27.09.21

27.09.21

POLONIUS: What do you read, my lord?

HAMLET: Words, words, words.

I confess, I didn’t get an awful lot done over the weekend. Just finished doing a couple peer reviews. Today I spent finishing my English lessons and readings for the week so I’ll have time to work on the essay due Friday. I did some Spanish and linguistics too for some variation.

“But, orderly to end where I begun,

Our wills and fates do so contrary run

That our devices still are overthrown.

Our thoughts are ours, their ends none of our own.”

Perhaps a more apt quotation would lie in saying I do protest too much, methinks. Despite my productivity, this work was actually to put off doing the assignments due tomorrow in French and my other linguistics class. Oops.

“This is the excellent foppery of the world, that, when we are sick in fortune, often the surfeit of our own behaviour, we make guilty of our disasters the sun, the moon, and the stars; as if we were villains on necessity; fools by heavenly compulsion; knaves, thieves, and treachers by spherical pre-dominance; drunkards, liars, and adulterers by an enforc’d obedience of planetary influence; and all that we are evil in, by a divine thrusting on.”

Not to be furiously antimodern but like. Existence has meaning

I feel stuck. I’m making great progress. I’m losing my mind, I’m doing so much better than before. I love studying. I want to drop out and move to the countryside. I’ve got it all figured out. I feel completely lost.

20.09.21

Bernardo: What, is Horatio there?

Horatio: A piece of him.

It seems like I can never finish what I intend to, but here’s to progress. I caught up on español esta mañana. I started my English for the week, I write as I swat the essay I’ve yet to begin back into the deepest recesses of my mind. Despite the circumstances—mostly your generic brand existential dread—I am here, if only a piece of me.

“So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.” —F. Scott Fitzgerald”

« Mon cher, au milieu de la haine, j’ai trouvé qu’il y avait en moi un amour invincible. Au milieu des larmes, j’ai trouvé qu’il y avait en moi un sourire invincible. Au milieu du chaos, j’ai trouvé qu’il y avait en moi un calme invincible. J’ai réalisé à travers tout cela que, au milieu de l’hiver, il y avait en moi un été invincible, et cela me rend heureux, car il dit que peu importe comment le monde pousse contre moi, en moi, il y a quelque chose plus fort, quelque chose de mieux poussant de retour. » —Albert Camus

03.09.21

How am I only a day in and already behind?

*squints at the chaos of yesterday and this morning*

Guess I’m just an inadequate failure of a human being.

16.09.21

Ciao from the void.

Void with a capital V? If I’m your void, but you’re my void (really wanting to embrace y’all as English’s second person plural)… then is reality a relative void? It is if you remember that everything is mostly nothing, a thought that is both relieving and terrifying depending on where you’re (y’all’re) at mentally (guessing probably not great as we meet here between the trenches in no man’s land).

Behold, the long-expected intro post. However, consider the following arguments:

a. Time is relative

b. Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn

Hi, my name is Kira and I’m a pretentious bastard. Sugar is my drug of choice, love starting my day off on that high and proceeding to crash harder than Icarus. Guess you’ve got to be a self-destructive sadist to believe the ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer and the rage, rage against the dying of the light mindset of academia. It’s a very Greek idea. Profanity, do I hate citations. You’ll find vaguely described sources for quotes and allusions in the tags.

To return to the point—if there ever was one among the rambling nonsense that is my scream stream of consciousness—this is my personal blog that will be filled with mostly studying, but also fun extras like Stuff in General. I’m a linguistics major taking five classes this semester: English, Spanish, French, and two linguistics classes. I’m focused on getting good grades to apply for law school in the ominously approaching future.

Days like today—when I am never enough, gotta do more, gotta be more—are why I’ve joined you in the void despite my general dislike of social media. This blog is for me more than anyone and more of a reminder than anything else. 

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.” —Ralph Waldo Emerson

I had a fairly productive day, but it never seems like enough. Listening to an absolute shitmix of low-fi classical alternative punk rock pop with a side of rubbish (like garbage, but tasteful). I’m within and without. Also vibing with Roses by The Band CAMINO.

Look at me go, being all melodramatic and such.