
18+ please. Juno || 20y/o || he/they please. Hi there, I make headcanons and such. I’d love to hear your own ideas if you’re willing to share. I’m still fairly new to tumblr so please have patience’s of a god with me.
245 posts
Eskel-and-goat - Goblins Toenails - Tumblr Blog
Agape

Rating: G
Words: 1.6k
Tags: fluff, cutagens, wintering at Kaer Morhern, purring
The cruel northern winter has set a chill deep in Geralt’s bones that even two pairs of socks can’t fix. Jaskier helps.
Beta-ready by: @mirkwood
A/N: This is actually the first time i’ve written a propper character pairing since i was 16! I know it’s very different from the usual stuff i write but this is just where my interests have taken me :) I’m actually really enjoying this fandom atm!
Sorry to bombard you with 2 Witcher posts in 1 week - I’ve created Witcher Wednesdays in my schedule now so business will resume as usual from next week :)
Read on Archive of Our Own

The library was warm when Jaskier entered, a contrast to the dank, gloomy corridors of the keep. The fire crackled merrily in the hearth on one side of the room, casting dancing shadows over the bookcases and the face of the room’s single occupant.
“Geralt?” Jaskier asked, taking several steps forward and shutting the door behind him so the warmth didn’t escape. He was dressed only in his nightclothes, feet bare against the stone floor. “It’s late, are you coming to bed?” He asked.
Geralt grunted from his seat on the sofa, a deep frown on his face as his eyes stayed fixed on the book in his lap. The witcher was swaddled up in a thick woolen blanket, one of the few luxuries he allowed himself against the cold this deep into winter. Only his head and hands poked from the fabric.
Keep reading

Consider….. consider eskel but WITHOUT a shirt…. just consider…
*puts down the orange juice i was drinking from a saucepan* oh hello! Take a seat. I've called you here on a matter of import. We must discuss
Eskel's fucking codpiece
because, well.

Triss, honey, I love you, but... two steps to your left, please.

Just... come on

Don't you make that gesture at me, goat dad.

A menace. My delicate sensibilities. My chaste virtue.

Eskel is the rainbow and the pot of gold is that codpiece.

A gif of my quivering loins being murdered.
In conclusion: ...did I have a point? If I did, it was swallowed by that fucking codpiece send help










Do you ever feel overwhelmed by how much you love someone
Hey, I love your work!! How about Eskel with F6 (I see him holding a new baby goat) in depressed orange? 😊

he's a granddad
Eskel: me n Geralt are going out and hunting dinner, don’t wait up!
Jaskier: bye Geralt! Bye Eskel! By Geralt ;)
Ciri: you said bye Geralt twice
Jaskier: I like Geralt

You Have Until Midnight, my Eskel x Jaskier Cinderella AU fic IS COMPLETE WOO!
Jaskier works in the Kaer Morhen stables and pines for Eskel. There is a masquerade approaching where Eskel will choose a spouse. Jaskier knows he cannot attend as a guest and would never be accepted as an appropriate match for the witcher. But then he is faced with an unexpected opportunity. One lovely night. One dance. That’s not too much to ask, right?
Basically, Eskel is the prince-like character he deserves to be.
I raffled off a gift fic to celebrate reaching 200 subs on AO3 back in November, and @clown-of-rivia won! So this is for Isa. <3 <3
It was theoretically a <5k fic, but I loved the prompt so much that I just went buck wild. Almost 6 months and almost 60k later and here we are, a whole ass fic. Isa, thank you so much for your patience, your encouragement, your feedback, and for just being a gatdamn delight.
EMBARRASSINGLY DRUNK DANCER WITH GERASKIER!!!
See my initial thought here would be Jaskier, but we know he’s suave and knows how to perform while drinking. So I’d have to go with Geralt, but he only lets loose around Jaskier. It’s quite hilarious. Clumsy twirls, dropping Jaskier when trying to dip him, hilariously mood-killing strip teases, etc. Unfortunately for Geralt, one winter Eskel and Lambert barged in on a drunken striptease he was putting on for Jaskier (he knocked something over and they thought there was trouble) and he’s never heard the end of it 😂
Adult Eskel still sometimes bunking with Papa Ves after a nightmare
I don’t think we talk about the wolfs getting nightmares enough. Which is reasonable, nightmares suck and normally you’d just turn the pillow over to the cold side and snuggle right back in, but for the boys? They’ve been through a lot, a Witcher’s life is not easy peasy. Not even just the life they live as a witcher, the time before trails? I don’t think that was a good time either.
Nightmares after experiencing a traumatic event is way more common. I think at after coming home to KM, all these events and regrets and decisions come back up, most of the nights there Eskel is probably in Vesemir’s room, along with the others too I’m sure.
I also think that instead of being able to just, go right back to sleep, they all talk. Papa Ves would talk about his favourite things they all use to do, like Eskel use to welcome new boys home as soon as meeting them, greeting them with rocks that match their eyes, getting cool sticks and carving their initials in it before throwing it as far as they can. Lamb was probably really quite as first and would poke and tug people’s pant leg to get things and no one could say no to him, Geralt would go around with a small blanket around his shoulders playing “hero”, the good stuff to remember.
Would Geralt and Lambert know? Would he switch them to trick the others? The thought of Lambert clamping down on his left side only to yell because it’s not White Gull and actually Capri Sun is really funny, eskel 1 lambert 0
The spikes on Eskel’s armour? They’re not made of metal. In reality they’re where he keeps his potions and water. If he needs a bit of a boost during a fight, he can have a little sip.
Would you mind sharing some tips on writing eskel as well? I've heard people complain about how eskel is basically written as geralt with a scar, but I'm not sure how to NOT do that? How do you write him as himself and not a copy of Geralt?
Ahh, Anon. Eskel. Well, believe it or not, this was harder to pull together than the one for Lambert. Eskel’s a character quite close to my heart and I’ve used him across a wide range of stories to explore issues close to home. I’ve broken down some core principles, so I hope this is both informative, but flexible enough for you to twist and warp as you see fit. A lot of his traits are interwoven, but I’ve tried to sort them into some sensible order.
My usual disclaimer: personal interpretations; mileage may differ. Remember that everyone engages with media differently, etc.

