christmas break is over soon.

Too soon for my taste.

I enjoyed it greatly.

Having dates with Heidi, doing something with my female friends, and spend time with Leo.

I totally and completely ignore the fever dreams I had on Christmas.

Just ignore it and be a good girlfriend, friend, and sister.

Nothing to see here officer.

Only a normal pre-teen living her normal life in a…really fucked up city.

But we will ignore this.

Ignoring is good.

Anyway, the first school day after the break starts with a school assembly where also our parents participate.

I’m sitting between my parents, wondering what will happen next.

Mr. Mackey explains to us that Principal Victoria got fired since she didn’t react right to a student calling rape "hot Cosby" and that we will get a new principal.

The men that walks in…I get shivers all over my body.

Not because he is creepy or anything.

I know his type.

That’s a dudebro who is full-on political correctness.

My gut is right as he tells us clearly: “I don't know about you, but frankly I'm sick and tired of how minority groups are marginalized in today's society. I'm here because this place is lost in a time warp! Students who still use the word "retarded"! A teacher who said women without wombs should get an AIDS test! A chef "person of color" who the children had sing soul songs and who the children drove to kill himself!”

“No, he got brainwashed by a cult.”, corrects him Leo.

This earns my little brother two days' detention.

P.C. Principal is not joking around. Alone his name says it all.

Hey, I’m the first one who is against injustice and all that, but these dudebro’s are too extreme.

Even Mr. Mackey gets detention because he answered P.C. Principals question where the minoritys are correct.

I mean, we do have only Token.

Yet the dudebro doesn’t care.

We will need all to watch our tongue around him.

After the little assembly our parents go home or to work and we start our school day.

When it’s break time I call all my friends and my girlfriend over to my locker.

“Okay, my amazons, listen up.”, I begin in a hushed tone. “I hate to say it but we have to be careful now what we say, because we can’t even make jokes anymore. P.C. Principal is out for blood and he will pick up any political incorrectness, even if it’s sarcasm or the likes.”

“You are white as a sheet.”, points Heidi out and rubs my cheek in comfort. “Are you alright N.K.?”

“Yeah, I never saw you this scarred. I thought you would find P.C. Principal awesome!”, wonders Bebe.

All our friends make agreeing sounds.

I take Heidi’s hand and shake my head with wide eyes.

“I know his P.C. from when I lived in Miami. All and nothing is an offense to this guys. And the worst is you can’t argue with them because they will throw at you the racist, bigoted, or queerphobic card. They even don’t care if you are part of a minority. So from now on we have to watch our mouth.”

Wendy frowns at me.

“This sounds like a personal experience.”

“It is. When I lived in Miami I was dating an Hispanic girl. It wasn’t anything serious, but we had a good time with each other. Well till the day we were at this Starbucks.”, I recount my first time facing this kind of P.C. I still shiver thinking about it. “I told her she looked tired. That’s when a dudebro literally jumped up from his chair and called me out because I stereotyped her as a sleepy person. Even her telling him she really was tired, didn’t help. That guy was not stopping. I’m not ashamed to say I cried like a river. Never has someone completely destroyed me like this dude.”

All their chins meet the floor and Heidi hugs me to console me.

“Oh damn, this doesn’t sound good!”, say’s Red.

“If some of them made N.K. cry it’s serious.”, adds Nichole.

“All right, we need to watch what we are saying around P.C. Principal.”, reminds them Wendy. “Anyone who gets our pretty much real Amazon crying and being ashamed of herself is not someone you wanna mess with.”

The school bell sounds, meaning we all have to go back to our classrooms, which we do.

Only one day has to pass before the boys come to me.

And with boys I mean I saw how they send Leo over to talk to me, while Stan’s Gang minus Cartman and Craig’s gang look from save distance on.

I’m standing with Heidi at my locker, putting my books away, so we can go to the cafeteria to have lunch with our girl group.

“Hey big sis, hey Heidi.”, greets us Leo nervous. He so doesn’t want to do it. “The guys…I mean I was wondering if you N.K. will do something against P.C. Principal.”

I just look around him to fix the little cowards with a glare.

“Really brave of you all. Send my own brother in hopes I agree more. If you have to say something say it.”, I make clear.

At least the fourth-grade boys do look a bit embarrassed.

“Please N.K. you are the strongest person we know.”, Stan begins. “If you can’t get rid of P.C. Principal no one can.”

“Also since you and Heidi are the only same-sex couple, maybe you can go together to him. He will surely listen to your more since you are a minority.”, adds Craig monotone like always.

I can’t believe what I heard.

“We will certainly not get on P.C. Principals’ bad grades.”, I tell them, taking my girlfriend’s hand. “People like P.C. Principal don’t see reason, they see only their way. You can’t win against him in normal ways.”

“So we should just give up? That dude will ruin anything, what is with free speech and all.”, ask me, Kyle.

It’s weird talking to him after…well all that happened.

“No, that’s not what N.K. means.”, answers Heidi for me. I’m so thankful for her. “If you wanna get rid of P.C. Principal you have to play dirty.”

“Go to Cartman, he is the evil psychopath you need.”, I point out.

With that, we make our way to the cafeteria.

When school ends we all heard the news.

Apparently P.C. Principal kicked Cartman’s ass so hard that the fatass is now at the hospital.

I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m happy about that. Cartman deserves all the beatings in the world.

Yet, I’m disappointed that our local psycho couldn’t win against P.C. Principal.

I have a feeling the dudebro will stay for a long time.

The P.C. party the next day in school and hearing there Kyle stopped saying Caitlyn Jenner isn’t a hero is proof enough.

Still, I can’t help but wonder…I have my Social Media Power and my Magical Girl Form…maybe I could have WON against them.

Why did I not fight?

I’m asking this myself later at night laying in my bed.

Did I lose my will to fight?

Yes, I had a bad experience with a dudebro before, but I never backed down.

Not if I have all this power on my side.

Or…I’m just a little girl with powers who thinks she can change the world but when she should do it she shows her true colors.

The colors of a coward.

I’m so confused.

That’s when I hear how someone is knocking on my window.

…What the fuck I’m on the second floor who is crazy enough to climb up my window?

I get my answers as it opens dramatically and I see a masked boy with a dark cape and a green M on his chest and a little question mark on his hood.

“Novella-Karin Campo.”, says the mysterious boy my name in such a deep voice that sends shivers down my back. Not out of fear…I have a voice kink. So you can imagine what I’m feeling. “We need to talk. Transform and meet me at your front yard.”

“Wait a second who are you, you mysterious caped dude with the sexy voice?! How do you know me and my powers?”

“Mysterion. All will be clear to you soon.”

Dramatically he jumps down and my chin meets the floor.

I don’t know what is going on, but this Mysterion is the hottest guy I ever met.

I have a girlfriend, I have a girlfriend, I have a girlfriend I like a lot! Don’t be a thot, N.K.!

Still, I transform and float down to the ground.

Mysterion just looks stoic at me, a dark intimidating silhouette in the moonlight. I swerve dark shadow tendrils dance around him.

I feel a power coming from him…so dark…so old…so not understandable.

This turns me even more on.

I may be bisexual but I admit I always dreamed of meeting a dashing mysterious superhero and being whisked away at night in his strong arms.

But I’m no damsel…I kind of a hero too…okay more a Magical Girl but whatever, you get my point.

Once again remember I have I girlfriend and don’t be a thot!

“So Mysterion.”, I begin curious. “Will you now tell me who you are and what you want from me?”

Something similar like a smile is on his lips.

“You can’t guess?”

“I would remember someone with a voice like that.”

“You only need to know that I’m your friend.”, he tells me. “And as your friend, I have to ask you…what the fuck is wrong with you?”

