That's Him, That's Just Who He Is | Tbz Kevin Moon

that's him, that's just who he is | tbz kevin moon

» ​PAIRING: tbz kevin moon x gn! reader (proofread but lmk if i missed anything!)​ » TROPE/AU​: childhood friends 2 strangers, highschool and slight uni au!, non-idol au!, idol au! (just kevin towards the end) » GENRE​: once again...angst, fluff and comfort from the flashbacks, kevin being an extremely supportive friend, you're also an extremely supportive friend!, platonic 'i love you's being said, you both met at church, choir and ensemble singing!, you both are shy introverts that are only chaotic with each other » WORD COUNT: 4179 (2k word limit who?) » ESTIMATED READING TIME: ~15 mins » WARNINGS (lmk if i missed anything!): mentions of Christianity (not sure if it's a 'warning' but i felt like it should be mentioned!), swearing (b-word), mentions stress relating to: academic (high school), music and performing » PLAYLIST: you never know - HSMTMTS, you better know - red velvet, reflection - christina aguilera, steal the show - lauv, try everything - shakira navi/masterlist!! 🤍 series introduction 🤍 series masterlist

my second story for my project! this may be my favourite story ever ❤️‍🩹

ahhhh this got so personal so quickly 🥹 performing has always been for leisure for me, and for the same reasons in this story, i got so burnt out last year. writing this really made me realise how much i miss the stage. going from about 7 performances a year to only about 1 is to put it simply, heartbreaking.

but i learnt that there are opportunities. i learnt that i'm satisfied with just getting my voice out to the world whether it be through choir, the internet or on the streets. i think things will work out; time does help sometimes 🫶

for those who may not know, kevin's representative number is 16 🌙 and the meaning of this number is explained in this video! i did some research and found that it's from 1 Peter 5:6.

to my readers who are followers of God: I pray that you will always be filled with hope and joy as you advance in your daily endeavours. Believe that God has the best plans for you and that He will never leave you behind, especially when you are at your lowest. Confide in Him and love Him as much as He loves you.

“Can I sing this part with Kevin?”

The question is new to everyone who heard it. Did you just ask to do a supposed solo with someone else? No, you were not a greedy performer though you understood why most people would think that. The choir conductor looks to the other side of the ensemble where the group of altos stood. Including the older woman, all the children including the said boy stood there surprised at the request you asked for.

You’ve been singing in the church youth choir since you were ten and you were incredibly gifted. For example, you landed most of the solos and smaller ensemble parts whenever there was a chance. At first, you didn’t want to be in this church because you were shy (incredibly shy) and you never made a lot of friends in school and most definitely, outside of school. Needless to say, your parents were pretty worried but at the very least, they found that when you were asked to go to church events, you were able to talk with people, smile, and laugh but then you would go back into your shell.

Your parents met at this church through singing and performing together as part of the choir and the band. The children were around your age but you found that your interests mainly conflicted with them and it was hard to keep up with their conversations.

So, when a certain Moon family moved into your area and started attending their local church, Kevin, who happens to be a boy who is incredibly gifted in music, joined the choir with that unique, radiant, excited smile on his face. With a simple and friendly “Hello everyone. My name is Kevin, I’m fifteen and am very excited to be here!” Contrasting to his introduction, you found that Kevin was just as introverted as you were and with your courage to finally approach someone, you made your first friend. School life became better as well when you found out that Kevin attended the same school as you.

Going back to the first dialogue though, the duet did happen and the church community knew that you both were the perfect musical partners for each other. Your softer soprano voice complimented Kevin’s deeper alto voice easily. You both found yourself auditioning, performing, and showcasing your team work together in a bunch of school, church, and even the larger community-based musical events. 

Now, after eight years of joining the choir, three after meeting Kevin, you were both in a state of uncertainty, distress, and frustration with the piles of sheet music that scattered everywhere to the point where it was almost covering the surface of your room’s floor. Your hair strands were everywhere and you were sick with the school uniform that you’ve had on since seven in the morning. You both have been secluding yourselves in your room, going back and forth with the arrangement of your final high school piece that you are going to perform with Kevin within less than a week.

The current situation in one word: messy. 

It’s all a mess. About a week ago out of nowhere, your voice decided to have its own mind and leave for about a week. Kevin had a sudden test that his teacher thought would be fun to assign at the last minute. You also had this assignment that you were going to do but you found a mistake in the written arrangement, a note that was about a tone and a half out of your range, and since Kevin was better at rhythm, arrangement, and using the composing software, you could only sit next to his left in the corner of your room as he groaned at how the app was not doing what you both wanted to do.

So yes…it’s a mess, and it’s been around three hours.

“This is impossible.” A few more of your tears manage to trickle down your already red, puffy cheeks, “Okay you know what, I’ll just sing it. It’s fine. It’s not even two tones above what I usually sing in AND I’ve done it befo—”

“Lost your voice and felt lightheaded after.” Kevin cuts off your panicked rambles. No doubt, he’s feeling all the things that you are feeling right now but the only reason why he’s still able to muster up a smile and just ‘inhale, exhale’ through it all is because at the very least, one of you should be able to stay grounded, “We’re not going to put out a performance that we’re not proud of, okay? Especially when this is our last high school performance together.”

“We also said that we wouldn’t do any performances that were out of our capabilities.” At these words, you were both reminded of the promise you made to each other in front of your melted ice creams. It was an ‘oath’ that was made when you both realised you would be standing on the same stage, at the same time more often:

We will finish every performance to the best of our capabilities. We will focus more on quality rather than quantity.

At the new educational path that you were about to embark on, automatically closing this one that you’ve been on for just about six years, you were both starting to get greedy, wanting more than anything now to be on stage. With you both turning eighteen, you both couldn’t sing with the youth choir anymore. Taking music as a subject in high school meant there was a certain prerequisite in terms of how many stages you would have to perform; you and Kevin always exceeded this regardless with solos, duets, or larger ensembles. With graduation, however, the granted opportunity to perform would be taken away from you both and you were getting restless.

You were both greedy, forgetting almost all the other priorities that you had set out, and raked the internet for any chances to perform on stage. For the last two months, both of you have been juggling between your heavy study load, auditioning, composing, arranging, practising, and bowing at the end of it all. To the untrained ear, they could have probably missed the way you were momentarily out of tune or the way that Kevin missed his entry due to his fatigue. The greed consumed you both and most of the stages that you performed were nowhere near satisfactory for any standards that you both set for yourself. After the first performance that you were bashing yourself over, you rationalised that you would need to do another one to make up for the ‘loss’ from the previous one. That you NEED to go to another stage to make up for the ‘loss’ from the previous one.

That cycle is deadly and it keeps going for a while.