TLDR: In the books, it’s said that he and Geralt look so similar that they could be mistaken for brothers, but for the scar on Eskel’s face and Geralt’s white hair. They’re close. Eskel’s life is governed by quiet pragmatism, whereas Geralt is governed by idealism. Eskel doesn’t involve himself like Geralt does; he’s capable of operating inside societal norms and is well aware of his emotions/needs (enough to have sound mastery of them). He prefers the life of an anonymous witcher, not because he isn’t special in his own way, but because that is the life he chooses.
Special shoutout to those in the Cake Shop who helped me answer the question “how do I talk about Eskel without showing my whole ass?” @lohrendrell, @tumbleweedtech, @frenchkey, @octinary, particularly.
Eskel knows how society works. He’s able to live within its boundaries.
“It was Eskel’s behaviour which was most unlikely; he got up, approached the enchantress, bent down low, took her hand and kissed it respectfully.”
“Vesemir hawked again. But Eskel, dear Eskel, kept his head and once more behaved as was fitting.”
Blood of Elves
Eskel is often written as the “diplomatic” one. Part of this stems from the “eldest child” syndrome he has—polite, responsible and Vesemir can “count on him”—but also because he understands society’s rules and his place within it. He doesn’t chafe against the yoke like Lambert or stumble awkwardly through like Geralt. It’s not that he’s passive, but he has accepted the world for it is and rather than rail against it (Lambert) or believe that he can change it with enough personal suffering (Geralt), he has decided to operate within its framework as best he can.
Even if he wholeheartedly disagrees with something, he will feign interest. His one big tell is the inability to maintain eye contact when something truly bores him, probably because he’s well aware that his eyes might give him away.
Eskel would have pinched the bridge of his nose in despair had been present when Geralt skewered that rodent in the dark. Triss notes that Eskel “behaves as he should” and Eskel is able to conduct himself in a manner that encourages Triss to assist with Ciri, because he knows that is what’s needed at the time. He doesn’t see himself “above” a little bit of deference if it achieves the end goal, which leads me onto the next point…
Eskel is a pragmatist, not an idealist.
Eskel and Coën bestowed a look which was entirely devoid of respect on the old man.
Blood of Elves
Eskel: Saved this lost knight once... You know, woods, dark, wolves. The standard. Told him "Give me what you find at home" and all that... No kid this time, but his mare had just foaled.
Geralt: Eskel and Scorpion... Bound by fate. An enchanting tale.
Eskel: Mock me all you want. You're just jealous.
Dialogue, The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt
Eskel gets a bad reputation for not picking up Deidre and leaving her to “suffer”. In reality, Eskel was pragmatic in making his decision to leave her where she was. A princess would live a far better life in a palace, surrounded by luxury, than he could ever give her. I’ve debated whether he puts much stock in “destiny” either, since he claimed law of surprise a second time—sometimes I write this as him asking the world for a second chance to get it right, because his decision bit him in the ass. There may have been a small concern at taking on the responsibility, particularly given the timing of his “acquisition”.
After the whole Deidre debacle, Eskel carried a collective work about the phenomenon of the “Black Sun”. He concluded that the Council of Wizards meddled too much in state affairs, botched it and, had they not sent Sabrina Glevissig, Ademeyn might not have been ostracised. In other words, Deidre was a victim of the machinations of the Council. Is Eskel dogged by regret and thoughts of “what could have been”? I think so. Why else would he take such great pains to find an explanation beyond something as erroneous as “fate”?
Another aspect of this pragmatism is the realistic way he views his relationship to Kaer Morhen and the witcher brotherhood. He doesn’t view Vesemir as a father figure (contrary to what our beloved fanfiction tropes would have you believe) and treats him with detachment (if not open disdain as evidenced above). This suggests he has a better grasp of the reality of his training years than Geralt—a leap, but it matches the rest of his approach to the Path (see next point). They weren’t trained as gallant knights to rescue damsels from distress, but as monster hunters that would live on the periphery of society.
He is notably disturbed by performing the Trial of the Grasses on Uma and walks away. Like all witchers, there is certainly some residual trauma there, particularly because he almost lost Geralt during the whole process.
I think this foundational understanding of his place in the world meant that he never quite developed the sense of “unworthiness” that Geralt carries with him. This doesn’t mean that Eskel isn’t very aware of his worth and his place; he is conscious of his scars (touches them when he’s anxious or contemplative) and saves his smiles for his friends and family. He is aware of how the world views him—resigned to it, perhaps fatigued by it in some ways—and manages himself accordingly.
As an amusing aside, he once caught a vampire by getting a woman drunk on drugged alcohol and using her as bait (with her consent, of course), but I can just imagine Geralt clutching his pearls at the very idea and it makes me grin.
Eskel chooses anonymity. He chooses the simple life of a witcher and takes a certain amount of pride in it.
Geralt: You too. How are things?
Eskel: Same ol', same ol'. Another day, another drowner.
Geralt: That it?