Hey!

I cross my arms and send him an angry look.

“So not only do you not want to tell me who you are, but you also insult me. Doesn’t makes you look good Mysterion.”

“Some needs to be straight with you-“

“-I’m allergic to straight, ew!-“

“-I’m not even commenting on that. When you first came to this town you were this unstoppable force of nature but since you are together with your girlfriend you became tame. The N.K. I meet would have done something against P.C. Prinicipal, yet you told us to go to Cartman. So I’m asking you, what is fucking wrong with you?”

Speechless I stare at him.

…I hate to admit it, but he is right. The same thoughts tormented me.

“Look dude, you are one of my friends, as it seems. Also, I will be frank with you…Heidi is important to me. I messed up with Kyle and Kenny and made Heidi unsure about our relationship. I will not destroy it only to help the boys.”

Mysterion has only one thing to say to me: “Coward.”

I wince, but I don’t disagree.

“So you put your relationship before anything? You have a gift, it’s your damn duty to use it for the good of the people.”

I’m remembering my fever dream where I was divorced from Heidi because I put my powers in the first place.

“What do you know about gifts? I NEVER ASKED TO BE MADE THIS WAY!”, I shout the last part into his face, pointing an accusing finger at him.

The masked boy… just looks so tired and defeated now.

“I understand you better than you think.”, he starts to tell me. “I have also a gift…a curse I didn’t ask for.”

This…didn’t expect that. I feel the sincerity of Mysterion. He looks like he lived a thousand lifetimes and only saw the worst of humanity.

“What is your curse?”, I ask quietly.

“I can’t die.”

What?!

“I've experienced death, countless times. Sometimes I see a bright light. Sometimes I see heaven. Or hell. But eventually, no matter what, I wake up in my bed, wearing the same old clothes.”

Shocked I put my hand on my mouth. His desperation is clear as water. Something like this you can’t fake.

“And the worst part? Nobody even remembers me dying. I go to school the next day, and everyone is just like, "Oh hey Kenny." Even if they had seen me get decapitated with their own eyes.”

…Kenny?

Tears trail down my eyes as I cry for him.

For my princess.

I should have known it was him.

He wants to say more, but I just hug him to me.

I hug him with all the love I have in my heart for him.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!”, I wail. “You must think I’m the biggest egoist in the world. I never wanted to hurt you guys, no one, but it seems I can only do that. You are right I should have helped you guys…but I don’t wanna lose Heidi.”

He hugs me back, petting my head.

“There is more, isn’t there N.K.?”

“I had a dream on Christmas Eve. I saw a future where I abandon you guys for Heidi and then I abandon her for my powers. I don’t want this future to happen!”

It feels good to finally speak about it.

Mysterion…Kenny hugs me tighter, rubbing my back in comfort.

“N.K. it was only a dream.”

“It felt so real!”

“Maybe that was just your fears getting the best out of you.”, he hypnotizes. “I can promise you that I will never abandon you…I like you to much for it, even if you don’t like me anymore this way.”

A wet laugh escapes my lips.

“Silly Kenny, it’s a mess of emotions, because I STILL like you and Kyle. I’m sure Heidi knows this too and yet she told me I should stay friends with you guys. I don’t deserve her.”

Careful Kenny wipes away my tears, tutting at me.

“Now N.K. that’s too melodramatic, even for me. Why don’t you just talk with us and make a mess like this? If you don’t talk your dream will come true.”

I sniffle and Kenny hands me a tissue. I blow my nose loudly. Something like a tiny smile is on his lips.

“I love you, Kenny, I really do.”, I confess finally. “Now knowing you are just like me…it makes me love you more. You understand me. You did from the moment we meet each other as princess and mage.”

“I love you too N.K., I never felt this way for a girl. You are so important to me, please don’t push me away again.”

“Heidi…I love her too…I just…I can’t break up with her…I love her…”

The hooded boy signs, stroking my cheek.

“Babe…you know… I don’t have anything against it if you want to date Heidi still…she is a cute and nice girl…I could learn to love her too.”

…I blink rapidly at him.

Did I hear him right?

“Kenny…what do you mean?”

“I read this up on the internet. Polyamory-relationships? I would be okay with this. Don’t know how Kyle thinks about it, but if you want to date other people while we also are together I would accept it. I just…want you so much…in any way you can give me.”

My chin meets the floor.

I can’t believe what I’m hearing!

Mamma was right, I should have fucking talked with the boys before and not assumed things!

“Kenny so that you know, I would literally jump you now and make you cum with my mouth till you are dry because this makes me so happy! But we need to talk to Heidi first. She has to be okay with this too.”

I hear how he has to bit down a moan and gives me a hot look.

“You are a tease, but you are also right. Let’s talk with Heidi first thing in the morning.”

We both smile brightly at each other.

 Maybe…it really can work.

“One last thing, why did you dress up in your superhero persona to talk to me?”

“I had a feeling you would have ignored Kenny because you are also stubborn.”

“…You got me there.”

We say goodbye to each other with a hug. Back in my room, I send Heidi a text that we need to talk before school about something.

I hope she will agree to this too.

But if I have to choose between Heidi and Kenny…god this will be difficult.

God, if you love me make it go a way we all can be happy.

Me, the author, points at you, the readers: Will you hear N.K. prayer and make N.K., Heidi, and Kenny canon? Review!   

Next time on Pokemon, I mean, Chinpokemon, no wait, on Friendly Faces Everywhere the thrilling conclusion.

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The Woe’s of a Fanfiction Writer

Welcome to my second blog where I just complain about how it is to be a Fanfiction Writer, waiting for reviews that never come and doubting

The Stick of Truth

Codename: Dovahkiin Part 1!

N.K. is angry at her parents. Not only did they move again, no, but they moved into a snowy hicktown named South Park! She was sure she would hate it there, yet surprisingly she gets to participate in the epic RPG the kids play and falls for the human princess and the elf king. Who is friend, who is foe and which side should she choose?

Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski

Chapter 11: When all goes to shit!

All I can say I’m on a roll these last two days!

I needed to write and finish this chapter.

Happy reading!

It’s already dawn when the whole army of Kupa Keep, seriously where do all these kids come from, I never saw them at the Kingdom, and the Goth kids reach the school.

King If-I-don’t-eat-cheesy-pops-I-will-die stands before us.

Loud, so that even the people a neighborhood away can hear him, he proclaims: “Defenders of freedom! I thank you for your courage, and your audacities in joining our fight! Tonight, we are no longer the humans or the goths. Tonight, we unite as ONE!”

“I feel like SUCH a homo sapien right now.”, deadpans the boss goth, whom I learned his name is Micheal.

I can’t help but snort. It’s funny! Even if this wasn’t surely why he said it.

By the way, I love the whole Viking-vibe, the Goths have going on. They look cool!

Two of the upper-floor windows open and elves look out of it.

“THE HUMANS ARE HERE!”, shouts one, as another blows a war horn.

“Ooh, they blew their horn! Blow ours, Butters!”, commands King I-need-to-see-a-diat-doctor.

Leo does just that, while Cartman shouts more commands: “Guys, flank left! Goth kids, prepare to attack from behind!”

It’s time!

Let’s get this show on the roll.

I take a deep breath and feel how Princess Kenny takes my hand. We look at each other in understanding.

Tonight the Wizard King will fall and a Queen will rise!

Getting into the school is easy.

We planned that the elven would barricade the front door, "forcing" us to use the backdoor.

I have Leo and Princess Kenny with me as we make our way through the kitchen.

“N.K., if you're in the building: You're fighting for a tyrant, but I know there's good in you.”, sounds from the speaker’s King Kyle’s voice. He is playing his part perfectly. “Stop fighting for your evil lord! Free yourself from his control!”