“Kev…I’m tired.” It feels like after a whole three years of back-to-back, almost seemingly non-stop performances in addition to the sudden addition from the past two months, you have finally hit a wall that you never wanted to admit. Kevin didn’t need verbal words to know the reason behind the lack of enthusiasm and the way the lyrics sing are no longer as projected and emotionful as before; because it was the same way to him.

“I know…” Kevin sighs. He finally relieves the downward strain on his neck, pulling it back up to rest against the wall. Offering you both comfort, he wraps his arm around the back of your shoulder, his palm pulling your left forearm to get you closer to him, “I’m sorry, I can’t get this right.”

“No, don’t say that.” You finally give in, plopping your head on his left shoulder in defeat, “I’m sorry. You’re doing your best.”

You let most of the silence fill you both, the hints of the trackpad clicking and the way the note that Kevin clicked would play out of his laptop’s speaker to audibly confirm the note that he just readjusted on the musical lines. Kevin’s left hand is maneuvering on the trackpad while his hand pats on your head that rested on his left shoulder, humming comfortingly while you calm your racing thoughts.

“But hey.” Kevin finally speaks up, “I just wanted to say that I like how busy this is making me.” Nodding to his own words, “It makes me forget the other subjects for a while.”

You exhale, knowing how much Kevin has been having a hard time with the other core subjects but still wakes up every day and chooses to smile courageously, “But this isn’t the right way. To forget other things, I mean.”

“I know, I know.” The boy lets out a little ‘aha’ when he finally finds the rhythm that you both wanted, playing the bar again and again, tapping his index finger on his thigh as he follows the 4/4 count, “But hey, thanks for accepting this performance even with all the final year-end exams. Or else I would REALLY be overthinking that recent chemistry test.”

“Love you, bro.” Reminding him thoughtfully to calm the noise in his head, “I’m always here for you.”

“Love you too, sis.” Playfully, he makes a fist and gently taps your forehead with his knuckles, emitting a laugh from you, “Just take a rest, okay? I’ll just,” Kevin adjusts his slouching posture, straightening his back fully against the wall so that his shoulders are higher and more comfortable for you to lay on, “be on another war with this app. You would expect I know all the tricks after using it for a year but guess not.”

So yes, it was a bit of a mess but on the bright side, you are both extremely proud of that final stage together as high school students. It earned a huge round of applause from the audience and many thankful regards were given by all the teachers in the department of music. It was a bittersweet feeling to see the head of music cry at the realisation that he would never see his two best students attend his class anymore but he made you both promise to visit once in a while.

But the performance being an open event, neither of you realised the opportunities or the types of people that would attend the concert. And so here you both are in an educational setting but with casual clothing unlike the blazer, tie, and the one hundred percent cotton blouses that you were forced to wear.

“Gosh Kev, you’re so funny!” Kevin smiles nervously, biting on his bottom lip as he refuses to look at you at all. You continued to laugh a little bit more, the tears in your eyes and the stitch on your abdomen growing with each breath you took. It’s when Kevin doesn’t laugh along or show any indications of joining in that you raise your eyebrows, some sort of nervousness in your eyes, “Wait, you’re being serious?!”

“It’s crazy, I know!” You just stare at him in shock, your mouth hanging wide open at your best friend next to you, “I think I’ll take the chance and university can wait. People can apply to university anytime but this?” He is finally telling you his worries and thoughts that have been running endlessly after two months of keeping it in, “It’s kind of time crucial.”

"Yes,” You understood his worries, knowing that the life of being a celebrity or an idol is quite limited. It has never been said explicitly but at least for Korean companies, there is a reason why there is always a certain age limitation when auditioning, “I get that but Kevin, are you sure? I get that you've always been into music and you've always been good at it! Trust me, I know! But you've always wanted to be here as well! You never really wanted to be a musical artist."

"That's why life is crazy right?"

You just finished your last class of the day and surprisingly Kevin shows up, waiting for you, looking conflicted and stressed about a subject that you obviously did not know about. His tired smile told you everything, you being able to read him easily like an open book. Kevin realises this, his shoulder slumping in defeat with how you look at him in concern and he feels your hesitation to keep the conversation going.

“Your ‘passive-aggressive tiger parents’ are good with it?”

“Well,” Reminded of the day that Stella convinced their parents to let him go with his path and to support his desires, “I guess so? They let me do everything and introduced me to music so it ain't my fault!" He finally turns to you for the first time after the laughing fit, "You’ll support me right?"

"Of course I will!" You confirm incredulously, both your eyebrows raising and the volume of the sentence rising with each word, “Damn we only met a bit over three years ago but it really does feel like we’ve been friends since birth.”

Kevin shrugs, happy with your genuine response to his uncertainties, “I’m just cool in that way.”

A roll of your eyes is your only response to him, “So, when’s the last time that I’ll see your ‘slay’ful face?”

He grimaces at the way you worded the adjective, “Ew, what is that word?” But then the truth had to be dropped someday; that being right now, “Y-Yeah about that.”

“Kevin Moon.” You frown at the way he just whistles to avoid the subject, an obvious action to buy time, “Kevin.”

"Not too soon! Like…like five days…"

Comedically, the crows on the campus made their signature noise and you took in the information slowly.

"WHAT THE BLEEP DUDE?!"

"OKAY IN MY DEFENCE I REALLY DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! YOU KNOW HOW INDECISIVE I AM!"

"OKAY BUT YOU NEVER BOTHERED TO TELL ME?!"

"I'M SORRY!"

Smiling at the obvious decrease in the stack of papers that needed to be marked, you decide to stretch your limbs and take a breath of fresh air before your energetic third graders arrive at school. You really left it to the last minute and you can’t wait to finish the last day of the week so that you can chill until another week starts. The weather was strangely gloomy, possibly due to the rainfall and the colder wind. You kind of regretted coming out, especially since the steam from your coffee no longer had that hypnotising white swirl in the air.

But you didn’t leave.

Instead, you even lean over the balcony’s metal railing. Even with the long sleeve covering your elbows, you enjoyed the contrast between your still-healthy body temperature and the icy surface. You weren’t sure why either but you just wanted to bask in the cold air and you can only pray that you weren’t going to get sick. The weather causes your shoulders to tense, bringing them towards the centre of your body to try and conserve some heat. It didn’t work that well but you were still feeling some sort of comfort with the morning weather. 

You didn’t realise the time that passed by faster when you were practically doing nothing. The driveway, parking lots, and walkways eventually fill themselves with the diverse colours of school bags, shoes, and hair accessories. Mentally preparing yourself for the day ahead, you prepared your ‘teacher smile’, trying your best to hide your fatigue from the seemingly long week. 

"Teacher, teacher!" 

You finally lean away from the railing, giving a slight nod to the parent of your most energetic student, and the gesture is returned straight away. Crouching down to match his eye level, you put your palm out to him and he slaps his palm on yours, "Wow. Looks like someone had too much sugar."

"Teacher! Do you know K-Pop?" Your body froze just like the raindrops that didn’t make it to the floor, hanging solid on the rooftop’s overhang, "It's a huge thing right now!"

