Shit Dude, Heres To All Of The Quiet Victories. The Things That Other People Take For Granted But Are

shit dude, here’s to all of the quiet victories. the things that other people take for granted but are so, so hard for you. the way your voice didn’t shake when you ordered your drink, the time you felt a swell of pride at something instead of shame, how you got out of bed after only the second time hitting snooze even though you couldn’t imagine anything more difficult than facing another fucking day. fucking cherish those. relish them, rejoice in them, do not let anyone pluck them from your grasp because they are yours and they are important.

22.09.21

I’m My place is still a mess, so meet my houseplants. At the top we have Ivy and Pearl, my two old girls. Next up is Peter Planter, my spider plant. Phil—short not for Philodendron, but Philoctetes. Lastly, my snake plant Loki. Practical as Loki was a shapeshifter in mythology, hilarious because “mbleurgh it’s me!” Also, Loki currently has four children on the way: Jörmungandr, Fenrir, Sleipnir, and Hel.

“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” —Annie Dillard

Another productive day, but not so much as it could have been. I’ve been thinking about things.

“You will always struggle with not feeling productive until you accept that your own joy can be something you produce.” —Hank Green

I have a lot to do, but not so much so that I feel I couldn’t do more. I want to study for my French quiz and write my essay outline. I want to make flashcards for Spanish and French and rewrite all my notes then type them too. I want to do all my readings twice over and take detailed notes and stay up late and wake up early. I want to be the best I could be, given infinite time and space to learn and grow because I feel the weight of human imperfection and mortality. I want too much. And I know this. And it doesn’t make me want any less.

“So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.” —Stephen Chbosky

12.08.21

And another one gone. Finished last night, so I’m onto the next one. I love reading science fiction, but reading about our past when it was the future is… wow. Definitely an interesting book. The pretentious side of me wants to look into the deeper meaning behind each story and educate myself so I can feel cultured and superior. The feral half wants whatever drugs Bradbury had.

Do I have eclectic taste? Perhaps. Did I actually start Crooked Kingdom before I finished this one? Yes. Did I also start 3 others, not including the one I have checked out from the library? Will I be getting up at 2am to watch the Perseids? Do I shout too many rhetorical questions into the void?

P.S. Hello void, nice to meet you :)

03.09.21

How am I only a day in and already behind?

*squints at the chaos of yesterday and this morning*

Guess I’m just an inadequate failure of a human being.

21.09.21

A highly productive day, ergo my place is a mess. I beg your pardon and offer thee books, post-haste, in lieu of a proper tribute.

My candle burns at both ends;

It will not last the night;

But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends—

It gives a lovely light! —Edna St. Vincent Millay

me: im giving up *still has hope*