I’m holding hands with Kenny, while Leo holds into my arm.

“A-All right, fella’s, no turning back.”, he stutters nervously.

“It will work, don’t worry.”, reassures Princess Kenny.

I nod in agreement.

“Just stick to what we discussed and nothing bad will happen.”

“I-I will try.”

We reach the cafeteria where Tweek perfectly plays having a meltdown since all his friends are "death".

There are other kids from Kupa Keep we don’t know and aren’t part of our plan. He needs to.

I give him a head pat.

Me and my two buddies move forward.

We reach the barricade of the elven.

“Monsieur Hamilton?”, whispers an elf to me.

“Monsieur Lafayette!”, I say the code we agreed on.

If you are wondering is this a Hamilton reference?

Yes, yes it is!

I love that musical!

With a nod, the elf let us through without problems.

We leave the cafeteria and are in the familiar hallway where Princess Kenny and I defeated the evil sixth-grader ginger hall monitor.

Again we get asked the code by the elves and I answer.

As we pass the barricade King Kyle’s voice sounds from the speakers again.

“These are the terms of your surrender! One! You will be the elves' personal slave for...”

“A month.”, comes Stan along.

“One month! Two! You agree that the elves are the masters of the Stick for all time! Three. You eh...”

“Hey, hand me the mic for a sec. Three. The so-called Grand Wizard has to jump up and down continuously for three straight days. If he stops early, he has to start over.”

“Hehehahyahaheh!”

Princess Kenny and I laugh imagine if Cartman has to do this really.

All this bouncy fat, I can’t!

Only Leo tries not to laugh. My little brother is such a sweet bean.

We reach now the basement…and what the fuck?

Why is Cartman there?

Wasn’t he busy at the entrance?

He stands over a ginger hallway monitor, frowning.

As King Fatass hears us coming down the stairs he turns to us.

“Stay back you guys! Something is seriously wrong with the hallway monitors!”

“Help... please...”, whimpers the hall monitor.

“That's Gary Nelson!”, yells Leo and runs up to his side. He helps Gary sit up.

“Don't touch him, he's ginger!”, warns Cartman.

Princess Kenny and I deadpan at him and I so wish I could already kick his ass.

“We came to school the morning after the earthquake to report for duty.”, explains Gary, coughing. “We didn't know the school had been canceled. We heard a sound from down here, found this green goo, i-it was everywhere. It... changed the other hallway monitors.”

“Serves you right for being a patsy-ass hallway monitor in the first place.”, huffs our Grand Wizard Asshole.

Gary stands up, turning his back to us, staggering away.

“Something in the goo... it... it...”

Suddenly he turns back around.

Oh no!

He is a Nazi Zombie!

That is the signal for our brave Wizard Fatass to run out of the basement.

“AAGHGH! Somehow that green goo makes ginger hallway monitors even LAMER!”

 We three get ready to battle the zombified Nazi ginger.

Good that we are three since he calls for backup.

We defeat them.

“Hey! What's wrong with these guys?”, asks Princess Kenny.

“Yeah, big sis, what happened to these guys?”, wonders Leo.

“You guys heard about the Taco Bell, which is going to be built? Well, it’s actually a crash-landed UFO who leeks this green goo which turns basically anything organic into a Nazi Zombie.”, I explain.

“You are shitting me.”, say’s Princess Kenny in disbelief.

“I wish I was, but it’s true.”

“That’s such a cliche!”

“I know!”

“Fella’s, we need to get moving. Even if I agree with ya.”

“You are right, Leo.”

We make our way through the basement.

More Ginger Nazi Zombies await us, but using the special abilities of my friends and the environment to our advantage we manage to defeat them.

I can’t help myself and flirt a bit with Kenny: “Your tits are so amazing, even the brain death get charmed by them.”

She giggles cutely, giving me as thank you, a quick kiss on the lips.

At least one of my crushes is into me.

Sign.

I wonder what I need to do to get a sweet kiss from Kyle?

We are finally out of the basement. The hallway we follow leads us to the school entrance.

“N.K! You don't want to be on the wrong side of this when Wizard Fatass's army falls. Think about what you're doing!”

There Stan waits all ready for us with his elven.

He plays his part as an obstacle awesome, but did he really need to use dog poo on us?

Anyway, we “conquer” the lobby, and Stan retreats.

Entering from the right comes Wizard Big Belly.

“Good work! Douchebag, man the catapult, and let our guys through the front door. Everyone, fall in!”

I nod, doing as he says.

We are closing now on the Endgame.

I need to use Cup-A-Spell to let the barricade before the front door explodes so the rest of the Kupa Keep army can enter the school.

I swerve, in the next RPG, I will demand no farting powers!

“Push forward! I must save my strength for the final battle!”, tells me Cartman.

“As you wish my lord.”, I simply reply.

Me, Kenny, and Leo continue on.

Stan is in the hallway and after making sure Cartman or someone who isn’t on the plan isn’t with us he smiles sheepishly at us.

“Sorry about the dogpoo. I hope I didn’t get one of you.”

“It’s whatever.”, I wave it off. “You played your part and in the end, this is all that is important. Also Stan where is Tammy?”

Surprisingly I hear how Kenny mumbles her name in question. I wonder what’s up with that?

“She is with Kyle, protecting him. Lady Tammy is a damn good fighter!”

Proud like a mama I nod.

“That she is. We see us later Stan.”

He salutes and lets us pass.

“N.K.”, whisper Kenny. “Is this Tammy, Tammy Warner?”

Now I’m the one who is surprised.

“Yeah. Do you know her?”

Kenny is silent, but Leo isn’t.

“Tammy Warner? Wasn’t she your girlfriend, Kenny?”

….WHAT?!

“Butters!”, hisses Kenny angrily, and my little bro flatters under the eyes of the Princess.

“Okay, we will open this can of worms later.”, I decide for us all. “We need to focus and stick to the plan.”

We reach the second floor.

There we "help" Tweek and King Kyle has another message: “Last chance, N.K.! He's nothing without you. Walk away from this!”

We continue on and enter the hallway with the fourth-grade and fifth-grade classrooms.

“Seriously, N.K. , you're breaking my balls here.”

Again, how the heck did Cartman manage to be there before us? He was behind us! Craig and Scott are with him also.

“This is it!”, tells me Fatass. “You have the honor of leading the final assault, Commander.”

Oh if only you know.

I look at my friends, who all give me nods.

There are ready to.

So I open the door to the fourth-grade classroom.

King Kyle with a hooded Tammy on his side awaits us.

“Back away from the desk, Jew King!”, shouts King I’m-pretty-much-against-everyone-who-isn’t-white-straight-male-and-catholic.

“The Stick doesn't belong with a fat, RACIST LIAR!”, counters King Kyle.

While the two throw insults at each other the rest of my friends joins us in the classroom and Tammy walks over to me. She squeezes my hand in comfort.

It’s nearly time.

“All right, Kyle, you fuckin asked for it.”, growls Cartman after the two are done with their shouting match. King Kyle was right he really knows how to rile up Cartman. “Go ahead and kick his ass, Douchebag.”

All is still.

No one moves.

King Cheesy Pops looks around confused.

“Hello? Commander Douchebag, do your thing.”

“Actually…”, I trail off and hold my wand under his fat double chin. “This is the part where you get your ass kicked!”

“Fucking what?!  Oh, you motherfucker! I KNEW you were a fucking douchebag!”

But then his eyes widen as he sees that all are pointing their weapons at him.

Elven and human.

“WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT’S GOING ON?!”, he shrieks aloud. “HAVE YOU ALL TURNED FUCKING TRAITORS?!”

“Let’s just say we are ready for a new era.”, deadpan Craig at him.