Eskel: I'm a simple witcher, Wolf. Don't fight dragons, don't fraternise with kings and don't sleep with sorceresses... Unlike some.
Dialogue, The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt
“And the lord barons and village elders,” added Eskel, “have their heads full of the war and don’t have the time to defend their subjects. They have to hire us. It’s true. But from what Triss has been telling us all these evenings, it seems the conflict with Nilfgaard is more serious than that, not just some local little war. Is that right, Triss?”
Blood of Elves
Eskel prefers a quiet life on his own terms. He chooses to walk the Path with his own morals and chooses not to engage the way Geralt or Coën do (both intervene and find heartache and pain), whereas Geralt wants a happy family, Eskel prefers his solitude. He chooses to be an anonymous witcher, chooses simplicity instead of glory, or even a sense of grand accomplishment. He finds accomplishment in carving out the life he wants, because his early life was characterised by a lack of agency. In summary, if Geralt is high drama, then Eskel is maximum chill.
He never gained Geralt’s renown—deliberately, as I’ve stated—but he has a reputation as a solid witcher; professional, reliable and competent. He has undertaken a number of notable feats, including the rescue of a young girl from the stomach of a basilisk and the slaying of a manticore (neither of which he got paid for due to the lack of contract).
We can extrapolate a little from what he doesn’t say or do. In the Blood of Elves, when Triss commented on their treatment of Ciri, he listened rather than bite back like Lambert and lament like Geralt. After they discussed what to do with Ciri, the conversation turned to the situation in the Northern Kingdoms. Eskel asked a question initially (as above) but went silent when it turned into a debate about neutrality. He’s the closest example we have of a witcher that pays more than lip service to the neutrality of the order (besides, perhaps, Vesemir).
Eskel is quiet, but he’s not “slow”.
Geralt: Something about Yen bothering you? C'mon, grow a pair, give it to me straight.
Eskel: You grow a pair and admit she tricked you. More than a few times.
Geralt: That was then. Yen's changed.
Eskel: Right. Fine, never mind... Let's go.
Dialogue, The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt
Geralt: We shouldn't. Rather not tire out my horse for no reason.
Eskel: Ah... Honestly can't see what all those dames see in you. You're a stick in the mud.
Geralt: Pretty damn handsome stick, though.
Eskel: Debatable... Let's go.
Dialogue, The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt
There can be a tendency to paint Eskel as a little bit dim, because some of his rebuttals to Geralt amount to “no, you” and he has this lovely, warm accent in the game that drops the ‘g’ and uses the word ‘ain’t’. However, I propose that Eskel has a dry sense of humour, has grown up dealing with Geralt’s sass and knows the best way to shut him down is to disengage with a one-liner and move on.
You also have one of my favourite examples of Eskel’s intelligence, which is the fact that he spent months hunting a katakan and dragged it to Kaer Morhen for an autopsy to figure out what was so special about it. I’ve gone into this in more depth in a “headcanon” post, which is more focused on what I have built Eskel as (including a love of poetry and literature).
Other bits and pieces:
He is perturbed by Geralt’s relationship with Yennefer and points out her poor treatment of him (and her poor behaviour when she arrives at KM); he remarks that Yennefer plays Geralt like a “cheap fiddle”. Ouch.
He has a feathered bonnet he wears on special occasions.
He has a lot of luck with the ladies when wearing a mask—don’t worry, Eskel, we love you without one—which suggests an innate charm that he can deploy effectively.
He’s infamous for sleeping with succubi and doing fisstech. While some might try to base his entire character on this, it only suggests that he knows how to have a good time and, in his own words, loves a woman with horns.
He enjoys drinking and laughing with his loved ones, and there is evidence that he has a close relationship with Lambert as well as Geralt.
He is a lightweight when it comes to alcohol.
There is still plenty of scope to explore issues of self-esteem and Eskel’s expectations of the world (and how it treats him).
My headcanon that he has an army of grannies that feed him on the Path because he is a “good young man” that helps them out.
Some random headcanons that aren’t wholly based on canon material.
He appears once with a goat.
His hands “emanate with power”, more so than Geralt. He is known for an astounding mastery of Signs.
I’ve avoided discussing anything to do with kink or NSFW; I’ll let you make up the fun bits by yourself (but I’m personally partial to Eskel any way he comes, to be honest; the lad loves to please his lovers).
Chonkskel for life. There is no other way.
In conclusion, Anon. Eskel is not Geralt Lite. I view them as two halves of one soul, yes—even if you just view them platonically, they’re bound by the life they have lived together—but Eskel is the balance to Geralt’s chaos, the calm to his turbulence. They find effortless acceptance and love in each other (evidenced by the way they fall into each other’s arms in the Blood of Elves).
On his own, Eskel is a simple man in that his wants in life are simple, but he has his own clear moral code of neutrality, a dry wit and an easy charm. I always advise people to drink some bourbon, listen to Tennesse Whiskey and read about sultry summer evenings before sitting down to write Eskel, because that’s how he feels to me.
For my favorite prompter, a prompt! Tell us about the selkies and the ziplock bags 😍😍😍😍