Oh, if only he knew…

"I can hear your rumbling thoughts like an open book." After his flustered state and a string of apologies that led you to put him in a joking headlock, Kevin grew quiet once again, letting his thoughts fill in the atmosphere between you both, "What's up? And don't lie because you know you suck at it."

The boy attempts to change the subject again, "If it's a book then wouldn't it be read instead of heard?"

"...ok smartass." You stare at him unimpressed with his attempt, "But no seriously, what's up? You know that it's okay not to be okay."

"It's just that…" He ponders, a sad smile on his face as he thinks about his current life situation, "My life is fine as it is right now. It's all great: I'm going to a good university, studying the course I want and I'm looking forward to being a teacher." An eyebrow slowly raised on your side, prompting him to continue, "Why is this happening now? Why is this happening when everything is going fine?" Kevin's facade finally breaks, his eyes pooling with tears with the many unanswered questions, "Why didn't this opportunity come earlier? Maybe when I wasn't in university? I can't even get a refund now…"

"Hey…" Kevin rarely cries in public. For one, you've only seen him cry twice and both times were because he dived in too deep with his plans, making him depressed and lost. You realised once again, with the tears that fell on his jeans that Kevin is not the happy-go-lucky guy who he displays himself to be most of the time. He's human above everything else and even though he always tries to see the best in every situation, it's moments like these that you see your best friend in a different light than the rest of the world, "Money is not all to life, you know? What's the point of stacking up money when you can't even do what you want?"

"But then why would people be so money-crazed then? People work for money…"

"To use it on what they love and need. Some people don't even feel like work is for money." Even though Kevin just stares down at the floor, swinging his legs in the air, you know that he's taking in everything you're saying, "But that's beside the point right now, okay? If making the stage your usual routine will lead you to happiness, then I want you to take it." 

"But…why?" The clause can never be fully answered and Kevin knew that despite his multiple endeavours to rake for answers, "Why me? When everything is going well?"

"Because God has different plans for you." Inhaling the colder air, you told yourself to remember this moment between you and him, "I'm not saying you're pretending to be someone you're not. But the moment that you stop pretending, the moment you accept that something out there is better for you, I think will be the moment when you finally accept yourself."

"Are you positive that it'll come?" His voice decreased, along with the final bits of his self-confidence, "The journey of self-acceptance, I mean."

You both have been talking in hushed whispers, as gentle as the whistling wind. But you decide to finally add confidence into the conversation.

"Hey Kevin." The said boy looks up to you, "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand…"

"...that he may lift you in due time." He finishes the biblical passage that he has been fascinated with for the longest time. 

Satisfied, you nod, proud of him, "I can't answer your 'whys', Kevin. To be honest, I don’t think anyone can." You finally voice your opinion, knowing now that your time with him is limited, "But just know that even though you would have strived here in university, one of God's greatest gifts for you is your musicality."

Your words relieve Kevin of his headache, heartache, and the shirt that he has been clamping since the start of the day. You chuckle when Kevin asks for a hug, opening your arms wide to offer him the best comfort that he will forever cherish and be thankful for. Soothingly, you sway your body side to side, humming the melody to the latest (and last) song that you performed together. Kevin joins in with his harmony which has always left people in awe and starstruck.

"Maybe you're just meant to be up there and twerk in front of the camera and not just to our friends." You comment when the song comes to an end.

"Wow, alright." His sniffles didn't cease even when he dragged the final 'w' and 't'.

"You'll be okay, Kevin." The light but secure taps on his back prove your reassuring words, "I know you will." 

"Surely…right?" It's the final question that he would ever ask you about this subject, "As we know, not everything we see on the screen is real. I just feel like I'll lose myself because the idol world wants us to be a certain way."

"No, I don't think you will." You pull Kevin away, pouting at his flushed cheeks and tired face, "I know it's stressful to keep up with society but I hope you know that there will be people that will love and support you. And if you make a mistake? If you lose yourself in shape, way, or form? Then you fight. You fight for your rights and fight for them righteously. You’ll fight because like you always say: learn from relationships. You learn the do's and not do's and still keep the relationship genuine."

“You have that much faith in me?”

“I do.” You tilt your chin high in the air, confidence finally reaching him in the form of a bright smile, "And for those who don’t,” You shake your head, flipping your hair back sassily, “those bitches can walk out the door."

You remember the memory somewhat fondly. To be honest, you found it a bit funny because you lost your best friend over music. You would learn after his departure that you would never find a friend like him ever again. Ironically, it was music that brought you two together—yet it was the same thing that drifted you both apart. 

It took a while for you to bounce back. You grew bitter about doing music especially when Kevin no longer answered any of your messages anymore out of nowhere. When you bumped into Stella while grocery shopping, you found out that it was because of his phone ban as a trainee. You remember going home that day, feeling guilty that you blamed him, not considering his external situation; especially when you knew that Kevin would never cut someone off without an explanation. Yes, it’s been lonely; you did lose your best friend after all. At first, you regretted letting him go, you resented him for not texting you back and you avoided the stage because it reminded you of him.

But God had a different plan for you too. Because when you accidentally clicked on one of the recommended videos on your page, the satisfied smile, the happy tears and the relieved exhale showed your real feelings that you were merely in a phase of confusion. All the hate, all the resentment, all faded as soon as you heard the slightly changed vocal timbre that you unfortunately are no longer used to. You found peace with the person who dances happily underneath the flashing, colourful lights with ten other boys.

“Teacher?” The boy’s innocent head tilt pulls you back to the present time and he seems pleased with the way you nod to his question, “I like K-Pop too! I found this group! They’re called THE BOYZ!”

You were amazed at the stars that the topic put to your student’s eyes and you nodded intently to his excited story. It’s not long after when the mother pushes her child in, sitting him down so that you can get on with your priorities. You straighten your knees, standing back up, pushing your hips out side to side to stretch from the unexpectedly long conversation.

“Damn, Kev…” Your shoulders and chest rise at the deep breath and your hands find their place on your hips,  “And after all these years…you’re still able to make me smile?”

The starting bell rang just in time for your last student to arrive just before you closed the glass door to block out the outside background noise. With the final student ready and set up, you stand in front of the electronic board that displays the first class of the day. Your mind begins to wonder again, particularly about the boy that you once shared a dream with. Routinely, you rhythmically clap to grab everyone’s attention, and surely enough, the conversations between the students die down, and you give back the fond look that your students gave you. 

“Shall we start music class?”

The enthusiastic response answers your wondering thoughts and the question you asked yourself outside the classroom.

“Guess that’s just you, Kevin. That’s just who you are, Kev.”

