I Still Think About Him Basically Every Time I Get A Quiet Moment: In A Fitting Room, At A Red Light,

I still think about him basically every time I get a quiet moment: in a fitting room, at a red light, in my office, in the shower.

Recovery is a bitch.

Happy New Year

Last year as I entered 2018 broken and scared, I made the decision that, whatever happened, 2018 was not going to look like the Hell that was 2017.

My 2018 in Summary:

1. I cut him off and stuck to it without caving.

2. I took my fitness seriously again and (despite some self inflicted set backs) became stronger than I have ever been.

3. I went back to theatre after a forced 3 year hiatus.

4. I started digging in therapy and made it about me again.

5. I came out.

6. I started dating.

I don't give myself credit often, but I think I kept my promise to myself in a big way.

The romanticized, yet ellusive, idea of happiness isn't real to me, but 2019 feels like it's ripe with potential and possibilities.

It has been a long, long time since I have felt that way.

Fresh perspectives

“I am sorry someone loved you badly, and that they made you feel like you take up more space than you deserve. I am sorry they abandoned you when you need them the most and it has made you believe that love is an awful thing that hurts.”

—

Nikita Gill

Some old habits die hard, but I'm not who I used to be.

I just realized he deleted all of my pictures from my trip to Brazil.

I am so furious. He tried to erase my history!