The year was 2000, geralt remembers this clearly as it was the year he finally pulled his head out of his ass and finally asked his husband out.
Geralt had been jogging down a beach, having a day off from monster hunting for once, when he saw the suspicious looking bundle farther down the beach squirming about.
He had jogged up to the bundle and stood there before prodding it with his foot. "Ack!" The bundle squirmed a bit more before a head topped in brown and caramel locks popped out "watch it!" Came the yell in a suspiciously familiar voice. Geralt steps back in shock as the figure rises "jaskier?" He says confused, watching bright blue eyes snap to his.
"Ah haha geralt!... fancy seeing you here here!" Comes the nervous reply.
Geralt tilts his head, "what? Uhnmm" geralt pointedly keeps his eyes on jaskiers face after a glance down his crushes' body and seeing it naked.
Jaskier laughs nervously and shuffles, pulling his cloak tighter around himself, edging towards the water.
Geralt follows him slowly "A selkie?" He murmurs "jaskier?" He says louder.
Jaskier flashes him a nervous grin "haha hey geralt..." his feet and in the water and he shuffles faster "what do a selkie and a ziploc have in common?" He shouts, starting to seal himself up in his coat.
Geralt stares at him "uhhhh"
Jaskier gives a nervous giggle before completely changing into his seal form and slipping between the waves.
Geralt gasps "ah....They're resealable"
@dani-dandelino @geraltrogerericduhautebellegarde @jaskiersvalley @jaskierswolf @thecomfortofoldstorries @all-hail-the-witcher @softnerdypeter @veritasrose @theamazingbard @elliestormfound