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 series introduction 🤍 series masterlist tags (send a dm/ask if you would like to be here!): @deoboyznet 📢❤️ @k-labels 💙🤍 @k-films 🤎🎞️ @kflixnet 📺🍿

you do know that ff is supposed to be around love right cause whatever it is that your doing with your healing project thingy def isnt that

read your intro and it says its personal things but like ok then keep it to yourself i guess

just go back to the the love topic stories and tbh its not getting a lot of notes and attention anyways so why bother lol

finally found the strength to reply to this! 🫂

hi anon 👋 first of all, i wasn't sure what kind of tone i should respond this with. but, i would like to thank you for sending this in. you gave me the push to finally post my 'especially to you...' series that has been on my masterlist for so long.

next, you're not wrong. compared to my other stories, this series is not getting as many notes. i am not scared to admit that it did discourage me a little bit but it all changed when i re-read my stories (yes, i'm one of those authors who re-reads their works many times, over and over again).

yes, ofc i could keep all the burden and weight of my personal life to myself. we have a choice to do that or share it with the people around us. for me, i chose the latter. why?

because i believe that feeling like you're alone, especially when you're too scared to speak up, is one of the darkest, loneliest, hardest and most excruciating moments that a person can ever have. i hope that my stories could accompany those who may feel alone and bring some sort of comfort.

i choose to be open. i choose to speak up first after the other person is ready to listen to me (for my stories, this comes in the form of warnings). i choose to tell the experiences that i've gone through. after that, it's up to the other person if they want to spread it around, keep it to themselves and/or maybe even judge me.

it was my choice to open up. the ball is in your court after and the information that i've told them will be up to them and their conscience.

i'm open with talking about life experiences and most especially, mental health. as a person who has multiple diagnosis and waiting to be assessed for more as well as waiting for re-asssessments, to a certain extent, through my stories, i want to tell it out to the world.

comfort, sadness, pain, discovery—those are the words that i would describe my journey so far.

so yes, while it isn't getting as much attention, the way i smile, cry and feel my chest lighten after reading my published stories, makes me keep going.

also, in terms of your definition for fanfiction, i guess our definition of the word differs greatly and i can respect that. but for me, my stories will not only be about romance.

because that's not the kind of author that i want to be. also, i will not be influenced by others to be the author that they want me to be.

i write for others to read but most of all, i write for myself.

i refuse to publish stories that i'm unsatisfied with even if people tell me that they love it. i refuse to publish stories that i will not re-read. i refuse to have no personal connection to the stories i publish.

so that's my answer! sorry that it's long 😅 and sorry that i kept you waiting as well 😭 i hope this answers your thoughts and asks!

CLO 😭❤️🫂

update on your stories: most probably going to finally reread juvenile tonight 🤭

that's him, that's just who he is | the boyz series introduction

"...and when I see him on my screen, no matter how things faded between us, I will always be able to put a smile on my face and tell them genuinely: that's him—that's the person who made a huge positive impact in my life. And when they ask back, "Really? How so?" I would simply shrug my shoulders and answer: that's just who he is—he's just capable of doing so."

» RELEASE DATE: as soon as possible! hopefully a week to a week and a half between each member! » WARNINGS (for this post—under 'keep reading' section): mentions of going through a tough time (not explicitly defined), healing and progress through the tough time (another warning will be mentioned if you do decide to read further! there is also a safe section after the gif) » WARNINGS (for the stories themselves): some have none, some do! but warnings according to the story will always be mentioned! navi/masterlist!! 🤍 series masterlist

ahhhh...where do i start?

i don't have a concrete idea/plan as to how this series is going to go yet. i don't have a story plan for each member yet either. all i have is the small indented idea and the sure idea that all the stories will be heavily inspired by each member's individual 'generation z' videos.

i'm pretty sure it will be a 'the boyz x reader' story series! currently, i'm settled with the idea that the reader is childhood/old friends with each member and they gradually drifted because life took them to different places. ultimately, the reader just looks back on their memories with each member. but, i don't think each story will be connected.

i was thinking of keeping a word limit of 2k for each story (we all know this isn't going to happen)

i chose the 'generation z' videos because i remember this being the videos that really 'pushed me' to stanning tbz. i've never seen these kinds of videos where idols talk openly about their feelings and i thought 'wait! i could implement this into a story!'

TRIGGER WARNING (safe after gif): mentions of going through a tough time (not explicitly defined), healing and progress through the tough time

addressing the 'personal healing project' part: i haven't been able to watch full videos and fully finish listening tbz related since august 11, 2023. today marks the 80th day that i've been stuck in the past and my own feelings.

long story short, something happened in my life and i had tbz content around me when the event occurred. unfortunately with tbz being there when it unfolded, everytime a song comes on or i see a picture of them, network of associations links me back to the event.

so i stopped listening, unfollowed tbz and all fan accounts specifically on instagram.

but thankfully for me...

i'm still able to write stories

i have seen improvement: able to see old pictures (day 18), unconsciously sung merry bad ending (day 26), consciously hummed lip gloss (day 37), finished up to the end of closer's second verse but backed out after (day 54), able to talk about tbz (day 66) etc.

it's been a hard journey but i have hope.

like changmin said in his 'generation z' video: still, i have hope. without hope, i don't think i can survive.

plus...i know that i still love and look up to the boyz so much.

because even though exposure therapy may still be too much for me now, the fact that time has done its work bit by bit, and i'm able to somewhat look at pictures of them, it means that i am healing.

this series...

is one of the topics that i wanted to 'experiment' with that i talked about in my about me page.

'generation z' pushed me into really stanning tbz and i just hope (and i hope endlessly) that maybe by going back to this video and implementing it to something i love (writing stories), that i'll be able to heal further.

tbz are having a comeback nov 20th! 🎉 i might not be able to follow them this comeback but please give them lots support!

as for this series...will you come along with me?

it's my first ever series ever since i started writing! i am so, very much excited!

i'll see you all soon!

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 series masterlist

tags (send a dm/ask if you would like to be here!): @deoboyznet 📢❤️ @k-labels 💙🤍 @k-films 🤎🎞️

to: clo 🥺

i don't think you understand when i say i teared up a bit (a lot) at this? 😭 i literally woke up 20 mins ago, saw your msg, and dropped everything to come here. why do you have to make this hit so hard? 😭

it's so true when you wrote 'everyone has their different version of the world' ❤️‍🩹 what a coincidence that for me, oversized clothes brings me comfort and hope, like you said, a barrier between me and the world as well 💝

this hit hard but thank you for writing this 🥺

from: (your biggest fan) izzy 💐

p.s.: juvenile 🥺 juvenile 🫂 juvenile 💖

☆*:.｡. PIECE OF STRING

☆*:.｡. a kim sunwoo imagine @:cloverdaisies

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description: dear sunwoo, autumn nights are always better when they’re spent with you. please don’t hide yourself, you know you’re safe with me.

member: sunwoo x you

a/n: this is a request for the lovely @from-izzy ! i loved writing this and wanted it to feel like a place of safety for you ! it’s only very short but as always my limited spare time is spent doing what i love - & that’s writing, especially for such sweet people like you <3

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There was a cute thing Kim Sunwoo did every time he got a bit shy, he’d pull the strings on his hoodie and make sure the entirety of his face had been engulfed in the fleece - just so the world couldn’t see him for a second.