“WHAT?!”

I poke with my wand his double chin.

“It means I’m challenging you to a duel for the throne of Kupa Keep! Since I have the majority on my side it’s my right to ask for a change in the RPG. Everybody here, all the major players, supports this. So it’s legit. If you win you stay King, if I win Kupa Keep is mine!”

“YOU-YOU LITTLE POWER-HUNGRY PUSSY I WILL SHOW YOU TO TAKE MY MAN FROM ME AND TRY TO GET MY THRONE!”

With a battle cry, Cartman launches himself at me and we start our epic battle.

In the end, even if I hate it how, I win, since my farts were more potent than his.

Defeated Cartman lay on the floor.

I breathe heavily, not believing I have done it.

I defeated him.

I will be queen!

I raise my wand high in victory.

All around me the guys and Tammy celebrate and applaud me.

“Ding dong, the wicked wizard is death!”, yells Tammy and hugs me from behind.

Then I step away from her to Cartman.

I want him to see this.

“Fatass you shall know who really defeated you.”, I say to him.

Tired he raises his head, glaring at me.

“Oh, I know it perfectly a traitorous douchebag!”

“No, A GIRL!”

Dramatically I strip away my Link cosplay and I stand before him as Dark Magician Girl.

Like this, no one can mistake me for a boy.

I hear gulps and feel looks on my free legs and my hemline, where you can see a bit of my breast modestly peeking out.

“I have a girlfriend, I have a girlfriend…”, mumbles Token.

“Me too, we shouldn’t look, dude…”, adds Stan.

“Oh dear, I think my blood sugar just got higher.”, murmurs Scott.

“W-What a d-dramatic revelation m-my lady!”, congrats me Jimmy.

“My big sister is so pretty!”, gushes Leo.

“Well, rational speaking she is pretty but it doesn’t do it for me.”, deadpan Craig. Surprisingly Tweek agrees with him.

…My Bi-Fi is picking something up…

I can feel how Kenny formally zeros on my breasts and…Kyle is adorable red in the face and tries to not look in my direction.

Tammy and I share a look.

Boys.

Only Cartman looks at me in disgust.

“You were a girl! The whole time! You fucking liar! I should banish-“

“You can’t anymore.”, I stop him. “I won the duel. I’m now the rightful ruler of Kupa Keep. I’m the Dark Magician Queen N.K. and you will accept this or you can stop playing with us.”

Fatass gets so red in the face that he resembles an angry pepperoni.

“Wait for a second guys.”, calls Tammy for attention.

We all collectively ignore Cartman’s outrage over another girl.

“We all set up Cartman with the Stick been in the possession of the elven, but where is the Stick actually? Since Cartman clearly hasn’t it like we thought.”

…OH MY GOD TAMMY IS RIGHT!

“What, I thought you guys had stolen the Stick already from him and placed it in his table.”, tells us, King Kyle.

…WHAT?!

“Kyle, who wrote you this?”, I ask him with a bad feeling in my stomach.

“I get a letter with your initials on it.”

“Well, I didn’t send you one!”

What is going on?!

“Guys, our school uses tabletops. They don’t have insides!”, reminds us, Tammy.

Now even Cartman looks worried around.

Someone is playing with all of us!

“Hey look at this!”, calls Leo over. He had inspected the tabletops. “This desk has writing on it! "Check my locker."”

“Whose desk is that?”, wonders Kyle.

It’s Cartman who answers him: “That's... that's CLYDE'S desk.”

Uh-Oh.

I follow Kyle, Stan, and Cartman to Clyde’s locker, the others are all behind us.

The locker isn’t even closed and Stan takes out a laptop from it.

He plays the video on it.

Clyde in violette armor with the Stick of Truth in his hands appears!

“Greetings, Humans and Drow Elves of Zaron!”

“Clyde!”, shouts Stan.

“HE took the Stick!”, realizes Cartman.

“No shit Sherlock!”, I add shocked.

“While you have all been busy fighting amongst yourselves, I have built a kingdom beyond your comprehension! I prayed for a way to destroy you all and the solution came crashing down from the heavens!”

“Oh no it's more of that green stuff!”, points Kyle out.

“Oh god don’t tell me he is going to turn the death kitty into a Nazi Zombie!”, I shriek.

Sadly he does.

Fuck you dude!

“With what I have found, I shall raise an army of the dead! I shall raise an entire army of darkness and kill the earth!”

“Clyde... but why?”, wonders Stan.

“I banished him to be lost in space and time -- now he's all pissed off.”, tells him Fatass.

“So you see, FOOLS, I control the stick AND the future of the Earth.”

“Clyde, do you want a sandwich?”

“Not right now Dad I'm making a Ruler of Darkness video. Whoever controls the Stick controls the universe -- and my first deed is that I hereby DENOUNCE the human and the elf kingdoms! I know about little Douchebag’s plan to dethrone the Wizard King so to be sure I strip all rulers of all their power! HAHAHA HAHA HAHAHAHAHAA!”

With that the video ends.

“Motherfucker!”, curses Cartman.

We all whole heartily agree.

I wasn’t even queen for half an hour and now that!

Fuck you, Clyde, I hope you catch something nasty!

Together all important humans and elven make their way to Clyde’s house.

With his wizard stick, Cartman knocks angrily at the door.

“Oh hello, boys! Oh and the two young ladies.”, greets Clyde’s dad.

“Can we speak to Clyde, please?!”, ask and demands Cartman at the same time.

“Oh, Clyde's out playing in the backyard with his little friends.”

With that, we all enter the house and go to the backyard.

What we see…Clyde Kingdom is bigger than Kupa Keep and the Eleven Kingdom together multiply by 10!

It would be really impressive if Clyde didn’t get a villain arc.

“Come and get it losers! Ha ha ha haa!”, mocks Clyde from one of his balconies.

“You can't do that Clyde! You're lost in time and space!”, reminds him Cartman.

“No, I'm not.”

“Yeah, you are, asshole!”

“Army of Darkness! Defend the fortress!”

From everywhere kids appear on the fortress.

I see these fake poser wannabe vampire kids, the fifth-grade girls I bet up, some other fifth graders who pose as Cyclops, and…

“Craig... ?”, trails Cartman off. “Craig you're on my side!”

“You mean on my side. I may have been queen only for a few minutes but it still counts!”, I remind him. “But I agree, Craig what are you doing there?!”

“None of you have authority anymore, the keeper of the Stick said so.”

“This can't be happening.”, says Kyle in disbelief.

Meanwhile, Cartman shouts: “GOD DAMMIT I HAVE FUCKING AUTHORITAH!”

“Sorry, warriors and wizards, I'd love to invite you into my fortress of darkness, but I'm afraid you're too LATE!”, stresses Clyde the word late.

“Too late?”, repeats Stan confused. “What’d ya mean we're too late?”

Suddenly Leo’s parents appear.

“There you are, Butters! Do you know what time it is mister?! It is WAY PAST YOUR BEDTIME!”, yells his dad.

“Oh shit it's past our bedtime?”, curses Cartman.

Kyle is already walking out of the backyard.

“Dude I'm gonna get it!”

“Hahaha, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”, laughs Clyde in our faces.

Tammy takes my hand.

Together we leave the backyard.

Fucking bullshit!

I enter my home pissed beyond belief.

We manage to dethrone Cartman, me becoming queen of Kupa Keep, only to have this plot twist with Clyde and his army of darkness and the goddamn motherfucking Stick of Truth!

Who writes this game?!

J.J. Abrams?

Or a fangirl with way too much time on her hands?!

“N.K. sweetie there you are, we got worried.”, greets me, Mamma.

“Aren’t you cold like that?”, wonders Papà, pointing at my Dark Magician Girl cosplay. “What happened to your Link cosplay?”

