That Ptsd Feeling Where Youre Simultaneously Both Touch-starved And Touch-repulsed At Literally Any Given

that ptsd feeling where you’re simultaneously both touch-starved and touch-repulsed at literally any given time

This is all affecting my ability to perform at work.

Full disclosure.

I cheated. Yes, I'm one of those horrible people.

And not just once. It was systematic. It spanned years, and with multiple people. I was trying to heal myself, give myself a moment of reprieve, find that light heartedness that makes life manageable.

What it actually did was cause further destruction to my self worth. And I handed him a weapon and an excuse that he used to torture me further for another two years.

My actions are inexcusable. I have no one to blame for them but myself. I have been wrought at the idea that I have inflicted pain. It is done and cannot be undone. I can only be better moving forward.

I only need a minute after you're done kicking me while I cower in fetal position.  I just need to steady my breathing after you’ve finished and left me in a pile. I’ll get back to making dinner and it’ll be ready soon. Don’t worry.

Reminder that recovering from abuse is not a straight line.

When he finally stopped singing come home, I was not relieved.

There is more than one way a heart can break. 

The worst thing in the world can happen, but the next day the sun will come up. And you will eat your toast. And you will drink your tea.

Rhian Ellis, from After Life  (via koreyan)

Tomorrow the sun rises.