Abusive Ex - Tumblr Posts
I’ve come to the conclusion that he must be painfully torn these days.
While the anti-mask/vax clusterfuck tends to also exude that xenophobic vibe that resonated deep in his poisonous soul, he had been telling me for years about how ‘man-made’ pandemics were coming and they were going to be deadly.
He’s probably showering in Lysol while jerking off to the PPC’s platform. And then struggling with an identity crisis.
Being sick is an excuse: Episode 1
I get migraines with auras ( mine are sparkly lights and blindspots) He made me drive to get him beer after I came home from work early with a migraine. I could barely keep my eyes open, but I did it. And the completion of the task showed that it really wasn't that bad. I needed to stop over reacting.
Being sick is an excuse: Episode 2
He read that period cramps really aren't that bad, and that women fake the pain to get out of things or garner sympathy. On the scale of what others with uteri have, i get off easy. But there's usually a fee hours a month where I'm going to bed and not getting anything done.
He realized that if he screamed in my face long enough I'd get up and do what he wanted. Id just work through the pain.
And he'd say "see? It's not so bad. You can still do it.." in a tone that implied that he had done me a favour.
Being sick is an Excuse: Episode 3
I had mono about 9 years ago. I was awake for 4ish hours a day, and just could not function for the rest. He could have threatened me with a knife and I wouldn’t have woken up or moved.
I spent my 4 hours of consciousness taking care of him while he sat on his computer and played video games. Cooked his dinner and lunches (I couldn’t swallow without immense pain, so I don’t think I ate?), did laundry, washed dishes, cleaned the bathroom, and then passed out.
Most people would help/comfort their partner. Him?
“Well if you’re going to be allowed to slack so much, you need to make up for it.”
If I had mono now, my woman would make me tea and soup, and watch movies with me in bed. She’d tell me not to get up, that I need my rest, and help me take little walks when I started going stir crazy.
Your partner should be kind to you, and want you to be healthy and comfortable. Don’t let your brain tell you otherwise.
You deserve kindness, I promise.
Being sick is an Excuse: Episode 3
I had mono about 9 years ago. I was awake for 4ish hours a day, and just could not function for the rest. He could have threatened me with a knife and I wouldn’t have woken up or moved.
I spent my 4 hours of consciousness taking care of him while he sat on his computer and played video games. Cooked his dinner and lunches (I couldn’t swallow without immense pain, so I don’t think I ate?), did laundry, washed dishes, cleaned the bathroom, and then passed out.
Most people would help/comfort their partner. Him?
“Well if you’re going to be allowed to slack so much, you need to make up for it.”
Here’s a fun tiktok about this very thing, if you haven’t seen it yet. Slaps a bit too. Click here!
He was the King of absolving himself of responsibilities by intentionally doing them badly.
He wanted me to serve all his food, even his seconds, so he would make an enormous mess serving himself. A mess I would have to clean. So I of course chose the route that was less work in the long run.
In early cohabitation days he went at something I had made so hard that food ended up on the ceiling. I have no idea how he did that trying to put food on a plate; I think he even impressed himself.
I can laugh now. He was a millwright with machining background and welding experience. He was so precise with the work he did, both with his tools and hands. Yet, he couldn’t figure out a spoon?
What a joke.
Or what?!
On rare occasions, I would take the tiniest step toward defending myself.
“Please don’t talk to me like that.”
The response was always the same.
“Or what?!”
“Or nothing? Just don’t.”
He did not know how to navigate a world without threats. I didn’t use a threat to establish a boundary and he interpreted that as a green light to continue the behaviour. He thought I offered nothing of value if I didn’t see it as something to withhold.
Don’t get me wrong here. There are consequences for your actions, and repeated disrespect in a relationship probably should end in its termination. But a constant tit for tat situation is petty at best, and that’s not the type of partner I am.
So I never took that bait and I think I disappointed him with my response. He had probably rehearsed a nasty retort to “Or I’ll leave you” that he never got to use. Pity.
Missed Milestones
It may be a sign that I’m making progress, but I missed remembering some important milestones this year:
It’s been 210 weeks since I spoke my last words to him (that’s 4 full years and 2 weeks if you don’t want to count).
It’s been 314 weeks (6 years, 2 weeks) since I lived under the same roof as him.
I’ll be 36 this week. And while my body is feeling its age (and more) at times, my mind feels younger than it ever did when I was in my 20s.
Being sick is an Excuse: Episode 6
He hated when I took time off work when I was sick. (As a side, he is ABSOLUTELY the asshole who goes to work sick as fuck, not caring who he spreads it to. And no, he’s definitely not living paycheque to paycheque).
On one occasion I was feeling particularly bad. He threatened that I better not take a sick day. So I “got ready for work”, left, called into the office, and then went to the doctor’s. After getting my script, I found a parking lot far away from our place where I was sure he wouldn’t find me and tried to sleep until he left for his afternoon shift. I jumped any time my phone made a noise because I was terrified he would find out I wasn’t at work.
For the record, I had a handful of paid sick days. There was no reason for me to have to go.
I’m in a healthy relationship now, and this is absolutely fucking ludicrous.
The K family is diplorable and unpalatable. That doesn't change the accuracy of any of the statements above.
Kanye West's Behavior Is Triggering For Anyone Who's Been Harassed By An Ex | HuffPost Life
West has tried to reach out to Kardashian by any means necessary: Asking mutual friends for her newly changed phone number and tagging the reality star in all-caps Instagram screeds calling her out for what he sees as parental alienation. She didn’t invite him to the birthday party she threw for their daughter Chicago, he claims. She didn’t ask his permission before allowing their 8-year-old daughter, North, to put on makeup or get on TikTok.