You’d noticed those little things about him and wondered where he picked up that habit, he was your best friend after all so why not ask? Since every time you saw him he seemed to be drowning in the material of a hoodie no matter the season. It could be the hottest day of summer and yet still he protected himself with the comfort of a black hoodie at least 2-3 sizes above what he was.

The nights had drew in colder and darker, the trees had lost their leaves and the ground was littered in pale orange and brown leaves you kicked around with your boots as you walked up the street.

It was only 6pm and when night had taken over and it was the same time you’d go to meet sunwoo to escape the world for just a second.

“Hey.” You smiled as you heard that honey sweet voice fill your ears for the first time that day, as you saw Sunwoo wrapped in his grey hoodie, disheveled hair decorated with the prettiest grin you’d ever seen.

“Hi.” You replied as you both began to walk through the park, where sun was between setting over the horizon and the city was overlooked below, all the lights shining as ruby red and pearl white orbs in the distance.

“It’s colder than I thought it would be tonight.” You sighed as you found your classic spot between a few sparse trees laying out the blanket you both sat on every night, crossing your legs and talking about whatever you both thought put the world to right.

“That’s your fault for wearing a cardigan.” Sunwoo laughed, poking fun at your attire with that stupid smirk on his face that you just wish you could legally slap off his silly face.

“It literally was warm earlier.” You laughed and let out a relieved sigh, as your best friend’s presence just seemed to make everything bad just go away. “How are you anyway?”

“Me?” Sunwoo pointed to himself as if there was anyone else around that you could be talking to. “I’m better these days, still stressed but I guess you’re here now, so I can’t be happier.”

“That’s good, it makes me happy that you’re happy.” You smiled as he passed you an earphone, a sweet melody playing through the minuscule speakers.

The glowing moon overlooked you both through the trees, and the feelings of safety seemed to immediately wash over you - as without your acknowledgment his gaze scanned every detail of your face.

Moments like this were always the sweetest, half of the time there was no conversation, there was only a comfortable silence, where you both enjoyed the company of each other and the night. It was strange really, how the both of you just collided that way. The birds chirping in the distance, the feeling of warmth that radiated from the both of you, the safety from the nightmare of the world.

“Sunwoo?” You asked, listening to him hum in reply before you could let the curiosity get the better of you to ask. “Only reply if you feel comfortable to do so and sorry if this is a bit of an invasive question but why do you always wear hoodies? Even in the summer?”

He looked down at you for a moment, a bittersweet smile painting the features of his face, his eyes glossed like stars in a night sky, as he saw that you’d began to shiver in the cold night.

“Before I answer that, can I?” He asked opening his arms invitingly with a pinch of hesitation in his words. You smiled and nodded, leaning closer into his touch, his palm resting on your waist comfortably. Affection wasn’t peculiar between the both of you either, considering you were both single and no romance had been considered. “I wear the hoodies because I guess I don’t like the way I look without them, they make me feel like I have some sort of comfort barrier between me and the world you know?”

“What do you mean you don’t like the way you look without them? Sunwoo you’re gorgeous.” You pulled your head away from the warmth of his chest for a moment and looked at him with a puzzled look of horror.

“Uh I mean- Sorry, I’m not. I mean I would have the world in my hands if I was.” He sighed slightly, the air escaping his lips expressing some sort of disappointment with himself. His ears tinting red, as he struggled to conceal the smile that broke through his emotional defense barrier.

“What do you mean by that?” You asked residing back into the warm feeling of his chest as you felt his spine stiffen in panic.

“I guess everyone has their different version of the world, for some people their world is work, for others their world is their family and for people like me their world is the person they love.” He looked up at the sky thoughtfully, choosing his words with a careful tongue.

“I’m sure whoever it is, they’re lucky you think that.” You smiled, feeling a spear of pain impale through your lovely heart. Thoughts secretly ravaging your brain, did you love him? Are you jealous his attention lies elsewhere? Were you afraid of abandonment?

“Theoretically, imagine that person is you, what would you think? Is that too cringe, like I know I’m not the most loveab-” He began to spurt nonsense that made your brain spin in confusion or more disbelief.

“Sunwoo, if I was that person. I would think it was the most romantic, sweetest thing anyone had ever thought of me.” You pulled away from his touch, feeling slightly embarrassed you were so close to someone, who was about to break your heart.

“Okay, well it’s you.” He spoke nonchalantly, not really batting an eye to what he’d just said despite you feeling probably the most embarrassed and shy you’d ever felt.

Without anymore thoughts, you looked up to the brunette boy beside you and stared into his deep brown eyes with sincerity.

“You mean that?” You asked, furrowing your eyebrows in a smitten way, praying to anything above that he’d say yes.

“Of course I do.” He whispered lowly, brushing your hair behind your ear and tracing his finger across your jaw delicately.

He brought his lips closer to yours and sealed a kiss that made the night sky sway and the stars pirouette like ballerinas on a dark stage. Destiny had rewritten itself in the most blissful way, as like the world, everyone thought of destiny differently - for you both, it lied with each other.

and it's here!!

nervous because it's going to be my first story specifically for someone AND a personalised 'theme' but uh 🥹 i can do this 💪

(1) notification ▶ you have mail!

this holiday season, cozy up with us at the deoboyznet house for our annual holiday party! this event features our first ever secret santa fic exchange, and housemates are invited to write a piece to "gift" to someone randomly assigned to them!

works for this event should conform to house guidelines. only housemates (members of the network) may submit a piece; if you are interested in joining, find information to do so here! all works submitted for this event will be compiled into a masterlist after the deadline.

to submit, make sure to tag your post with the usual #deoboyznet tracker, and the special #dbn: holiday party tag! and don't forget to tag the person it was written for so they can read their gift :] doors open from november 2nd until january 7th—we hope to see you there!

— happy holidays, everyone <3

a bit bitter (to myself) that i couldn't release this at the time i wanted to but 🥺 hope you like it 🫂

i'm home | tbz lee sangyeon

» ​PAIRING: tbz lee sangyeon x gn!reader (please tell me if i made a mistake!)​ » TROPE/AU​: established relationship au!, long-distance relationship au!, non-idol au! » GENRE​: loving boyfriend sangyeon, very supportive sangyeon, fluffy fluff, bit of angst (ok, maybe more than a 'bit'), comfort comfort and...comfort » WORD COUNT: 4625 » ESTIMATED READING TIME: ~17 mins » WARNINGS (lmk if i missed anything!): mention of religion once, proofread once, workplace hardships navi/masterlist!! 🤍

i was a little bit nervous about posting this, especially since it was very rushed! sorry, i didn't plan this well 🥹 nothing came up till the last minute 😞 def didn't freak out or anything— 🤠 i'm gonna hype myself up and think this is fine considering i was racing against the clock (which i didn't manage to beat 😞) and have study to do (exams who? nov 9 who?).

but first of all to me: i know you rejected a lot of opportunities, drowned yourself in a lot of regrets, and i understand that planes are scary for you. i hope that you will find a reason soon to finally see the world like your younger self was dying to do. you were so close to doing it in july and i'm so proud of that first step. keep going, okay?

and! to you @winterchimez...i don't think there are any words needed. welcome home, soulmate! 🫂

Nothing will ever feel as much at home to you as Sangyeon could ever be.