….I’m not gonna tell that I ripped it off to have a dramatic reveal of my true gender.

“No Papà, I’m not cold. I put Link back in the closet. I wanted to be Dark Magician Girl.”

“Well, you will know for sure what is good for you, princess.”

Tired from all this day I ask what’s for dinner.

They got take-out food again, this time from City Wok. They already eat, so I sit down with my noodle box between my parents and watch with them TV.

It’s a documentary about ancient Greece.

Nice.

I love this shit.

After I’m finished eating my parents tell me it’s really time for bed now, I can’t finish watching with them the documentary.

Another disappointment for the day.

I go up to the bathroom, take a quick shower and put my P.J. on.

I’m cuddling up with my teddy bear in bed, as Mamma walks in to wish me a good night like always.

“Goodnight, my little gumdrop.”, she cooed. “Hope you're enjoying all the peace and quiet in our new home as much as we are.”

Peace and quiet.

That’s funny.

We have not only free wandering Nazi Zombies here, the treat that three entire blocks of South Park get blown up by the government, no a fourth-grade boy is on an ego trip and uses the goo who turns people into Nazi Zombies for taking revenge because he got banish in a stupid little RPG!

I huff and snuggle with my teddy bear.

“This whole town and its inhabits are nuts, Ursa!”, I whisper-shout to my teddy bear.

Yeah, I talk with my teddy bear and I gave her the most creative name ever! Leave me alone.

Ursa of course has no words of encouragement for me.

It’s not Toy Story.

I close my eyes and try to sleep.

I will need all my forces tomorrow to kick Clyde’s ass and somehow stop the Nazi Zombies.

What is my life?

I don’t know anymore.

We should have stayed in Seattle, would have been better for anybody.

With that thought on my mind, I fall into a restless sleep.

Next

The Stick of Truth

Codename: Dovahkiin Part 1!

N.K. is angry at her parents. Not only did they move again, no, but they moved into a snowy hicktown named South Park! She was sure she would hate it there, yet surprisingly she gets to participate in the epic RPG the kids play and falls for the human princess and the elf king. Who is friend, who is foe and which side should she choose?

Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski

Chapter 13: Sunshine! Sparkle!

The next morning I woke up feeling like I got run over by a car.

Urgh!

I hate life.

Maybe the Goths are into something.

I roll over, away from my window, grabbing Ursa tight.

Need more sleep.

Before I can fall into sweet bliss again, I hear how I get a notification on my phone.

I want to ignore it…but I could be Tammy. I ain’t let hanging my best girl.

So I check my Facebook message.

Oh…it’s Kyle.

Emergency meeting at the Elven Forest.

Why?

Like a slap in the face, I remember what happened yesterday.

Clyde and his army of darkness.

The perverted Underpants Gnomes.

….MY PARENTS HAVING SEX!

With I shout I run into the bathroom and throw up. God, I didn’t need to remember that so vividly!

After I’m done leaving my guts in the toilette I brush my teeth, I need to get the taste away. Then I decide to take a long shower and maybe cry over my lost innocent.

Yeah sounds like a plan.

When I’m freshly washed I get dressed in my room in my Dark Magician Girl Cosplay. I fix my hair up with brown extensions and with hairspray. I form the spiky hairstyle of the original Dark Magician Girl. I grip my wand, which is of course the same that the original uses.

I’m ready for the day!

I go down the stairs, pointedly don’t look at my parents and ignore their question if I want breakfast.

I mumbled something that I’m not hungry.

Then I’m out of the house.

I can’t right now be close to them.

“Morning, N.K.!”, greets Tammy, also in her fighter armor.

“Hey, Tam!”

We hug each other.

“What you doing here sis?”, I ask her after our hug.

She takes my arm and we start to walk.

“You surely saw King Kyle post on Facebook I thought we could go together to the Elven Forest.”, she explains.

I smile.

“You thought right.”

We chat about random things on our way over. Ah, that’s what I need to not think about THAT.

It feels so normal.

It’s a good feeling. Something I terribly missed this last days.

Finally, we reach the Elven Forest.

King Kyle takes note of this.

“Ah, Dark Magician Queen N.K. and Lady Tammy have decided to bless us with their presence. Let's get started.”

Tammy sits between me and Stan. Cartman sends me an evil look as I sit down beside him, while I just give him the middle finger.

I won fair and square the throne. Even if Clyde took my power away in a puff. It’s still awesome that the others recognize me now as the queen of Kupa Keep.

Also, I will change the name later, I will not let my kingdom be called KKK anymore.

The elven king has prepared a PowerPoint Presentation for us with a projector and a screen fabric.

“Humans and Elves of Zaron, a great evil has descended upon us.”, he begins. “After researching last night, I believe we are facing a threat to our entire world.”

He shows us Clyde’s evil yet badass fortress on the screen.

“Clyde's fortress of darkness is over four stories tall. So far, he has recruited at least fifty warriors to be on his team, and he-“

That’s when Cartman decides to do his job as the local asshole/bastard, whisper-shouting to Leo: “Teehee, leave it to Kyle to tehehe...”

“You have something to say, Wizard?”

“Oh, nothing. Just think it's ... kind of funny how Drow elves in the Middle Ages can use Powerpoint.”, Fatass snickers.

“Oh my god, can you please shut up!”, I command. “This is important.”

“You may have gotten my throne bitch, but you aren’t my queen!”, he hisses back.

I fix him with my best death glare and hit with my fist into my hand.

“You wanna go again, fat boy? I will kick your ass for all eternity!”

My glare must be really terrific since Cartman looks ready to shit his pants, also all humans who see it are shaking too. Even Kenny and Leo!

I hear something about red eyes.

Heh?

“Queen N.K. I thank you for trying to keep order, but right now kicking Cartman’s ass, will not help us.”, tells King Kyle.

I look at Tammy, who gives me a nod. With a sign, I stop and cross my arms.

“Please continue, King Kyle.”

“Thank you as I was saying…Clyde is attempting to raise an army of darkness. I believe he is messing with something he cannot control. He has recruited many of our friends and so... our only hope is for our two factions to join forces.”

My subjects are shocked, while Kyle’s people seemed already to have accepted this idea. Maybe he told them before.

“FUCK. THAT.”, shouts Fatass. “WE do not team up with fucking ELVES.”

“You got a better idea, Wizard fatass?”, counters Stan.

“After what you elves did to us at the Battle of Wormsly Woods?!”, even Leo joins in. “You think we'll ever trust you?”

Having enough and before it escalates I stand up and stand before my people.

“Enough!”, I shout loud and clear. “I know I’m only been queen since yesterday, I don’t know what past our kingdom has with the elven one, but guys, see the bigger picture here! I agree with King Kyle. We need to join forces against Clyde. It will not help us to still fight each other if fucking Clyde takes over the world with his Nazi Zombie Army! I’m making myself clear?!”

Again I see how my friends and subjects shake. I’m really that scary? Tammy is giving me a proud thumbs up, while the elven try their hardest not to laugh.

“I’m making myself clear?!”, I repeat again, waiting for a response from my subjects.

Princess Kenny is the first to answer: “If the queen thinks this is for the best I support her.”

Shocked gasp from our people sound.

“Of course, you would say that Kinny! That bitch sucked your dick!”, accused Wizard Fatass.

Me and Kenny send him death glares.

“If I did or did not is not relevant and also is non of your fucking business, fatass!”, I shout and point my wand in his face. “I’m thinking about how to save our kingdom! This is the most important. If an alliance will help us so be it! So shut up and be the grand wizard we need for the fight and not a bastard for once in your life!”

I hear damn sons and approving whistles from Tammy and the elves. I can see that my subjects looking at each, whispering, and then all nod, besides Cartman of course.

