Consider.. Consider Eskel But WITHOUT A Shirt. Just Consider

Consider….. consider eskel but WITHOUT a shirt…. just consider…

*Geralt throwing paper napkins at Jaskier*

*Jaskier prepares to throw one back but stops*

Jaskier: I was brought up properly, YOU were dragged

JSHDJDHJDHDJDBDJDN HE’S NOT WRONG, THO??? LIKE, WHERE DID VESEMIR GO WRONG WITH HIM??? I GENUINELY CAN’T BELIEVE THAT ESKEL AND GERALT WERE RAISED BY THE SAME PERSON.

Would Geralt and Lambert know? Would he switch them to trick the others? The thought of Lambert clamping down on his left side only to yell because it’s not White Gull and actually Capri Sun is really funny, eskel 1 lambert 0

The spikes on Eskel’s armour? They’re not made of metal. In reality they’re where he keeps his potions and water. If he needs a bit of a boost during a fight, he can have a little sip.

ko-fi request for @thevalesofanduin. they asked for eskel or jaskier and i picked eskel. i’ve been really into drawing him lately and this one was a lot of fun to draw for all that it’s not a complicated pose or anything like that. maybe it’s because i kept picturing different scenarios for what was happening off-screen for him to be making that face.

Hi, I was wondering if you had any tips about writing Lambert? I have a story idea I want to write but I'm worried about not getting his character right. I really love the way you write him.

Hi, Anon. I’ll do my best to break down some of my main thoughts on Lambert. I’d like to write a disclaimer first: everyone is entitled to their interpretations of characters. No two people read a text or consume media in the same way, so these are my personal reflections based on the evidence I’ve seen.

TW: canonical child abuse; personal headcanons based on interpretation of media you may disagree with. Spoilers for games and books.

TLDR: Lambert is a prickly asshole with a heart. That heart is loyal and wants a place to belong (a literal place, or with a person), but said heart is covered in scars and open wounds from how the world has treated it. His main defence mechanism is sarcasm. He has a complex relationship with both Vesemir and Kaer Morhen. He will step up to defend those he loves without a second thought. He shows affection by teasing/rudeness/insults; this is generally on a scale of brutal to gentle with no real logic or predictability (and he expects it back). ‘Lambert, Lambert, what a prick’ = aww, Geralt loves me. 

Lambert is a man that suffers from trauma and has never had a chance to heal from it. His prickliness isn’t unfounded.

“Along the way all the differences between Geralt and his younger comrade were exposed in sharp contrast. Sparks flew between them more than once, and biting commentary and barbed remarks were the order of the day. Geralt tolerated Lambert's prickliness with admirable stoicism, for he knew that the younger witcher's famous sarcasm served only to cover his many deeply-felt, never-healed wounds.” - Journal Entry, Witcher 3.

This was my initial framework for Lambert. Lambert was abused physically by his father and witnessed the abuse of his mother. His formative years taught him that people are cruel and not to be trusted. Just when he thought he was free - his father fell into a nest of Nekkers - he was then seized by witchers and made to suffer more. So, not only are people cruel, but life is cruel too. 

I always write him with a certain level of cynicism/pessimism. If you expect life to fuck you over, then you’ll never be disappointed when it inevitably does. - Rawr.

If you choose the right dialogue options, you learn that he returned to exact his revenge upon being released from Kaer Morhen (Geralt doesn’t ask for any details). 

There are other facets to his personality that can originate from his background: he doesn’t trust easily, he plays the class clown because it’s a way for him to feel like he belongs without showing weakness/his heart (e.g. the hat), and...

His view of the world can seem a bit ‘black and white’. He doesn’t share Geralt’s hero complex and can come across as callous. 

During ‘No Place Like Home’, the witchers discuss contracts. Lambert talks about a contract where he was hired to kill a monster that was attacking freight. It ended up being a forest troll chilling in a forest and bandits attacking the wagons. He killed the bandits and the troll (sentient and relatively intelligent). Why? He needed the coin to survive and that’s what he got hired for.

He’s also quick to resort to killing, i.e. the people involved (even if not directly) with Aiden’s murder (perhaps forgivable), and the mountain trolls on the way to the Circle of Elements (less forgivable). He clearly views being a witcher more like mercenary work than a ‘knightly’ calling with rules and morals. 

I believe his views on ‘witcher neutrality’ would be quite complex. I don’t think Lambert would have hesitated in killing Stregobor (”The sorcerer did what, Renfri? Let’s fuck him up”), but I also don’t think he would have had qualms killing the Sylvan outright. It was his contract, after all.

Just because he’s an asshole, doesn’t mean he’ll tolerate injustice/other people being dickheads. He will make sure you pay for your fuckery. He doesn't suffer fools.

I love this about Lambert. He will call people out on their bullshit and, if he can, they will be punished. I’ve pulled out my two favourite examples.

Yennefer was an asshole when she arrived at Kaer Morhen, so he messed with her telescope by planting some crates of dimeritium bombs nearby. 

[The gadget beeps like crazy near a crate stack.]

Geralt: Ahh. There you are. Disturbance is coming from there. What's in these crates?

Vesemir: Dimeritium bombs. Lambert made 'em.

Geralt: No wonder the megascope doesn't work. All right, gotta get 'em outta here.

This was confirmed by Yennefer when Geralt returned.

Geralt: You know... Lambert’s not exactly an expert on megascopes, so...