ko-fi request for @thevalesofanduin. they asked for eskel or jaskier and i picked eskel. i’ve been really into drawing him lately and this one was a lot of fun to draw for all that it’s not a complicated pose or anything like that. maybe it’s because i kept picturing different scenarios for what was happening off-screen for him to be making that face.
Hi, I was wondering if you had any tips about writing Lambert? I have a story idea I want to write but I'm worried about not getting his character right. I really love the way you write him.
Hi, Anon. I’ll do my best to break down some of my main thoughts on Lambert. I’d like to write a disclaimer first: everyone is entitled to their interpretations of characters. No two people read a text or consume media in the same way, so these are my personal reflections based on the evidence I’ve seen.

TW: canonical child abuse; personal headcanons based on interpretation of media you may disagree with. Spoilers for games and books.
TLDR: Lambert is a prickly asshole with a heart. That heart is loyal and wants a place to belong (a literal place, or with a person), but said heart is covered in scars and open wounds from how the world has treated it. His main defence mechanism is sarcasm. He has a complex relationship with both Vesemir and Kaer Morhen. He will step up to defend those he loves without a second thought. He shows affection by teasing/rudeness/insults; this is generally on a scale of brutal to gentle with no real logic or predictability (and he expects it back). ‘Lambert, Lambert, what a prick’ = aww, Geralt loves me.
Lambert is a man that suffers from trauma and has never had a chance to heal from it. His prickliness isn’t unfounded.
“Along the way all the differences between Geralt and his younger comrade were exposed in sharp contrast. Sparks flew between them more than once, and biting commentary and barbed remarks were the order of the day. Geralt tolerated Lambert's prickliness with admirable stoicism, for he knew that the younger witcher's famous sarcasm served only to cover his many deeply-felt, never-healed wounds.” - Journal Entry, Witcher 3.
This was my initial framework for Lambert. Lambert was abused physically by his father and witnessed the abuse of his mother. His formative years taught him that people are cruel and not to be trusted. Just when he thought he was free - his father fell into a nest of Nekkers - he was then seized by witchers and made to suffer more. So, not only are people cruel, but life is cruel too.
I always write him with a certain level of cynicism/pessimism. If you expect life to fuck you over, then you’ll never be disappointed when it inevitably does. - Rawr.
If you choose the right dialogue options, you learn that he returned to exact his revenge upon being released from Kaer Morhen (Geralt doesn’t ask for any details).
There are other facets to his personality that can originate from his background: he doesn’t trust easily, he plays the class clown because it’s a way for him to feel like he belongs without showing weakness/his heart (e.g. the hat), and...
His view of the world can seem a bit ‘black and white’. He doesn’t share Geralt’s hero complex and can come across as callous.
During ‘No Place Like Home’, the witchers discuss contracts. Lambert talks about a contract where he was hired to kill a monster that was attacking freight. It ended up being a forest troll chilling in a forest and bandits attacking the wagons. He killed the bandits and the troll (sentient and relatively intelligent). Why? He needed the coin to survive and that’s what he got hired for.
He’s also quick to resort to killing, i.e. the people involved (even if not directly) with Aiden’s murder (perhaps forgivable), and the mountain trolls on the way to the Circle of Elements (less forgivable). He clearly views being a witcher more like mercenary work than a ‘knightly’ calling with rules and morals.
I believe his views on ‘witcher neutrality’ would be quite complex. I don’t think Lambert would have hesitated in killing Stregobor (”The sorcerer did what, Renfri? Let’s fuck him up”), but I also don’t think he would have had qualms killing the Sylvan outright. It was his contract, after all.
Just because he’s an asshole, doesn’t mean he’ll tolerate injustice/other people being dickheads. He will make sure you pay for your fuckery. He doesn't suffer fools.
I love this about Lambert. He will call people out on their bullshit and, if he can, they will be punished. I’ve pulled out my two favourite examples.
Yennefer was an asshole when she arrived at Kaer Morhen, so he messed with her telescope by planting some crates of dimeritium bombs nearby.
[The gadget beeps like crazy near a crate stack.]
Geralt: Ahh. There you are. Disturbance is coming from there. What's in these crates?
Vesemir: Dimeritium bombs. Lambert made 'em.
Geralt: No wonder the megascope doesn't work. All right, gotta get 'em outta here.
This was confirmed by Yennefer when Geralt returned.
Geralt: You know... Lambert’s not exactly an expert on megascopes, so...
Yennefer: Please. Lambert is mean, not stupid.
He calls Triss out on her arrogance in Blood of Elves when she spends her stay treating the witchers as incompetent and belittling their meagre contributions to the world. Notably, he often calls Triss by her second name, ‘Merigold’, an indication of his disdain.
“Me, too,” Lambert grimaced. “And it’s not surprising—it’s a popular saying of late. It’s what kings say when it turns out that a modicum of brains is necessary to rule after all. It’s what merchants say when greed and stupidity have led them to bankruptcy. It’s what wizards say when they start to lose their influence on politics or income. And the person they’re speaking to should expect some sort of proposal straight away. So cut the introduction short, Triss, and present us with your proposition.” Blood of Elves, pg. 110.
His sense of justice is swift and brutal. He, of course, seeks vengeance for Aiden’s death in ‘Follow the Thread’, which we all know intimately well. Also, notably, he punishes some bandits using Axii.
Lambert shows affection with teasing/insults, and he enjoys it when it’s returned. However, he’s also capable of more ‘traditional’ affection, and it’s genuine. He is doggedly loyal to those he loves - Aiden, Ciri, Geralt and Eskel, particularly.
The young witcher is quarrelsome and has a biting tongue, though at times he uses rudeness to express his fondness for someone. - Price of Neutrality, Premium Module.
He’s a sarcastic guy. He’s also rude and abrasive, but he treats everyone equally. I like his relationship with Ciri the most (although I’ve seen a lot of people interpret this less generously), but I think @childoffantasy summarised my thoughts more concisely than I: he’s the fun uncle that will be a bit of a dick, tease you, but actually talk to you, not just awkwardly ask you how school is and shuffle off. He genuinely cares for Ciri (he's the one who corrects her table manners, tries to tell Triss that she’s just another orphan of war and thus not of interest to the Chapter).
“You’re a girl. Girls don’t have brains.”
“Lambert! If Triss heard that!”
“If ifs and ands were pots and pans. All right, that’s enough. Come down. We’ll take a break.”
“I’m not tired!”
“But I am. I said, a break. Come down from the comb.”
“Turning a somersault?”
“What do you think? Like a hen off its roost? Go on, jump. Don’t be afraid, I’m here for you.”
“Haaaa!”
“Nice. Very good - for a girl. You can take off the blindfold now.”
He stepped up to fight for Ciri against the Wild Hunt without question (expecting to die; we see him brewing his ‘farewell feast’ before we head off to the Circle of Elements).
While drinking with Geralt, Lambert calls him a blowhard but tells him he’d go to hell and back for him. He means it.
Other fun things:
I love the headcanon that Lambert likes to dress up, and he finds it hot when others do too.
He is intelligent. Like, really intelligent (enough to earn Yennefer’s respect). I always have him as good with the more scientific part of being a witcher; bombs, alchemy. It’s fun to think that he improved some of the decoction and potion formulae.
Linked to the above, Lambert has to survive as a witcher through his wits and skill. He’s not twice-grassed like Geralt, or gifted with Signs like Eskel. He is competent, hardworking, cunning and intelligent. With thanks to @cassandrasartworld.
He likes animals, but he has issues with getting attached to things because nothing’s permanent and life is cruel.
He uses bombs to fish, because he’s just so feckin’ extra.