“If you think this will be for the best, big sis…then we will follow your lead.”, speaks Leo for all.

I nod at him and sit down on my chair. I wave at Kyle to continue with his presentation.

The red-haired boy is looking at me…I would say in an admiring way. I blush and play with my wand. Tammy giggles softly in my ear. I blush even more. She will soooo tease me later, I feel it.

“Again, thanks queen N.K. I’m glad we are on the same page with this.”

“I don’t want to be a party pooper.”, begins Stan. “Even if we JOIN forces we don't have enough warriors.”

“So we recruit more factions to join us. The Pirates. The Federation. And... the Girls.”

Tammy and I deadpan at how all the boys are shocked about this.

“The GIRLS?!”, shouts Leo.

“Kyle, the GIRLS are not gonna fucking play with us.”, seems Cartman to remind him.

“Yeah, dude, we can't convince girls to do this.”, surprisingly Stan agrees.

“No, but maybe Queen N.K. can.”, counters Kyle. I cross my arms and raise an eyebrow at all the looks the boys send me. Only Tammy isn’t staring like a cow. She is deadpanning at them too. “Queen N.K. has a power we have yet to understand. She makes friends on Facebook faster than any we have seen.”

“She is really good at getting Facebook friends, I'll give her that.”, admins Wizard Chubby.

“And that I’m also a girl is totally irrelevant?”, I can’t help but point out. “And Lady Tammy here too.”

Kyle turns adorable red like a tomato.

“Erm…of course this too, queen N.K. I bet since you are their elder the girls in our grade will consider playing with us if you ask them.”, tries Kyle to save his face.

I giggle softly.

“It’s okay, cutie, I was just messing with ya.”, I flirt.

He turns red as his hair and is at a total loss for words. I hear a few snickers. Cartman opens his mouth to say something, I just hit him over the head with my wand.

“You be quiet. If you only talk shit, you will get hit.”

Grumbling curses under his breath Fatass rubs his hurting spot.

Now nearly everyone is snickering. I bet they all enjoy me putting Cartman in his place.

“Now that this is out of the way, please find a way to get the Girls to side with us, queen N.K. I'll deal with the other factions.”, promises Kyle. “The rest of you return to your stations and prepare for war.”

With a loud huzzah, we collected the chairs to put them away.

“Any idea where we could find the fourth-grade girls Tam?”, I ask my best friend, since the boys will surely not know it.

“Well when I was in fourth grade we had a secret base.”, she tells me. Huh, interesting. “It’s kind of a tradition here in South Park. But the only problem is that any new generation changes the location of the base. I think we need to find a fourth-grade girl to lead us to them.”

“Awesome! This means we can walk all day long if we don’t find someone!”, I groan annoyed, and let my head rest against her shoulder.

Tammy cooes and pets my head.

“There, there, N.K.”

“Erm, big sis?”

Surprised I look up.

Leo is standing before us.

“Hey Leo, what’s up, little bro?”

“Do you remember Annie, the one you helped against the bullies? She is a fourth grader and owes you a favor.”

I blink.

“Oh…I totally forgot! Thanks, Leo! I will send her a message.”

I ruffle his hair, while he smiles cutely up at me.

I choose to take Tammy with me to the fourth-grade girls. Having two elders and no boys will maybe sway them faster in agreeing to help us.

“So…you like King Kyle?”, asks me Tammy with twinkling eyes, as we make our way to City Hall, where Annie is waiting for us.

I blush red.

I know she would tease.

“I’m in a goddamn love triangle, Tam!”, I bemoan my faith to her. “I hate it! It’s the most stupid cliche ever! I like Kyle and also Princess Kenny.”

Now Tammy is blinking rapidly at me.

“Princess Kenny? Huh, that’s kind of funny, my ex-boyfriend was named Kenny too.”

“I think, the princess and your ex are the same.”, I wince. “In real life, she is Kenny McCormick.”

“Oh…!”

“Yep.”

We walk in silence for a while. This is a really awkward situation.

Tammy is the first to find her words.

“N.K. don’t feel bad, you meet Kenny earlier than me. How should you know that he was my boyfriend once?”

“It feels still so…awkward.”

“Listen, me and Kenny ended our relationship as friends, and…you are my best friend, even if we have known each other for such a short time.”, she takes my hand in hers and squeezes it. “What we have is so more…. potent than whatever I had with Kenny. So if you want him, get him. I just want us to stay best friends.”

“Me too, Tam, like sis, I think you are my soulmate!”, I confess to her, squeezing her hand back. “I don’t wanna lose you. You are more important than my two crushes.”

“That’s the sappiest thing anyone ever said to me…I dig it!”

I plant a soft kiss on her cheek, which makes her blush adorable.

So cute.

“I have more of that, but…you really okay if I go for Kenny. If I go…there is still Kyle.”

Now she kisses my cheek and I turn red.

“Yes, really don’t worry.”

At least my relationship with Tammy is safe.

What I should do about Kenny and Kyle is a whole other house number.

Sign.

Why I’m in a stupid love triangle?

Why?

It doesn’t need to be a love triangle, girl…polyamory!

My face turns into a pepperoni.

Where did this thought come from?

I was always monogamous in my relanteship. I never felt the need to date different people at the same time.

Why know?

…Because I can’t fucking decide and thinking about having both Kyle and Kenny as boyfriends turns me so fucking happy.

Uha, better stop now.

There is City Hall and Annie waiting for us.

“Hello N.K. and Tammy, right?”, she greets us.

I nod, while Tammy greets back for us.

“So what can I help you with?”

I explain in short words what shit we are currently dealing with and that we need more girl power to kick Clyde’s ass.

“I see.”, frowns Annie. “I can take you to the fourth-grade girls. But I don't think they'll be very willing to play with boys. Do you wish to speak to them now?”

“Yes, time is a wasting.”

“Then please follow me, N.K. and Tammy.”

And we do just that.

Tammy and I are impressed with what the fourth-grade girls did with the girl bathroom in the playground.

Yes, their secret base is there.

How did they manage to paint it, bring these tables and all this other shit like posters here, I wonder.

A pretty black-haired girl with a lilac barret seems to be the head of the girls since she is the only one sitting at one of the higher tables.

“The four hundred and twelfth meeting of the girls is hereby called to order. Sparkle, Sparkle.”, she proclaims like we are in a trail, even with a little gravel.

“Sunshine!”, responded all the girls.

“Sunshine sparkle, Millie Larsen has the floor.”, says a brunette with a hairband.

This Millie Larsen starts right away: “If it pleases and sparkles, I move that we vote IMMEDIATELY on the urgent matter involving Monica Ryland.”

Agreeing sound from all the girls.

I look at them with fascination. That is so straight, I could nearly puke. But still fascinating. Since I’m bi I have no idea how straight girls think.

Tammy whispers nostalgic to me: “I’m having so many flashbacks.”

I grin at her.

“Excuse me, I'm sorry but I have an urgent matter that I believe needs to be addressed first.”, calls Annie for attention.

“The chair acknowledges Annie.”, says barrett girl.

“Sunshine, sparkle, Annie Knitts has the floor.”

“If it pleases and sparkles, two of our elders from the fifth grade are here to talk with us about a request from the fourth-grade boys.”

Like the good straight girls their age, they play their role of being sick hearing boys nominated. I bet at least half of them already had boyfriends.

“What request do the boys ask of us?”, wants the head girl to know.

“Sunshine, sparkle, I’m Tammy and she is N.K., little sisters.”, answers Tammy for us. “We came here since we are playing an RPG with the boys, but it has gone so out of control that we need more players. You.”

