Hi.

Hi.

I feel the need to reiterate that trans women are women.  If you’re using my trauma as a means to justify or illustrate a point counter to this, fuck off.  Go be a fool somewhere else, far, far away from me.

Thanks.

Hang on.

It has been 1806 days no contact.  

I was sitting down the other day fretting about mine and my partner’s precarious employment situation.  Her company is outsourcing their IT , and mine is operating in a small town in which it has historically struggled to find clients.  it’s not dire, we have a few years before this will become an imminent problem.

But while I was staring at our finances and looking for places to tighten up, I realized that I was feeling ‘normal’ worry.  The worry you feel when you have a  concern and you need to find ways to mitigate the problem.

That’s not the kind of worry I’m used to.

More than anything, the feeling I had was “we’ll handle it.”  I have never thought I could handle anything in my life.

That “gets better” they talk about is worth the shit you’re going through now.  Promise.  

The self-loathing bits of my brain are so mad at you right now, OP.

if being hard on yourself worked, it would have worked by now

A question for the abuse survivors, did you lose the ability to recognize when you're happy? I feel like someone took an eraser to my amygdala.

Did you get yours back?

!!! 🤎

There's tragedy in the loss of the old you. But there's triumph in shedding the layers of ash that bury your red and gold plumage.