You knew this the moment you told him about how you got the opportunity to work overseas. You remember when it felt like you were fighting endlessly with yourself. Around two years ago, after your weekly date, a loving kiss on your lips and the way Sangyeon would flash you that endearing smile, you thought that everything would be fine. You pushed, what you thought, to be a slim chance that you would be able to work overseas to the back of your mind. At first, you felt crushed about the video interview that you messed up, stuttering and using filler words while you internally scolded yourself for not preparing answers to simple job interview questions. Your head was overloaded with information between things to say and not to say, what would be the best answer and how to play your cards right. In the end, as soon as you pressed the red button on the video call interview, you reached out for your phone to call the first person on your call logs.

Sangyeon remembers that video call, the line of tears cascading down your cheeks as you vent your feelings out. He always waited for you to finish your sentences, nodding along to your words and giving affirming body language to show that he was actively following. Along your stream of words, you didn’t realise that Sangyeon stepped outside in the cold air, his phone at a new low angle and the lights from the buildings were the only reason why you were still able to see his smile across the screen.

“Wait…why are you outside? Where are you going?” You grabbed the new box of tissues from your bedside table, ripping the top part of the box with the dashed lines to help you retrieve a new paper instantly.

“Just grabbing some things.” Sangyeon leisurely answers, bringing the camera closer to his puckering lips, “I’m sure you did amazing, baby. Don’t worry too much, alright? And if you didn’t make it, then I’m sure God has other plans for you.”

You both continue talking over the phone, wiping your eyes, drinking a ton of water and burying yourself underneath the blanket as Sangyeon continues his little errand run. Soon enough, you finally understood why the phone was tilted upwards towards the sky and why Sangyeon didn’t show the things he bought—all the usual things that he would share with you during his random, night errand runs like this one. 

It was when he finally brought the phone up to be in line with his face that you recognised the familiar street background that he was walking in. You gasped, throwing your blanket to the floor, and opening the door suddenly to face your parents who looked at you with shocked eyes. They couldn’t even voice out any of their thoughts because you were out the front door as fast as you exited your bedroom door.

Knowing well that you found out about his plan, Sangyeon made a final sprint for your house, the contents inside the plastic bag ruffles and his earphones your excited laughs and words fill his earphones, mixed in with some of your still sniffling sounds from the devastating earlier events.

That night wasn’t the first time that Sangyeon would run over to you with no notice or hesitation but Sangyeon had been going through a tough time with his personal life and you didn’t know that he would still be able to have such energy to take care of you. It’s a miracle that you were able to still go on dates that these days would be impossible to plan. That night was a reminder to you, especially with the way that he lowered his lower body down, wrapped his arms around your waist, and lifted you as he buried his face into the crook of your neck, that you really love your boyfriend and that he has always been your number one supporter.

In his arms, with some final tears that Sangyeon wiped away delicately from your still-red cheeks, you were sure that everything would be fine. 

Your tears started because you were stressed but it ended with comfort.

But you got another huge headache about a week later when you got the final results of the interview. It could be the acceptance letter (that you were still sure you weren’t going to get), but you knew that you needed to at least open it, read it and accept whatever result it was to move on with your life. So, you tapped on the notification without much thought and you will forever remember this sentence: We look forward to working with you. You froze then and there, your jaw open in disbelief and your fingers went back to the main email page, pulling the inbox page down to refresh the screen. Lo and behold, you were faced with a challenge that you didn’t bother to think about.

You sprint to Sangyeon’s house as soon as the reality sinks into you. Once again, you left your parent’s house after breaking the news to the owners before leaving. Usually, you would have never been able to run that fast and long without a break. The adrenaline and anxiety took over your whole body, and you let your legs guide you to your boyfriend’s house. 

Sangyeon welcomed the news with open arms, his feet adorably tapping on the spot and a deep, soft kiss on your lips that still held his radiant smile. But unlike him, you could only stand at your spot in front of his house and give him a reluctant smile. To this, his smile drops and so did the arms that were in the air a moment ago to celebrate this new journey of yours. The vertical lines between his eyebrows made itself evident and you could only respond with a series of head-shaking and quivering lips.

“Hey…” He cradles the back of your head with one hand, the other on your cheek as he steps forwards towards you, “What’s wrong? You’ve always wanted this.”

Your arms surrounded Sangyeon’s lower body tightly, taking a handful of his sweater and your cold nose slowly became warmer thanks to his body temperature, “I know. But now that it’s happening, I’m having second thoughts.”

He continues to dig further into your thoughts, wanting to understand your feelings more and why you were having second thoughts about something you worked so hard for, “Do you want to elaborate further now? Or do you want to come inside first?”

“If I say the latter, will you cuddle with me?”

This is the you that he knows: the one that would always wish for a kiss, then a cuddle and then another kiss. You lift your face from his chest, increasing the distance between you both slightly. Sangyeon sees the sparkle in your eyes and the slight pout on your lips when you look up at him with a silent plea for a positive answer to your question. 

Who was he to refuse and break your heart like that? 

Plus…he wanted to cuddle with you as much as you did.

And so with the support of your loving family, chaotic friends and encouraging boyfriend, you packed up, headed onto the new country alone and started a new, independent life. Thankfully, you were able to find a place close to your workplace and the foreign place became your home quickly with your three kind housemates. Splitting the chores around the house, cooking, and establishing times to use the washing machine was never a problem. Living in the same house made it easier for you all to spend some time and get to know each other better, leading to routine Friday nights to be spent with each other, going on road trips and eventually overseas trips.

Your workplace has been rewarding as you found the same good qualities of your housemates in most of your co-workers. From day one, everyone has welcomed you to their lives with open arms and you knew for sure that these people wouldn’t be the reason that you would ever have to leave to go back home.

“It’s just so unfair.” It was the company, the workplace and the conditions that they put you in. The logic didn’t make sense: the place was understaffed yet they won’t hire any new people. Of course, there were many underlying factors around it, but after being so overworked, adapting to the new culture, being homesick and, your body trying its best to adjust to the new season changes that you would never have to deal with back home, it was inevitable that you were going to break down soon, “Why? Just why do they have to do that?”