“Erm yes, sunshine sparkle, did I say that right? I’m currently the queen of one of the fractions and I need some Amazons in my kingdom. You pretty and powerful girls wanna help us beat up a stupid boy?”, I add.

“That…is interesting.”, admins the head girl. “I’m Wendy, pleased to meet you two. How did you manage to become queen of the boys?”

The other girls are interested too.

“I beat up Eric Cartman like the little pussy he is.”, I explain.

Awwing sounds all around us.

Wendy smiles nostalgically.

“Ah, reminds me at the time I beat up Cartman. Good times.”

Okay, I already like this Wendy! Anyone who shows the fatass his borders is amazing!

“So you girls wanna be my amazons?”, I ask again. “Anyone who fights against fatass is my type of girl.”

For that I get confused looks…only Wendy seems to get what I mean and blushes.

Oh…someone isn’t as straight as they present themselves?

Right, my black-haired beauty?

I wink at her, which makes her blush more.

“What?! We don't have time for that!”, shouts Millie. “Something VERY big happened and we MUST do something!”

“I know, I thought maybe they could help.”, answers Annie.

“Oh, that's not a bad idea.”, means a cute blond girl with long locks. “I glitter Annie's idea.”

“Sunshine, sparkle. A motion has been glittered to have queen N.K. and?-“

“Lady Tammy.”

“And Lady Tammy help with Monica Ryland.”

Now I’m curious what this could be.

“Well spit it out, girls?”, I tell them, while Tammy nods in agreement.

“All right, your Highness and Lady Tammy, look - there are TERRIBLE RUMORS going around town that our good friend Allie Nelson was spotted at the abortion clinic.”, explains Wendy.

I frown and Tammy gasp shocked.

“I have NEVER been to the abortion clinic! I'm not a whore!”, calls this Allie Nelson into the room.

Tammy looks at her with sympathy and I purse my lips.

I don’t really see the problem with either things.

Like abortion is our right and being a whore is a stupid concept. I mean I call myself a thirsty hoe, but how Allie says whore implies for me she means it in the patriarchy way that girls can’t even kiss two boys without being labeled as dirty and whores, while boys can fuck 50 girls and are the kings of the world.

Did I mention that I hate the patriarchy?

No?

Now, you know.

“We aren't sure, but we think the girl spreading rumors about Allie is Monica Ryland.”, reveals Wendy.

“And then she has the gall to act all nice to me!”, adds Allie.

“We have to know for sure if Monica Ryland is a two-faced bitch or not. If one of you had been a boy we would have done this: we would send Monica a Facebook page with YOUR picture then told her that you're Bebe's boyfriend from Lakewood, and you want to meet her and ask her what the best thing to get Bebe for her birthday would be, and see if Monica tries to hit on you at all because THAT way, we can see if Monica is a manipulative bitch.”

“Right.”, comes from the golden locks’ beauty. So her name is BeBe.

Tammy nods in understanding, while I can just stare at them.

I think I’m going to have a rash from all this straightness, bitchness, patriarchy-infused mind thinking these little fourth-grade girls have going on.

Once again I want to thank the Lord that he made me bi and I don’t have that kind of mindset.

I can’t even comprehend that.

It’s so stupid.

Like we girls should ALL stick together and kick the patriarchy in it’s non existed balls!

The future is female and all that!

Wendy’s voice drags me back from my thoughts: “But since neither of you is a boy, we don’t know what to do.”

“Well, N.K. could dress up as a boy!”, suggests Tammy. “The boys thought for a while she was a boy as she was walking around in her Link Cosplay.”

I turn to Tammy and mouth what the fuck to her. She just shrugs her shoulders.

“Oho really, but you are so pretty!”, compliments me Bebe, but I see the envy in her eyes.

Oh no, I don’t have the nerve for this bullshit.

The other girls agree with her, yet their looks spell the same as Bebe one.

Amazing!

“I can put my Sasuke Uchiha cosplay on, that’s the only other male cosplay I have.”, I grit out from behind my teeth and wish to be anywhere else than here.

“Is he good-looking?”, wants Bebe to know.

Wordless I show her a picture of me in my Sasuke cosplay.

She nods.

“Yes, that will do.”

…I’m going to kill someone. I can’t with this shit.

“Do this task for us, and we will consider your request.”

Thanks, Wendy that you will consider it! And here I thought there was another one who wasn’t straight.

My Bi-Fi needs calibrations.

Wendy hits her gravel and says Sparkle and all, even Tammy, answer with sunshine.

I don’t even wait that Annie accompanied us to the door, I get out alone.

I need to watch/read some Yuri to get away from all this Heteronormativity/Patriarchy/Anti-Feminist I experienced.

Also, I need to change cosplay.

Why do I have a feeling this will be not easy as it seems?

Next

Maiden of the Moon

What if Kokushibo had a pupil, whom he taught the original Moon Breathing before he deserted the Demon Slayer Corps?

Mochizuki Yua was born only for these reasons: To become a Hashira and make her family a respected one in the Demon Slayer Corps.

But if you only live for the expectations of others, who are YOU truly?

What will it take to find yourself?

A long, hard journey awaits.

What is it with me and starting now stories if I already have a bunch I need to finish?

But I have fallen into Demon Slayer Hell again and need to at least get out the first chapter to see if anyone would like this idea. .3.

So enjoy!

Chapter 1: Moon Family

Her house had always been more of a museum of her family’s failures, than a real home.

Broken Katanas litter the walls.

Old Demon Slayer Corps uniform laying in closets.

Haori’s passed down from parent to child.

Yua had a feeling her ancestor lived in their home.

Watching them, the new generation, with cold eyes, whispering in their ears.

Whispering bring honor to our family.

Wash our name from the sin of our forefathers.

Become a Hashira.

The Moon isn’t bad, it’s the light in the darkness of the night.

It was chilling.

Yet, she couldn’t just leave home.

All Mochizuki’s lived in this old big house, so leaving the family was out of the question.

They only had the family.

Friends were hard to have if your whole life only revolved around learning how to kill demons and your Demon Slayer comrades been fearful and mistrusting of you.

The midnight blue-haired girl stood before the door, signing quietly to herself.

Her trusty crow, Kaguya, was nuzzling her cheek, trying to lift her spirits. She gave her a pet and told her to go to rest.

Yua wasn’t a little girl anymore, she could face her family.

Stepping into the house, she had to dodge her two young cousins Hikari and Kaito, who played catch with each other.

The two were lucky.

She hadn’t had a playmate when she was their age.

For her, it had been only training, training, and training.

It was kind of sad if she thought about it.

“Yua, you are back!”, greeted the voice of her aunt and Kaito’s mother Chiyoko. Her aunt was still wearing her Demon Slayer uniform, she probably came home also a few minutes ago.

She greeted her aunt back and then asked where her grandfather, Chiyoko’s father, was.

Her aunt pointed at the Tea Room, then shrieked at Kaito and Hikari since the two rascals wanted to pick up two Katanas from the walls.

Yua made haste to her grandfather.

Makoto Mochizuki was an old man, who lost his arm in a fight with a lower moon, when he was forty and had to end his Demon Slayer carrier.

It had been a bitter pill to swallow for the proud men since he had nearly become a Hashira.

Now he laid all his hope in the new generation, especially Yua herself.

“I’m back, grandfather.”, said Yua with a low bow to him.

Like she was taught she waited till her grandfather gave her permission to raise and sit before him.

He was playing Shogi against himself, nursing a cup of tea.

Curious Yua sniffed the tea and had to correct herself. That was sake mixed with tea.

Since a few months, grandfather picked up this bad habit of spiking his tea.

“Yua, report.”, he demanded coldly to her.

Not asking if she was all right.

Not asking if she was injured.

Not asking if she needed to rest.