Common Pitfalls:
[Disclaimer: these are things I dislike seeing/have done in the past and developed beyond, but I must reiterate - write characters how you want/view them; it is your story].
Writing him as just an asshole. This doesn’t really show appreciation for the reasons why Lambert is the way he is nor the nuance behind the way he interacts with different people.
Too much swearing. I’m guilty of this, and sometimes it’s fun to write! But don’t lose his intelligence amongst the ‘fucks’. He is a clever fucking bloke, alright?
Twink No. 2. At the moment, I see him filling the gap for Jaskier in some stories and encounters, which is disappointing. Always ask: can I replace this character with someone else and would the interaction be the same? If the answer’s yes, then review the scene.
It’s nice to soften characters right up, but sometimes it’s more challenging/rewarding if the character isn’t soft. If he makes a shit decision, or he’s a bit abhorrent. Soft!Bert is really nice, but morally dubious Bert is also very fun.
I hope this has been helpful. It’s by no means exhaustive, but these are the things I’ve hashed out as I’ve developed my understanding of the character. There are some great Lambert writers out there, and I have to thank the Cake Shop and all attached personages for helping me grow as a writer. I’m always looking to ‘write characters better’, so you’ll probably see my characterisation continue to change and evolve.
Also, it’s okay for Lambert to ‘grow as a person’ in your story. If you’re going to write something where the lad can do a bit of healing? Of course he’s going to be subtly different.
Good luck, Anon! Please feel free to tag me when you’re done.
An addition: this thread contains lots of amazing thoughts from a huge variety of writers. It’s well worth looking through all the reblogs and comments.
“Stop Following me.”
“Hey, go on, shoo!” He toed gently at the little goat, hoping to dissuade it from trailing behind him. Scorpion was getting anxious, and the last thing he needed was an edgy horse heading into dense forest. A loud bleat was all he got in reply as little hooves scampered back to him. It was just… standing there. It wasn’t looking at him, didn’t seem to want anything it just… stood there. He could feel the heat of the little furry body against his calf. Gotta find you a safe home, little guy.
Eskel looked back at the road behind him. He hadn’t come far from the last village. Must’ve followed from there. He sighed and scooped up the kid.
“Come on. Back. You can’t come with me.”
The last thing he needed was another living thing dependent on him for survival. It never ended well. It would just leave Eskel with the hollow ache of a dead companion (if only he’d been more careful, been better, smarter, tried harder) and one more reminder that generosity and the Path didn’t fit together. All that aside, Eskel didn’t have time to spare wrangling a chaotic baby goat. He was due in White Orchard in less than a week. With Scorpion, he could make good time, but neither of them could afford distraction.
The first three times he deposited the goat back with what he assumed to be its herd, he barely managed twenty paces before he heard the thud of small cloven hooves behind him. The fourth time, he set it in a thicket and waited for it to start nibbling before he mounted Scorpion and bolted, taking off at a full gallop until he reached the forest.
With dusk slowly giving way to darkness, Eskel lit a fire, satisfied that he’d left the animal with a village where it can do some good—produce some meat eventually, maybe milk. He thought back, trying to remember whether it had been male or female—female, he was pretty sure. He laughed bitterly, “Ladies always giving me trouble. In’t that right, Scorpion.” The horse whickered sympathetically and Eskel gave him a hearty thump on his flank.
It took Eskel a while to relax as he lay on his bedroll, staring at the eerie moonlight filtering through the branches above him. He always thought moonlight was underrated. Even as he watched the moon track across the velvet darkness behind it, he kept having to remind certain muscle groups to let go: jaw, forearms, diaphragm… something in his hips was holding onto something, winding insidiously around his femurs and up through his middle. He rubbed his face, “Come on, let it go. The fucking goat is fine. Just…” He pushed the held breath out of his lungs and let his lung pressure rebalance itself as he traced his thighs with his hands, coaxing his body back from worry.
Finally, he slept.
An hour after dawn, Eskel blinked awake and had to rub his eyes for a second take. He had to be dreaming. He craned his head to better see down the length of his body and sure enough, the little stinker is nibbling on some grass ten feet away by the foot of his bedroll. Instead of exasperation, Eskel was becoming curious about this little goat’s seeming infatuation with him. “Where’d you come from, anyway?”—I mean, if the goat was there, he may as well try and get some sense out of it while he figured out what to do with it—“And why me? Hmm? Do you want me to help you? Do—do you think I’m your mother? …Jesus I’ve been travelling alone too much.” He sighed and watched as the critter looked up at him with a mouthful of sweet fern.
“Well… If you’re sticking around there’s a few things you need to know. If I say run, you run. Don’t get tangled up in my sword—if you hear steel or silver, keep back. Understand? If I say stay, you stay, and if you have any doubts, just follow Scorpion’s lead. He knows my patterns by now. Finally: Do Not wander off. You’re either with me or you’re not. So… last chance to change your mind.”
That winter, Eskel returned to Kaer Morhen with a goat, and nobody asked any questions.
_______
Inspired by this picture drawn by the talented @pressedinthepages

