daily thoughts blog from a v anxious girl

13 posts

"I Am Not Well; I Could Have Built The Pyramids With The Effort It Takes Me To Cling On To Life And Reason."

"I am not well; I could have built the Pyramids with the effort it takes me to cling on to life and reason."

Franz Kafka, Letters to Felize

  • vineyardofgod
    vineyardofgod reblogged this · 9 months ago

More Posts from Forest-fire-witness

10 months ago

the 'humanity is inherently evil' and 'the humanity is inherently pure' crowds both clamor for meaning when disposed to the 'humanity inherently has choices' mentality


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10 months ago

depression is best articulated as loneliness imo. its cold and isolating, unrelentless in its ignorance of reality. in moments of clarity, i am able to feel the love my friends so readily give me. but most the time i am alone. i long for what i have.


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9 months ago

"we're not out of the tunnel yet, i bet you though theres an end"

is a lyric to 'i will,' a song that captures the beautiful intersection of longing and comfort. mitski wrote it from the prospective of a lover caring for her, comforting her with the words she yearns to hear. this allows its calming prose to be contrasted by an underlying sense of unfufillment.

for many years, i recited this lyric in search of reasurement. it lent me solace and hope for a better future. but what differentiates that perfect future from the present? what was i hoping for?

i eventually came to the realization that i was wishing my life away by continuously waiting for the mundane to be transformed into a magical utopia. i desired to be rid of negative emotions entirely, and would only escape the tunnel by being unequivocally and continuously gratified.

so, i redefined my tunnel!!

i now characterize being out of the tunnel as staying afloat. i allow myself to live in the present and experience a vast array of emotions w/o shame. my only guideline is that i do not drown.

tldr; do not force your values to become fixed. nothing is permant, allow yourself to redefine your tunnels!!


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10 months ago

my identity as being a lesbian is always at strife with that of being a woman. not for my attraction to women, but rather my lack thereof in regards to men. why must womanhood be so fundamentally male-centric that it's antithesis is love?


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