For Makoto only the Demon Slayer Corps mattered. Only matter if one of his family finally became a Hashira and their name could be said without shame.

The seventeen-year-old was used to it, still, sometimes she wonder how it would have been if her grandfather was like the silly old grandpas in the novels she liked to read.

She only knows from Makoto’s cold and discipline.

Hugs or dear gods kisses were a waste of time in his eyes. How her late grandma could have married this piece of cold ice was still a mystery to Yua.

But she was used to it, so she gave him her report.

He didn’t show any emotion, didn’t show if he was proud of her for killing a strong demon who had killed babies to young children.

Only asked one thing.

“Your rank?”

“Still Hinoto.”

The balding elder with a long beard took a big sip from his spiked tea and gave her his patented disappointed look.

“You have to give your all Yua.”, he told her like always. “You are the only one, besides me, in our family who can use Moon Breathing, your aunt, your uncle, and your father are failures. It’s your duty and honor to become a Hashira. All our hopes lay with you. Why can’t you level up in Rank?”

She bit her tongue not to shout at her grandfather. To throw at him words full of hate.

She hated how he thought so little of his own children, who hadn’t be able to learn Moon Breathing from him.

She hated how she was forced to be better than she already was.

She was seventeen years old and for a good four years a Demon Slayer. In her eyes, she did a good job in climbing the ranks.

One could be proud to be Hinoto at such a young age.

Yet her grandfather expected her to climb any week a new rank. He seemed sick of waiting that she became a Hashira.

He wanted it now!

How she wished she could say this all to him. He deserved a piece of her mind, yet she couldn’t.

Since young age, it was drilled into her to respect her grandfather as the head of the family.

He knew what was best for the Mochizuki.

Yua hated this so much.

She couldn’t even describe how she hated it. In a way she know it was wrong what her grandfather did, yet she couldn’t shake it off.

Talking back only made things worse.

The young girl didn’t need extra training and chores with all she already did.

So she bowed low down, till her forehead touched the Tatami Mats of the Tea Room.

“Forgive me, grandfather.”, she said monotone. “I will take a risker mission next time.”

Something like a grunt came from grandfather and she heard how he gulped down his spiked tea.

“Dismissed. Now go to train.”

“Of course, grandfather.”

Who cares that she hadn’t slept in nearly 24 hours?

Who cares that she was dirty and sweaty and needed a bath?

Who cares that she hadn’t had a proper meal in two days?

Training was always more important.

This was her whole life.

Her father, Haruto Mochizuki, found her outpowered, nearly collapsing in the Training Area of their garden.

She swung her Katana at the training dummies. Ignore with all she had the pain in her muscles.

It showed how out of it she really was, as her father took her Katana out of her hands without a problem.

Blinking she looked from her empty hands up to her father.

“Father?”

“Enough, Yua. You will only hurt yourself.”, he told her.

“But grandfather!-“

“Has fallen asleep. He will not notice you stopping your training, my moon bunny.”

At that, she practically collapsed and would have eaten dirt, if father didn’t catch her in his strong arms and picked her up.

“I hate how he forces you to do all this.”, her father grumbled, while carrying her into their house. “You shouldn’t be the only one to carry the burden of our name.”

She yawned, snuggling up to her father. In his arms, she felt always safe and protected. Her father was a good man.

“I’m the only one who can do Moon Breathing. It’s my duty to our family to make us a respectful Demon Slayer family.”, she reminded her father.

“You mean it’s a curse, moon bunny.”

Yua didn’t know how to answer that. She know her father and his siblings were on one side bitter that they couldn’t have learned Moon Breathing, but on the other hand, they never had to feel the pressure of clearing their name, becoming a Hashira.

They finally reached the bathroom, where her father put her down slowly and after making sure she wouldn’t drown, let her be to take a well-earned bath.

The midnight blue-haired girl enjoys greatly the warm water mixed with the healing herbs her younger cousin Sayoko collected in her work as Kakushi of the Demon Slayer Corps.

Speaking of Sayoko…her black-haired cousin poked her head into the bathroom.

After making eye contact Sayoko told her plainly: “You look like shit.”

“And you are still a brat.”, Yua shoots back.

“How did the demon killing go?”

“Killed the bastard. Had a preference for babies and kids.”

“Fucker.”

“Indeed.”

“Our shit grandfather still pissed you didn’t move up a Rank?”

“Yup.”

Sayoko gave her an encouraging nod and told her, Miwa, Yua’s aunt, and Sayoko’s mother would make dinner today.

Thank Tsukuyomi!

Nothing against aunt Chiyoko, but the woman was 1000 times better at killing demons than making tasty food.

With that Sayoko left her alone, so Yua could enjoy her bad some more.

She relaxed against the bathtub and like often she wonder why she was cursed, yes cursed, with the ability to use Moon Breathing.

Why couldn’t she be like her father and his siblings? Just normal Demon Slayers?

Why couldn’t she be like Sayoko, who took pride in her job as Kakushi?

Why couldn’t she be like uncle Noritaka…who just left one night and never returned.

Uncle Noritaka was the black sheep of the family. All had to pretend to hate him for grandfather’s sake, even if they all admired him, Yua was sure.

Noritaka could use Moon Breathing too…he was close to becoming a Hashira, but one day he just didn’t come home and ended his carrier at the Demon Slayer Corps.

In the letter he had left behind, he wrote that he wouldn’t give up his life for some stupid family honor and that they shouldn’t pay for the sins of their forefathers. Manly the founder of their family, who had learned Moon Breathing in the first place from the traitor Michikatsu Tsugikuni and had practically demanded that their family should still practice Moon Breathing, even if most of their comrades saw in them as potential traitors.

Yua had learned Moon Breathing from Noritaka, he had always been her favorite uncle, and him having the courage to live his life how he wanted made her love him even more.

Yet, she still wished he would be here with them.

If he had become a Hashira, then her grandfather wouldn’t probably demand so much from her.

Signing Yua decide that it was time to get out of her bath and see if dinner was ready.

She shouldn’t waste her energy on what-ifs.

This was her life and she needed to accept it.

Family dinner was nice, since grandfather had drunk himself so silly, that he was snoring up a storm in his bedroom.

So the remaining Mochizuki could catch up, laugh, talk, and gossip like they were a normal family.

For Yua, these were the best nights, also the ones that hurt the most. The vacant spot on their table belonging to grandma Junko, uncle Noritaka, cousin Taiga, and her mother Kioko were practically staring at her. Making her heart twist in turn.

No matter if someone was dead or had left them, the pain of not having them around anymore was still like a wound. A wound that slowly healed, but if you thought about it, it began to hurt again.

After dinner, Yua decide to go to bed and took Kaito and Hikari with her. Since they were the youngest it was bedtime for them. The remaining family decides to play some games together.

It was nice having Kaito and Hikari around her again.

Both were really sweet kids.

They put their futons together so that Yua was in the middle and her two cousins demanded a story.

The midnight blue-haired girl told also their favorite bedtime story.

The Tale of the Bamboo Cutter.

Princess Kaguya’s story.

Yua herself had loved the story when her late mother told her it, that’s why she named her raven after the legendary moon princess.

Kaito was sucking on his thumb, trying to stay awake, while Hikari was snuggled up on Yua’s side, halfway in dreamland.

As she ended the story both kids were out.

She chuckled quietly and closed her eyes.

Tomorrow all would begin again.

The harsh training.

No free-time.

Waiting for her next Demon Slayer job.

But this was the only life she know.

While she drifted off into sleep Yua wonder how Princess Kaguya could have left behind her life on Earth to return back to the moon. To a life, she didn’t know.

The unknown…was scary.

Or maybe Yua was just a coward.

Who knows?

Next

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