Hey so what if Jaskiers entire family were hunters? Or just really rough and rowdy, fighters. They grew up fighting and hunting but Jask is the “odd ball” in his family because he’s against violence?
Like, let’s take his family for a moment, now imagine with me: a giant man with nothing but pure muscle, people have to look up at him to speak. Geralt would he shocked at meeting him, Jaskier’s father looks more like a tame bear than human, though jaskier gets his smile, laugh and humour from him.
For his mother? I’d love to say she’s just as scary as Jaskiers father, very intimidating, she looks like she can handle her own shit. She’s gotta round up all of the kids? Give her five minutes. Also I think she’d also be tall (tall intimidating women please end me thanks).
I just like the thought of Jaskiers family being  excellent hunters/fighters who continually look for competition. Maybe it throws Geralt for a loop, finding out that Jaskier came from a family of fighters and knows how to use different weapons, but prefers poetry and art, a lover.
Geralt, looking at Eskel in W3: Well... you've rounded out a bit... Still got some of last winter's blubber on you.
Everyone: Eskel has a secret lover on the Path.
Me: Eskel has an army of little old ladies who adore him, because he's polite, kind and does everything he can to help out.
He takes their contracts. They vary from tending to the herb garden, collecting their medicine from the apothecary a town over and rescuing Mr Tibbles from a nekker. Everything a grandson might do. Most of them have lost their grandchildren to plague, famine and war.
In return, they feed him pie, knit him glove inserts and socks, and send him away with food parcels (and a lot of juicy gossip). He's given up trying to refuse their food, because he knows it empowers them to pay him in the only way they can.
Shout out to @tsukiwolf42 who imagined the ol' gals dragging big, burly Eskel in by the ear for something to eat because he looked a little too thin, and LaMadameMeduse on Twitter who suggested he loves the gossip and the socks always match his gambeson.