“I’m so sorry you’re going through that.” Oh how much Sangyeon just wanted to jump out of the screen and hug you tight. When was the last time he ever got to do that anyway? He missed having you in his reach—his favourite love language not being able to be expressed for about half a year now, “Hang in there, baby. I know you can do this. Stay strong, hm?”

Through your blurred vision, you could still make out his sorrowful smile, his hand that just hovers the top of the camera on his phone as if to recreate the feeling that he was touching the side of your head.

Perhaps, the worst part of being away from home is your inability to ever interact with them in real-time. The time difference made it too exhausting for everyone on the other side of the world to communicate with you properly. Sure, there were rare days when they could, but the way their moon would rise when the sun said its greetings here made you swallow down your tears at night, forcing you to reassure yourself that ‘everything is going to be fine.’ Because of this, it was a routine for you to drown in your thoughts throughout the day, waking up with a heavy head and heart from the previous nights as you plaster on a weak but still genuine smile when you greet your coworkers. 

With the help of your housemates, your family and Sangyeon have managed to surprise you on both of your birthdays as well as some gaps between their schedules. Those memories would be the ones you would replay in your head as you cry your heart out in the middle of the bed that’s in the middle of the room, in the middle of the night.

Other than the visits and calls, the only things that would connect you to them are the daily pictures and videos. At the very least, they captured the lives of the ones you love back home. Unlike the memories that you could only see and keep for yourself, the physical evidence of their smiles is another big source of comfort for you, especially when all you wanted during your lonely walk home was just life updates from the people that you love most. Somewhere along the way though, the pictures and videos became too much for you, and you start to imagine what the picture would be like if you filled up the negative space within it. 

How would it be like to share that laughter, smile and experience of the atmosphere that the picture manages to capture? What was the air around there like? Humid? Cold? Warm? Aromatic? Or maybe perhaps, would you have been too entranced by Sangyeon’s presence that the only thing you could smell was his signature perfume mixed in with his laundry detergent? 

How would it feel just to have Sangyeon’s shoulder pressed up against yours whenever he has that habit of putting an arm around your back to grab the opposite side of your waist? To have his bigger hand securely intertwine with yours? To have him press a kiss on the side of your head after he whispers ‘I love you forever’ to your ears—knowing well that you were the only one in the world that he would ever confess that phrase intimately to.

How would it feel like to just have the familiar buildings of your neighbourhood, your city and the familiar murals or paintings in your life again? Would it be more comforting than the pictures of the same scenery on your phone? Would your heart be more at ease walking in the night even if all the lights were off or there were no signs of life?

As an answer to your thoughts, after two years of learning, gaining life experiences and missing the air of your home, you bravely decided not to pick up the pen on the table and sign your initials on the new contract paper. 

You decided: I’m going home. 

It’s been a really wild ride. A ride that you would never exchange for anything else. For one, you made friends from the other side of the world. Friends that you knew you could always hit up and visit if you ever come back. Two, it was real when people say that ‘the distance makes the heart grow fonder’. Sangyeon has always been the boyfriend who would cry and carry his burden alone but would always welcome your hardships into his life. Before, even though you could pick up some of the signs on some occasions, the limited video calls allowed you both to pour your feelings out, exchanging confessions and true thoughts. Had you not been across the world, you were confident that Sangyeon would step out of his shell eventually but you were thankful that the distance did its job healthily and your relationship with him strengthened with the tears and chuckles that he showed. 

When the time came and you finished training the new worker who would soon be taking your place in the company, you did your final preparations before stepping out of the house that sheltered you for two years. Final goodbyes, tears being shed, words of affirmation and promises for occasional updates were made before you drove off to the airport. Rolling down the car window, you twist your upper body to face the back of the car, your hand waving up in the air. 

The ride to the airport is bittersweet. You put your phone down after texting Sangyeon that you would call him when you pass through security. All you wanted to do at this moment was to look out the windows and take in the colours of the journey, half-scared that the scenery might turn monochrome soon if you didn’t pay close attention.

Keeping your promise, you connected your earphones and turned on your camera to be faced with Sangyeon leisurely lying in bed, one hand on the back of his head on the headboard, blinking his eyes to fight the sleep from his system.

“You should sleep.” 

Sangyeon shakes his head, straightening his back and sitting up. He takes a deep breath, his chest expanding in volume as he does so, “You only have a few minutes before you have to go anyway. I can stay awake and accompany you.”

“You’re the best, you know that?” 

Thankfully, you found a seat for yourself in the busy atmosphere. You place your backpack on the floor in front of you between your legs, being mindful of the other passengers in the busy airport who most probably had a long day before this, now having to spend overnight in a metal column.

“Love that hoodie on you. Where’d you get it?” Sangyeon wiggles his eyebrows playfully and you roll your eyes, “Good to know that you didn’t leave it behind.”

“I would be crazy to leave this behind.” You pull on the strings of the hoodie, fastening the circumference of the hood around the outline of your face, pouting cutely to your boyfriend who just laughs at you fondly.

“Can’t wait to hold you.” That sentence holds so many meanings and tugged on your heartstrings so much. It hurt for a bit to hear him say that, especially when his voice sounded so tired, “I love you so much.”

“I love you so much.” You whisper to the microphone, holding the tears that you didn’t want to show to your friends throughout the whole week, “I miss you so much. I can’t wait to go on physical, real-life dates again.”

“A few more hours.” He reminds the both of you, holding on just a little bit longer, “Everything will sort itself out then.”

That’s right.

A few more hours until you will both be able to be in the same space again. Just a little bit more before you’ll be able to steal a kiss from his lips whenever and wherever. 

You can’t wait to be back in the comfort of your bed, saying ‘goodnight’ to your parents and slipping out of your windows shortly after to meet Sangyeon at the convenience store. 

You can’t wait to spend some time with his mum—who he gets very jealous of sometimes—and steal more childhood, baby pictures of him. Along with that, you can’t wait for his mum to let you sneak into his room to steal some of his clothes. 

You can’t wait to see his blushing face as he freezes between the doorframe when his eyes land on how his sleeves would completely cover your arms, and your thighs and expose a little bit of your shoulders. 

You can’t wait for him to scoop you up in his strong arms, eliciting your series of squeals and giggles that he has fallen deeply in love with. 

You can’t wait for him to tuck you in bed, pulling his blanket up to your chin. He would then frame his larger body over yours throughout the night, making you sleep deeper and better. But your night, wouldn’t be complete until you delicately kiss him on his chin, cheek and lips. His night wouldn’t be complete either until he kissed your forehead, nose and lips, taking his sweet time on the last body part. 

Most importantly, the night wouldn’t be complete overall until your lips part each other and exchange ‘I love you’s.