In Fakhir’s case, her ex texted her incessantly, left threatening voicemails on her phone and appeared at her work unannounced. This was pre-Instagram, so he couldn’t put her on blast there, but he did create a blog where he publicly questioned her parenting and lifestyle choices.
Phew!
When we were teenagers, our plan was to “leapfrog”. He was going to make a certain amount of money, and then I would have to do whatever I could to find a job that made more money. Then we would reverse and repeat.
I finished university in 2010. The job market was BLEAK. He worked in the trades, and I had a philosophy degree. Naturally, I worked in retail, and made no where near what he did. He continued to move up in his position, and so did I, but I could never catch him. Throughout the years, this was the number one excuse he used to harm me.
Things have improved since then, though I still don’t make as much money as he did. Recently, I wondered what would have happened if I had “leapfrogged” like he’d wanted me to. Then I remembered a story.
About 10-12 years ago I applied to work for the RCMP.
(Don’t judge me man, I was young and desperate. I also had some romantic notion that I could help SA survivors as a detective. Knowing what I know now about the institution, I am VERY glad it didn’t work out for me )
He was furious with me for applying; he said he hated cops, but I think he hated the idea of me having authority (and access to a weapon) more.
Then he let his plans slip. He told me if I became an RCMP officer, he would wait until I made excellent money and then leave me. Then he would cash in on the spousal support and take money from me forever.
So sorry that didn’t work out you, brah. I hope the woman you’re with now leaves you and takes every cent you have.
I was not allowed to be better than him at anything. Except household tasks that he didn't want to do, of course.
I'll give you a silly example. I worked in service all the way through university and in my early 20s. I used a cash register often, and I got quick at counting money.
When we were doing our finances, sometimes we would pay cash for things. He would lay money out on the floor like a child and count everything. Then he would ask me to check his count. I would flip through 20s in an 8th of the time it took him to count them. I did this every day; of course I was fast at it.
The world ended if I found he had made a mistake, but he didn’t trust my counting at that speed, even when I confirmed his results. He made me count bills at the same speed he counted them. My 4 year old cousin could keep up.
It sounds so silly, but he mocked my skills and capitalistic “worth” so often that not having his confidence in THIS, even, was frustrating and soul crushing.
The air around me is lighter without his presence.
I still feel anxious for a split second when I go to take a slice of pizza
Inspection
This was him if I was ever eating anything with my hands. Sandwiches, pizza, crackers, whatever. He was waiting for the second a crumb dropped so he could squawk.
And, man, did he squawk. As if he’d be the one cleaning it up.
I started doing the dishes immediately after I finished cooking so he’d be done or mostly done by the time I sat down to eat. He never sat with me if he was done.
I ate a lot of cold food, but at least I could eat in peace.
He got in an accident on his bike and I found out by chance by googling his name and finding the GoFundMe. My very first instinct was to donate $$ to him. I didn't, but that's another post.
I was surprised by how much money he'd already received and the number of donors. He always said everyone is useless and incompetent, and that he doesn't have good people around him to rely on. He keeps friends and people around him purely based on their utility. When they cease to be useful, he removes them from his life.
So it's shocking that he's amassed thousands in support from dozens of people. There's people here who put down some serious cash for him.
I wonder if they'd give him a cent if they knew.
I just tested positive for covid on Tuesday. I'm quadruple vaxxed, with a decent immune system, so I'm rapidly on the mend. But, objectively, it has sucked.
You know what hasn't sucked? Sharing a home with someone who cares for me and wants me to get better. And living with someone like that may never cease to amaze me.
Hang on.
It has been 1806 days no contact.
I was sitting down the other day fretting about mine and my partner’s precarious employment situation. Her company is outsourcing their IT , and mine is operating in a small town in which it has historically struggled to find clients. it’s not dire, we have a few years before this will become an imminent problem.
But while I was staring at our finances and looking for places to tighten up, I realized that I was feeling ‘normal’ worry. The worry you feel when you have a concern and you need to find ways to mitigate the problem.
That’s not the kind of worry I’m used to.
More than anything, the feeling I had was “we’ll handle it.” I have never thought I could handle anything in my life.
That “gets better” they talk about is worth the shit you’re going through now. Promise.
Since covid, I’ve been in conversations where my mind has just gone blank. “What have you been up to?” “How have you been?”
It’s back to “I have no idea. I exist, I guess.” If only I could actually say that.
a mess
I don't think compassion for your abuser is necessary, nor is it a reasonable expectation of abuse survivors. But it might be good for some survivors. It's possible to be compassionate without reinserting yourself in someone's life.
What you need could change throughout the years, and it could differ wildly from what someone else needs at that same moment in time. Situations that look the same aren't necessarily.
*Incoming metaphor, sorry* Healing from abuse is a twisted, vine-y road covered in thorns. You just have to figure out how to make your way with as few injuries as possible. That could be with a machete, or pruners, or some cautious, thoughtful navigation. Or some mixture of the 3.
I don't know. I'm still figuring it out myself. What I do know, is that anytime anyone's tried to tell me what's good for me, it's been starkly in contrast to what I needed at the time.
The Recloseted Lesbian. Compassion
Support Character - Part 1
When we were teenagers and I was still living at home, he worked very hard to get me to play Ultima Online. It's an online RPG game, similar in style to World of Warcraft.
Silly me, I thought he wanted me to participate in something he enjoyed. Of course not, he wanted me to play healer.
That can be fun in some scenarios, but of course it wasn't here. I didn't get any input on quests, areas or achievements. It equated to me following him around everywhere, and clicking the heal while he played.
I was in the support role. It was all about him. It was to be the theme of the next 12 years of my life.
I don't know exactly what the original post said before the angel teathattast (or a contemporary) fixed it, but I'm nauseous just thinking about it.
He was absolutely that guy.
*gag*