Yennefer: Please. Lambert is mean, not stupid.

He calls Triss out on her arrogance in Blood of Elves when she spends her stay treating the witchers as incompetent and belittling their meagre contributions to the world. Notably, he often calls Triss by her second name, ‘Merigold’,  an indication of his disdain.

“Me, too,” Lambert grimaced. “And it’s not surprising—it’s a popular saying of late. It’s what kings say when it turns out that a modicum of brains is necessary to rule after all. It’s what merchants say when greed and stupidity have led them to bankruptcy. It’s what wizards say when they start to lose their influence on politics or income. And the person they’re speaking to should expect some sort of proposal straight away. So cut the introduction short, Triss, and present us with your proposition.” Blood of Elves, pg. 110.

His sense of justice is swift and brutal. He, of course, seeks vengeance for Aiden’s death in ‘Follow the Thread’, which we all know intimately well. Also, notably, he punishes some bandits using Axii.

Lambert shows affection with teasing/insults, and he enjoys it when it’s returned. However, he’s also capable of more ‘traditional’ affection, and it’s genuine. He is doggedly loyal to those he loves - Aiden, Ciri, Geralt and Eskel, particularly.

The young witcher is quarrelsome and has a biting tongue, though at times he uses rudeness to express his fondness for someone. - Price of Neutrality, Premium Module.

He’s a sarcastic guy. He’s also rude and abrasive, but he treats everyone equally. I like his relationship with Ciri the most (although I’ve seen a lot of people interpret this less generously), but I think @childoffantasy summarised my thoughts more concisely than I: he’s the fun uncle that will be a bit of a dick, tease you, but actually talk to you, not just awkwardly ask you how school is and shuffle off. He genuinely cares for Ciri (he's the one who corrects her table manners, tries to tell Triss that she’s just another orphan of war and thus not of interest to the Chapter).

“You’re a girl. Girls don’t have brains.”

“Lambert! If Triss heard that!”

“If ifs and ands were pots and pans. All right, that’s enough. Come down. We’ll take a break.”

“I’m not tired!”

“But I am. I said, a break. Come down from the comb.”

“Turning a somersault?”

“What do you think? Like a hen off its roost? Go on, jump. Don’t be afraid, I’m here for you.”

“Haaaa!”

“Nice. Very good - for a girl. You can take off the blindfold now.”

He stepped up to fight for Ciri against the Wild Hunt without question (expecting to die; we see him brewing his ‘farewell feast’ before we head off to the Circle of Elements).

While drinking with Geralt, Lambert calls him a blowhard but tells him he’d go to hell and back for him. He means it.

Other fun things:

I love the headcanon that Lambert likes to dress up, and he finds it hot when others do too.

He is intelligent. Like, really intelligent (enough to earn Yennefer’s respect). I always have him as good with the more scientific part of being a witcher; bombs, alchemy. It’s fun to think that he improved some of the decoction and potion formulae. 

Linked to the above, Lambert has to survive as a witcher through his wits and skill. He’s not twice-grassed like Geralt, or gifted with Signs like Eskel. He is competent, hardworking, cunning and intelligent. With thanks to @cassandrasartworld.

He likes animals, but he has issues with getting attached to things because nothing’s permanent and life is cruel.

He uses bombs to fish, because he’s just so feckin’ extra.

Common Pitfalls:

[Disclaimer: these are things I dislike seeing/have done in the past and developed beyond, but I must reiterate - write characters how you want/view them; it is your story].

Writing him as just an asshole. This doesn’t really show appreciation for the reasons why Lambert is the way he is nor the nuance behind the way he interacts with different people.

Too much swearing. I’m guilty of this, and sometimes it’s fun to write! But don’t lose his intelligence amongst the ‘fucks’. He is a clever fucking bloke, alright?

Twink No. 2. At the moment, I see him filling the gap for Jaskier in some stories and encounters, which is disappointing. Always ask: can I replace this character with someone else and would the interaction be the same? If the answer’s yes, then review the scene.

It’s nice to soften characters right up, but sometimes it’s more challenging/rewarding if the character isn’t soft. If he makes a shit decision, or he’s a bit abhorrent. Soft!Bert is really nice, but morally dubious Bert is also very fun. 

I hope this has been helpful. It’s by no means exhaustive, but these are the things I’ve hashed out as I’ve developed my understanding of the character. There are some great Lambert writers out there, and I have to thank the Cake Shop and all attached personages for helping me grow as a writer. I’m always looking to ‘write characters better’, so you’ll probably see my characterisation continue to change and evolve.

Also, it’s okay for Lambert to ‘grow as a person’ in your story. If you’re going to write something where the lad can do a bit of healing? Of course he’s going to be subtly different.

Good luck, Anon! Please feel free to tag me when you’re done. 

An addition: this thread contains lots of amazing thoughts from a huge variety of writers. It’s well worth looking through all the reblogs and comments.

*puts down the orange juice i was drinking from a saucepan* oh hello! Take a seat. I've called you here on a matter of import. We must discuss

Eskel's fucking codpiece

because, well.

Triss, honey, I love you, but... two steps to your left, please.

Just... come on

Don't you make that gesture at me, goat dad.

A menace. My delicate sensibilities. My chaste virtue.

Eskel is the rainbow and the pot of gold is that codpiece.

A gif of my quivering loins being murdered.

In conclusion: ...did I have a point? If I did, it was swallowed by that fucking codpiece send help