As soon as you landed, the adrenaline of finally being in the same country, the same land, the same building knocked out the jetlag and you were suddenly wide awake. You felt a bit bad for the bottom of the seat in front of you and your backpack which was violently ripped out from its peace, but you would like to think that they would understand your sudden burst of energy. You race and slip yourself between the bodies of people who were most probably confused and amazed by how much your eyes were darting around the conveyor belt so quickly, trying to find your check-in baggage—but you didn’t care.

You care about is Lee Sangyeon.

Now, you passed through every security check, every random bag inspection, opening and relocking up all your luggage again one by one, your patience running out by the minute.

But it’s okay.

Because now, only one glass door stands in the way between you and all the people waiting on the other side. 

You watch from the distance as the automatic door opens and closes through other passengers. You were even able to catch a glimpse of some of your fellow flight passengers who spotted their loved ones immediately in the crowd, their hands releasing the handle brake of their trolley when they rushed into the crowd. Their loved ones cry and gasp at the presence that they have been so desperate for, their bodies swaying side to side to keep some of their emotions regulated in public.

Oh, how you know you wouldn’t be able to hold in your tears.

Exhaling and inhaling a couple more times, your hands grip the handle of your trolley, doing a final baggage check that everything is securely held in place and that you didn’t leave anything. Finally, you push the handle to release the brake and you start to walk over to the translucent glass doors. 

Time didn’t slow down. 

It just felt still. 

It didn’t stop though—it just felt still.

You could hear your heartbeat through your ears, your palms were sweating in nervousness and you could barely feel the ground that you were walking on with every step of your feet. The gush of wind pushes your hair back dramatically and your eyes water at the cooler air from the other side of the door. Metal barricades separate the arriving passengers from the crowd from both sides of your body and you force your teared-up eyes to carefully scan through the rows of the crowds and the signs that they held up. Your back straightens to accommodate your eyes’ effort in addition to your lips that move in the shape of the name of the person you miss the most. Unfamiliar faces fill your visual field and your feet finally take you to the end of the barricade, heart feeling heavy at the unsuccessful event to pick out anyone in the crowd that you know. 

But then…

“Found you.” 

His appearance explains why you were unable to quickly pick him out from the crowd if you didn’t focus on detail. Sangyeon grins at your shocked facial expression, watching your eyes slowly lift from the bouquet in his hands to the freshly black dye on his hair.

“Y-You—”

“What do you think?” His pointer and thumb raise to twirl a bit of his hair, his eyes still on you, “You always said that I would look good with black hair.”

“Good?” Oh, he knew what kind of effect this is having on you and he’s having fun with this, “Sangyeon, you—” 

His facial expression softens straightaway when the tears that you’ve been holding for so long finally drop to the ground and he strides forwards immediately as soon as he catches a glimpse of your quivering lips. Forget about the flowers, forget about the people around you, forget about how you were standing in the middle of the walkway. He sets his ‘welcome back’ gifts on top of your things, swiftly wrapping an arm behind your shoulders while the other one cups your cheeks. 

Sangyeon held your shaking body against his tightly, and it was good that he did, otherwise, you would surely be on the floor. You relished in the scent that you missed the most, purposely taking in deep breaths to ground yourself back to the present. The boy smiles at the realisation, letting your free cheek cutely rest on his chest. He hushes you softly, the swiping motion of his thumb on your cheek giving you a physical reminder of his presence—a reminder that he is with you at this very moment. Multiple kisses were pressed on your forehead in an attempt to calm you down and responded with a whimper as you tried to form words.

“It’s okay.” It really is, “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

Your body responded to his affirmation, your arms finally wrapping around his waist, the tips of his fingers just barely intertwining behind his back. Your palms lay flat on his smooth leather jacket and your ragged breathing found a stable pace once again. The increased oxygen in your blood allows you to finally feel Sangyeon’s plump lips on your forehead and the blush begins to form across your cheekbones. 

“You’re really here.”

“I am.” You feel the way his chest vibrates at his deep chuckle. 

That’s all he said and it’s way more than enough. Eyes closed, in Sangyeon’s embrace, his familiar scent, his lips hovering on your eyelids to press kisses there—everything is starting to feel like home.

“You look handsome.” For the first time since you arrived, you finally look at this new hair colour properly. Your eyebrows furrow, almost a look of dissatisfaction and disapproval, “Too handsome.” This time, one of your eyebrows raised at the way he responded with a teasing smile, “How many people asked you out already?”

“Honestly,” He drops the act, tightly closing his eyes as if to think very hard. He prolonged his hum with the way you glared at him cutely, wanting to tease you for longer, “quite a lot.”

The answer made you scoff, tilting your head away and you started to pull away from his embrace. Sangyeon didn’t let you walk away fully though for he pulled you right back to his body. Your hands attempt to stabilise your body the sudden act by resting on the curves of Sangyeon’s shoulders. The playful look in his eyes disappears and the extra layer of moisture shows itself—it tells you that he has been waiting for the only person to ever see his tears to be within his arms again. Both his hands rest on your waist and your own eyes search for the emotions behind his, a hand wiping his lower eyelid. That act makes a tear fall before another one falls and it soon becomes a fountain of emotions for the older male.

“I missed you. So much.” The way that Sangyeon puts so much emphasis on the second and fourth words sent chills down your spine.

Your hand on his shoulder slides upwards to cup his face, the other downwards to do the same on the other side. With all the strength you have left in your legs, you put your weight on your toes, fluttering your eyelids close and lifting your body to press a longing kiss to his lips. You tasted his tears on the curves on his lips, but knowing well that it stemmed from love, made your heart slowly start to heal. Sangyeon reciprocates immediately, travelling his hands to the side curves of your body, stopping at your neck, gently tilting your face upwards to deepen the kiss. The kiss sweetly alternates with his own hugging your bottom lips, pulling away for oxygen, a little ‘I love you’ and diving back in to hug your upper lips.

This is what home feels like.

It’s not some building or some land that could be pointed out on a map. It’s not necessarily the photos and videos that you received, even though they comforted you on cold nights. It’s not necessarily the rushed talks and recounts of your lives because the second hand on the clock mocked the little time you would always have, even though you were thankful that you had that small gap to do so.

It’s actually experiencing all of the above, going through all those trials, all those confusing emotions, and still feeling love and support. It’s being able to just walk with defeat over the day’s work but as soon as you arrive back home, the feeling either washes away or you’re able to just vent it and cry it out. 

With the right people, you were able to let these experiences turn into lessons and precious memories—similar to how there are specific bricks to build the proper structure of a house. As those experiences build, so does the clear image and structure of a house. Sure, houses break down due to inside and outside factors but when it does, you’re confident that you can work it out and make it stronger. 

With those thoughts in mind, the corner of your lips tugged upwards and no words were needed for Sangyeon to know that the smile wasn’t mischievous, teasing or playful.

It’s one full of relief and happiness.

“Welcome home.” Sangyeon changes his words between your kisses.

You hum, waiting for the next time he pulls away to give a proper response.

“I’m home.”

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