happy maslenitsa!
commissions are open
I’m working on a longer fic at the moment but I needed a break so here’s some soft comfort
summary: Eskel and Geralt discover that Lambert likes to wear dresses, modern au
—
All the brothers had keys to each other’s apartments. It was common practice to pop over every so often to share a beer, buy takeout, and watch shitty B movies, especially when one of them was having a bad day. That was how Geralt and Eskel found themselves at Lambert’s door. Aiden’s car was missing; he was probably still at work which meant that Lambert was home alone, probably sulking. The garage, more specifically his manager, had been a right asshole all week but today’s behavior led to the brothers getting an angry text that just read “I’M QUITTING” before Lambert stopped answering his phone. They knew he wouldn’t quit; he loved the garage, loved his customers, and he had a soft spot for it since it was where he first met Aiden when the man had crashed his bike and needed repairs. Lambert wouldn’t leave, but he would be in a foul mood all night if they let him to it. Of course it was time to intervene.
Eskel unlocked the door and they let themselves in. They’d brought beer for Eskel and Lambert, rum for Geralt (who was famously quoted as saying beer tasted like “feet” when he was drunk, something they never let him live down). Geralt had a variety of Lambert’s favorite chinese food with him, and as they set everything down on the coffee table they heard scurrying from the bathroom. Like someone frantically running from one room to the next.
“Lambert? Get your ass out here, we’re having fun tonight!” Geralt called. The man emerged a moment later wrapped in a robe.
“Why are you wearing Aiden’s robe?” Eskel questioned.
“Cold,” Lambert sniffed. Both men arched an eyebrow at him; while it was true that Lambert always seemed to have trouble keeping himself warm, it was a blisteringly hot day and his AC was, for the third time that summer, broken.
“Suuuure,” Geralt clicked his tongue. “Whatcha wearing under that robe?”
“Nothing!” Lambert almost looked angry, but they knew him well enough to see the embarrassment barely hidden beneath the surface.
“C’mon Lambert, whatever it is, I’m sure it’s not that bad.”
Lambert seemed to consider that for a moment, hands twitching around the waist of the robe. “Okay…but if you laugh I swear to fuck I will end you both!”
His brothers nodded, and a second later Lambert dropped the robe dramatically to the ground, with more confidence than he seemed to be feeling. If they were expecting something ridiculous, they were only mildly disappointed to find that that wasn’t the case. Lambert stood before them in a mid-thigh length dress, black lace overlapping creamy satin fabric. The dress was form-fitting, scope-necked, and the slightly looser sleeves fell off his shoulders, softening the muscles there.
“It was a joke,” he said quickly. “Aiden wanted to film one of those ridiculous tik-tack thingies and I needed to make sure it fit.” Both men knew that he was lying, but they figured they’d bring him along slowly.
“If this is Aiden’s idea of a joke, he may need to rethink his design. I don’t see a joke in front of me,” Eskel smiled softly.
“Actually,” Lambert muttered, looking guilty. “It…it wasn’t Aiden’s idea. I, um…”
“You like it,” Geralt finished helpfully. “And you should. Looks good on you.”
Lambert visibly relaxed, body releasing all of that built up tension. “So you don’t mind then? That I- that I like this sort of thing?”
“Of course not.” Eskel started rummaging through one of the bags and pulled out a beer. “Come on, these are getting cold. Join us!”
Hesitantly Lambert grabbed the beer, popped the cap and took a few big gulps. His brothers started to unpack the food, making no attempt to ogle him or question why he wasn’t going to remove the dress. So he just didn’t. He sat next to them, dress and all, and put on The Velocipastor.
hey guys! i’m sending this out to a few places just to check for interest. would anyone here be interested in a general witcher exchange event? the basic idea is that you would be creating Something, be it art or a fic or something else, for someone who has signed up, and someone will be creating something for you. everything will be hidden until the posting week, where you’ll get to post what you’ve made and tag who your gift is for! sometime throughout the week, you’d receive a gift as well!
currently, i’m thinking this event will be open for everything. any ship, any rating of work, etc. on the sign up form you’ll be asked about the things you Don’t want to create, and you’ll be asked about the ships and ideas you would like to see in your gift. this way, everyone will be comfortable with what they are Creating for others and what they are Receiving. i am aware that there’s a geraskier exchange event, but i was looking to make something open to all ships and characters. you can show interest by liking or commenting on the post, and reblogs are welcome to share this around. thanks!
Geralt and Jaskier share a bed so often, nearly every time they stay the night in a town somewhere and it started as something practical but now?
Jaskier will curl into him in the night and he’ll say it’s because “it’s cold in here and the sheets are laughably thin”
Geralt will wrap an arm around him and he’ll say it’s because “you fell off the bed that one time in faelwin and complained about it for days”
They’ll face eachother, only illuminated by the dim moonlight coming in the windows and just talk to eachother, about strange monsters Geralts fought, about Jaskiers time spent on the coast, and they’ll laugh about some of their adventures and they’ll revel in knowing eachother.
Jaskier will say “I’m glad fate brought us together” and Geralt will respond with an amused huff and pull him in closer saying, “destiny owed me this one, I think”
*Geralt throwing paper napkins at Jaskier*
*Jaskier prepares to throw one back but stops*
Jaskier: I was brought up properly, YOU were dragged
JSHDJDHJDHDJDBDJDN HE’S NOT WRONG, THO??? LIKE, WHERE DID VESEMIR GO WRONG WITH HIM??? I GENUINELY CAN’T BELIEVE THAT ESKEL AND GERALT WERE RAISED BY THE SAME PERSON.